Hello! Thank you so much for sending this in and I am sorry you are going through this. I really hope I can talk through some ideas you could use to move forward with your family and leave the past behind you.

The first thing I would like to say that this is not your fault. Regardless of what anyone says, you have done nothing wrong. You did what was right at the moment and you did a responsible thing. I am so sorry that your parents cannot see this, but this doesn’t mean they can’t move forward with you.

There are a few ideas I have which you could try, however the big one which may receive the best results is speaking to your parents in a controlled environment. Sitting down and explaining how their words are affecting you may really open their eyes and clear up some things. If you wanted, you could explain how you felt in the moment and you were unsure of what to do, so you chose to do the responsible thing of ringing your parents. Speaking about forgiveness is also a great thing to do and to start a conversation may spark some thinking for them.

If you do not feel you could speak to them face to face, you could perhaps write them a letter explaining how you feel when they speak about that moment in your past. You can then hand this to them and be present when they read it to answer any questions or even leave the room. If you are really unsure and just need to get your thoughts out your system, you do not have to pass the letter on to your parents. However, I feel speaking to them will really help you move forward and have some closure on their thoughts.

As well as writing a letter, you could write down moments in your past (going forward) which you have felt uneasy about, such as that moment. You could shut these away in a jar or box and leave them there. This way, you can know that these are in the past, locked away and unable to escape into your present. I know this may sound strange, but I felt it has worked for me and hope you may be able to do the same!

Another option would be to speak to a healthcare professional if it is affecting your mental health. This isn’t a shameful thing to do, it only opens up doors to more resources and discussions about how to move forward and perhaps speak to your parents. You can do this by approaching a doctor/GP and asking if they could advise you on who to speak to.

Our past is in the past and it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to feel guilty or upset about how things played out, but we must remember that we acted the best we could in our situation. I am so sorry your parents are making you feel this way and pulling you down. Remember that you are not defined by your past and we only go forward as a more developed person. You’ve got this.

Hey, Sierra! Thank you so much for sending this in and waiting for us to respond. I really hope I can help with how you are feeling and how you can move forward from this friendship.

I am so sorry that you have been through a toxic friendship, but it is really important to know you are doing the right thing. If you realise that something is toxic and not good for you then moving away from it is important for our wellbeing and overall happiness. I understand it is a difficult thing to do but it sounds as if you have been really strong throughout this process. Having doubts and feeling this guilt is okay, but it doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong.

The method of breaking away from a toxic friendship is different in every situation. Some can be over a few months, some can be instant. Both are okay, as the main point is taking yourself out of that harmful friendship while keeping yourself safe and without harming anyone else. You say it was too much for you and you knew it at the time and I’m really glad you can see that. We may have the perfect way to do something in our minds after we do it, but at the time we must know that we did the best we could and what we needed to do in response to how we felt.

I’m really sorry that this person is painting this picture of you. Do you feel that writing them a letter or speaking to them about how they made you feel will help? I understand this could be difficult if you do not feel safe or comfortable around them, but a letter explaining how they made you feel may help them understand and stop. Again, this doesn’t have to be done if you do not feel you can. That’s okay!

Whether you explain to them how they make you feel or not, know that the guilt is valid and okay to feel. But you have done nothing wrong. You have safely distanced yourself from this toxic friendship which will help your wellbeing so much. You may not be able to see it now, but after you’ve been able to move forward you will see a difference which is positive.

Something which you could try is writing yourself a list of why you decided to end that friendship. You could keep this list private and read it over when you feel guilty or the person is making things difficult. This way you could remind yourself of the reasons why you needed to take yourself out that situation which could help ease the feeling of guilt.

In terms of friendships going forward, I am so excited for you. You will be able to learn how friendships should work and just generally be able to surround yourself with positive, kind people. A few ways to meet new people are:

Local Groups/Clubs (Running, film clubs, art classes or drama groups)

School Clubs (Academic or Leisure)

Local Events (Fun Run’s, Carnivals, Pride)

Work Colleagues (they don’t just have to be people you talk to at work, ask them about themselves!)

Online Local Groups (Facebook, but be careful with who you speak to and never meet someone unless it is in a public safe space)

I am really sorry you are going through this but I admire for how strong and brave you are. You must look out for your own wellbeing and mental health and you can move forward positively away from this toxic friendship. You are a good person and I hope you are able to meet some amazing new friends.

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately Riley can’t run the LGBTQIA+ venting group this week. It should be on at its usual time next week! We apologise for any inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, I really hope I’m able to give you some great tips.

Staying positive can be very easy, but it can also be difficult. Something I tell myself constantly is that tomorrow is a new day. It is a day where I can change my mood, I can be a new person and I can start new things. It is never too late to change or start or finish something.

Another thing I tell myself is that it will be okay. Everything that happens is there for a reason, even if it causes great pain. It makes us stronger and gives us experience for the future. It is about discovering emotions and learning how to cope with them.

I think one of the most important things to remember, though, is that it is okay not to be okay. It is okay if something happens and it makes you mad or annoyed or upset. Our emotions tell us things; we care about something, it makes us uncomfortable, we like it etc. Our feelings are valid. We would not know happiness if we did not know sadness. If you feel like you need to have day watching movies and crying, that is okay. Just know that tomorrow is a new day and you can start over.

Some activities you could try are writing down accomplishments or reasons to not give up when you are struggling. Something I do is write on paper accomplishments or times of happiness put them in a jar. When I am feeling down or reflective, I can open the jar and have a look through all of the papers. Below I will link you to two pages on our blog for inspiration - one with accomplishments from our followers and the other for reasons not to give up, again from our followers.

MHA Accomplishments

MHA I Won’t Give Up

Remember that it will get better and to take time.

Hello! Thank you so much for sending this in and I am so sorry you are going through this. I really hope I can give you some positive ideas and advice for you to move forward.

First of all, I am so sorry that you are in this situation and your boyfriend has made this decision to move on. I understand how you may be feeling and it is okay to feel sad after a break-up. However, we must realise that we have to put ourselves first and look after ourselves. I understand the struggle you have been through and are going through and I encourage you to take some time to yourself.

This doesn’t mean you cannot think about him. I understand this may be difficult, but spending time on yourself can be more about focusing on what you need and what your body needs. For example, taking an afternoon at a spa or even just a nice bubble bath at home may be relaxing for you. Do you have any assignments or work projects you could get a head start on or catch up on? You could also look into new hobbies. Here are a few you could look into or try:

Photography

Gaming

Writing (stories, scripts, poems etc)

Painting

Drawing

Running

As well as trying something new and spending some time focusing on yourself, I encourage you to try and stay away from social media. I know how difficult it is with social media to not check up on someone, but this could be the next step in moving forward to you. You can do this in a number of ways. You could either block him like you have suggested or delete the apps from your phone for a while or stay away from your phone and laptop altogether. You can start by staying away from social media for an hour or so, and build up to a day and so on. This is a great way to feel more in the moment and less worried about things online.

I do understand that social media is a positive thing in many ways though. You do not have to stay away forever, it is okay to use it! A week or two away from social media can really help you get out of any habits and I encourage you to try this. I know a lot of people who do this often - every few months they will take a few weeks away from social media to reduce any unhealthy habits. They then can return feeling better about themselves and ready to move forward. Do you feel this is something you could do?

If you feel that deleting your apps will not help you, then there is another option I have used in the past. I have allowed my friend to take my accounts and change the password so I could not get into any social media accounts. You can let them have the password for a few days or few weeks and, when you are ready to return, they can change it back to something you know for you.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are strong and independent and ready for anything that comes your way. I hope you are able to move forward positively and feel better about yourself and where you may be going.

Hi everyone,

This week Riley is unable to run their venting group. It should be on at its regular time next week (5pm BST / 12pm EST). 

Hello! Thank you so much for sending this in and waiting for a response.

Coming to terms with who we are can be very difficult and it is only the first step to becoming our authentic self. Coming out can be very easy or very challenging and I understand how difficult your situation may be.

The first thing I would like to say is that you are not alone. You are worthy and loved and valid. It is okay to be nervous about coming out or feeling like you cannot. If you feel as if you would be putting yourself in danger by coming out, it may not be the best thing to do right now. There is no one forcing you to come out, it is down to when you feel ready and if you feel ready.

A way to start a discussion would be to perhaps ask her questions or involve transgender in the conversation. For example, having a discussion about her beliefs in general or watching a documentary with her which may touch on the topic. This way you can put together a more clear vision of her beliefs and find out her true feelings.

A lot of those who do not agree with something are uneducated or they have been brought up a certain way. If you feel you can talk to her, remember that her first reaction isn’t her only reaction. Many of those who react in a negative way when people come out to them are just their first thoughts. After letting it process and speaking about it openly, they can begin to process it in a positive way. Unfortunately, as you may know, this isn’t the case for everyone. But there is hope for those who do not see eye to eye with you at first.

Do you feel you could talk about gender with your grandma, without coming out to her? You could perhaps tell her that one of your friends has come out as transgender, and speak to her about that. This way you could educate her on what being transgender means and how being transgender doesn’t make you any less of a human being.  

There are lots of resources on YouTube that you could look into, explaining terminology and speaking about how to discuss the matter with loved ones if they do not understand.

I really understand the frustration you may be going through as well as fear. You are so strong and this is a stepping stone in your journey. You do not have to rush, but listen to how you are feeling and know that it is okay to be you.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in and waiting for a response!

I am so sorry you were outed. I really do hope one day people will understand how wrong it is to disclose that information without our permission.

It is great that you were able to forgive her but I understand how frustrating this relationship may be for you. It is always difficult when trying to distance yourself from those who are not good for you, but I have a few things you may be able to try out.

The first step you could take is speaking to her. This may seem obvious or silly, but sitting down in a quiet environment with no one else around (perhaps at lunch in a classroom or after school) will let you focus on what is being said by both of you. I know it may be difficult but explaining how she is making you feel to her is a good starting point for the discussion. Your friend may not be aware of her actions and their consequences or she may even be struggling herself. Having this open conversation and letting her know that you would like it to stop it a great place to start.

Another option would be to write her a letter explaining how you are feeling. This could be read to her by you or done in a way that you do not have to be there for it. This way you can try and distance yourself and move forward with closure. Are there any other people you could spend time with at school/out of school? Having a group of people you could hang out with at school would be a good way for you to move forward, too.

I understand that distancing yourself from someone is difficult. A lot of emotions can come from it from both yourself and the person you are moving away from. Guilt is a strong feeling which is very controlling, but we must remember our reasons for moving forward. We must know that moving forward to prevent harm to ourselves is the right thing to do.

Hopefully, you are able to move on from your friend and find healthier, better friendships. It is a difficult time but you can get through this and become a stronger person than you already are.