Could your loved ones be the next victim of a car-crippling cyberattack? There is simply no way to know, but our experts think that the answer is yes. Tune in tonight to Twenty Questions, as we get to the bottom of The Car With Greetz.
Thank you for joining us, Doctor Hardcase. In your professional opinion, do you think that the time is right for unbridled, shrieking terror the likes of which the American family has never before seen? You do? I’m sorry to cut you off there, Doctor, because we are going live to footage of an autonomous BMW X3 racing out of control through the streets of Los Angeles. This breaking news is brought to you by GoPro, the official camera of “Evidence A.”
As you can now see, the BMW X3 is driving carefully through this suburb, searching for an errant pedestrian to kill. Just minutes ago, its driver fell asleep at the wheel, and the car is now entirely driverless and out for blood. There is nothing we can do now except slowly follow the BMW from Action Chopper One and wait for it to make a fatal mistake. As you can see from the BMW now activating the turn signals and making a polite lane change, no human being is piloting this rolling orgy of death.
Now, the BMW has turned into the garage and parked itself. Doctor Hardcase, how many minutes do we have until the battery banks inside this German Slaughter-Golem burst into roaring lithium fires and consume the entire development? Only a few minutes? You heard the expert, ladies and gentlemen. Soon, soon, you will have a self-reaping car loose across the highways and byways of your very own subdivisions!
We’ll keep you posted all throughout the night, and be sure to visit our social media page where you can tell us just how scared you are. We’ll air the best comments because that’s free content and we’d be stupid not to take it. Don’t change that dial, unless you don’t know what a dial is, in which case just turn the TV off and go back to work. The rest of you should take a break with us and watch this commercial from our sponsors, Old Faulty Life Insurance and Second Mortgage Hut.