#mindswehave

Brush your teeth before bed every night.

It’s always worth it to wash your makeup off after a night out. 

It’s the people, not the place. 

If you’re lucky, no one loves you more in the whole entire world than your mom. 

You don’t know the outcome until it happens (5 ½. Anxiety is just made up conspiracy theories about yourself).

You experience time on your own timeline. 

You have power – use it. 

When you have the idea, you’re ready. 

You’ll never regret buying the concert ticket. 

Your BEST friends are the ones you can sit on the couch with for hours without speaking…and you also have no photos with them. 

Always listen to the music you love, no matter what. I’d recommend starting the day with “Unwritten” by Natasha Beddingfield every once in a while. 

Karaoke is always a good idea. 

Your friend’s success is your success. 

Buy. The. Shoes. 

Don’t spend too much time with the unenthused. 

Listen to the music and watch the videos your friends send you.

You teach others how to treat you.

Brooklyn is best. 

So is home. 

Your sister knows you better than anyone in the world. 

Don’t buy into trends. And don’t buy something just because it’s on sale. 

Make a "dinner making" playlist.

It’s never worth it to stalk your ex on the internet.

Save voicemails from your family and friends. 

Everyone thinks they are bad at their job. 

Keep your old journals. 

Jacob Norris . March 18, 2020

These types of stories are commonalities for me at this point, and honestly they’re probably expected.

It was a cold night in February two years ago. I was with three friends of mine, Josh, Meghan, and (of course) Olivia in my apartment in Brooklyn. It was the type of hangout where everyone gets along but you really hone in on one person—and to no surprise I was all in with Olivia. Liv would probably describe me as the bad influence brother because I always feel it’s my obligation to bring the party. So, mid-hangout I roll up a joint for me, Josh, and Liv (a smoking novice at the time). About 10 minutes later, we were rolling around my bedroom belting Rent followed by word-for-word raps of Childish Gambino’s “Bonfire.” Everyone is a bit theatre-gay meets wannabe free-styler right?

Anyway, we practically exhausted ourselves from the instantaneous choreography and dove into the type of conversation you have when you’re high. The existential type of convo that makes the rounds of politics, sex, our futures, why people have foot fetishes, our moms, what the fuck is mayonnaise and why do I love it, loneliness, etc. Let’s not forget that this whole conversation has been backed by music; a soundtrack to enhance the vibes. 

Somewhere along the way, the conversation splits off into pairs so, naturally, Olivia and I dive into our love of music. Being the genre bending junkies we are, we made the rounds until I realized I had to take advantage of this Mary Jane moment.

I looked at Olivia and basically just said buckle up. I turned my speaker all the way up and played “Wait” by M83. It’s a song that feels like it could be placed in any scene of my life and it would make sense. So, eyes closed and in perfect silence, we just listened. The final note played and I sat up, tears streaming, only to find Olivia doing the exact same thing. We just stared at each other, chuckled, wiped our tears, and then cried again. It was just emotional serendipity. We both were feeling such different things yet both were so in sync. We’ve shared experiences like this a few times since and I guess we are just riding the same wave length on a regular basis. I don’t know how to describe it but I’m happy I have that with someone.

Heather Sillins. January 22, 2024

(Photo via Vice)

Hey all, Making a brief return to say a few things I’ve been thinking about:

Healing is not a gorgeous tree-lined one way street. Sometimes you get turned around right back to where you came from and that’s because you’re learning.

Don’t waste precious time sulking over things completely out of your control. You can only control yourself: your behaviors, what you’d like to change, what you’re okay with.

IDon’t miss out on the good things by spending too much time with the unenthused.

You don’t always need to be excellent. Sometimes you fuck up. It doesn’t make you any less.

Live by what you love. Spend time with your hobbies and passions. Listen to your friends. Hug your family.

IThink about grounding techniques. Who, what, where holds you down? Reach out for those things when you need a hand…it’s okay to get help.

I

Sabrina Talbert . August 13, 2020

The summer after my freshman year of college, I got my first and only tattoo while in London. Earlier that Spring, a former professor of mine did a lesson on Stoic philosophy. He explained that the Stoics believed the key to living a happier life was to avoid getting emotionally invested in the things that were out of your control and instead preparing the mind for those unforeseeable moments. They also believed in teaching yourself how to respond rationally to what was in your control. The paper plane itself has no real attachment to me, but I felt it embodied the message.

I often find myself wrapped up in existential matters that I can't change much about. This includes issues like world hunger, poverty, access to education, human-trafficking, racism, etc. I can do everything that I, just one person, can do to make a difference and inspire change. However, one person can’t magically fix it all; that’s just not realistic. I consider myself to be somewhat of a radically empathetic person. That said, I have a tendency of getting emotionally invested in things that are impossible to understand or simply out of my control. There are some problems that will never get fixed in my lifetime, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. I love that I can apply the meaning of my paper plane to everyday scenarios...not just big issues, but the small stuff too.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

Stoicism requires a lot of internal digging to tackle your emotional responses and train your mind to accept the uncertain. There are some things we will never be able to fully prepare for. Life is unpredictable, and all you can do is focus on the things you can control and let go of the things you can’t. There’s no use in entertaining things that are out of your control for longer than what’s necessary.

Applying Stoicism to my life hasn’t been easy, and it’s still very much a work in progress. Nonetheless, my tattoo is my daily reminder that I am in control of my peace. Regardless of all the things I can’t control, I have the potential to be in complete control of what I let influence my happiness. It’s also a way of holding myself accountable for what I’m capable of doing in response to or in preparation for what life throws at me. It’s a little reminder to ask myself, “Did I do everything I could?”

This is a quote I came across when looking more into how to grow a brand via social media. It stuck with me because of my new found interest in HOW and WHY we use Instagram. Especially now that we have been quarantined and stuck inside for longer than ever before, we are spending a lot more time staring at our screens looking for entertainment, attention, something to buy, etc. But I don’t think our relationship with social needs to be negative. I believe that social media was created with the intention of sharing and a way to connect with like-minded people all over. Whether it’s in the same town, the same state, or the same country, social media allows us to stay in touch with each other no matter where we are. There are unfortunately many negative aspects of social media that have come up over the years, trust me I know. However, social media is a TOOL and if we are using it in a positive way - uplifting ourselves & others for example - we can totally change the course and direction of some of those negatives. My biggest thing is having INTENTION. Follow people who make you think, who make you happy, who inspire you, and people who make beautiful posts that are just nice to look at.

Emma Trivunovic . July 24, 2020

It’s hard for me to forget a good idea once it comes to me. And this was one of my best.

I enjoy irony and making people question things they usually wouldn’t.

I hope whoever reads this understands the importance of storytelling afterwards.

Last year, I took a queer studies course over the summer. I took this class for a lot of reasons, but mainly to educate myself on the queer community and to learn how to be the best ally I could be. I didn’t expect this class to impact my life forever, but alas, here we are. Pretty soon into the course I began questioning myself—am I queer? Is it possible to be sort of queer? Am I queer enough to be considered queer? Do all the kids who take this class immediately question their existence??? The topics we covered regarding identity and gender I began to heavily relate to. I started to freak out. I told myself, "stop trying to latch onto these descriptions because you think it fits you, it’s not who you are." And then we were assigned to read To(o) Queer the Writer by Gloria Anzaldúa and it changed everything. I was reading something written by someone from my culture. I began to feel less in denial about my feelings.

“Queer readers want to interact, to repeat back or reflect or mirror, but also do more than just reflect back and mirror—to add to the dialogue,” (p169).

This finally made me realize my personal dialogue and that my feelings were worth investigating. From a young age I was pushed into gender norms I knew didn’t fit me. I had 2 older brothers that heavily impacted my life. I wanted to be like them and act like them so bad I even tried to dress like them. But, my mom wouldn’t have it. She’d call me a ‘changa’ (female monkey in Spanish) and drag me to do my least favorite activities. Shopping for holiday dresses still hurts to think about—I remember being so miserable, hating the feeling of putting on big stupid dresses. The feeling of being forced to do things and not understand why I was doing them still stings to this day. My identity, I was positive at this point in my class, was more on the nonbinary than female side. My feelings were real and valid.

Later on in the course, I remember reading something about how society has constructed subliminal ways to put women in boxes. This really resonated with me relating back to how I felt growing up. What it came down to, in my mind, is as a woman, you’re either two things in the eyes of society—a lady, or not good enough. A lady is respectable. She sits with her legs crossed, speaks when she’s spoken to, and cooks dinner for her family. Her hair is always neat, her clothes are never dirty, and she’s always pleasant. You see it in your mind and think “that is what a lady looks and sounds like, what’s so bad?” Well, what bothers me the most about this mindset is we’ve lost sight of the most important thing about her—she’s a woman before she’s a lady. Good for the girls who can go out looking put-together with a smile on their face. I’m genuinely happy for them. But that doesn’t make the rest of us butches or bitches—more labels given to women by society who don’t align with its expectations. I shouldn’t have to dress to society’s standards to earn respect. I shouldn’t have to look a certain way to be worthy of attention. Who I am for what I am will always be enough. I refuse to change for anyone but myself.

When I realized how much power the word ‘lady’ held in the world and in my personal life, I did the only thing that seemed logical—tattoo the word on my middle finger. So I can give the world a big fuck-you whenever I don’t meet its expectations. For all the times I was told as a little girl to sit and act like a lady while wanting to scream—this is for you, girl. Fuck the world and its expectations for young girls and women. Fuck it all to hell. Don’t be afraid to rethink what you thought you knew about gender. Normalize accepting different points of view. Accept and love one another.