Juju.🪽

And i come the realization that i don’t really give a shit if you don’t like me you don’t want to talk to me

That’s fine no better than fine because really I don’t care that much about people because I spent my entire life hoping for someone to stay and they never did.

So i adapted to never having a person in my life, you want to stay you want to leave, it’s your choice i really don’t mind because i know it will be fine for me i will just adjust my routine and keep living like nothing happens till you never existed in the first place.

I hate it when i lose control over my own feelings and emotions it’s annoying!

But i can’t stop myself i hate it when i feel like my emotions is nothing and the things i do go unrecognized it drives me insane

But i hate it when i get angry over the smallest things and then getting guilty over it and having someone makes it worse by acting like i over reacted!

How the F am i over reacting when it’s only just my reaction of the actual action that wronged me

I mean wow!

كيف سنكون معًا، وكيف سنحل كل الخلافات، وكيف سيحافظ كلٌّ منا على مشاعر الآخر ، وكيف سنحقق أحلامنا، وكيف سنتعامل مع كل طارئ يعكر صفو حياتنا، وكيف… وكيف… وكيف..

رسمت كل شيء

إلا الفراق

‏-ليونارد كوهين.

‏لأنه وبطريقةٍ ما

‏فقدَ كُل ما قد مشى مستعجلًا لأجله."

‏بدأت أرسم خطاً غير مرئي بيني وبين الآخرين بصرف النظر عن هوية من أتعامل معه. أحافظ على مسافة آمنة و محددة أراقب معها تصرف الطرف الآخر حتى لا يقترب مني أكثر. و لم أصدق بسهولة ما قاله لي الآخرون. كان شغفي الوحيد هو الكتب.

‏بالحديد، و تقييده

‏في قفصي الصدري؛

‏ليس لمنعك من الدخول،

‏و لكن لايقاف

‏أعاصير

‏الألم،

‏والذكريات،

‏والدمار،

Yes very much so

Years ago I wrote A paragraph about how much i loved this man of how much happier i am because i finally found someone i wanted to marry.

And after a year i got so overwhelmed because i realized deep down that there is something very wrong and as much as i wanted to be with him i just knew in my gut that he is not the one for me..

Even though i know he is one of the nicest people who made me feel loved and appreciated and safe.!

Does it make sense? I knew i had a feeling so strong that no matter how hard i tried to deny it i still felt it.

And the whole thing is messed up because why do i believe that i am in love with this man that i want to marry him and the next thing i want is to end it because i couldn’t love him anymore? Does this really make sense for you guys?