right, this one?

i don’t mean to flex but i sat in that exact same spot

here’s a picture i took.

but circling back to that painting: the lady from the museum told us (i went with my art class) that dalí painted this about his own relationship to god and religion. she asked us to describe what this painting made us feel, and i couldn’t put it into words then and i still don’t know how to, because it took my breath away and left me speechless. the light bursting out in the center, dalí himself floating there, and jesus hanging on the cross right behind him, almost invisible.

it also features people in prayer, pausing their work to take a moment and speak to their god. dalís wife stands behind the cart in the center bottom. a train cart is floating above dalí, above jesus’ head. at the center top, another version of the falling, or floating, dalí can be seen. beneath that version, the clouds are parting and letting the light shine through. the bottom of the painting is the ocean, with a singular boat floating along.

the first thing i noticed, when i looked at this painting, was the light. and when i looked closer, what stood out to me was the crown of thorns. what i noticed next was the bleeding wound.

this was on november 25th, less than a month after the halloween show, and i still had this vivid picture of julien dressed as jesus burned into my eyes. and so when i saw this picture, all i could think about was her. the first thought that popped into my head when i realized the religious context of this painting was julien-the jesus parallel of course, but also because i had listened to sprained ankle on the way there. i can’t pretend to know her, but that album has a lot of religious imagery, and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. i didn’t remember that first picture, it didn’t stand out to me when i first saw it, because i didn’t know what was happening. i just thought ‘oh another museum photo how cute’ and that was that. now i can’t help but wonder how julien felt when she saw that painting.

i didn’t know what to feel- i felt calm, at peace, and yet this churning feeling of everything clawing at me. i’ve struggled with my faith and my religion for as long as i’ve had critical thinking skills. this painting perfectly encapsulates whatever it is that i try to say but can’t. i don’t know exactly what dalí wanted to express with this painting, but to me it feels that way. it makes me feel so many things.

i kept circling back to that room. it was almost like the painting was magnetic and pulling me toward itself. i still think about it.