#mass effect shitpost

Lingerie shopping with the boyfriend

Man... I have a fic brewing in my head here. Plot bunny below: [HCs for moi.]

This holier-than-thou asshole turian councilor, Laiel Sparatus, has been mocking Shep since before she became a Spectre and has done so one too many times. The crux of the issue here is that he is trying so goddamned hard to keep up the ruse of abhorring humanity, the "upstart race" that they are.

Truth is that while he has a "proper" turian mate, the mistress that he adores is blackmailing him for a more luxurious place. What dirt could she possibly have on Sparatus that she could weaponize? (Outside of the obvious.) Perhaps this woman, whom he considers his "best kept secret," is, in fact, human. Not only is his mistress human, but she knows that Shepard lives rent-free in his head. Fantasy after dirty fantasy plays on loop when he's on his own, especially in the aftermath of a meeting with the Commander.

He even had his mistress wear a red wig and replica N7 armor one night. Laiel never came so fast and hard in his life.

Yeah, maybe I need to write this one.

Don't raise your browplate at me, sir. I will throw the fuck down. /snort laugh.

Tali: hey Grunt hide the booze I see Shepard

Grunt: (franticly fumbling around) don't tell them about this!