#memindwhy

I'm gonna start this with a disclaimer- it's probably not going to be very nice. I do try to be kind even when criticizing media. It think it's important to know that most of my critiques about the story and show are based in the story itself, and not directed at any of the onscreen talent.

I'm also going to complain that Mame stuck so close to the original novel. I don't want to hear about how I should have expected that. I understand that when EA and SEA print BLs, whether novels, manga, manwha, webtoons, etc. are adapted to series that those series are usually like 98% accurate and often the things that aren't kept are things that are simply unrealistic for adaptation. But Mame's novels and series are a very unique situation because Mame is the author of the original material. A lot of the refusal to change these stories comes from a place of not wanting to disrespect the original creators, as well as the audience expectation to see the exact story they already like depicted in a new medium. In the case of Mame, she does not HAVE to be worried about that first part. And there is precedent for changing things in the series adaptations, we saw that with KinnPorsche, which was done with the consent and approval of the original authors (though they are garbage so fuck them really).

We will start on the negative though, because honestly I need to get it out of my system. I have defended Mame for a lot, and I really felt like in a lot of ways she had been improving in the way that she depicts her stories, particularly in her series. If you have been watching a good assortment of EA and SEA BL over the last 5 years, you can see a pretty distinct shift in how those series portray a lot of things. We saw backlash over LITA for the reveal of Payu being the one to mess up Rain's car the night of the faculty dinner thing, and A LOT of complaints over the Prapai/Sky storyline, in particular Prapai's diligence in pursuing Sky, and the words stalker was brought up and used in both cases. In the case of Payu, I always felt like that was an unnecessary inclusion in the story, nothing changed without it really, and it would have been believable and in character for Rain's car to have some sort of mechanical malfunction due to lack of regular maintenance, when he is very intentionally set up as a flighty character. I defended, and will continue to defend, the Prapai/Sky story choices, because 1: Without Prapai's persistence, there is no love story, and 2: Prapai's 'wooing' of Sky is literally him following the instructions that Sky gives to Rain in episode 2 (at least I'm pretty sure it's ep 2) about how to get Payu to fall for him. It is set up within the story that this is what Sky thinks you should do to get someone to fall for you, potentially, people still have free will after all. So to see this shift in how problematic behaviors are presented within series, and having an older novel (originally released in 2020), there really was no reason to maintain this story point in my opinion, at least not on the scale that it was.

Realistically, I think since she chose to actively change the story to basically make the parallel universes real, then she should have stuck with that. Because they weren't real in the novel and no the special chapters do not confirm that they were real, there's one that takes place from the perspective of alternate universe Cir and Phu, but it's not in a way that affects the Cir and Phu of the main universe, and the swapping either physically or Freaky Friday style of the Cir's never happens. If she chose to fully get behind the parallel universe swap, which she could have done without affecting much of the story. Personally, I think the way to go about this would have been for the accident that is the starting point of the novel/series to have taken the lives of 1 Cir and 1 Phu, leaving the alternate universe without either, and leaving the main universe with basically an original Phu and a transplant Cir. We could still have those moments of Phu being focused on getting Cir back to his Phu, and the sort of emotional climax be Cir admitting that he doesn't want to go back, because there is no Phu there. And you can still explain all of the little kindnesses that the previous Cir was doing basically the same way they explain in the show, that he was changed by the fact that Phu saw him as a person, not a robot, not a product, but a person, and so he went out of his way to do acts of kindness in secret for him, because once Cirrus learns about Phukan, regardless of the universe/timeline, he can not help but want to care for him.

The other secondary option is that they fully follow the parallel universe set-up they had, where the traumatic brain injury gives Cirrus a glimpse of what he may miss by staying afraid. It's a common story trope for a reason that when people, especially very young people, directly encounter death for the first time, that it fundamentally changes the risks you are willing to take. The classic quote is "Every man has two lives, and your second begins when you realize you only have one." Cirrus encountering a version of himself who lost his Phukan early on, and wanting to show this Cir that he needs to take that chance and pursue Phu, both to keep Phu safe, but also to maintain his own health and sanity. There's very interesting options available to play with, and none really require relying on what is inarguably a very problematic story point.

Like, I haven't really been interacting with a lot being said about The Boy Next World, because realistically I feel like a lot of people that talk about Mame's series, are coming at it from a perspective of wanting a gotcha moment. They want to say "see this is why it's problematic to have straight (presumably) women still writing BLs", and I just don't love coming at it from a place of TRYING to find problems so you can tear a woman down. Yes, we should be continuously encouraging the inclusion of queer creatives both in front of and behind the camera, but sometimes it feels like an excuse to be misogynistic. And realistically, it is a net good for queer stories of almost any quality being told and shared and discussed globally. All of that being said, given the very clear shift in how problematic behavior is portrayed within SEA and Thai BL specifically over the last couple of years, this choice will not only feel old and out of step, but distasteful to a lot of viewers. It's going to prevent people from rewatching the show, truly I have rewatched all of Mame's series at least once, and I do have favorites, but this one...knowing the endgame especially when I know that there probably wouldn't have been much of a negative reaction to a thoughtful change, it really brings down my desire to rewatch it, and I think that in itself is unfortunate because I think the story without the stalking is very emotionally affecting, and Boss and Noeul have done a really good job portraying these characters.

I did not bother to reread the novel, I only read the special chapters that were released recently, so admittedly a lot of my memory of the novel is based on my own notes and posts about it here on Tumblr, but I don't recall the final confrontation ending with Ozone trading himself for Cirrus. I'm not saying that's not what happens, just that it isn't what I recall. From a storytelling point of view, specifically one which is related to romantic storytelling, that's a shitty ending. Knowing the damage, both physical and psychological that their mother placed on Cir, Ozone taking his place is a bad ending. We had already established within both the novel and series (this I do remember) that Cirrus was putting things into place so that at the time of his graduation he would have leverage to get out from under his mother's thumb. Why would you put that aside and instead have him only escape by basically sacrificing his brother. I don't care that his brother is now 'grown', and the idea is that he would be able to withstand their mother's abuse without damage, because that's simply not true, but it also undermines the very knowing sacrifice that Cir made. He CHOSE, with intention, to stay with his mother and let his brother go with their father. He did that knowing that his life would basically be hell on Earth, but he loved his brother and was willing to do this. There's room here to blame their father, but it's made pretty clear that their father doesn't have near the resources of their mother, she was the one who brought wealth and power to that relationship, so I'm not going to put as much of the blame on him because it genuinely belongs 99% on his mother's shoulders. So why could they not simply pull the ace up their sleeves, tell her "No, you are not going to be the one in control of this" and walk out leaving her as alone as she deserves to be. You can be concerned for revenge, but that doesn't have to be an axe over their heads, a conversation between all of them to clarify what they've done to safeguard themselves against her would be plenty. We've established that both Cirrus and Ozone are very intelligent, they would have the ability to outsmart their mother who is blinded by her own ego. Would it be a Deus Ex Machina moment? A little, but it certainly wouldn't feel like it's coming out of left field. And like I said, that ending creates a dissatisfaction in the viewer because the number one concerns we've watched Cirrus have were for his brother and for Phu, so him sacrificing Ozone for Phu would not feel like a happy ending, and also feels out of character, especially when we saw the ending of their story in the universe where Ozone ended up with their mother.

Final thoughts on the negative- overall I'm just disappointed because it didn't have to be this way. There were changes made to the story, like Jin's psychic abilities, and the actual existence of the parallel worlds, so why could we not have made further changes that brought the story forward just a little bit more in step with the Thai BL scene overall?

To what I did like- literally almost everything else, which is why the whole story feels so tainted by that stalker storyline. I'll start with Noeul, because I do feel like he often doesn't get the level of respect he deserves for his acting. His portrayal of Phukan's was very well done, and in a way that is more difficult to describe. This was not necessarily a comedic role, but by virtue of Phu being kind of a silly little guy, there's a lot of moments of comedy, especially physical comedy in the show, and it is hard to do those things well, and also to not be too over the top with it, because this is more of a drama, so you don't want it to be out of place. There's also a subtlety in his acting when it comes to the more serious moments, not the sad moments, or highly emotional moments, like the confrontations with Cirrus, but the serious moments like the conversations with his father's flute. His conversations with his mother, his discussions with Cirrus about his life after his father passed, all of it is delivered in this way that feels distant in the way that you often have to distance yourself from your grief. And when we reach the point in the story, when he has the realization that the other Phukan is alone (as far as he knows) and he becomes almost panicked over it. He's felt and been alone for all of these years, I think 7 years at this point, and it's not easy, but he can do it, but the thought of this other Phu having had someone to stand by him, but now they don't, he can't stand the idea. We already see Phu as this person who is kind, his friends like him because he is this kind and thoughtful person, but this moment really hits it home to you. You know, we've watched this whole episode of him really taking us step by step through this day of mourning and remembrance, and we're not hit on the head with it, but we are reminded that yes we are seeing him doing this now as a 19/20 year old man, but that before now he was 14 and 15 and 16. A child, very fresh in his grief, having not only lost his father, but also his mother in most of the ways that matter, and in that moment when he's finally not alone on this day, so much weight is lifted. But then hie thinks of the version of him who hasn't had to carry that weight alone, and wouldn't that weight crush him if he had to start now, not just because Cirrus is gone, but because as far as Phu knows, a Cirrus that doesn't know or love him is who is there, and wouldn't that be double the heartbreak? Just...none of this is the easy simplicity that we saw in Love in the Air, so to bring this with the level of nuance that it is is very impressive on Noeul's part.

Boss does a really good job. I talked a bit in my discussion of the first couple episodes, that I was a bit worried at the coldness of the character, which is balanced by the almost innate warmth that Boss has, but still feels a bit off-putting. Through the series as we are fully introduced to the other Cir's and in particular the full explanation of the multiple world/timelines, seeing those scenes playing out of how things end for Cirrus and Phukan depending on the choices made was stunning. And it wasn't just Boss's acting in those different moments, but that he had set-up everything so spectacularly in the first half of the series, that you felt all of that same grief he did as he watched. There's a level of difficulty that comes with sort of playing to an empty room, which is what Boss was having to do when he was confronting the other version of himself, and even in the finale, recording that video to Phu. It's incredibly difficult even with multiple takes to get the exact right level of emotion while also making it feel like it's all happening real time. And while you could consider Boss experienced, you still also kind of have to remember that this is his 3rd job that he's filmed. (AN: This is under the expectation that he's fully filmed Zomvivor, bc honestly, I'm not clear on that, but I'm not really counting the cameos in Wedding Plan and Love Sea here.) I do really think there's a uniqueness to Boss's portrayal of Cirrus, particularly the versions we see the most, Main Universe Cirrus, the 'parallel world' version we see in the dream sequences, and the ponytail version, because they do all feel kind of different. But there's also this underlying feeling throughout. We've set up this idea that Phukan is the catalyst that changes Cirrus, that as soon as he truly meet him, things are changed forever, and we see that multiple times, so when we see even ponytail Cirrus rein himself in over the time he spends with Phu, it just really adds so much weight the fatefulness of their relationship, the inevitability of it.

It's I think the best portrayal we've see of soulmates since Until We Meet Again. A lot of that is Boss the person, and the clear genuine affection he has for Noeul, that really shines in their work together, but a lot of it is also talent. It's not just about him making heart eyes at Noeul/Phukan, it's the physical acting he brings into it. His face acting is pretty excellent, the eyebrow twitches and glowers, but also the way you'll see his hand twitch to reach out, or the way that he grasps at Phu, not just holding him, but holding on for dear life. There's this undercurrent of desperation in a lot of the small movement he makes that really sells how much he cares about Phukan.

We're knocking on 3000 words at this point, so I'm going to give a quick rundown of the other things I really enjoyed about the series. I loved Wim and Jin in the novel, and I also very much enjoyed them in the series, thought I did feel they were pretty different form their novel counterparts. I'll also admit that Wim kinda bugged me here and there in the series and novel because of how he talked about Cirrus and his general disdain for being Cirrus's babysitter or whatever, but I am granting some leniency based on the fact that he's still young. I really liked the friend groups in general, though I didn't really feel like we got to know the others.

I talked in previous posts about the visual beauty and use of cool and warm tones throughout the story. The cinematography is frankly gorgeous, and I hope Mame (or any other production company) continues to work with that director, because he's clearly very talented. It's a balancing act to have your shots line up in such a way that the visuals build upon the story that's being told, and you will see in some shows where they kind of thought "oh wouldn't this look cool", but it overwhelms the story rather than elevating it. I never really felt that here. Shots were well-planned and well-executed with that clear intent of providing that foundation for the emotions of the story.

I might have more to say, but honestly, I don't know. Usually I'm not posting more because I plan to rewatch so that I have more clarity, and I'm looking at things from a bit more of a distance, since when I'm first watching the show, my focus is on understanding what's happening and the performances. But as discussed above, I don't know how I really feel about doing any sort of rewatch at this time. But if I do have more to say, it'll be posted here and tagged appropriately.

So... I've watched the first 3 episodes, I didn't really feel like I had much to say really about the first two episodes, so I didn't post anything. Now that things have started gearing up, I feel like I actually have some things to talk about. I will try to go kind of chronologically, but inevitably this will probably become a mishmash of all three eps so far.

To start with episode one, it's very much direct from the novel, I feel like. There might be some parts that are new, it's been a year since I read the novel, but it felt very much that. It's a good and intriguing introduction, but also, you're not overly invested in the story. I was more focused and excited to see Boss and Noeul working together again, and because of the premise of the story we don't have to wait to see them be soft and adorable with each other, we're given that immediately with alternate reality CirPhu. That being said, while the first episode I think does a good idea of introducing Phu, we're not getting much from Cir.

I made a short tiktok about episode one, where I mentioned that there is potentially a bit of a Edward Cullen Syndrome happening with Cir. He's characterized as cold, and so he feels very distant, in an almost too extreme way. I think this is intentional on the part of Boss acting-wise, and the director, but it does make it difficult for me to really be invested. It's not really until episode 2 that I start to soften towards Cir.

I think a lot of the confusion I feel in this first episode comes from the perspective from which we are offered the story. Phu has just basically stumbled into all of this, he has no idea what's happening, so there's no insight to be gained from him yet. Cir is at best an unreliable narrator as he's recently suffered a head injury, and so we truly don't know exactly what is happening. I'm not entirely sure how much of this confusion is fully intentional, and how much is accidental.

Moving into episode 2, our story is chugging along, but we're not really offered a lot more information overall, just little glimpses that bring more questions than answers. I am a person that already struggles with mystery stories, I've never been good at picking up clues or solving things, even when dealing with mysteries from masters of the craft. So truly, I'm not really trying to figure out exactly what is happening, but I am trying to be observant of what is going on. The issue is that the little oddnesses I notice lead to different conclusions.

For example- Jin; his reactions to Cirrus and specifically the things he says are very cryptic and weird. But they make me kind of think that it is exactly what happens int he novel, but that Jin has been noticing Cir, and is saying these things to express and almost give warning that he knows even if Phugun doesn't.

What we've seen these first couple of episodes, the final clip in the trailer; those two things combined almost feed into the idea of something like a Butterfly Effect situation. If you're not familiar with that film, guy figures out he can change his past, he basically inhabits his past self, and the new choices he makes change his future and those around him in ways he can't predict. With the sort of opening scene of the car thieves trying to bust into Phu's car and the revisit to that scene repeatedly, combined with Cir's 'lack of interest' in attempting to get home, kind of makes me think that the Phu in the other world is gone. And so what we're seeing is the Cir figuring out some way to come to this other world and now have the Phu that is here.

There's also the odd nightmare situations we've seen in episode three (and maybe episode two, I'm not 100% sure) which kind of lead one to think it might be a head injury- coma dream scenario. Like the nightmares are him becoming lucid perhaps. I don't know. Everything is pretty open-ended right now, and nothing combines into an idea that really solidifies.

If you haven't read any of my other posts about TBNW, I did read the novel, and recently read the special chapters as well, so I do know what the original story is, but they've added a lot, specifically a lot that might alter where the story actually goes. Also for transparency, I think Mame SHOULD (and hopefully has, since it's already been filmed) change the story. The original conclusion is at this point out-dated and is pretty problematic, which is saying a lot when we're talking about Mame.

Episode two has Phu kind of confronting this idea of Cir/the parallel universe, and is more Phu-centric than our first episode. We're given more insight into who he his as a person, his superstition, and his daily life, while we see how Cir fit into that life in the alternate reality. We get more glimpses of their life together there, and are shown very directly how much that loss is affecting Cir. I talked a bit about it in my novel breakdown, but episode two really brings home this idea that providing support to Phu is almost a compulsion for Cir. It's existentially concerning to him to simply let Phu deal with the consequences of his 'flighty-ness'.

I will say my favorite thing about the second episode is seeing the point of divergence, that is the decision that was made that split the timeline (see graphic below) which is the cup/string phone incident in high school. Phu drops the cup out of the classroom window and Cir, on the floor below picks it up. Cir either answers or doesn't, and it eventually becomes Cir either directly meeting Phu or not. I think it gives a lot of insight into how both people became who they are. In both realities Phu makes a choice to be bold, to tell the joke into the cup-phone, but in one it's rewarded, and in another it's not. So we see a Phugun now who doesn't really take chances. He has his small band of friends, people he has an easy time getting along with, but he's not really putting himself out there in any significant way. It's the same for Cir, that moment where he could choose to be brave and literally answer the call or not, and in one he does and he finds a relationship and a life full of warmth, and in another he hides and as a result is never really seen by the person he want to see him.

Episode three feels focused of Cir, but so much of my focus is on Phu, because we see him choosing to help Cir. He decides that he must help Cir get back to his Phu, and I believe does his best to help, but it's not really a problem you can look up a wiki-how for.

But this now spending time with a handsome man who treats you like the most precious thing in the world, it's hard not to fall for that. It makes sense why Phu is so reluctant to be close to Cir, because in his mind Cir is taken, and he's softhearted enough to worry about how a lone Phu would feel with a now-ignorant Cir. Again, this is what kind of makes Cir's lack of desire to get back to his Phu even more suspicious. We really start to see Phu falling for Cir, understandably, even in the face of concern over his 'taken' status, which has me as a viewer very concerned. I don't want his heart broken.

We do also see the official introduction of Cir's mother...who is a raggedy bitch and can get bent. It really feels like Cir is grasping at any semblance of control or agency he has, given that it's made pretty clear that his mother does not plan for him to be making any choices.

I have some things to say about Phu's isolation, and how it relates to his grief over his father, his mother leaving, and how that's kind of made him do the opposite thing to Cir. He had someone he loved deary and lost abruptly, which dominoed into him losing his mother. I know she's not dead, just absent, but for a grieving teen it might as well be the same thing, because he's fully separated himself and makes no effort to really build relationships. Cir has never even had the freedom to want anything, all choices were made for him, and so when he finds a person that sees him as more than a token, he cleaves to that person disregarding all else, which while it seems sweet, is not healthy behavior and can have very detrimental consequences.

Lastly I will say the cinematography continues to be absolutely beautiful. I'm so glad Mame brought directors back in, because it really does up the visual impact of her stories, and I truly hope she keeps this guy on the books, because he's so talented.

I joke, but truly there are some really beautiful shots throughout the first few episodes.

So, I didn't really have a lot to say post episode 4 (other than my standard which is that Cir's mom is a raggedy bitch) so I didn't really talk much about it. Post ep.5 I have quite a few thoughts, some positive some negative. We are gonna start off with the random though.

Potential spoilers below break through ep 5 and kinda for the novel.