#memory almost full

Background on the album:

Memory Almost Full began life in 2003 and was produced by David Kahne. The first batch of sessions were around the time that Paul and Heather's child was born, so it's easy to see already why Paul may have been in a reflective mood. The medley songs, as well You Tell Me, Only Mama Knows, and The End of The End were recorded then.

Paul then took a break to record Chaos and Creation In The Backyard which was released in 2005. Paul then returned to Memory Almost Full over 2006 and 2007, in the midst of his divorce with Heather. Again, like with the birth of a child, the ending of marriage is the sort of life changing event you'd expect to cause someone to start contemplating their past, present and future.

Track Analysis:

Dance Tonight:

Okay so starting off this track really isn't that deep, but it does have a sweet little story behind it:

At home, I started stomping around the kitchen, playing this little instrument, just enjoying myself. I sang, ‘Everybody gonna dance tonight’ and my little girl came running in and started dancing, so I fell in love with the song. In fact, I liked it so much I ran into the studio to record it, and stuck it on the album. It seemed like a good atmospheric opening.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

The interesting thing to note here is that he is starting off the album with a sense of 'now'. This is him, in the present, with one of his kids loving a song and rushing to the studio to record it. He starts off the album with 'this is where I'm at'.

Ever Present Past:

Which brings us nicely to the first track of the album that really kicks off this exploration of Paul's past and linking it to how things are in the present.

I don't want to do Paul a disservice here but this is one of those tracks where he says he doesn't read too much into it:

There’s no deep meaning in it. I think what happens with me is that I just write something and people read into it. I like that, because often you do things in a subliminal way and don’t realise what you’re doing.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

So I'm gonna do the reading into it for him, because it fits too well with the album to just ignore it. It is a song about this huge, unbelievable life he's lived that is impossible for him escape from, because no matter how much he wants to compartmentalise, his past is his.

Searching for the time that has gone so fast The time that I thought would last My ever present past

Ever Present Past Lyrics

There's a sense of it slipping away, of something being gone, and yet of it being still very present. I often get the sense Paul is someone who is constantly at odds with himself, and I think you get that here; a struggle between wanting to hold onto the past while also feeling that it's an overwhelming thing to accept is his.

And when you also look at the video, where Paul literally comes face to face with another version of himself, we return to that idea that he is most comfortable when he separates the performer 'him' to the private 'me', and playing into that idea of his duality.

In this song we also touch on this idea of Paul being very sure of himself, and this isn't him talking about himself now. This is him saying that he's always been one to walk his own path. We'll come back to this in a bit.

I wouldn't join in with the games that they were playing.

Ever Present Past Lyrics

See Your Sunshine:

That is pretty much an out-and-out love song for Heather. A lot of the album was done before, during and after our separation. I didn’t go back and take out any songs to do with her. That one was written during a good time with Heather. I don’t want to deny those times. When you’re going through a separation it’s always tempting to put all that behind you, but I don’t think that’s right.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Mirror, 2007

I love that Paul included this song rather than scrapping it. By the time the album came out him and Heather were in the midst of their divorce, which wouldn't be settled until the following year. It would have been easy to leave it, or to do the thing he's done with a lot of his love songs and say it's not really for any particular person, but instead he's clear that this was about a good time with Heather and despite everything else that happened, that's still important.

And so while the lyrics themselves don't add much to the theme, I think its inclusion makes it reflective, and it makes it a piece of his history that he is able to say is his and was an important part of his life.

Only Mama Knows:

This is one of Paul's story songs, and there's a few important things here even if again, the lyrics themselves aren't totally on theme.

I like to get into those imaginary stories, then follow them through and become that character. The lead character in this song is someone who was left by his mother, doesn’t know why she left him and doesn’t know if he’ll ever see his father’s face. It’s interesting because it takes you out of yourself. You can become an alter ego. It doesn’t have to be Paul McCartney singing it – it can be this other guy singing.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

Once I start writing about that I obviously come to it from my own perspective. I'm just acknowledging that the kid whose Mother left him has got more problems than the average person in life.

Paul McCartney, The Lyrics, 2021

So first of all, this song is based on a real person, a friend of Paul's who was adopted as a baby after being left by his Mother. So I don't want to take away from that, but art and storytelling doesn't just have to come from one inspiration and as he also says, he comes at this from his own perspective. Therefore, it's hard not to tie in the fact that in a different way, he was 'left' by his Mother when she died and then there's also the fact that John has a remarkably similar story of being left by his parents as what's described in the song. In a round about way, I think this is Paul's nod back to those teenage years and sense of loss and grief which was prevalent in him and the people around him.

The other interesting thing to me is "You can become an alter ego. It doesn’t have to be Paul McCartney singing it – it can be this other guy singing". Again, Paul separating himself into two, taking the chance to stand in someone else's shoes, but specifically on a song that understandably may bring up difficult emotions for him.

You Tell Me:

Carrying on the darker mood of the album, we get to what producer David Kahne described as "maybe the saddest song he’s ever written" (x).

I started off just remembering summers: ‘Were we really there?’ ‘Was it real?’ Sometimes, for a lot of people, memories – particularly childhood memories – seem so golden and you think, ‘Did it really not rain all summer or am I just imagining the sunny bits?’

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

In You Tell Me Paul is repeatedly asking the person he's singing to to confirm that the way he remembers things it right, because it seems like it was too good to be true.

Were we there, was it real? Is it truly how I feel? Maybe You tell me

You Tell Me lyrics

It's melancholic and uncertain, there's so much doubt laced through the song and directly ties back to Ever Present Past and the idea that he's "searching" for his past, and that it went "too fast". Compared to a lot of the tracks on this album, it's stripped back with a huge feeling of vulnerability coming from Paul not even trusting himself that what happened, really happened.

Mr Bellamy:

Am I really gonna tie Mr Bellamy in with this whole thing? Yes I absolutely am because for me this is one of those songs that sums up that second thread I was talking about at the start - confident, knows exactly who he is Paul. "I wouldn't join in with the games that they were playing" Paul from EPP.

I wanted some lyrics that would poke in and out of the riff, so I began with, ‘I’m not coming down, no matter what you say, I like it up here.’ Sometimes I don’t actually know where I’m going, so then I look at just what that verse is, and in this case I got a picture of a guy sitting on top of a skyscraper and all the people in the street – the rescue team, the psychiatrist, the man with the megaphone shouting: ‘Don’t jump’ and the people shouting: ‘Jump’. So I fished around for a name and came up with Bellamy, which sounded like someone who might want to jump. And I just followed the story through. The end is like a pull back with a camera – there he is, little Bellamy sitting on the ledge, enjoying it up in the clouds.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

So Mr Bellamy tells the story of a man sitting up on a roof, with everyone below him panicking and telling him not to jump. The opening lyrics, repeated towards the end are:

I'm not coming down No matter what you do I like it up here Without you

My Bellamy Lyrics

My reading on this song is that it's not about someone who's actually going to jump, I've always felt more like Bellamy just wants to be left the fuck alone, for people to stop interfering so he can enjoy the view. He likes it up there.

This is very Paul to me. His decisions have always been his own, to the point where he has been labelled as 'controlling' by people who have worked with him, but I think the other side of that is that he can say with certainty that everything he's done is his and I think that's really important to him.

What this song does very well (apart from being fun because who doesn't love Paul doing silly voices) is contrast with the previous uncertainty about himself in You Tell Me. He's taken us from a place of needing external validation, to a place where he (or, yeah yeah whatever, 'Mr Bellamy') knows exactly what he wants to do and doesn't need to hear other people opinion's.

Gratitude:

So the mood starts shifting into more upbeat Paul here, but I do think there's a slightly odd contrast between the song and what Paul says about the song.

Before I looked this up I assumed this was a Heather song because it reads as someone looking back on a relationship that has ultimately gone wrong, but still being grateful for the good times (therefore, tying in with See Your Sunshine). Considering it was one of the later songs worked on, so Paul and Heather would have been separated by the time it was recorded, that makes sense to me. Also if we take a look at the lyrics, I think they very much allude to how Paul was feeling after Linda's death:

Well I was lonely I was living with a memory But my cold and lonely nights ended When you sheltered me

Gratitude lyrics

And then the relationship falls apart:

I should stop loving you Think what you put me through But I don't want to lock my heart away

Gratitude lyrics

But then we have what Paul's said about the song:

I’ve always had a couple of voices. Originally you’re just a kid at home, like everyone else, and then you start to dream of being a singer. My heroes then were rock ’n’ rollers, so my ballad voice was based on Elvis and the screamy voice was me trying to be Little Richard. I loved him so much. When I joined the Beatles, John used to like that and it’s stayed with me as something I enjoy doing – that gritty, souly voice. So on this track I was just thinking of how much there is to be grateful for in life, and I wanted to put that into song and use the gritty voice to do it with.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

It's one of his more vague answers, and maybe he just doesn't wanna talk about it which is fair enough. But to me the song seems to be directed at a person rather than life in general. Either way, we have Paul looking back on something and being grateful for it and the positive impact it had on him, rather than trying to separate himself from it.

What's also of note here, is the thing about wanting to do a song using his Little Richard voice, and how in talking about that he links back to The Beatles. We're getting more specific about where in Paul's past we're talking about now which means...

The Medley

There is a medley of 5 songs towards the end and that was purposefully retrospective. I thought this might be because I’m at this point in my life, but then I think about the times I was writing with John and a lot of that was also looking back. It’s like me with ‘Penny Lane’ and ‘Eleanor Rigby’ – I’m still up to the same tricks!

Paul McCartney, introducing Memory Almost Full, 2007

I hadn’t done that since Abbey Road and I thought it would be quite nice to flirt with that idea again. It just means it’s a slightly longer form. You’ve got to think, ‘What came before?’ ‘What statement are you going to make now?’ ‘How’s this going to lead on?’ It’s not that different from just sequencing an album, but you suddenly think of them as a suite of songs, and it’s interesting to write them in that way.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

So I think the entire album was built around this medley. As mentioned earlier, they were the first songs recorded and it seems he consciously went into it aiming to toy with that Abbey Road idea, another pointed link back The Beatles.

Vintage Clothes:

For me this is about my clothes from the Sixties and the fact that what’s out comes back – fashion going round in circles. I meet quite a few young guys in bands and a question they always ask is, ‘Did you keep the clothes?’ As a matter of fact I did. The Beatles had a tailor, Dougie Millings – he’s in a scene in A Hard Day’s Night. Instead of just going to get a suit as you did before, for a job interview or whatever, suddenly you were going to get epaulettes and fancy buttons, materials and linings. That to me is where the song is coming from. The message is: vintage clothes are great but don’t live in the past.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

So there's a very literal reading of him actually singing about old clothes and wearing them again (which he does!) but he does go a little bit deeper when talking about the song, with the idea of not "living in the past". I wonder if that's how he justifies trying to keep that separation in place sometimes, that it's for his own good because because dwelling on things that have happened won't change them, but I also think this lyric is significant:

A little worn A little torn Check the rack What went out is coming back

Vintage Clothes lyrics

He tells us that "fashion goes round in circles" but I also like a deeper meaning to this, something about your past catching up with you perhaps, which would tie in nicely with the rest of the album. But, even as a song that is literally about his old clothes, it sets the tone for the medley and and the following song, which I kinda think is the entire point of the album.

That Was Me:

Yes, Paul! It was! You really did all that! That Was Me takes us back to Liverpool and through The Beatles, and is the triumphant, proud acceptance that it was 'me', no long talking about Performer Paul in the third person.

All I had to do for this song was to think back. And immediately I go back to Liverpool, where there was a little place we could escape to, beautiful little woods where, come springtime, there would be these carpets of bluebells. It was a magical place. There’s something about me at the bus stop that’s a big part of my memories – going to school, coming home from school, going to the pictures, going to your friend’s house. So all of these things got in there. ‘The cellar’ is the Cavern, ‘Royal Iris’ is a ferry boat they had – they’d call them riverboat shuffles, and some of our earliest gigs were on them. So these are just exciting memories of mine, and I connected them.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

The same me that stands here now And when I think that all this stuff Can make a life, it's pretty hard to take it in That was me

That Was Me lyrics

So we're back to confidant Paul, Paul who knows who he is and is willing to point at The Beatles and say that was me no matter how unbelievable it all was. In classic Paul style though, the song is happy, upbeat, and a collection of what he calls "exciting" memories, rather than dwelling on the hard bits which I think he has much more difficulty doing.

Feet In The Clouds:

But talking of more difficult memories, we get to the song about his school days.

Because of the retrospective mood of this medley, it then goes back to school and teachers. I had a real motley bunch of teachers at the Liverpool Institute High School for Boys. Some of them were complete maniacs. Whereas I wrote about golden summers in You Tell Me, school was very dark and gloomy. The building itself wasn’t the lightest of places – it was built in 1825. This seemed to affect the attitude of the teachers. They were a dark bunch of people. So the song is like a therapy session for me.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

I love the concept of this song and the flipping round of the well known phrase "head in the clouds".

I've got my feet in the clouds Got my head on the ground

Feet In The Clouds lyrics

To me it goes back to that idea of Paul always walking his own path, even if it's not the normal one, he's not just subverting a well known saying but the literal imagery speaks of the same thing. His head is on the ground, giving the idea of his thoughts being 'grounded' but his feet are the ones doing their own thing, going where they're not supposed to. Getting him away from school perhaps, but also treading a path other people haven't walked which is exactly what he did. So it serves as a retrospective piece but also tying up that thread Paul does and has always known who he is and what he wants, no matter what other people were telling him.

House of Wax:

My personal favourite on the album, god I love this song and the mood it creates. On the first listen you may think... what's this got to do with this 'retrospective medley' Paul's talking about, but we actually get some surprisingly helpful insight from The Lyrics.

You get on a train of thought, and things just come in without you noticing. The poets are about “To set alight the incomplete / Remainders of the future’. I think that’s just a way of saying ‘to clarify things’.

Paul McCartney, The Lyrics, 2021

I had this little idea that the ‘remainders of the future’ were sort of buried in the yard, just like hidden treasure. Meaning that we don’t know what’s going to happen.

Paul McCartney, The Lyrics, 2021

So we've got these ideas of clarifying things, making them less confusing, combined with the future being unknowable. This is Poet Paul, and whilst I don't think this song needs to anything more than it is, knowing his intention with those lyrics does tie into the themes of trying realign with his past, and also of living a life where another crazy thing can be just around the corner...

The End Of The End:

For example, the fact Paul is going to die one day. I know, I don't want to think about it either. But Paul was certainly thinking about it and wrote a whole about what he hopes will happen, how he hopes he's remembered for the good times, for the songs and the stories and happy memories.

On the day that I die I'd like jokes to be told And stories of old To be rolled out like carpets That children have played on And laid on while listening To stories of old

The End Of The End lyrics

At the end of the end It's the start of a journey To a much better place And this wasn't bad So a much better place Would have to be special No need to be sad

The End Of The End lyrics

It's classic Paul taking a sad song and making it better. After an album of looking back on a life that's hard to grapple with and of relationships that have stopped working, Paul changes to the perspective from looking back to looking forward, and decides that hey, this has all been pretty good. And even when contemplating death, he brings in that classic Paul optimism - if this has been good, imagine how much better the next thing will be.

Nod Your Head:

And then, because it's Paul and he can't just end things there, he needs to bring the mood up again. There's not a huge amount to say for me personally, so I'll end with Paul's own words before I wrap things up:

Well, that End Of The End brought the party down, didn’t it? It was going to be the last track on the album, but we thought we couldn’t leave everyone going, ‘Oh God, I’m not going to listen to that again.’ So we had a little stompy rocker called Nod Your Head and we thought we’d let them off the hook. I think it’s good to talk about difficult subjects and then to get off it and just rock out. So that was the feel of making the album. Get some personal thoughts out (Gratitude, The End Of The End), talk about my childhood, talk about love, about beautiful memories. Try and get everything said, but with a feeling of optimism and enthusiasm. I thought if I could accomplish it all then that would be a good thing to do.

Paul McCartney, interview with The Daily Mail, 2008

The Title

Memory Almost Full is probably one of my favourite album names because it's so perfect. It's that imagery of a life well lived with lots of memories, but it was also a phrase Paul picked up from seeing it on his phone, which is a nice little link to his present day. Although, thankfully eighteen years later he's still cramming those memories in.

One extra little thing:

Some people mentioned that the album’s title, Memory Almost Full, is an anagram of “for my soulmate LLM” (the initials of Linda Louise McCartney). When asked if this was intentional, McCartney replied; “Some things are best left a mystery“. In an interview with Pitchfork Media, McCartney clarified, “I must say, someone told me [there is an anagram], and I think it’s a complete mystery, because it’s so complete. There does appear to be an anagram in the title. And it’s a mystery. It was not intentional.

(x)

Conclusion (yes, I'm stopping soon 😭)

To me, Memory Almost Full is thematically one of Paul's most cohesive albums, and he's being very transparent with what he's doing. I'm not saying he should all feel sorry for Paul because he's Too Famous, but I do think it's understandable that everything he's done is inconceivable in hindsight, and he finds it much easier to put those parts of his life in boxes.

It's a contradictory album in a lot of ways, but Paul has always been a bit contradictory, pulled between who he is and who he thinks other people want him to be, being very aware of the paths people are expected to take and then choosing to take his own. This is an album that speaks to that, that speaks to the kid in Liverpool with big dreams and those dreams being completely mindboggling when he got them, of a man who sometimes looks back and struggles to accept those things happened to him, and is at the same extremely proud of what he's achieved.

I guess my point is, if you haven't listened to the album yet, you should go and do that now.