#midalia..

Today my heart felt THE pain again and it was so calm at first, like if it was just grabbing me and touching me with so much delicacy; almost like..with love.

It’s been a long, long time since it has come by; and I have to admit it: i have miss it somehow.

So I embrace it with all I am and realize how lost I truly am, how this non-stopping heart keeps just beating on and on with no hesitation, spreading the pain like that some poison through the body.

And for me, it’s you. The one that makes these cheeks turn up as the color of my hair.

Cuz you are the only one and my only one.

I can assure you! Every single time you look at me I feel this amazing thing inside of me that makes me smile, every single time!

While we hold hands, as we talk together, walk together.. I smile. As we hug, as we kiss, as you touch softly my cheeks.. I blush and smile. When you clean the water that comes from my eyes, when you tickle my stomach and when you give me that eternally look that has like a spell on me.. I can not help but fall for you, even more.

All this time I just hear silence. Silence in my head, silence on my headphones, silence on my questions, silence on my work. Silence on my heart, silence on my dreams. There is silence everywhere I go now. It’s odd, coming to think on it, how I used to crave this; how I used to wish for this kind of state of self. I wanna cry. Each time I close my eyes to feel the sweet worship songs I wanna cry. I know, I haven’t been the greatest child of God of all. I wanna quit so many things, I’m actually trying to wake me up…again. I need time alone, which I do not have. A time where no one asks me how I am or if everything is ok. Cuz it isn’t. I am not ok. Everything it’s not ok. What I feel it’s not ok. I do not wanna answer those kind of questions. There’s still a lot to forgive, but most of all…forgive myself. I feel ashamed.

Now I know, I am carrying a lot today. It quite hit me today.

I need to apologize. I need to go and run wild again. I need to fear…again.