#maybethisisit

The fact that I went out tonight and met the best guy you've ever met or came across kills me. We walked outside all night and looked at the Christmas tree and then we kissed while the Christmas lights were bright and full of colors really made me believe that you aren't the guy I need and that I can do this without you. It was cold and my hands were as cold as an ice cube and he noticed so he took off his jacket and put it over me and then held my hands so gently and full of care made me believe that you weren't enough and that I deserved so much better and that it wasn't my fault. This kid is just everything I need but I am so scared of falling in love now. Even though I believe that I can get through this without you there are still things you've left behind with me and it sucks because I've met the guy that really genuinely loves me and wants to be here for the bad and the good is so weird because I always thought it would be you and that I can't get over and now I finally am but for some reason I can't seem to give this guy a chance because I am scared. I am scared of liking him so much that he turns out to be just like you and ends up leaving too is just not what I wanna go through again. I wish that I didn't fall in love with you and that I didn't still care about what you think. I wish you took all the memories we had and left them somewhere we can't find them. I wish I didn't miss the way you loved me and that I would let someone new love me. I wish I could love this kid without thinking about you. I wish that I never called you that night and that I didn't get as attached to you like I did. I wish that you were just a dream and that I would wake up and be able to love this kid without being scared of caring about him.