#mat2

So ..

3 years ago,I met a boy at school. We were in the same class and we got to know each other better at a party. Where i got drunk .. and threw up. 

Under the effects of alcohol, I kissed him. The next days, I tried to avoid him at school but he played like nothing had happened. A few weeks later, when i totally forgot about what happened at the party, he sent me a text asking about my day. It felt strange, because i didnt know why this kind of boy was paying attention to me.

I was the introverted and shy type of girl. He was popular, joyful and .. not my type (brown hair, muscles, listening to rap music,...). He was the kind of boy to chase girls and play with them and i was nothing like those girls.

But for a few days we talked and he asked me on a date. I refused at first, because i knew about his reputation but he insisted and i decided to give him a chance. 

Surprisingly, we got along very well and we started dating. 

Our first year together was heaven. We had an awesome complicity. We we seeing each other everyday since we were at the same school and we rarely argued. I would have done eveything for him. 

But then, after the first year, things got a little more complicated. We both changed school and we went from seeing each other 7/7 to only a few hours a week. 

It was not easy for me, and it seemed that he was doing very well like this. So like every girl, i turned into Spielberg and made up stories in my head. 

I was scared he loved me less and made the biggest mistake of my life .. I decided to do everything for him, never telling him when something he was doing hurt me, i was too scared to loose him, and i lost myself in the process. 

I was living through him, for him. Trying to find an excuses for everything bad he did. At first, he wasnt taking advantage of the situation, because the more i gave him, the more he asked and the relationship was a mess. 

From this time, we have had a lot, really a lot of argument about anything. He thought everything was permitted, he thought that it was normal to insult me or to give me no news for weeks. I was scared to say something but I didnt know how this would end up so i shut. And that’s how it was for almost a year and a half ... When you are in love, you would do anything to keep someone by your side. 

A year ago, he broke up with me beacause he realised that all of this was not healthy. But we were still very attached to each other and it wasnt possible for us in that moment. So we decided to give ourself a chance again and for a few months things were wonderful. He was showing me his love like never before, we spent a magical weekend in DisneyLand, we were really happy together. 

But then, things got bad again because a girl from his job was into him and was very provocative against him. I got jealous and this caused a lot of trouble with my boyfriend because i was scared something could happen between them. Anf for months she was doing things to attack me, very childish things which i never answered to. And i was getting more and more jealous, becoming litterally crazy because he was putting distance between us and it was an endless circle of bad things. 

After all of that, he had to undergo a surgical operation of the knee. For the whole summer, he was stuck at home and he started to have some anger issues. I was doing everything i could to make him feel better, but as soon as he saw me .. it was like i had done something horrible to him and he was trying to make me pay for it. I have had more than one conversation with him about it and he was not abke to explain why he was feeling like this with me. 

When his leg got better, we decided to go on holiday in Bulgaria for a week with his parents and his sister. Things didnt go as planned. At all. And in my head everything changed. 

I’ve told a lot about it already, i’ll write another post where i talk about my holiday and what happened there.