Tagged by the beautiful and talented @jadesabre301 š
coffee or tea | early bird or night owl | chocolate or vanilla | spring or fall | silver or gold | pop or alternative | freckles or dimples | snakes or sharks | mountains or fields | thunder or lightning | egyptian mythology or greek mythology | ivory or scarlet | flute or lyre | opal or diamond | butterflies or honeybees | macarons or eclairs | typewritten or handwritten | secret garden or secret library | rooftop or balcony | spicy or mild | opera or ballet | london or paris | vincent van gogh or claude monet | denim or leather | potions or spells | ocean or desert | mermaids or sirens | masquerade ball or cocktail party
Tagging: @mithrilwren @koboldkatalyst @booksbardsbway @daevranni @redvanillabee if you'd like! and anyone else who feels up to it :))
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šÆļø: on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? probably a 7 or an 8 probably. getting it down is the hard part, refining and rethinking is the fun bit!
š¼: describe your latest wip with five emojis: umUMMMM š„¦š¤šššŖš»
šæ: give some advice on writer's block and low creativity: tbh i struggle with this! sometimes your creative and decision-making energy is just going elsewhere in your life, so give it time. when i have an idea that i need to figure out, i usually go for a walk--spending some energy and being outside is a big help
Your wish is my command! I hope you wanted a seriously outrageous amount of fluff. š
A Purrfect Interlude (650 words, established relationship)
As time went on and Essek became used to the relationship between himself and Caleb, he discovered something delightful ā Caleb was, at heart and buried beneath all the trauma, a playful person.
It came out in small bits here and there, rarely with strangers or people he wasnāt comfortable with. A joke here, a mischievous look there. A teasing gift left on Essekās pillow, meant to both please and make him laugh. Essek found it astonishing. Heād seen hints of that playfulness when watching Caleb interact with the Nein, but heād never even fathomed that he would someday get to experience it for himself.
Yet, there they were in Essekās study, in the middle of brainstorming a new spell (a serious spell, Essek felt like he had to add), when Caleb suddenly went quiet from his place at the bookshelf behind him, the sound of turning pages abruptly vanishing after some unintelligible whispering. Essekās first thought was that Caleb had found something compelling in one of his books, and he turned to ask what it was.
That was when he noticed that the room had lost its second wizard and acquired a large, cream-colored tiger.
The tiger blinked sleepily at him from where it was lounging on the rug. Essek smiled fondly. āFun with Polymorph again?ā
Caleb sneezed in response, and Essek gave a small chuckle and got up from his own research ā heād needed a break anyway ā and walked over to kneel on the carpet next to Caleb. Caleb flopped into a crescent, watching Essek with coy eyes and radiating complete harmlessness, despite the teeth and the claws.
Essek had enough experience with Caleb in Polymorph at that point to know that no matter how dangerous the creature Caleb transformed into, he would never do anything to harm Essek. With the confidence of such experience, he reached over and stroked a hand across the soft fur of Calebās side. Caleb rolled on the rug delightfully, looking up at Essek with sleepy eyes.
āDone researching for the day?ā Essek asked. Caleb sat up and gave him a headbutt in response, his forehead lighting bumping against the side of Essekās arm. Essek knew a hint when he received one ā he resumed his petting and, remembering how playful Caleb could get in Polymorph form, rubbed his belly.
Belly rubs turned into mock wrestling, probably why Caleb had transformed into a bigger cat in the first place ā when he just wanted cuddles, he tended towards smaller animals. Essek had never playfully wrestled with anyone before Caleb, not even his brother ā it was undignified for young drow to do such a thing ā but heād found that Caleb enjoyed careful roughhousing, both in human and Polymorphed form, with people he was comfortable with. As he attempted to give Caleb an aggressive ear rub, Caleb twisted in his grasp and a moment later pinned him down, paws on his chest.
Essek cocked an eyebrow at him and a moment later, the hundreds of pounds of large cat on top of him shifted back into a smiling redhead, blue eyes twinkling.Ā
The entire mood shifted abruptly with Caleb human once more. Essek stared up at him, helpless and spellbound by how much he loved this ridiculous man.
āYou needed a break, my friend,ā Caleb said, his voice gentle. āAs did I.ā He leaned down and rubbed his nose against Essekās, just once. Essek closed his eyes, overcome, as Caleb pressed a soft kiss against his mouth.
He pulled away after a moment, and Essek gave a soft gasp and instinctively chased his retreating mouth with his own. Caleb laughed softly, a hand coming up to rest in Essekās hair as they kissed again, deeper this time, Essek letting Caleb use all his weight to press him down into the rug.
That was definitely the end of research for the day, but Essek found he had no complaints.
I admit, I am VERY intrigued by "essek rolls insight on a cupcake"
Hahaha you and @the-kaedageist are of the same mind!!Ā
To answer - theĀ āEssek rolls insight on a cupcakeā WIP is an Essek-POV coda to 2x74, in which Jester gives him the black moss cupcake from Uthodurn.Ā Ā
This ficlet hinges on the detail that Essek does in fact take the cupcake with him... and so, what does he do with it?Ā The Mighty Nein are annoying, compelling, chaotic... itās clearly a manipulative offering, but they also donāt seem the type to try to poison him... should he eat it?Ā That would be very stupid to do.Ā But--!Ā
Join Essek as he spends most of his evening staring at a pastry and feeling Feelings about the Mighty Nein!
Shadowgast prompt: Essek was spying on the dinner convo with Trent (shhhh I know he probably has anti scrying wards all over that tower but idc), his reactions to hearing Trent justifying his abuse as love (maybe with thoughts about his own family situation?)
The first time, he was able to justify it to himself.
He didnāt want to contact any of the Mighty Nein directly, not with how they had left things, but he still had to know they were ok. He had to.Ā
He told himself that he would cast the spell just to test that it reached its target, to confirm they were alive. Maybe a quick peek to make sure they werenāt in immediate peril. Perfectly fine, not an invasion of privacy.Ā
The next few times wereā¦ less defensible.Ā
It became a pattern: Scry on one of them. Reassure himself that they were all alive. Vow not to do it again. Spend another week with a stifled fear whispering at the back of his mind, growing louder each passing day that was not interrupted by a cheery voice invading his mind with some inane message. Give in. Scry again.
He doesnāt know what possesses him to cast it on Caleb this time. A previous scry confirmed that Caleb no longer wears his anti-detection amulet, but even without it, he was able to resist when Essek attempted to spy on him directly. He should pick a surer target, or risk wasting the spell.
But Caleb remains his focus as he completes the incantation, and miracle of miracles, he feels his magic break through Calebās mental defenses a split-second before the scry overtakes his vision.
There are flashes of a bustling city, Empire architecture everywhere. The spell homes in on an imposing wizardās tower and then zooms into a room inside, crystallizing on a red-haired figure seated at a lavish dining table.
Caleb is wearing the same finery he sported in Nicodranas on that night, and the sight of it sends an uncomfortable jolt through Essek. He shoves the memories aside. Focus. This is a spell that requires full concentration.
From the blurred edges of the scry, a voice reaches Essekās earsāa sickening, familiar voice.
ā...the prodigy I always knew he was. While some students take direct tutelage and study, some are unique in how they best develop: through self-discovery, others inspired through hardship.ā
Trent is seated a few feet away from Caleb, far enough that he is barely a blur of pale skin and dark robe in Essekās vision. Regardless, his insipid voice is recognizable enough on its own, with or without the unfortunate visage that normally accompanies it.
Essek feels his mouth curl uncontrollably into a sneer as Trent continues in the course of whatever it is heās monologuing about this time.
"Historically, the most talented mages have indeed walked this path, or the greatest ambitions come from those who have endured the dark and crawled their way back."
Veth, her form equally hazy as Ikithonās, pipes up from the other side of the table, āSo you're apologizing, then?ā
Beau responds, her tone and diction unmistakable even though her visual is fully out of the limits of Essekās scry. āNo, it sounds like he's trying to take fucking credit.ā
Apologizing for what? Taking credit for what? Curiosity bubbles up in Essek, insatiable and undeniable.
Through all this, Caleb is the only clear thing he can see, and Essek watches as his face contorts itself in painānot the wailing, open-mouthed countenance of physical injury, but the subdued, tight-lipped expression of internal anguish. He is looking in Trentās direction.
There is misery behind his eyes. There is also hatred.
Trent is speaking again.Ā
"Forgive me, Bren.ā Essekās brain does a momentary double-take at the unfamiliar name, but it doesnāt take much to put the pieces together.Ā
"I could see your gifts, and your faults and limitations. To truly grow, you needed to be broken and left to build yourself. It took longer than we anticipated, but when you were ready, we turned on the light and showed you the door."
Without more context, it is impossible to fully understand this conversation, even for someone as shrewd as Essek. But though he does not know the exact nature of Caleb and Trentās history, or what it means when Trent produces a symbol of the Arch Heart, or why Caleb appears even more distraught when he looks at it, Essek can still recognize the dynamics at play here. A slimy, squirming disgust curls in his gut, like the unctuous voice of Trent made manifest.
I understand the pressure of being young, and the expectation. Caleb had said this to him once, a thousand years ago, on the happiest night of Essekās life. He had sensed the kinship between them long before that, the shared spark of brilliance, of curiosity, of a life shaped by cruelly pragmatic hands.Ā
He had replied, Experience is what hardens you, prepares you for the worst. I think you're prepared for more than you give yourself credit for, Caleb. He knows now, with absolute certainty, that he was correct. Yet another thing they have in common.
Trent is still talking. "And I cannot tell you how proud of you I amāwe are. And I know you hate me, Bren. Hate what I've put you through, and I accept those feelings. For it was a hard choice for me to make. What I did, though, I did out of love."
Thereās an immediate scoffāJester, Essek thinks, though itās hard to tell. Whoever it was, Essek wholeheartedly agrees.
No one who claims that their actions were done out of love has ever said so sincerely. If they have to justify it as such, then it wasnāt real love. Essek knows this for certain, having been on both sides of the matter, and also finally understanding what real love actually looks like.
Heās heard selfishness pitched as altruism, cruelty twisted to sound like mercy, has had as much said to his face by those who claim to love him, but whom he fully believes care nothing for him beyond his abilities and the services he can provide. The greater good has been invoked in the name of so many evil acts throughout history.
Which is exactly why he has never tried to delude himself, or others, that his own terrible deeds were done out of good intentions. Anything can sound justified with the right turns of phrase; that is half his job as the Shadowhand. That doesnāt make any of it true, or make the perpetrator any less blameworthy.
āTo what end? To use me?ā Caleb asks. Essek canāt help but admire the steady strength of his voice, though he knows he has no right to the pride that fills his chest at hearing it.
"No, to show you what you are capable of.ā Trentās voice is full of intensity, sounding almost desperate to make Caleb understand. "It was your parents' wish when I told them of the spark that I saw within you. They asked me to do whatever it took to help you realize it, for the glory of your family, and for the Empire.ā
For the Den, Essek. For the Dynasty.Ā How many times has he heard appeals to family and legacy and patriotism? From the Queen ordering her soldiers to battle; from the Umavi demanding nothing short of perfection from her children, whatever is takes to achieve it. How would they feel, to know their most detested enemies use indistinguishable rhetoric?
āI did just that, as much as it hurt to hurt you. It is the greater man who puts the needs of others over himself, Bren. And this nation needs you."
With that, Essekās vision fades into black as the scry reaches its end. The image of Calebās pained expression stays imprinted behind his eyelids even as he blinks them open back to his candlelit laboratory.Ā
The sick feeling does not dissipate. It is joined by the sour taste of bile in the back of Essekās mouth as his mind replays pieces of what he heard over and over again.
Itās not verbatim whatās been said to him in the past, but it comes from the same crop of manipulation.
There is nothing Essek can do to help Caleb, nothing whatsoever. Despite this, a part of him yearns to teleport to Rexxentrum right this second, damn the chances of a mishap, and damn the fact that if he arrives in the Empire successfully, he is sure to be arrested or killed on sight.
What ultimately shuts the impulse down is reminding himself that, even if he could get there and evade capture, it is highly unlikely that Caleb would be happy to see him.
He really hopes the Mighty Nein send him a message soon.
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š :Ā a line or paragraph Iām really happy with
I very fond of this little bit from Show me where my skin begins (aka my Shadowgast finally-confessing-feelings fic, feat. Essekās touch starvation):
The third time Caleb touched him, there were hands on Essekās cheeks, chapped lips on his forehead. And Essekās world shuddered, fell away, and then lurched into a new pattern. Like a meteor pulled from its trajectory, falling into orbit around the insistent pull of a sun.
Iām a simple person, with simple tastes. I love the forehead kiss, and I love using sun/moon, space and gravity imagery for Shadowgast. I just love it :āD
šŖ :Ā a piece that was meant to be short but took on a life of its own
Iām tempted to sayĀ āthe entire Essek fic seriesā since I never expected to write more than one! But the actual answer would be The weight of family and the pull of gravity,Ā in which Verin has dinner at the Xhorhaus and realises how much his brother has changed.Ā
At first, it was just going to be a sort of mirror fic for my dinner-with-Deirta story, featuring only the dinner scene, maybe 4000 words. And then before I knew it, I was diving into a rabbit hole ofĀ āwhat does Verinās past look like?ā, and there were flashbacks. And then an entire dual timeline. And then 8000 words.Ā
GOTTA be the scene where Amos gets caught (in his eyes) taking biscuits from the cupboard in "every bit as feral". Every time I read in, my heart still aches for him.
Oh gosh that scene. It's probably one of my favourites from the teen bb amos fic too, tbh. It was a scene that made me so sad for him while writing it - he's just such a scared kid, and trying his best to survive. Thank you, I'm glad that it stands out!!
the first character i ever fell in love with: BEAU BEAU BEAU BEAU. I think Iāve talked about this before. I began c2 when it started and so without preconceptions about the characters. Based on the bits of c1 Iād seen, I assumed Iād end up loving one of the girls the most, but had no idea who. And then Marisha described Beau and I just absolutely instantly loved her.
a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I donāt think anyone!
a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: There are some ships where fandom has made me less enthused about them than I was, but nothing specific.
my ultimate favorite characterā¢: And itās still Beau. I just adore everything about her so, so much.
prettiest character: Probably also Beau, but they are all so very pretty!
my most hated character: He of whom we do not speak, from early c1. Bleh.
my OTP: We all know I love Beau/Yasha and Beau/Jester/Yasha with all my heart, and as I am a multishipper I also love a bunch of other stuff, almost entirely femslash. For c1 I am also very fond of Vex/Keyleth, Vex/Zahra and Vex/Keyleth/Zahra.
my NOTP: I am not into Fjord/Jester, itās not my thing.
favorite episode: Ooh, I donāt know! The ones that immediately come to mind are that Iām extremely fond of Harvest Close (really good fun all round), In Hot Water (āI wait.ā), and everything from Found and Lost to The Journey Home. I have some trouble separating what happens in which episodes, especially with more recent stuff! Oh, and for c1, I love The Kill Box - the tension and the atmosphere andĀ āvox machina, fuck shit up!ā and the victory and their joy.
saddest death: Mollymauk was definitely a shock, and Iām still sad about it, though I wouldnāt trade Caduceus, or the impact Mollyās death had on the Nein, for anything. I havenāt got as far as the end of c1 in my very slow watchthrough, but I do know about the death at the end of it and am sure that will rank pretty highly.
favorite season: I guess c2, because itās the one Iāve followed since it began!
least favorite season: Given as there are only two, this would have to be c1, but I adore it, so this seems unfair!
character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I donāt think I have one specifically, though I am generally less into some of the men than a lot of fandom is.
my āyouāre piece of trash, but youāre still a faveā fave: Keg! Avantika! All of the Nein? ;D
my ābeautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than thisā fave: Maybe Reani? I love her and she means so well, and I just want her to figure out her shit and find happiness. Aw, and perfect, lovely Nila!
my āthis ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love itā ship: I think how this question is phrased isnāt working for me, so Iām going to leave it.
my ātheyāre kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but iām not too investedā ship: Caleb/Essek falls into this category for me - itās cute and Iād almost certainly like it if it happened, but I donāt think about it much.
