#mitxt

when the heartbreak is so bad it has you reconnecting with the album melodrama

can't stop thinking about "you just smile and you smile and then you stab me in the fucking heart. look, it's my fault. it's my fault for falling for it, for you, again and again and you were never gonna choose me. how come, addy... how come you never choose me? just tell me the truth for once in your life. what is it about her? what does she have that i don't?"

i can't help but wonder why not me? why does everyone else except me seem to be doing well in love? why do other people get to fall in love with people who love them back and in the right way? why not me? is it because i want it so desperately? is wanting it so much that bad? why am i getting punished for wanting what everybody else has? how is that fair? have i been cursed with always wanting what i can't have?

how come i always want those who aren't right for me?

whenever someone hurts or disappoints me every single good memory i've had with them either disappears or gets tainted. everything feels like a lie. no, they never loved me. no, they never cared. they were probably playing with my feelings. or maybe they once cared about me but they don't anymore. they hate me and want me to die. they think i'm hideous and clingy. they want me out of their life forever. so i tell myself "fine, i guess that's what i will do then".

oh so you don't care about me anymore? watch this *has a bpd/splitting episode that pushes you further away from me and makes you hate me even more*

(with barely repressed anger) ain't it funny?