I have something that I want to ask you. 

Do you remember when you were a child? 

Do you remember when such small things like going down a slide or eating dessert could make your entire day? 

Do you remember when you were excited for your birthday because you wanted to know and celebrate yourself?

 Do you realize that as you’ve grown to adulthood you’ve built a prison around yourself?

No one told you that you cannot enjoy your life and yourself, yet somehow we all do that as we mature. Save yourself, save the love you can have for yourself. Your mind is a force. It sends you reeling into deception over who you are and what you need. 

Other people do not own you or decide how you can feel. It is you it is your mind. Do not be scared of yourself, befriend yourself and perhaps your mind will no longer be an enemy to you. Behind the walls, we build there is still a shadow of who we were before the corruption of experience. 

Get to know that person and honor the child you once were. 

You owe it to yourself.

Often when we idealize other people, we are searching for whatever is missing in ourselves. Love is scary because of the fact that you could lose what you naturally lack surmounts everything. 

Is this what causes you to draw inwards? 

Is this why you tremble at the notion of giving yourself to others?

I am aware that you probably hear this a lot, but you are here living on your own living in your head. Maybe you are merely surviving, but you are here and you are whole. Therefore, you can’t be half a person; you can’t be half a heart. If you lose someone in the wreckage of love, you are still here as you were before it all.

It is impossible to become empty when you are already so whole. So vibrant. I have faith in you and you should too. Someone out there will be thankful for your love, for your energy. 

It is contagious.

This letter is to you if you are thinking you just aren't ready to fight another day. You know that tomorrow will bring tests you are not prepared for, car not working, bills piling up and you feel like all those you disappoint every day would benefit if you no longer exist. That is just a demon named Pity speaking to you because your story is just beginning.  

I am reaching out to you with these words to let you know the world needs you. I am so proud to know there is you in this world. 

I want you to live and keep fighting, I want you to want to live as hard as I wanted to when I was locked up in a cage in another world, fighting to get out, fighting to live and see my boys again. I am not going to try and convince you some bullshit like it will all be better tomorrow but it will be better in time. It may not even turn how the way you are praying for it too but you can't keep fighting for it to get better if you are not around to keep fighting.

 You are important, you are family and someone loves right now, no matter what you think. There are people that value your life even if you do not know it or feel it. Deep, deep down you do know that you were brought into this world for a reason, no matter how small, it is still a reason. The biggest reason is that you are amazing and you know you are a fighter. 

Always Keep Fighting, 

When I met you, you had just started working with children with disabilities, and I had no idea that I would soften my rigid countenance and feel again. I thought you were pretentious and had it all figured out.

 I thought you could see right through me. 

Falling for you hit me like a bus. You are difficult and irrational but I couldn’t help myself. That night when I held you in my arms as you wept I realized how hurt you really were and now naturally I occupied the role of picking up the pieces. I realized that I probably cared for you more than you did for me.

I wish you were here with me. There’s something sacrificial in all of this 

but I just want you to know that whatever you are going through, I am here. Something in me is drawn to the light I see in you. I know you probably think you’re a lost cause, but if that’s the case, why don't I see that?

I am here. I am not going anywhere.

One summer's day, me, my boyfriend Dean, his brother Sam and our angel friend Castiel ended up in an alternate universe where we're actors in a TV show called 'Supernatural'. Someone named Jensen Ackles plays Dean, a Jared Padalecki ( I think that's how it's spelt ) plays Sam, a guy called Misha Collins plays Cas, and some woman named Evie Frye plays me.

 We overheard some people talking about the 'Supernatural Con', where fans can buy merchandise and meet the people from the show. It was Deans executive decision to go to this place and see what it's all about.

When we got to the place those people where talking about, there were crowds of people dressed like us. "Dean, why are there so many people with the same trench coat as me, and fake wings?" Cas asked. Just like Cas, we were all confused as to why these 'fans' dressed up like us 'characters' from the show. We brought a ticket each, then headed inside.

Inside was even worse. There were even more people here, and stalls selling merchandise. They had t-shirts with our faces on it, flannel, Dean's amulet, temporary anti-possession tattoos, and too many more. Just then, an announcement was made - " all fans, please make your way to the stage to ask Jensen, Jared, Misha and Evie some questions, and to be in with a chance of getting a photo op with them. Only 4 people will be chosen today - it could be you!" Seeing as we were right next to the door that leads to it, we decided to go for it.

We took our seats and saw them; the people that acted out our lives in this show. We sat there for quite a while as people asked questions like "what's the hardest thing about playing Cas?" and "if you could choose to play as any character, who would you pick?" At one point Jensen started singing, though Dean wasn't impressed. "He doesn't even look like me. Look at that beard, it's ridiculous." Sam, Cas and I just chuckled at his immaturity.

Just before they left, they said that we were the 4 people that get the photo op (because we looked most like the characters). We followed them into a small room with a back drop, camera and cameraman.

After all introductions were made, Dean was first to take his pictures: then Sam, followed by Cas - I was last. The pictures with Jared, Misha and Evie went good. Jensen , on the other hand, wasn't so simple.

"Hey there love," he said as he walked over, placing a kiss to my right hand. "It's nice to have a female fan that actually looks like their character." I didn't know what else to do but say "uh, thanks, i guess."

"Wow, you got her personality too. One thing's for sure though, I'd be your boyfriend ant day of the week," he replied with a wink. I could see that Dean was getting angrier with the minute. "Well you might want to look elsewhere mate - she's taken," he told Jensen.

Jensen chuckled breathlessly. "For real? You're together? Or are you just saying that because your jealous of her being with someone else?" To stop Dean from beating the shit out of him, I said " Look Jensen, he is my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend, and he's jealous because you're chatting up his girl. We only came here to see what it's like, but I think it's time we leave. Come on guys." We took our photos a d left, after Jared, Misha and Evie apologised for his behaviour.

That same day we managed to get back to our normal universe. When Dean and I were getting ready for bed that night, he had a smirk on his face. "Okay, what's with the smirk Deano?"

"Nothing, just can't believe you stood up for me like that."

"Well I can't believe you got jealous of that douche. He may play Dean, but you're the real thing, and all mine. Besides, I wasn't just standing up for you, I did it for us."

I ship you with Bucky, Sam and George!

You and Bucky both have a few nick names and dark hair, and are both distant but caring. You too never argue because you both hate arguments. You both love playing video games  and cooking.

Sam loves that you're shorter than him because it gives him an excuse to pick you up, and loves that you're French because he loves hearing you talk about your home there. You're both independent, chill and caring. Unlike you, he's not the oldest sibling, but he does enjoy listening to music with you and watching TV and cartoons with you.

Cas would be the one that you would talk to about your anxiety and depression. He may not understand what you're going through but he tries his best to help you. He'd also help you feel less insecure by telling you you're beautiful everyday and things that he loves about you.

Dean would be the one that always tries to make you happy because your happiness (and Cas') means the world to him. The two of you would talk about your love for animals, share your music with each other and read books together. He may also try to beat you in a swimming race.