#midnights thoughts

It takes you back to a different time and a different you,

You keep thinking how life truly changed, it’s like that version of you is from a whole new universe and you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

“Too big to hang out” talking about how she cant interact with fans on social media the way she used to (take tumblr for example) and now she can’t interact publicly at all without everyone wondering what the easter egg is (which is the downfall of being such a mastermind).

“Slowly lurching towards your favourite city” is another play on her fame- going on tour to everyone’s favourite cities, venues are packed, millions of dollars are made and accommodation prices skyrocket all because the superstar Taylor Swift is coming.

“Pierced through the heart, but never killed” is a reputation era reference where she can be ‘canceled’ or criticized and it hurts her so deeply (piercing her heart) but she can’t die because she’s superstar Taylor Swift.

Now, what I think is the most clever part, and the part I think represents her inner dialogue criticizing and sneering at herself for having negative feelings towards her situation- the same situation that allows her to be the success that she is:

“Did you hear my covert narcissism” with the context of the previous lines, she’s breaking character and the fourth wall by asking the audience ‘did you hear the way I’m complaining about how being too rich and famous (or too ‘big’) makes me sad sometimes?’

“I disguise as altruism” now, still breaking character and acknowledging the audience, she’s referencing how she managed to take this narcissism- her thinking she’s so famous and so big- and mask it into something perceived as wholesome, down to earth, selfless.

“Like some kind of congressman” here’s the punchline. She’s drawing a parallel between her and politicians- and the “tale as old as time” of the politician proclaiming how they’re just like everyone else- just a regular person with the most pure of intentions and only want what’s in the best interests of their constituents. All the while, they make decisions for their own profits and political gain.

the way you left is how i imagine everyone i love eventually leaving me

which is to say it’s only a matter of time before they see me the way i see myself

it’s not that i don’t know how to create something that will outlive me, it’s just that i don’t know if i ever will

stephen hawking said there’s a way out of a black hole, but how can i get out when i can’t stop myself from getting sucked deeper inwards?

one day i’ll forget your middle name

have you already forgotten mine?

i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time for someone to fall in love with me

the life i’ve dreamt of having will always remain just another story i tell myself

i keep asking “what if” instead of asking for what i truly want

i worry this is as good as it’s going to get

and if it is, i hate myself for not being more grateful for everything

i’ll never know what my last words will be

does trying so hard to be good make me inherently bad?