@meanderfallĀ reblogged your post:Ā āāyOu MoVe ToO FasT FoR Me CroWLEyāā is justā¦ a... #good omens#excellent post op#that and i think a reticence to completely give up on being the kind of angel heaven expects him to be#bc y'know once he allows crowley to be close it's sort of like... game over#that's it#there's no real excuse he can give himself for that#not like the stuff he can cover for all his other indulgences#and it's sort of admitting he would prefer crowley's company over others#it would be picking a side essentially
I actually wrote in a GO meta a while ago that admitting that you love someone also means admitting to yourself that youāre the kind of person who loves thatĀ specific kind of person, and what that says about who you are, and thatās something you canāt walk back from once youāve admitted it to yourself.Ā so yeah, part of it is a struggle with self perceptionĀ
and thatās not necessarily haughty and selfish the way i think some ppl in fandom tend to see Aziraphaleās behaviour. Like, if indulging in your desire for someone else makes you terrible and bad, why would you inflict yourself on that person? Someone who has been cast out themselves but has a chance to be forgiven, as Aziraphale sees Crowley?
I think thatās whatās going on in hisĀ head, and itās a very... very familiar sort of conundrum, to a queer personĀ
Aziraphale is the one who approached him first in Rome, and has been making all the salacious looks and outrageously flirting for like 4000 years, and then when it becomes apparent itās not a game and Crowley would actually do anything for him and Oh No I Have An Emotion Also is when he freaks out and pulls thisĀ āāoh whoops too fastāā nonsense
and heās been so inculcated with the idea it makes him rotten and bad, he canāt yet conceive of the idea they could be something else entirely outside of that binary until the very end
