-

Merith didn’t want to visit her old room. It took her ages of wandering to remember even what hall it was on, much less which of the identical, nondescript student chambers had been hers. 

When she found it, saw the wreckage of a fully caved in door, she knew. It really was the same as every other room in the place, but she knew. And wasn’t that just perfect? She couldn’t step back into her past. Malak had taken it from her. 

You took it from yourself, her mind corrected. The voice was half hers and half Alek’s. She heard the old him, here. She heard the boy who had tried to shield her from the world. The boy she had ruined. 

Soft footsteps approached in the hall. Bastila had let her wander alone for a while, giving her space to process and remember. She had needed her own time, too, even though she’d been back once already. It was their home, and Bastila’s far more recently. 

Bastila’s hand slipped into Revan’s and squeezed. “Did you find it?”

Revan nodded and pointed to the unmoving stone. “I don’t have a single thing left of hers. Except this body.”

Bastila sighed. “That’s not quite true. You’ll have the rest of your memories back.”

Revan shook her head. “Do I want them?”

Bastila kissed her hair and tugged on her hand. “Come on. I have something for you.”

She led Revan through the halls, away from where the padawans and knights slept and to where the masters used to. They had to maneuver around rubble and double back once where a whole side of the complex was caved in. Revan’s frown grew with each step. Some of the memories were more like impressions at this point - she could see her younger self trudging to find Vrook for something, preparing herself to be told off. She couldn’t imagine there was anything good for her down here. 

But Bastila took her resolutely to one room and paused at the door. She turned to Revan, her mouth thin, uncertain. “This was Arianna’s room. Your master. You want to see it?”

Revan’s heart rate increased. Arianna was alive, but Bastila had said she left the Jedi as soon as the news about Revan came out. Whether she feared retribution as a non Council member or just never wanted to see her old student again, neither Bastila or Revan knew. But she was gone. 

Merith’s memories of her were foggy. Fraught conversations, arguments. Meditating by the river, the teenager restless and the master fondly exasperated. She thought she could imagine the feeling of Arianna’s hands on her face, but maybe that was Bastila. She remembered someone else stroking her hair, but that was neither of them. 

“Show me.”

Bastila opened the door and walked into the room, letting Revan follow at her own pace. She went to a chest in the corner of the room while Revan looked around. 

Merith studied the room like it was a puzzle. Did she remember that heavy wooden desk, or was she just imagining she did? Did she sit there twenty years ago, working on her lightsaber under someone’s watchful eye?

Eventually she reached where Bastila was patiently waiting. She smiled softly at Revan and opened the chest. “Arianna kept a few things of yours in here, after you left. Do you want to hold them?”

Revan reached out, and Bastila passed her things. A droid manual, the cover splitting and peeling. A set of robes that had to be over fifthteen years old but which Revan realized with a grimace would still fit her perfectly. And then - a crocheted moth?

Revan dropped everything else and cupped the little toy in her hands, peering at it. It was soft, woven from thick white yarn. A little winged creature that fit across her two palms. Revan stared at it for so long that Bastila squeezed her hands, a little worried. “Rev? Is it important?”

Revan nodded. She didn’t know why. She didn’t know where it came from. But she clutched it to her chest. “It’s important.”

Bastila looked at her with boundless affection and Revan pulled her close and kissed her. You’re important, she told her silently, fervently. You’re everything. 

-

Carth squeezed her hand. “Remember that we can leave if it’s too much.”

Merith sighed. Most people didn’t need their boyfriend to be ready to rescue them from something as normal as a family dinner. Or maybe they did, but not because they were a traumatized war criminal who didn’t know how to handle normal things. Her hand hovered, trying to knock on the door, but never touching it. 

Carth waited. Merith dropped her hand and exhaled. “Do it for me?”

Carth gave her hand a squeeze and knocked. 

The door opened and Revan’s father appeared, his eyes bright and his smile wide. “You made it!” Geoffrey bundled Revan into a hug, her hand stretched behind her where it was still attached to Carth. There was not a lot in the galaxy that felt better than her father’s hand patting her back as he embraced her but it was so foreign, too, so unearned, so wrong. Merith hugged him back. 

It was a series of hugs. Aya had to hug her daughter as well as soon as Geoffrey stepped back and let her in the door. Revan’s mother kissed her face, her eyes misty but with a brave smile. “Happy birthday, Revanna.”

Revan tried not to grimace, tried not to run away as her sister came with her more subdued but still painfully genuine smile and wrapped her arms around Revan’s shoulders in the way Revan supposed sisters often did, gentle and light and supportive. Lia was younger but Revan felt like her sister was the only adult and she was a child, comforted. In lieu of Carth’s hand she clung to Lia’s sweater until she drew back. 

Lia’s wife Maya did not hug Revan but offered her a smile, though it was hesitant. She was the only one here who saw Revan from the outside, in full, and not as a part of them. It was terrifying. It was a welcome break.

Revan’s nephews clung to her legs. Lia laughed and gently told Revan that the boys had missed her. Revan knelt to let Tomas sit on her knee and Geoffrey Jr. hang off her arm. Carth’s hand rested on her shoulder, reassuring her he was here, which was good because children alone were absolutely overwhelming, and children who were related to her and trying, in the clumsy ways of a toddler, to tell her about their new toy speeder were so much more than overwhelming and entirely too safe for her to understand. 

She had to take a break once the greetings were over and Lia, perceptive as always, dragged everybody else into the kitchen to let Revan relax on the couch with Carth. 

“You okay?” he asked.

Revan nodded, shrugged, shook her head. “I thought it would be easier after last time.”

Carth nodded. “It’ll take a while. But it’ll start to feel a little more normal, I think. I know things with Dustil are different, but in my experience it does get better.”

Revan leaned on him. 

Eventually dinner was ready. Merith let herself be herded along with Carth into the kitchen and sat down as Geoffrey and Lia started passing the food out. It smelled amazing. Merith could barely drink her soup but the smell and the warmth of it was nice. Carth took up the small talk for her, his hand on his leg. 

The adults lingered at the table, but the kids became restless. Tomas tapped Merith on the elbow to show her his speeder. She took the little model in her hands as gentle as if it was a frag grenade and forced a smile. “It’s beautiful. Did your moms help you put this together?”

Tomas nodded, stuffing his fingers in his mouth as he reached politely for the toy back. Merith passed it back and realized Maya was watching her, smiling just a little. 

It wasn’t long before little Geoffrey wanted a turn, climbing into Merith’s lap with something soft in his small hands. “GG,” Lia sighed. “Let Auntie eat.”

Merith shook her head and pushed her bowl back a little, wrapping her arms around the tiny child. “It’s okay.” She had never quite liked kids. She had wanted to grow up fast and be around older people, to be smart and powerful and knowing like them. But all of that came from not being allowed to be a kid, not in the way others were, not with a family where she could have climbed into someone’s lap and handed them her toys and be kissed on the back of her head. 

Geoffrey’s tiny hands unfolded and Revan’s heart jolted. He was holding a little plush moth almost exactly like the one that was in the back of her closet at home. This one was brown and the craftsmanship was a little neater, and it wasn’t faded or wrinkled from age. She gently touched the little textile creature feeling the soft yarn wound by her mother’s hands, looked up and saw her mother’s soft, loving eyes. 

I went ham on this Star Wars Picrew. This time I made a few SWOCs I have made few if any refs for, plus the obligatory returning faves. From left to right we’ve got John, Ama, Merith, Meetra, Carta, and Jade. 

Bonus: Imani!

Revanna is probably worse than Anakin about losing lightsabers. Her original, blue lightsaber stayed with her all the way through the Mandalorian Wars and partway through the fall, but I imagine she lost or got rid of it at some point during her attempted conquest, replacing it with a red saber. Then she lost that and her secondary purple saber when the Jedi captured her. 

During the events of the game she picked up a few new sabers, but she left one of them on the Star Forge (the one she used to kill Malak). She’s probably lost at least one more since then because honestly, her life is too chaotic and she no longer cares as much as baby Revanna did about holding onto a particular lightsaber…and no one who’d give her shit for it is still around.

3. Most common argument?

Before Leviathan, it was some variation of the ‘why don’t you trust me a little more’ ‘it’s not about you, I don’t trust anybody’ ‘why are you so frustrating’ back and forth, although I think that died out sometime midway through the events of the game, both because Merith got the hint to step back and let him have his space, and also because they did both open up to each other more and he did begin to really trust her.

After Leviathan there’s the initial explosion of fighting and avoiding each other and all the drama (and the breakup/near breakup of what wasn’t even an official relationship yet), but that doesn’t actually last very long. By the end of their final visit to Korriban, he’s out of fight and she’s apologized and he’s working on forgiving her, so they don’t really fight about that anymore. It’s not really fair on either side - he can’t blame her for not knowing who she was, and she can’t blame him for feeling betrayed, so all they can do is either let each other go or try to make it work.

The most common argument of their actual relationship tends to be about Merith putting herself in danger or not taking care of herself, which drives Carth crazy. He knows what she’s like, that she’s always going to go after danger, but he wants her to try and stay safe, and to at least let him help. It almost sinks them when she starts to remember the Emperor because she initially plans on going to the fight without him, without telling him, and it breaks his heart when he finds out. She just wants to protect him, but he wants to protect her, too, and they’re a mess.

20. What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Carth’s family is..gone. Except for Dustil, who initially hates it, because of course he does. And honestly, if Dustil never came around, Merith and Carth would’ve broken up, either because Carth decided it was necessary to regain a relationship with his son, or because Merith couldn’t stand to be between them and decided to leave. Or both. But Dustil does come around, reluctantly, when he realizes his dad is happy and he gets to know Merith as a person. Not to say he’s ever completely comfortable with it, or her, but he does get to the point that he considers her family, messed up as it is.

Merith’s family, Revanna’s family, are just happy that she’s got someone to take care of her. Especially Aya. Aya probably really likes Carth, cause she can see how much Carth loves her daughter and it helps with all the hurt and worry she has for Revanna. Geoffrey and Carth get along pretty well. I think Lia and Maya are very surprised and confused that Carth would want anything to do with Revanna. Lia loves Rev because they’re sisters, but she’s still very disturbed by everything her sister became, and that’s hard for her to reconcile - even harder for Maya, who married into this family and doesn’t have any kind of bond to Revan. But I think they still appreciate Carth and get along with him..it’s just hard to wrap their heads around ‘okay you’re kind of the reason he lost his first wife, and he’s okay with that??’ ‘I mean, not really, but is it what it is.’ ‘okay….’