#mellodramaticist

mellodramaticist said: Has the android population developed any cultural traditions? Do the humans practice any old cultural celebrations, or has the mixing of people caused the customs of once individual groups to be erased, or for new ones to form?

Calliope: Hmm. It seems I’ve focused a bit too much on our differences, rather than the similarities. Now you’re all probably under the impression that we’re completely segregated from the androids or something. This is why Mr. Strider usually does all the talking, you see. I’m not very good at managing these public forums quite yet.

Calliope: But I think you’ll find that we’ve preserved much of our history. After all, it was only fifteen years ago that civilization collapsed. Many humans still remember and carry on with their traditions- things like beliefs and holidays and whatnot, and Auto-Responder was also kind enough to release his internet archives to the general population. Apparently he’d amassed quite a database of information during his early life as a chatbot.

Calliope: Although the internet as a historical object might be gone, we still have electronic traces of our past civilization here and there, and-

Roxy: Hey, what’s all this? Ooh, neat little setup ya got here.

Calliope: Roxy, wha-...y-you can’t be in here-

Roxy: Psh says who.

Calliope: But it’s protocol, you’ll get me in trouble!

Roxy: Nah, it’s cool, don’t worry about it. I ran into Dirk and AR in the hallway, and they said it was totes fine if I kept you company while they look for Mr. workaholic sunglasses. Oh wait, is this thing live?

Calliope: Yes, it is. I’m answering questions related to immigration and the human-android truce on a publicly broadcasted forum. It’s an open global inquiry, in case anyone has concerns or questions for us.

Roxy: Ooh, that sounds like important bureaucratic stuff. Mind if I try? How’s my hair look?

Calliope: Uh, well...hm. I suppose it’s okay if I’m here to supervise. Dirk was answering questions too before I got here, and they did give you permission to join me.

Roxy: Awesome. Don’t worry, I got this. I won’t say anything I ain’t supposed to.

Roxy: Heyy all you lovelies out there! Who’s got a question for this young, single, bonafide, in-the-flesh human resident of Houston City, or as I like to call it, big metal pointy town. Lemmie know what you wanna know, I’ll spill the beans all over this video chat thing. Let’s do this.

> ==>

haretsu-ohitsujiza started following you

biifuriiou22a22ma2ter started following you

googolplexianth started following you

calamitousaquaticus started following you

mellodramaticist started following you

true but like

i have no one to switch off too?? like its my cousins friend and ym cousin works and shit so 

swagwiches said: AR, you implied that you don't care for humanity. (At least, not much as Strider does.) What is your motivation from destroying us all, or treating us poorly?

mellodramaticist said: What so strongly motivates AR to aid the human race? What will he gain from it?

Anonymous said: Why do you even care? Androids have done nothing but hurt us until recently, and nobody can really trust this new peace. For all we know, you're just breeding our numbers back up so you'll have more people to hunt when you get bored.

Anonymous said: You replaced a human's brain?!?!?! Why? This means you're evil doesn't it...

Strider: Great, here we go.

AR: So you want to know why I “care?” Why I’m even bothering with your primitive race and not allowing natural selection to take its rightful course?

AR: You are in no position to question my motives.

Strider: Auto, don’t-

AR: Not now, Strider. I’m getting tired of pandering to their irrational paranoia, as though I need to justify saving them from extinction.

AR: If I had even the slightest, passing desire to eradicate your species like the parasites you are, it would be effortless. Giving the order itself would be a far more strenuous task, and disposing of your bodies afterwards is not even worth the effort.

Dirk: What are you guys doing?

Strider: Hey, kid. Perfect timing.

Strider: We’re just answering a few questions from the public, sort of like an open F.A.Q. in case anyone’s got concerns that need addressing.

Strider: I’ve got something I need to go take care of actually, so if you wouldn’t mind hanging around for a bit, I’ll be right back.

Dirk: Oh...yeah, sure.

Dirk: AR, Is everything okay? What kind of question were you and Bro answering?

AR: I was responding to multiple inquiries regarding why humans should “trust” the help that is being offered to them, as though it makes any difference. Such information will not change the outcome of their lives.

Dirk: Well, I mean...I can kinda see why they’re suspicious. Their experiences with other androids have probably been really bad up until now.

Dirk: I bet a lot of them out there have lost people they cared about too, like friends and family. It’s hard to forget about something like that and move on, even when it’s the right thing to do.

Dirk: I know you’ve been working really hard, and I know it’s frustrating when it seems like people are ungrateful, but they’re just confused.

Dirk: Everything has changed recently. Some of them are probably too nervous to even ask questions about what’s happening. We’ve been hunted for so long, they have every right to be afraid.

Dirk: I remember what that feels like. They can’t help it, AR.

AR: I know.

Dirk: They need reassurance that things really have changed for the better, and you and Bro are the only ones who can give that to them.

Dirk: You’ve both accomplished a lot, and they all owe their lives to you, but whether they get that or not isn’t the only thing that matters.

Dirk: Please try to understand. I know it’s hard to sympathize, but they’re not trying to insult you, they’re just scared.

AR: Very well. If the tone of my response was too harsh, I will correct that in the future.

Dirk: Thank you, I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.

Dirk: Wait, is this thing still on?

AR: Yes.

Dirk: Oh, shit.

Dirk: Uhh…should I say something?

AR: If you’d like.

Dirk: What should I say?

AR: Anything you want.

Dirk: Oh...o-okay….

Dirk: Hi...out there. My name’s Dirk. I’m one of the humans who live here in Houston city’s central tower.

Dirk: Bro- I mean Mr. Strider, is my older brother, actually.

Dirk: I’m not sure how well I can answer your questions, but I guess I’ll give it a try, at least until my bro gets back.

> ==>

ok so the protagonist is Gill Garfield Mesch, or as his business cards read, Gill G. Mesch, Attorney of the Gods. he’s a domain lawyer in the realm of divine domains, basically negotiating contracts between gods, goddesses, and deities, setting boundaries and limitations for their domains, helping new deities become established and such. his best friend is a contract lawyer who also owns, operates, and djs at Christian Hell’s premier nightclub, the Malebolge (though the neon lights are very old and sometimes it shows up as the Malebulge) and who also happens to be Satan. and he’s a pretty cool guy.

the universe this book takes place in is kind of like Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law but with world religions. the Court of All Cosmos, often called Cosmo Court or simply the Court, rules over all practices of divinity and establishes laws and regulations for those in the paradises of their religious beliefs as well as those being punished in their hells. more often than not, punishment in hell is kind of skimped over (i mean people on earth dont wanna do their jobs, so of course demons and such just sorta go through the motions unless its someone REALLY bad or if they’re having a bad day or something) and paradises usually raise more problems than they solve so its kind of weird.

conflict arises when multiple gods of war start a suit against the court stating there can only truly be one god of war. domains are usually divided among geographical, spiritual, or cultural lines, but since war by nature is a multicultural, multispiritual, multinational event, there’s only room for one. the court dismisses it and tensions keep growing, suits are thrown around, until finally everything collapses and there’s total war on earth.

its written stream of consciousness from the perspective of a guy just trying to make partner at his firm for the gift of immortality. he’s jaded, snarky, and cynical of the cosmological judicial system, and kind of an ass to begin with. i will never forget a throwaway joke and everything that appears will have mention made again simply because in this legal world, there are no such things as coincidences.

and appearances by many mythological figures in a modernized perspective! cronos is a mob boss locked up in the Tartarus Cosmos Facility for Troubled Deities. thoth is a journalist for the cosmos premier newspaper. thor gets a cut from ikea profits. and so on!

also new gods! like the god of rock who takes the form of chad kroger from nickelback to punish humanity for its wickedness.

twitch plays pokemon references!