#miscarriage warning

So this is something I wrote for a friend on tumblr to help her get through a hard time. I hope this helps you and that I did justice to you prompt <3

The title is just a reference to the song Arcade by Duncan Laurence. It's a song that I think captures some of the emotions of loss and grief evoked in this fic so I decided to quote it and name the fic after it. The song is beautiful and sad and worth a listen if you've no heard it.

So this little number took on a mind of its own. I’ll be posting this on AO3 as well and adding a second part eventually. Trigger warning: Blood and Miscarriage 

Also this is such a not cool way to deliver the news of a possible/probable miscarriage?? Like people kill themselves over miscarriages, you can’t make a joke of that it’s cruel.

honestly at first i thought this was about the petergriffinloss.jpg image.. considering that’s the original comic’s topic too? but uhh yea no peter griffin somehow takes that sensitive topic and makes an even WORSE joke than loss did.

I hope you’re thinking of me when you fuck her.

Their teeth clinked together as his mouth enveloped hers, her moans falling short as he swallowed them. As the two of them tangled themselves up in one another, they missed the rumble of the Impala pulling up to the motel room you’d confined Sam to for this hunt. There was no way Dean was letting him back into it so soon, not after finding out about the demon blood.

“Sam! I have someth- are you fucking kidding me?” You dropped your bag by the door and lifted your gun.

“Y/N!” Sam shoved Ruby off of him and scrambled to get his pants buttoned. “You - you and Dean - you were supposed to be gone until tomorrow!” He stammered. 

“Wrapped up the hunt early. Was easier than we expected. This is what I come home to?” You waved the barrel of your gun in Ruby’s direction. 

“Whoa, whoa, why’s your gun - shit.” Dean walked up behind you, already on the defensive, but understanding when he saw the demon in the room. “Take it easy, sweetheart.” He reached for your arm and tried to push it down, but you were holding steady.

“She’s fucking dead, Dean.” You hissed.

“Okay, yeah, I get that, but you know a bullet won’t kill her. Won’t even hurt her. C’mon, holster it.” He talked you down, and you unloaded the chamber and tucked the gun back into your belt.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Seething, you made your way across the room to the black-eyed bitch in the corner.

“Sam called me.” She snarked, victorious.

“He - he called you.” You chuckled, shaking your head. “He called you.” You repeated. “You know, that’s... that’s okay. That’s fine. He can have you. He can have you and all the other sluts he wants. I’m out of here. Dean, you have my number, and I’ll call you if I’m ever in any real trouble.” Lifting your bag once again, slinging it over your shoulder, you held everything you owned. You slipped Sam’s necklace off over your head and threw it onto the floor, then turned on your heel and started for the road. “Enjoy your latest addiction, Sam. Wonder how long this one will last.” You scoffed. “I hope you’re thinking of me when you fuck her. She’ll never be half the woman I was.” Kicking the door behind you, it slammed and you thanked every single cell in your body for willing back the tears until you were out of sight. 

As your feet hit the pavement, your stomach churned, just as it had that morning when you rolled out of bed. Doubling over, you spilled its contents into the nearest brush pile. Dean knew, you’d told him on the ride home today. He made you swear off hunting, made you promise you’d tell Sam as soon as you got back to him, made you realize what was actually happening and how serious it was. Then you walked in on them. 

Dean knew you were pregnant with his brother’s baby. Dean would come after you for sure, but you prayed to Chuck he wouldn’t tell Sam. You could never tell Sam, not as long as he had Ruby’s blood coursing through his veins. Your phone rang, pulling your out of your head. 

“What...” You groaned into the receiver.

“Get your ass back here. Sam’s knocked out. We gotta talk.” Dean grunted, not really giving you a choice.

“Dean...” You whimpered as you looked down at your pants, a deep crimson stain spreading across your thighs. “Dean!” Shrieking, you heard his phone clatter to the floor and a door slam as he made his way toward you. 

so we are in the er...

most likely miscarriage, been bleeding for three weeks on and off amd when we went to the uc we were told we are pregnant.

this is like waking up to our worse nightmare every single day

You’re my first ask message! Very cool!

I get what you’re saying, but IBLP is incredibly toxic and the Duggars and Bates are masters at making their lives seem perfect

In the case of IBLP, however, some of the tenets seem downright bizarre: Cabbage Patch Kids are idolatrous, syncopated music is “the antithesis of what God desires in the life of a Christian,” blue jeans are ungodly, circumcised men are morally purer than uncircumcised men. One IBLP article suggests that failing to “render to the Lord” can lead to miscarriage.

From https://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/July-2016/Institute-in-Basic-Life-Principles-Hinsdale/

And this comes straight from the IBLP website:

How does this truth relate to the suffering we experience? Does it mean we are to be thankful when a young mother dies of cancer? Does it mean you should give thanks when you lose your job? Does it mean we should rejoice when a couple suffers the anguish of multiple miscarriages?

Is answered with the following (I quoted some parts):

Thanking God in all things does not mean that we thank God for evil. Rather, we are to thank God in the midst of all things. With their decision to sin, Adam and Eve rejected God’s plan for a life without pain and sorrow, and the curse they received fell on all who have been born since then.

Therefore, as an act of redemption, God is able to take any circumstance that Satan or others intended for evil and redeem it for God’s glory and our good.

God gave Satan permission to afflict Job—within certain limits. In a single day, Job lost 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 donkeys. On the same day, Job’s seven sons and three daughters were killed when the house in which they were gathered collapsed. When Job was informed of these tragedies, he could have said, “The Lord gave, and Satan has taken away!” Instead, Job declared, “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). [...] Job realized that God was sovereign—in control of all things at all times. He knew that God could have prevented this suffering, and Job chose to trust God in the face of this unprecedented onslaught at the hand of Satan.

When Satan tormented the Apostle Paul with a physical infirmity, Paul petitioned God three times, asking God to deliver him from it. However, God chose not to remove Paul’s infirmity, [...] In God’s eyes, the benefits of Paul’s suffering outweighed the cost of it.

As we yield—by faith—to God’s goal of conforming us to the image and the character of His Son Jesus, each circumstance in a believer’s life functions as a tool that can shape him or her into the “exact likeness” of Christ. Even Jesus learned obedience as He yielded to His Father’s will, through suffering: “Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered” (Hebrews 5:8).

From https://iblp.org/questions/can-we-thank-god-all-things

I mean, I get what you’re saying. I really do. But even IBLP’s website likes it to sinners, God giving permission to Satan because the person is not ‘christ-like’ enough. You’re not obedient enough, thus I make you suffer so that you will be. The bible can teach a lot about love and forgiveness, but IBLP has chosen to read it in a context that they see fit and allows them to train obedient children. Many years ago, Michelle lost a child she was carrying and she was treated as a ‘sinner’ for using birth control. It went nearly exactly as IBLP describes it, she was “punished” by God for using birth control, something that should be in the hands of God. She lost her child to get her to be obedient to His word.