#mechanicposting

What? ... They're masturbating in their cockpit?.. ... NOW??? *stomping up metal stairs* GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HANGAR YOU DISGUSTING ASS DOG

Attention pilots. This is your chief designer speaking - yes I apologise for skimping out on the ejector seats. On with the briefing. In duels with rebel hero mechs we have identified that weapons such as machine guns are most likely to ping off their armour while railguns, directed energy/laser weapons and cannons seem to miss almost 99% of the time. Only in melee do most imperial mechs stand a chance, and only if they look sufficiently flashy and unique. Thus I have created 2 new modules for you to equip on your flight leaders. The first is red tinted cockpit view slits and a big spike for the standard mech's upper torso. The big horn alongside the red slits should make your lance commander look imposing enough to be taken seriously as a boss unit - we're also hiring their pilots from aristocratic families to get the right propensity for speeches. The second is the newly unveiled 'Railbunker'. A weapon system designed to propel a series of hollow metal cones at railgun speeds from melee distance into an opponent. Not only does this make for amazing single frame shots where the hero's best friend is pierced and the battlefield goes black and white for a few moments; but it turns out they are also generally a good choice due to how unique they are. Any concerns about the logistical nightmares of making new and 'unique' decorations and weapons for our lance commanders can be taken up with the nearest Handler. The first base to be given these prototypes will receive the paperwork shortly for these modifications. @thehangarqueen if you would kindly select a test pilot or else give advice on a hound who'd be most receptive to being a guinea pig- I mean valued subject on the new Anti-Hero mechs