#mental notes

Was she terrified as she went? Was she truly peaceful? I know I'll never get answers. But if I could, if I had the choice to either go back in time or to get those answers, I'd choose the answers.

I'm nearly twenty four. A part of me is screaming that I can't do this, not anymore. But the other part, the devil may care part or whatever it is, says that I've been through worse and that I'm overreacting.

Then there's Stan in the corner holding a cake and balloons wondering why the party hasn't started yet while the elephant in the room glares him in the face and tells him the party was last Wednesday. You can't be serious. Why is that even there? Is this grieving anymore, or is it just me sweeping it under the rug again and pretending that I'm fine?

But she's still gone....Nan is still gone.....

So uhh-

May or may not be devising a little something to DM for my DnD buddies,

And I may or may not think the idea is so fucking banger than I'm writing out an instructional guide on how one would play this with their own friend groups,

Like I CAN'T POST IT UNTIL I RUN IT WITH MY OWN FRIENDS but genuinely I'm fuckin buzzing over what I've got so far. And I think people would have a lot of fun with it as well SO!! I'll be very happy to share it when I can :)

I was just doing programming practice for one of my subjects and this past few days has just been too shitty. Literally nothing was going well for me. I thought it was going to be the best like few days for the month and it just sucked

I got dumped a few weeks ago (? idk if youd call it that i would call it that because i dont really want to break up with her but oh well) and it just reminded me of 2021 and being the one who initiated the break up sequence (im still talking to the same person btw) idk i just dont have like INTEREST interest in woman but like im just hung up on her anyway shes living her best life and i dont want to interrupt any of it im like relistening to soy pablo roy pablo old joji stuff like chloe burbank era and some tyler idk im just so fucked up emotionally but i dont wanna show it to any of my friends

also been dealing with imposter syndrome (i dont know what it actually entails i just wanna add it to sound cool LOL) my siblings are off to do really cool stuff and since we came from cool parents (like actually sick theyre the best parents i could get) my friends (which mostly are their friends) have been expecting me to be cool too (but im not cool gg) theyre good looking and im sitting with my fucked up face ridden with like huge splots of acne scars i just see myself as a disappointment idk maybe thats why she dumped me because im ugly as fuck or maybe because im just like hotdog water lookin because like holy fuck my face is so fucked i keep looking back at old me pre pandemic and wish i kept up with skincare routines to be fair i was like fucked up at the time i had nothing going for me fuck man thats probably the reason i got dumped oh well too bad so sad maybe kll yourself next time bucko

got a new vinyl!!!

hottopic: Mental Notes 2021 is this weekend - get your tickets now! 🎟 Link in bio.