Contemporary Anthropoids
Encyclopedia of Contemporary Anthropoids | Field Notes (Anthropologist’s Summary)
HOMO CAVICRANIUS (VERNACULAR: “CRO MAGANONS”)
ETYMOLOGY. From Latin cavus “hollow” + cranium “skull”; “Cro” used colloquially to denote an empty or hollow head
TAXONOMIC NOTE. Order Primates; Family Hominidae; Genus Homo; Species cavicranius. A contemporary, culture-bound morph of modern humans distinguished by behavioral, not anatomical, traits.
ERA: “Contemporary Pleistocene of the Internet.”
DIAGNOSIS (OBSERVER SUMMARY). Individuals exhibit a marked deficit in original ideation; novelty is typically outsourced to borrowed slogans or collective scripts. They are easily fooled by flattering narratives and easily offended by minor social friction, serving as fierce custodians of their own feelings.
• COGNITIVE ECONOMY: Original thought outsourced to tribal consensus; novelty triggers defensive postures.
• AFFECTIVE ARMOR: Feelings guarded like crown jewels; status rituals revolve around validation tokens.
• SOCIAL ENFORCEMENT: Minor norm violations can prompt full excommunication (“The Great Unfriending”).
• LANGUAGE USE: Prefers slogans to syllogisms; rhetorical volume inversely proportional to evidence density. Lexicon favors catchphrases, reaction tokens, and meme-forms over argument. Qualifiers and ambiguity are treated as contaminants.
HABITAT & RANGE. Dense in algorithmic echo-valleys ( Comment fields, group chats, migrates along recommendation currents.) Peak activity at dusk and during controversy cycles.
BEHAVIOR:
• FORAGING: Gleans from headline husks; high-calorie confirmation bites; allergic to qualifiers.
• MATING DISPLAY: Signal-boosting, badge-collecting, and ceremonial screen-captures.
• DEFENSE: Rapid offense on perceived slights; blocking/banishment as primary predator-deterrent.
SOCIAL ORGANIZATION: High in-group cohesion regulated by emotion-first norms. Status accrues through demonstrations of loyalty to shared feelings rather than through evidence or craftsmanship.
COGNITION & LEARNING: Epistemology is testimonial: truth = that which validates group affect. Novel inputs are processed through an offense filter; dissonant facts are rapidly quarantined.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION: Sanctions are swift and performative. Even trivial infractions can trigger total social excision, described by informants as “cleaning the camp.”
MATERIAL CULTURE: Screenshots (“receipts”), reaction badges, and curated lists of approved sayings. Long-form texts are displayed as status artifacts more than read for meaning.
ETHOLOGY (TYPICAL SEQUENCE): Cue (minor slight) → Surge (affective amplification) → Chorus (group resonance) → Purge (removal of offender) → Balm (mutual reassurance).
RESEARCHER’S CAUTION: Engagement is best conducted with neutral phrasing and clear boundaries; provide sources sparingly and only after affect has cooled. Field encounters suggest that humor with obvious goodwill diffuses more tension than facts delivered at high speed.
