#marvelangst

When Bucky showed up at your doorstep tonight, though, it had been different. It was a little past 11:00 when you checked the clock sitting on the corner of your desk. You nibbled on the side of your cheek, unable to resist bouncing your knee up and down, as you stared down at the dull textbook in front of you that you were attempting to comprehend. As hard as you tried to understand the darkened words staining the white pages, you just couldn’t concentrate anymore. When Bucky had left this morning, the two of you had gotten into a heated argument, which was way out of the ordinary. It had been bothering you for weeks now that whenever he’d come over after a mission, he’d always try to avoid talking about anything that had happened. You understood what happened during those missions was difficult to talk about, but he hasn’t once confided in you about anything that goes on. You usually have an idea about what happens since Steve almost always texts you what happened, knowing Bucky only trusts you to take care of him after a mission, but you just wish he’d talk to you. He’s made it clear plenty of times that you could talk to him about anything and that if you ever needed him, he’d always be there for you. You thought you’d made it clear the same went for him, but maybe not so once again you had brought it up to him. As soon as he woke up from his much-needed rest, you asked him.

“Hey, Buck?” He had turned to look down as your head was resting against his chest as his arms held you close.

“Yeah doll?” You took a deep breath before continuing.

“Do you trust me?” you asked softly, exhaling a slow breath. He looked at you, puzzled why you had asked such an odd question.

“What? Of course, I do. What makes you say that?” You glance down at your hands as they nervously wring together.

“I dunno, I just…” you closed your eyes, only reopening them up when you felt Buckys cold metal hand rest gently atop your quivering ones.

“What is it? What’s on your mind?” he asks so softly, you almost hate to ruin the sweet moment.

“Why don’t you ever talk to me after missions? Like about them?” you sigh, “I know you’re tired when you get to my place, but sometimes I feel like you just wanna hide it or something…” Bucky clears his throat as you pull back to look at him.

“I just don’t like to talk about it, okay? You don’t need to be involved in all of that. It’s already bad enough and I just-“

“Just what Bucky? Is it so terrible that you can’t confide in me about what happens during those missions? You come to me at least once a week with dark bruises all over your body and blood oozing from someplace on you. Half the time you can barely stand, let alone walk, without wincing in pain!” Suddenly he roughly tosses your body off of his and stands up, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Yes! It is actually, you wanna know why? Do you realize how much danger I’ve put you in? Just by knowing you!” You sit there on the couch, crossing your arms, refusing to back down. “Now I’m starting to see how much it affects you when you see me after a fight, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that! You shouldn’t have to deal with me at all!”

“No, don’t you dare try to tell me you’re not confiding in me just to spare my feelings! I’m trying to be there for you and you won’t let me! Yes, it hurts seeing you in pain, but you know what hurts worse?” Bucky’s eyes close as he clenches his fists in anger at his sides. “What hurts worse is when I start thinking maybe, just maybe, you might open up to me only to have you shut me out every chance you get.” You haven’t even noticed the tears running down your face until Bucky reaches his hand out to wipe the tear running down your cheek before you turn away from him.

“Please, can we talk-” he tries, but you interrupt him.

“No.” You sniffle as you walk to your bedroom, slamming your door shut behind you. You hear his footsteps as he saunters over to your bedroom door before letting out a long sigh and walking away. Only moments later do you hear your apartment door swish open and forcefully close. That’s how the two of you left it this morning. No texts throughout the day and steady tears flowing down your hot cheeks each time your mind wanders and thinks about what happened. 

 A knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts as you open your bedroom door and run the short distance to the front door. You can only hope it’s Bucky standing on the other side. When you open the door, Bucky's head is tilted downward, looking at the floor. You whisper his name before you gasp in shock once Buckys looks straight at you.

“Hey doll,” he mumbles, with a slight upturn to his mouth. This has got to be the worst you’ve ever seen him, and you can’t help but cover your mouth to stifle a sob. Three large gashes are carved into the right side of his face and a bunch of bruises litters over the rest of his handsome face, and you haven’t even seen what lies under his clothing yet. You quickly pull him into your apartment with you.

“What the hell, Bucky…” you manage, as you bring him into your bedroom and lay him on your bed. You know you’ll have to get new bed linens later, but for now, all you could focus on now was what was in front of you.

“I think I took the worst of it.” he chokes out but coughs after trying to hide his pain with a laugh. You grab a couple of pillows and try to prop him up as he fights to keep his eyes open. “Doll, I know you’re mad at me right now-”

“Not now, let me fix you first,” you tell him sternly as he nods his head weakly, without a word. You get up and run to your bathroom to grab the drawer before you sit back down on the edge of the bed next to him as you help him peel off his jacket and undershirt. You almost wished you hadn’t, as you turned your face away to stifle a gag, hoping he didn’t catch it. Crying is a lot harder to suppress now than it was a minute ago as you look down at his chest and stomach, which is covered in gashes and blood. The largest gash that runs down from the left side of his chest to the right side of his stomach looks the worst, so you decide to start on that. As you start to gently clean the wound, he winces in pain and grabs onto your thigh as he closes his eyes, straightening his back to keep from crying out in pain. Minutes feel like hours as you continue to work on his beaten body. As you bandage up his torso, he whimpers a bit and you whisper a small I’m sorry to him as you continue to wrap his waist. You might have been angry with him earlier today, but right now, you just want to make sure he’s okay. He glances down when you move from his stomach up to his face. You grab a small cotton swab and pour a small amount of ointment on it before you bring it up to the side of his face. As you dab it softly on the side of his cheek, you avoid his eyes that stare straight back at you, regretting what you had said to him earlier.

“I’m so sorry…” he says, and only then do you look at him. That’s when you notice he’s crying, and he looks away from you. You softly run the pad of your thumb over the side of his cheek.

“We can talk later,” you whisper to him.

“No, I have to say this to you n-now,” he coughs, gazes back at you with his tear-filled eyes, and takes a deep breath before he starts. “Y-you are my favorite person. You are my person, and I-I don’t think I have ever trusted anyone more a-and it breaks my heart that you think any differently.” You cry, but he grabs your face with his metal hand and gently pulls you closer to him. “I am so, so sorry that I’ve made you think differently. It scares me how far I would go to protect you and the lengths I would go to get you back to me if you ever had been taken from me because I’m scared of the me that doesn’t have you. I could never live with myself if I lost you…” he sniffles again and you pull away a bit from him.

“What about me?” his face scrunches in confusion but you continue before he says anything. “How do you think I feel when I watch you leave each morning, not knowing if you’ll come back? How do you think I would feel if I lost you? Do you really think that I don’t worry about you every minute of the day? I worry every day, hoping that you come back to me all in one piece because if you didn’t, if you die if you die-” your rant cuts off with a hard sob as your face curls down to your chest.

“Doll…” his hands slide down to your waist and he pulls you over his lap to straddle him as he wraps his arms tight around you and guides you down to him. You bury your face in his neck as he cradles you. His metal arm stays tight around your body and the other holds your head close to him. Then you realize this isn’t right, he shouldn’t be comforting you when he’s the one who injured. You push away only for him to grab your wrists to stop you. 

“Stop Buck, I should be comforting you, I’m just-”

“Don’t, I’ll be fine. The healing will kick in soon. Just being here helps me.”

“You’re always there for me, but somehow I can’t do the same-”

“You do.”

“I shouldn’t force you to talk to me. It isn’t-”

“The man who tried to kill me tonight knew your name.” Your breath gets stuck and you stare down at him. His hands grip your sides, probably more so for his comfort, but you didn’t mind, as your hands were placed softly on his shoulders. “We- we were fighting, and he called out your name and I just froze. He smiled at me and told me he knew where to find you, and when he was done with me, he’d come to get you.” Your words get stuck in your throat as you just listened to the words that came out of his mouth.

“He knew my name?” 

“Yes, and I don’t know how. I don’t know why. As soon as he threatened you, I got so mad I don’t even remember the rest of it. I killed him before the rest of the team even got there, but…” he trailed off. 

“But what, Bucky...” you asked softly. 

“I know he’s not working alone. He got the best of me and now you're a target, too.” It was hard to see him so angry and hurt.

“Buck…” you place your hands gently on the side of his head as he looks at you, tears still falling out of his beautiful eyes. “Listen to me. We both knew this would happen eventually, but I know you’ll do everything in your power to keep me safe, but pushing me away isn’t gonna do anything. We gotta do this together.” A small smile forms on his face and he nods, turning to the side to kiss the palm of your hand.

I stood near the lab window, staring out over the beautiful fields of Wakanda, the sunset bathing a lovely glow over the trees. The golden light stretched as far as the eye could see; the serenity of Wakanda almost calmed me completely. Almost. I tapped my foot in anticipation, waiting for some sign; I could have sworn he was behind me before he even spoke.

         "Doll?" his deep, gravelly voice echoed through the lab; hot tears immediately sprung to the corners of my eyes. I turned around to face him; his scruff had grown in slightly in the few days since he came out of cryo, half of his hair pulled back in a bun, and those beautiful crystal blue eyes filling with tears. I launched myself at him, his right arm wrapping around me, pulling me as close to him as possible.

         "Bucky," I sobbed into his shoulder, overwhelmed by how close he finally was. I pulled away slightly to press my lips to his; he kissed me with so much love, passion, and desire my knees buckled. The familiar musky smell of him made my head spin, the familiar way his lips moved against mine, the familiar feeling of home pulsed through my body. The months of waiting for a call from Shuri, letting me know Bucky was going to wake up, were borderline unbearable. Steve, Sam, and Nat tried to keep me busy, but, in the end, when I laid down in bed, spinning my wedding band, my mind drifted to Bucky.

         "God, I love you so much," Bucky whispered against my lips; I pulled back to look at him again, my chest tightening at the intensity of the cerulean orbs boring into me.

         "I love you too; you have no idea how much I've missed you," I caressed his face, soaking in the feeling of his slightly flushed skin.

         "I can never apologize enough for putting you through this doll. Fuck we barely got to spend our wedding night together," Bucky smiled sadly at me, tears twinkling in his eyes again.

         "Just means we have to make up for it," I smiled at him, my hand running over his chest. "God, I didn't realize how much I missed touching you," I whispered, his eyes closing, his breathing short and ragged as my fingers traced across his chest over the tunic-like shirt he had on.

         "Sorry to interrupt, guys," Shuri yelled from the doorway. "I wanted to show you guys where you'll be staying before you're tearing each other's clothes off in my lab," Shuri smiled; I snorted, laying my head on Bucky's shoulder.

         "Sounds good," Bucky laughed, putting his right arm over my shoulder, steering me towards Shuri. She walked us down to one of the fields I was staring at from the lab, the sun continuing to dip below the trees; I was mesmerized by the beauty when a small house-like building sat on a small hill near one of the many ponds. The mud shelter was more extensive than other huts we saw along the way to accommodate both of us. Symbols, carved into the mud, swirled around the entire structure, supported by small wooden beams; baskets and other tools littered the outside of the shelter. The wind gently ruffled the straw roof, sending the earthy, tangy smell through the air.

         "Welcome home," Shuri smiled, gesturing to the hut. "There's clothes inside for both of you and food. If you need anything else, just let me know," she smiled before walking off.

         "Home," I sighed, running my eyes over the small building again. Bucky moved the intricately designed red curtain aside and stepped in, looking around; there was enough space for both of us to live comfortably. A small bedroom with a queen-sized bed and a dresser sat opposite the doorway. In the living area, two dark wooden armchairs, a dark wooden couch with simple cushions sat against the wall, and a matching coffee table in the middle of the room. I saw a handmade small dining table painted with beautiful swirling designs was in the kitchen area; torches hung on the walls throughout our little home. Bucky wandered over to the small coffee table, lighting a candle with a long match before wandering around the hut, lighting torches on the wall. The building lit up with a soft, calming glow, instantly putting me at ease. "I was so nervous about living like this, but I'll take it over being on the run any day," I glanced at Bucky.

         "I’m still nervous,” he chuckled, setting the candle on the dining table.

         “We’ll figure it out, honey. I assume we bathe in the pond,” I smirked at Bucky.

         “I guess so,” he said, looking out the window. I watched him stare out toward the pond, his left shoulder rolling slightly; the skin near his collar bone was still scarred and rough from what I could see under the shawl he tied around his neck.

         “They didn’t build you a new arm?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head between his shoulder blades, breathing him in.

         “Not that I know of,” he sighed. “I’m sorry that I have to ask you this, but I might need your help more than usual,” Bucky stiffened, nervously humming.

         “Oh honey, don’t do that. I’ll help you get used to doing everything with one arm,” I kissed his free shoulder tenderly.

         “How’d I end up with an amazing wife like you?” he rubbed my hand that was still around his waist, tracing small circles on the back of my hand.

         “By being an amazing husband,” I kissed his shoulder again. “Want to go get cleaned up?” I whispered into his shirt.

         “Please. Grab some clothes; I’m going to find some towels,” Bucky said, turning in my arms. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away. I pulled out some of the clothes for Bucky and me; I found him in the living room with towels thrown over his shoulder. He gave me his famous puppy dog eyes, a little frown on his face; his hand was opening and closing, reaching for me.

         “Oh, soap!” I remembered jogging back to our room, finding some in a small basket on our dresser. We slid our shoes off inside before meandering down to the pond as the sun fell behind the trees across from us, twilight setting in around us. As we stood at the edge of the water, I turned towards Bucky, reaching for the shawl around his neck, but he flinched away slightly. “Hey, it’s okay,” I reassured him. I ran my hand down his arm, my fingers lightly following every curve of his bicep and forearm before lacing my fingers with his.

         “You’ve never seen me without the arm,” he mumbled, moving a small rock around with his foot.

         “Oh,” I whispered, realizing he was right. “Don’t think for a minute that I’m going to look at you any different. We’ll take it slow,” I finished with a whisper. He lifted his gaze, squeezing my hand at the same time; apprehension was etched all over his face, but he tentatively nodded, taking a deep breath. “It’s okay,” I reassured him again. I slowly reached around the back of his neck, finding where the knot holding the shawl together, his eyes falling shut; the material fell away, exposing his shoulder.

         “They had to do a skin graft when they removed the rest of the metal from my old arm,” he whispered, his eyes screwed shut. The skin near his collar bone was still scarred and jagged from Hydra, but the skin smoothed out, meeting the rest of his chest and back like nothing had happened. I tentatively placed a hand on his left shoulder; he flinched but stayed rooted in place as I gently touched the nub that was left of his arm; I leaned forward, tenderly brushing my lips against the exposed skin of his shoulder, a whisper of a moan escaping his lips. I reached down, helping him take his shirt off; his eyes finally opened slightly, watching my fingers trace over his stomach, up to his chest. Bucky shivered under my touch, his teeth dragging across his plump lip. His fingers found the zipper of my hoodie tugging it down; the hoodie fell off my shoulders, and I shivered as Bucky’s eyes landed on my chest, covered only by a thin tank top. I slid the straps off my arms before pulling the tank top over my head; Bucky’s eyes widened slightly when he realized I wasn’t wearing anything underneath, the tip of his tongue running along his lower lip. My eyes traveled to his lips; the wetness left behind by his tongue glistening in the soft glow from the torches nearby. I snapped out of my trance, reaching down to unbutton my cargo pants, seeing Bucky finally snap out of his trance too, and reaching for the button on his pants. We both shimmied out of our pants and underwear before starting to wade into the water, letting the cool water relax me.

         “Come here, dear,” I motioned for Bucky to move closer. I rubbed the bar of soap in the water then started to rub suds over his chest slowly; his eyes falling closed as I moved the soap over his arm, chest, and back. He hummed happily, finally starting to relax; I knew coming out of cryo was hard on him. I swirled the subs around on his chest and shoulders, gently washing his left shoulder too; I moved the soap over his stomach. I walked around him, moving suds over his back, getting lost in his quiet hums. When I finished, he submerged himself in the water, clearing off any suds, wetting his hair; he popped again but leaned back, floating a little. I cleaned myself, letting Bucky relieve some of the tension in his body; I scrubbed away the day of traveling to get to Wakanda and the stress that went along with it. The idea that Bucky and I were safe here finally started to sink in; no more shitty motels with four people crammed in one room, sharing a lumpy, disgusting mattress with Steve, Sam, or Nat. No more hiding out under bridges or abandoned warehouses when we couldn’t find a cheap motel room, the 4 of us huddling together trying to stay warm at night. No more disguises, no more random hair colors to throw people off; Nat and I had changed our hair colors so many times I’m surprised there is still hair on my head. I wouldn’t spend more endless hours pacing the room, thinking someone recognized me when I went to the store, worrying myself to the point of throwing up.

         “Are you okay?” Bucky’s voice snapped me out of my memories.

         “Oh yeah. I’m sorry, I guess I was just appreciating Wakanda. Realizing I don’t have to run anymore, I don’t have to look over my shoulder constantly. But now I feel bad because everyone else still is,” I ran my fingertips over the surface of the water, watching the ripples travel out.

         “What was it like?” Bucky asked, floating in front of me, the water lapping up his chest when he spoke.

         “Awful. It was dingy motel rooms with shitty beds that I had to share with Steve, Sam, or Nat. Mostly Steve because one morning Sam threw a fit when he woke up to Steve pressed against his back. I guess he got more super soldier than he bargained for,” I giggled at the memory of Sam waking all of us, screaming.

         “I wish I could’ve seen that,” mirth dancing in his eyes at the thought of Sam’s face. “Steve better have kept his hands to himself,” he narrowed his eyes slightly, watching my face.

         “He was a gentleman. Most nights, he’d go without a blanket, so there was space between us. You don’t have to worry,” I giggled, watching the stress melt from his face.

         “Ready to go back in? I’m getting cold,” he shivered slightly.

         “Yeah,” I grabbed our towels, handing Bucky his. I nuzzled into the soft towel as I wrapped it around my body, looking for my pile of clothes. Bucky pulled on his new forest green pants but decided to carry his shirt, still placed it over his left shoulder to cover it. I slid my tank top on again and pulled on a long, brown flowing skirt. I walked into our new home, taking in the smell of the torches and the natural, earthy scent; I turned towards Bucky as he threw his shirt onto the chair, locking eyes with me.

         “Come here, doll,” Bucky reached for me. As I stepped closer, he grabbed my arm, roughly pulling me into a deep kiss, his tongue sliding into my mouth. I pressed my body closer to his, a fire igniting in my stomach as I drowned in him, making up for all the time apart. Bucky’s hand roamed to the curve of my ass, squeezing lightly; I moaned into his mouth. “Mm, god, I’ve missed you,” Bucky groaned against my lips.

         “We have a lot to make up for,” I whispered against his lips. He wrapped his arm around my waist, my body molding perfectly against his as our lips moved together. Bucky made an odd noise before pulling away; it sounded slightly irritated; he looked down to his left, huffing in frustration.

         “This is going to be interesting,” he grunted, his eyebrows pulling together, creasing his forehead.

         “What, honey? Oh,” I realized he was looking where his arm is supposed to be.

         “Yeah, I realized I wasn’t touching you when you didn’t make any noise,” he laughed dryly, keeping his eyes diverted.

“Hey, stop worrying, honey. We’ll work out the kinks,” I caressed Bucky’s face, his scruff tickling the palm of my hand. I pulled him closer, our lips brushing slightly; Bucky grabbed the back of my neck, closing the space again. Bucky turned me into the wall next to the door, pressing his hard body into mine, our tongues meeting and my need to have him intensifying. “Bucky,” I moaned desperately.

         “Fuck, I love hearing you say my name,” Bucky groaned, pressing his hips into me, the bulge in his pants against my leg. I couldn’t take it anymore; I gently guided him towards to couch, pushing him down into it; he reached for my leg, pulling me towards him. I pushed my skirt off before climbing on top of him, straddling his lap. I leaned forward, trailing my lips down his neck, nibbling where his pulse was the strongest. His breathy moan increasing the wetness pooling between my legs; Bucky’s hand traveled up my thigh, barely grazing across my core. He slowly started to rub circles on my clit outside my underwear; it wasn’t long before he moved the underwear aside, the rough callous of his thumb pressing into my bundle of nerves.

         “Oh, Bucky,” I moaned, my head falling back, his cock throbbing under me.

         “P-please doll. I-I can’t wait anymore,” Bucky stuttered. I stood quickly, pushing my underwear off and yanking my shirt over my head before climbing back into Bucky’s lap. His hand immediately went to my bare chest, his tongue finding my nipple, swirling around it; I reached between us, unbuttoning his pants. He lifted his hips slightly so I could pull his pants down to his knees; he shifted a few times, causing his pants to pool at his ankles, then kicking them off. Bucky moved away from my chest, capturing my lips with his as I lined his cock up with my opening. I slowly sank onto him, readjusting to his girth all over again; Bucky and I moaned in unison as I sank down again. I moaned when he was fully sheathed, needing him more than oxygen; Bucky groaned as I lifted myself off him. I started bouncing on top of him, picking up pace; he thrust up into me, meeting my hips more aggressively. Bucky slid down on the couch some, managing to find a way to thrust deeper into me, hitting my G spot every time.

         “Oh god, Bucky,” I moaned louder, roughly grabbing his shoulders as I felt my coil winding tighter.

         “I-I’m close,” Bucky moaned; his thrusts were getting sloppy, our moans filling the air as we climbed closer.

         “Bucky!” I screamed, stars clouding my vision and tears pricking my eyes as pleasure exploded through my body.

         “Fuck!” Bucky roared, his thrusts stuttering as he came deep inside me. I collapsed onto his chest, panting as my high wore off; Bucky’s arm wrapped around me, lifting me as he stood. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my head falling on his shoulder as he carried me to our bedroom.

         “I love you, James Barnes,” I breathed into his ear; he laid me down, quickly grabbing our towels from the living room. He cleaned us off before covering me then crawling into bed behind me.

         “And I love you, doll,” he whispered sleepily against my hair. I rolled over, curling into my husband's chest before drifting off.

Months passed quickly for us as we lived our simple life in Wakanda. Our blissful days consisted of taking care of the few goats near our home, making dinner together, and losing hours in bed or near the pond stealing touches, kisses, and exploring each other all over again. Bucky was almost wholly accustomed to having only one working arm and was even comfortable wandering around without a shirt or a shawl on, regardless of the Wakandan children that liked to come by.

         “There’s my beautiful wife,” Bucky beamed as he walked into our small kitchen. “Whatcha making doll?” He nuzzled my neck, wrapping an arm around my waist.

         “White chicken chili. Shuri brought me some green chilis,” I smiled, leaning my cheek against his head.

         “Mm, smells delicious,” he mumbled into my neck, kissing along my shoulder. “I’m going to check that the goats have water,” he said, kissing my cheek. I let my mind wander to the book I have been reading while I stirred the chili. “Doll,” I jumped at the sound of Bucky’s voice, a hint of anxiety present.

         “What’s wrong, dear?” I turned to look at him, noticing the tension in his shoulders.

         “Come outside,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. I pushed the curtain aside, blinking at the sun high in the sky before noticing Okoye, Shuri, and King T’Challa standing off to the right.

         “Your Highness,” I bowed as I approached, eyeing the case sitting on a bale of hay.

         “I’m sorry to do this,” he sighed, opening the case. A new vibranium arm sat nestled in the case; the metal was a striking black, accented with gold along every seam of the new arm. I glanced at Bucky and saw the pained expression on his face.

         “Where’s the fight?” he sighed deeply.

         “On its way here,” King T’Challa sighed too. “Shuri will come to get you both tomorrow, get your arm attached and get you both ready,” he gave us a tight smile.

         “Thank you,” Bucky bowed his head.

         “See you tomorrow,” I bowed my head as well. Bucky and I watched them walk back up the hill before looking at each other and sighing before going back to our comfortable home.

I shot up in bed with a start, scrambling to get outside, before throwing up into the grass next to our home; I tried to get it over quickly, so Bucky didn’t see, but I couldn’t stop dry heaving. I shivered as I walked back inside, looking for a glass to get some water to rinse my mouth out. Bucky walked out of our bedroom, yawning a few minutes later; he smiled at me before plopping into his usual armchair.

         “Good morning, doll,” he smiled warmly at me.

         “Good morning, dear,” I blew him a kiss, not wanting to kiss him after the incident outside.

         “Good morning, love birds,” Shuri giggled from the doorway, both of us jumping at the sound of her voice. “Let’s get moving,” she gestured towards the exit. Bucky and I, reluctantly, followed Shuri hand in hand through the rolling hills of Wakanda; I took in the scenery as we passed, unsure if we’d ever make it back to our little escape. The reality of the situation finally dawned on me; Bucky and I may never get to come back to this escape; if we survive whatever comes next, we may have to run again. I swallowed the painful idea, trying to enjoy the beautiful day while I could. We made it into Shuri’s lab, where a few other techs hustled Bucky off to get his arm working again; Shuri watched him go with me.

         “Are you okay?” she nudged me.

         “Yeah, not feeling too hot, threw up this morning,” I winced at the memory.

         “Ew, want me to run some tests, just in case?” she sounded concerned.

         “Yeah, let me shower and get ready, then you can take some blood,” I smiled at her.

         “Hurry up, everyone will be here in a few hours,” Shuri wrung her hands at the thought; I nodded and went off to get cleaned up. I made my way back an hour and a half later, clean and dressed in black cargo pants, boots, and a tactical vest, lined with weapons; I realized I didn’t miss this part of our lives. Bucky walked around the corner in front of me, smiling; his new arm shinned in the light, almost blending in with the deep blue vest he had on. His hair fell around his face, clean and fluffy, and his beard even looked shinier; god, my husband was gorgeous.

         “Well, look at you, honey,” I smiled at him, blush creeping up his cheeks.

         “It’s nice to have two functioning arms again,” he chuckled, opening and closing his left hand; I noticed it didn’t whine nearly as bad as the old one.

         “Buck, I didn’t realize how much I didn’t miss this,” I sighed as his metal hand caressed my cheek.

         “I know what you mean; I wish we could go back and hide. Sadly, Steve and everyone else needs us,” he sighed. I nodded, not trusting my voice, a horrible feeling spreading across my chest. I finally had my Bucky back; I didn’t even want to risk that one of us could walk away alone today.

         “Hey, ready for me to grab some blood?” Shuri shouted, breaking me from my spiraling thoughts.

         “Yeah, I’m coming,” I turned towards her, but Bucky grabbed my arm.

         “You okay?” he asked, worry creasing his face.

         “Yeah, I just wasn’t feeling too great this morning, so Shuri wants to run some tests,” I smiled, rubbing his arm.

         “Okay,” he eyed me suspiciously but let go of my arm. Shuri drew blood, letting me know the rest of the team should be here any minute.

         “Hey baby, let’s go meet everyone,” I smiled tightly. He sighed as he jumped off the table he was sitting on and offered me his arm. I laced my arm with his, slowly walking down to the landing pad, trying to prolong the inevitable. The quinjet had landed by the time we go there; as we got closer, we heard King T’Challa talking to Steve about the army we had as they walked towards us.

         “And a semi-stable 100-year-old man,” Bucky smiled at Steve, hugging him when they were close enough.

         “Hey Buck,” Steve smiled at him.

         “Don’t forget the neglected wife over here,” I giggled.

         “God, I’ve missed you!” Nat’s body slammed into me.

         “I missed you too!” I hugged her tight before Steve smacked her shoulder.

         “My turn. I missed you,” Steve smiled, pulling me into a hug.

         “I missed you too, Stevie,” I smiled, hugging him tightly.

         “Okay, I know we’ve all missed you guys, but we have to get moving. Vision needs to get to Shuri,” Rhodey said from behind Steve.

         “Let’s get moving, guys,” Steve sighed, letting me go.

The next few hours flew by, and before I knew it, we were standing on the battlefield watching giant alien pods falling from the sky.

         “Please come home to me,” I whispered up to Bucky, fear finally sinking in.

         “I will always come home to you,” he whispered down to me, but I saw the fear in his eyes too. He leaned down, kissing me passionately, pouring all of his love into it; I whimpered when we pulled apart, not ready to risk everything again.

         “I love you,” I choked out.

         “I love you too doll,” he whispered. Bucky and I stood like good soldiers in line, waiting for the next order watching as thousands of the creatures burst through the woods, barreling into the barrier. These creatures have no sense of self-preservation; they killed themselves trying to claw through the barrier. As more approached and started trying to dig through the barrier, more started to get through. I heard T’Challa say they were opening the border; we needed to keep them in front of us. “Here we go,” Bucky stood straighter. Once the barrier opened, we took off running with the rest of the Wakanda army, taking out the creatures as we went. I kept my eye on Bucky as I shot and stabbed at the creatures hurling themselves at me. As we got closer to the opening in the barrier, a light momentarily shot out of the sky before Thor appeared. I let out a sigh of relief; Thor wiped out a large patch of the aliens with one hit. I looked around and found Bucky standing with a raccoon, holding his own. I caught him spinning the raccoon around by the collar, both spraying bullets at the aliens. I giggled to myself before refocusing on the task at hand, pushing forward; explosions went off near the edge of the barrier as War Machine passed by. The grueling fight continued as we kept moving, slowly making our way to the opening; I took out as many creatures as possible, advancing in pace with Steve. I looked down the battlefield and saw huge gear-like wheels tearing through any and everything in their paths. My heart fell to my feet; I tried to find a direction to run when Wanda slammed into the ground stopping the gears in their tracks before launching them into numerous patches of aliens. I didn’t have time to take a breather because everyone else was getting closer and closer to the opening; I ran, shooting as I went, quickly catching up to Steve and Nat, seeing Bucky off to my left. We ran into the woods, everyone splitting off to take on stragglers; Steve was helping Vision, who appeared out of no were, stand; eventually, it got quiet, everyone stopped looking around before all hell broke loose.

         “He’s here, guys!” Bruce’s yelled came through the coms. I watched Bruce run at Thanos, but the titan simply lifted the gauntlet, a blue light emanating from it, causing Bruce to fazed through him and into the rock wall. Steve and T’Challa tried next, easily thrown out of his way, then Thanos pulled pillars of earth up, surrounding Nat, pinning her to the ground. Okoye got thrown out of the way with minimal effort; everything was happening so fast, I had to make a choice. I watched Thanos continue his advance before making a run at him, firing bullets at his shoulders and throat. A red light this time exploded from the gauntlet, my bullets turning to dust before they even reached him. I couldn’t get close enough; an unimaginable amount of power squeezed the life out of me before hurling me into the woods, my shoulders slamming into a tree. Groot failed at trying to hold Thanos down, the titan breaking free immediately. Steve recovered quickly, slamming into Thanos, holding the Infinity Gauntlet open with all the strength he could muster before a swift punch had put him down again. Before I could regain my footing, a power wave blew over me as Wanda shattered the mind stone, Vision falling to the ground. Wanda’s heartbroken scream would haunt me for the rest of my life. I breathed a sigh of relief; Thanos couldn’t continue without the mind stone; the relief was short-lived when sudden horror brought bile to my throat as I watched Thanos bring Vision back with the time stone. Everything felt like I was underwater when I realized that it wasn’t over; I tried to get to my feet, but I couldn’t hold myself up; everything felt off. I closed my eyes; I couldn’t bear the sight of what came next. I faintly heard Vision’s body hit the ground and Thanos stomping off; a sob escaped my lips before I snapped my head up, searching for Bucky; I needed to find him. I finally got to my feet, seeing Steve trying to stand and Okoye trying to help T’Challa up. I looked around frantically, looking for any sign of Bucky, my heart hammering against my ribs as I stumbled onto the dirty path Thanos just took. I glanced to my left, witnessing the reality-shattering moment of Thanos’ fingers snapping; a wave of power washed over everyone; Thor stood petrified as he realized that he had failed.

         “No,” I whispered, rooting in place. Seconds passed, and nothing happened; I watched Steve look around, calling for anyone, everyone, frantically searching. My stomach flipped when I saw Bucky stumble out of the grass, his back to me, a few feet behind Steve.

         “Steve?” I heard his voice faintly. Before I could even open my mouth, Bucky’s arm started to disintegrate before his entire body fell to ash.

         “NO!” I screamed, my heart shattering, my soul breaking. Steve had stumbled towards Bucky, his eyes snapping up, locking with mine. “No, no, no, no,” I chanted, struggling towards Steve, falling to my knees next to Bucky’s gun. “Please, you promised you’d come home!” I sobbed, finally breaking completely, my vision getting spotty; everything went black before my body hit the ground.

My eye fluttered open as I tried to adjust to what I was seeing. The ceiling of the quinjet was above me, then finally reality slammed into me, pain dragging me down into the depths of despair.

         “No,” I whispered, tears rolling down my face.

         “Hey, hey,” Steve appeared above me, his face tear-stained, his eyes bloodshot. I slowly sat up, looking around the quinjet seeing Nat sitting staring at the floor.

         “Steve,” my voice cracked, tears falling freely.

         “I don’t know what to say,” he started to cry again. “But I have to tell you something,” Steve placed a hand on either side of my face, his whole body shaking. “Shuri got your tests back and double-checked when we brought you to the lab after what happened. Y-you’re p-pregnant,” Steve sucked in a breath, trying to stay calm.

         “No, I can’t be. I can’t be without Bucky! No!” I screamed, crumbling into Steve, crying, my heart, somehow, breaking more.

         “We’re here for you,” I vaguely heard Steve say before I fell under again, falling into the pit of pain.

1 year later

I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom at the Avengers compound, tears wetting my pillow. I heard Steve cooing to Sarah in the other room, trying to calm her late-night cries; I sighed, crawling out of bed.

         “Hey sweetie, it’s okay. Don’t cry,” Steve sweetly whispered as he bounced Sarah side to side.

         “Thank you,” I sniffled; Steve jumped slightly before turning towards me.

         “I heard her from my room; I thought you might need some sleep. I’ll live if I lose some,” Steve smiled at me, trying to lighten my mood; Sarah stopped crying.

         “I don’t know how to do this alone, Steve,” I sobbed, stumbling to my knees.

         “Hey, hold on,” Steve whispered, setting a now sleeping Sarah into her crib. “Come here,” he lifted me to my feet, half carrying me to my room again. “You are not alone; I will help you in whatever way I can. Every kid needs a fun uncle, and I know Nat won’t let you feel alone either. I wish this had gone; differently, fuck, I’d trade places with him if I could. He deserves to be here,” I realized Steve had started to cry too. I collapsed into Steve, desperately clinging to him, sobbing.

         “How many times do I have to lose him, Steve?” I sobbed.

Steve kept his word, and Nat did the best she could; Nat was in charge of sending the remaining Avengers when someone needed them, so she visited Sarah when she had the chance. Steve would help Sarah with school, take her on exciting trips around what was left of New York and be the uncle she needed. As Sarah got older, I started to expose her to pictures of Bucky, telling her stories about her father, making sure Sarah never questioned who he was. She would constantly ask questions about her dad; the most common question when she turned 4 was when she would meet him.

         “Mommy,” Sarah sang as she skipped into my office in her pajamas.

         “Yes, darling,” I chuckled as she propped her chin on the edge of my desk.

         “Can you tell me about daddy again before bed?” she asked, sadness creasing her little face.

         “Of course,” I smiled sadly at her. “Let’s get you to bed first,” I walked around the desk, reaching for her hand. I helped her climb into her new toddler bed that Steve built a few weeks ago and tucked her in, giggling when she nuzzled into her baby blanket again. A pang of sadness hit when I look at her “blanket,” it was actually a shawl Bucky loved when we lived in Wakanda. The deep navy shawl was warm and soft; it was his favorite; Shuri sent it to us when Sarah was born, hoping having something of her dad's would be good.

         “You never told me what happened to daddy’s arm. You said when I was older, you would tell me the story. I’m older now,” she raised an eyebrow at me. My breath caught in my throat; she looked so much like Bucky that it’s almost painful; she somehow inherited his attitude.

         “I guess I should tell you,” I sighed, stroking her hair. “Well, daddy was a soldier; he got shipped away to help save people. He helped Uncle Steve save hundreds of people when he was in the army,” I smiled at the memory of Bucky wearing his uniform all those years ago.

         “Daddy was a hero!” Sarah squealed.

         “Yes, daddy was a hero. One day, daddy and Uncle Steve had to stop some bad men on a train, and something bad happened. Daddy fell off the train, losing his arm when he fell,” I turned my head slightly, hiding my tears.

         “How did he get the metal one?” Sarah whispered, tears twinkling in her eyes.

         “Some terrible people found him after he fell off the train. They did horrible things to him, hurt daddy very badly. Even though they hurt him, one good thing they did was give him a new arm. It took him a long time to see that it wasn’t a bad thing,” I smiled slightly, thinking back on how much Bucky complained in Wakanda when he only had one arm.

         “When is he coming home, mommy?” Sarah whispered.

         “I don’t know, baby. I hope soon, but it’s time for bed. I love you, sweetie,” I leaned down and kissed the crown of her head. “Goodnight,” I whispered, stroking her hair again.

         “Goodnight, mommy, I wuv you too,” she smiled sleepily. I slid out of her bedroom, shutting the door with a soft click, when I noticed Steve leaning against the wall nearby, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

         “Lovely bedtime story,” he smirked, standing straight again.

         “She wanted to know the story about why Bucky’s arm is metal,” I sighed. “Trust me, I wasn’t super excited to tell the story, but she won’t stop asking. Just like she won’t stop asking when he’ll be home,” I massaged the bridge of my nose, trying to chase off the headache forming.

A few days had passed since I told Sarah the story about Bucky’s arm. Regularly, Sarah likes to scroll through a photo album that I made with just pictures of Bucky; after hearing the story, she seems hyper-focused on his arm. I watched her from the door to her room for a few minutes, watching as she swiped through pictures.

         “Hey,” Steve’s voice scared me. I jumped away from Sarah’s door, quickly swiping the tear from my cheek.

         “Hi Stevie,” I tried to smile, but sadness was crushing me today.

         “Rough day?” he asked, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder.

         “Yeah. Is it ever going to get easier? Will my heart ever stop aching?” I whispered, tears pricking at my eyes again.

         “Honestly, I doubt it. If Bucky had died, then yes, it would get easier, but he didn’t. He was ripped from you, and there is still a chance he’ll be back. I know that didn’t help much,” Steve’s lips pulled into a tight line.

         “Oddly enough, it did. Maybe I’ll stop hoping it gets better. I just miss him so much it hurts,” I choked back a sob.

         “How about I take Sarah to the zoo or aviary? You take some time to yourself. It’s okay to miss him and take a day to let yourself miss him. Sound good?” Steve squeezed my shoulder again, smiling.

         “Thank you, Stevie,” I smiled weakly.

         “Sarah!” Steve yelled, her head snapping towards him. “Get dressed. We’re going to the bird zoo!” his booming voice filling the room.

         “Really!” she squealed, jumping off her chair.

         “Have fun, baby,” I shouted, blowing her a kiss before heading to my office. I dropped onto the couch in my office, sighing deeply. “Steve’s right,” I muttered to myself. I pulled up the album on my phone that I made for Sarah, letting myself miss my husband.

         “Mommy!” a squealing voice broke through my daze.

         “Hi, baby!” I perked up as my daughter ran into my office, Steve not far behind. “How was your trip with Uncle Steve?” I smiled, kissing her cheek, brushing her chocolate brown hair out of her face.

         “Fun!” she giggled, bouncing in my lap. Steve was leaning in the doorway smiling; sorrow still creased his face daily but spending time with Sarah always brightened his day. “Are you okay, mommy?” Sarah pulled her little eyebrows together, touching my face. My heart aches as I looked at her; her crystal blue eyes boring into me just like her father used to do, her little nose scrunched up in concern like him too.

         “Yeah, baby, I’m just missing daddy a little extra today,” I stifled a sob.

         “Is he coming back, mommy? I don’t want to see pictures of him anymore,” she pouted, and I couldn’t help but smile; she inherited Bucky’s scowl.

         “I hope so, baby,” I glanced at Steve; he jerked his head out of the room. “How about you go find Aunt Nat? Maybe she’ll get you some ice cream,” I widened my eyes in excitement.

         “Aunt Nat!” Sarah screamed as she ran out of the room.

         “I have good news,” Steve tried to smile. “Scott showed up out of nowhere, and long story short, I think we found a way to bring everyone back,” he said softly.

         “What!” I tripped on the corner of the desk.

         “We are setting up the process to travel back in time to get the stones again,” Steve smiled tightly.

         “That’s great; what can I do?” I walked closer to him.

         “Navigate from here,” he placed his hands on my shoulders.

         “What, no,” I reeled back.

         “I know you want to fight, but you can’t risk leaving Sarah here; I will bring Bucky home,” Steve whispered the last part. Sarah had grown so close to Steve over the years, and Steve loved every minute he got to spend with his best friend's daughter.

         “This is real, right,” tears pricked at my eyes.

         “If it works, he’s coming home,” Steve smiled through tears; I slammed into him, hugging him tightly.

I stood at the terminal, watching the rest of the team surrounding the portal, sporting their white and red suits.

         “Okay, guys, everyone ready?” I shouted; I got a chorus of yes’ as everyone prepared for the journey. “Alright, I’ll see everyone in a few minutes,” I smiled, hitting the appropriate keys, watching the machine startup, then the rest of the Avengers were gone in a blink of an eye. I patiently waited as I watched the return time slot approach; my heart raced, praying this worked because, without this bit of hope, I’d never see Bucky again. The time slot was seconds away, it finally hit, and I jumped at the sound of the Avengers landing on the platform again.

         “Clint, where’s Nat?” Steve asked anxiously. Clint looked up, tears streaming down his face before he collapsed again; my heart broke again, knowing what he couldn’t say.

         “No,” I breathed, tears rolling down my face.

         “You two need to get to safety,” Steve insisted, placing hands on his hips.

         “Steve, I’m helping. I’m fighting,” I pushed, stepping closer to him.

         “No. You can’t leave her alone. What happens if no one makes it out of this? Then she’s completely alone,” Steve shot back.

         “Don’t you say that” I growled at Steve.

         “You and Sarah need to get into the bunker on the far end of the compound, okay?” Steve said harshly, grabbing my shoulder.

         “Fine,” I finally agreed, realizing he’s right. If no one makes it out of this, at least Sarah has me if I stay with her.

         “Thank you,” Steve breathed out. “Go before Banner tries to bring everyone back, just in case,” Steve urged.

         “Sarah!” I yelled, the distant sound of her tiny feet hitting the floor getting closer.

         “Hi, mommy! Uncle Steve!” she yelled, jumping into Steve’s arms.

         “Hi honey, I need you to go with mommy, okay?” Steve brushed her hair behind her ear, kissing her forehead.

         “Okay,” she chirped, kissing his cheek. Steve handed her to me along with an earpiece, smiling.

         “I can’t let you go completely crazy,” Steve chuckled.

         “Thank you,” I smiled before turning and hurrying for the nuclear bunker. When Sarah and I were safely inside, I enabled the force field Tony installed inside. I dug around, finding the spare blankets, curling up with Sarah, waiting.

         “It worked!” Steve’s voice exploded in my ear, scaring me.

         “You’re sure?” I asked hesitantly.

         “We are pretty sure, but we – “Steve was cut off by the sound’s explosions in the background. I felt the rumble through the ground underneath me; what the fuck is going on out there.

         “Steve! Clint! Anyone!” I screamed, scaring Sarah.

         “Mommy, what’s going on?” her lip quivered, tears popping up in her eyes.

         “I’m sorry, honey, things will be okay, I promise. I think daddy is coming back,” I choked on the last words.

         “He is!” she screamed; pure joy spread across her face.

         “I think so, sweetheart. Now you have to sit still and quiet right now, okay?” I smiled through tears as she nodded quickly; she tried to contain her excitement. “Is anyone there?” I tried to stay calm, but the radio silence was making me anxious.

         “Gah, yeah, I’m here,” Steve’s voice broke through finally.

         “Thank god, anyone else?” I waited.

         “Yeah, Cap, what am I doing with this glove,” Clint sounded breathless.

         “Get it the hell out of here,” Steve ordered.

         “Steve, what’s going on out there?” I tentatively asked.

         “Thanos is back; he traveled through time to fulfill his destiny,” Steve sounded defeated.

         “Please be careful,” I whispered. I pulled Sarah into my lap, trying to block out the sounds of screaming and fighting that were coming through the com in my ear; I closed my eyes and held onto my daughter.

         “Hey Cap, do you read me?” a familiar voice came over the coms; Sam. My chest felt like it might burst; if Sam was back, that meant Bucky was too. I almost couldn’t contain the overwhelming flood of emotions coursing through me. “On your left,” Sam’s voice over the com again. I couldn’t help but cry again; things were starting to look up finally. I don’t know how much time passed; it felt like years of listening to fighting, swearing, screaming before the silence hit.

         “We…we lost Tony,” I heard Steve croak.

         “No, no,” tears welled up in my eyes. “Please tell me it’s a joke,” I cried; I cried for Tony, for Pepper, for Morgan, for Peter. Tony finally got his family, and it was all pulled out from under him, and my heart broke all over again; I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

         “I wish it were. Com to the rest of the team is off now. We’re rounding up the troops. The compound got destroyed above you; I’m coming to dig you out and take you into the city. Bucky doesn’t know where you are or anything, really. You’ll get to see him soon,” Steve finished.

         “Thank you, Steve,” I choked out.

The drive into New York was excruciating; Sarah sang and talked to Steve almost the entire ride, oblivious to what just happened.

         “Stark Tower, I’m assuming,” I glanced at Steve.

         “Yeah, so what are you going to do?” Steve whispered, trying to navigate the crazy streets of New York. With everyone appearing again, the streets were crazy, people everywhere, first responders littering the streets.

         “Well, I’m going to find my husband. I can’t wait any longer. Can you keep Sarah occupied while I try to explain this?” I glanced at my daughter, singing softly.

         “Of course, but I think it’s better if he sees you, then she runs out yelling for you. He’ll get it,” Steve chuckled.

         “Much better plan,” I smiled. We finally got to Stark Tower, where Steve snuck us up the elevator before ducking into a room off the lounge area to hide Sarah.

         “FRIDAY, can you have Bucky come to the 20th-floor lounge, please?” Steve shouted.

         “Yes, Captain Rogers,” the AI responded. A least 10 minutes passed before I heard the familiar ding of the elevator; my heart almost stopped.

         “Steve?” Bucky’s voice carried through the room, and I burst through the door, seeing him standing in front of the elevator.

         “Bucky,” I whispered.

         “Oh, thank god,” Bucky whispered. We met halfway, our lips crashing together; tears rolled down my face as I kissed him like it was the last time I ever would. “I love you so much,” he sobbed, resting his head on my shoulder.

         “I love you too, Bucky,” I croaked, hugging him tighter. “Buck, I have something to tell you,” I said, pulling back. I turned to see the room where Steve and Sarah were; Steve stepped through the door with Sarah perched in his arms.

         “Steve has a daughter now?” Bucky whispered quickly.

         “Mommy?” Sarah said softly. Bucky’s head snapped towards me, pain and anger spread across his face, not bothering to look at Steve.

         “You and Steve have a daughter!” Bucky tried to keep his voice down.

         “Bucky, are you kidding? Look at her; does she even look like me?” Steve chuckled; Sarah gave Steve a questioning look before reaching for me. I took Sarah from Steve, watching Bucky’s eyes roam over Sarah’s face, taking in her features.

         “Mommy, why is daddy looking at me like that,” she whispered in my ear before staring Bucky down, returning his odd look. Bucky’s face softened, tears rolling down his cheeks as the sight of his daughter sunk in; Bucky got down on one knee as I set Sarah on her feet, and she tentatively walked to her dad.

         “Hi, daddy,” she smiled, her eyes crinkling just like her dad. “I know mommy didn’t tell you yet, but my name is Sarah,” she bounced on her toes. Bucky looks up at Steve, tears still flowing, smiling.

         “What’s your full name, darling?” Bucky locked eyes with her, reaching out to grab her hand in his left.

         “Sarah Winnifred Barnes,” she beamed, excited she could say her middle name correctly now.

         “What a beautiful name,” Bucky laughed through tears.

         “Mommy told me my middle name was Grandma Barnes’ first name,” she smiled, reaching out towards Bucky’s face. She gently ran her hands over Bucky’s beard, giggling when it tickled her palm; Bucky started moving his face towards her, tickling her as she squealed, laughing uncontrollably.

         “I’ve been waiting for this moment for five years,” Steve whispered behind me. Steve and I stood back, watching Bucky and Sarah giggle; I couldn’t even respond; my heart felt like it might explode at the sight of the two people I love the most, finally meeting.

         “Daddy, why are you still crying,” Sarah cocked her head to the side. “Are you sad?”

         “Oh no, darling, I’m just so happy,” Bucky sniffled, smiling at her. Sarah’s eyes moved over to his left hand that she was still holding, tracing the gold patterns with her fingers; Bucky watched her closely.

         “I like the gold,” she mumbled.

         “It doesn’t scare you?” Bucky asked softly.

         “No, mommy told me someone did bad things to you, and that’s why you don’t have a real arm anymore,” her eyes were still glued to his hand.

         “Sarah, how about we go see if Morgan is up to play. Mommy and daddy need to talk,” Steve said, squatting down to her level.

         “Okay, Uncle Steve,” she glanced over her shoulder but brought her gaze back to her dad. She threw herself in Bucky’s arms, squeezing around his neck; he froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around her tiny body. “I’m so glad you’re home,” Sarah whispered. She pulled away and smiled at him one more time before running off towards Steve, already talking again. Bucky dropped onto both knees before sitting back on his heels; I could see all the questions swirling in his eyes as he brought his gaze to mine.

         “Come here, honey, let’s sit. I know you have hundreds of questions,” I smiled, sitting on the couch. Bucky joined me but just sat there for a few minutes, staring into space, trying to wrap his head around everything.

         “When did you find out?” he finally whispered.

         “Barely an hour after you were gone,” I whispered. “I watched you stumble out of the woods and fall to ash before I passed out. When I woke up, Steve told me Shuri ran my blood, and that’s what she found. I was sick that morning; turns out it was morning sickness,” I chuckled sadly.

         “Where were you? I remember walking out of the woods looking for you, but I only saw Steve,” Bucky cringed at the memory.

         “I was right behind you. I couldn’t get anything out of my mouth before you were gone,” I sighed.

         “You went through all of this alone,” Bucky whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

         “Steve was helpful; he knew you’d kill him if he left me completely alone,” I smirked at him.

         “Good, I don’t have to kick his ass,” Bucky chuckled. “How does she know who I am?” he turned to look at me, pain swimming in his eyes.

         “When she was old enough to understand the idea of who you are, I started telling her about you. I didn’t even mean to at first. I missed you so much the last five years, and one night I was telling her a story about our time in Wakanda, and she asked who the story was about; I said her dad, and that opened the flood gates. She asked me about what happened to you, your favorite things, about your arm, anything that came to mind. She sleeps with your favorite blue shawl from Wakanda and looks through photos of you constantly. She loves you so much,” I realized that I started crying again.

         “I missed five years of her life,” Bucky mumbled, pain lacing his voice.

         “It’s not your fault. She gets that, and she absolutely adores you,” I reached over, grabbing Bucky’s hand, rubbing my thumb over the back of it.

         “I love you so much. I can’t tell you that enough,” Bucky squeezed my hand, his free hand caressing my face.

         “I love you too, Bucky,” I whispered, leaning forward, gently pressing my lips to his. “Let’s go spend some time with our daughter,” I smiled, Bucky’s face lighting up.

         “My daughter,” he whispered, tears rolling into his beard. I pulled him to his feet, guiding him towards the elevator. We found Pepper, Steve, Morgan, and Sarah in the common area on the first floor; Morgan and Sarah playing with Barbies while Steve tried to comfort Pepper.

         “Sarah?” Bucky called, smiling when her head snapped towards him.

         “Mommy, Daddy!” she squealed, waving at us.

         “Let’s go get some dinner Morgan,” Pepper called, smiling at us.

         “Okay, mommy, bye Sarah,” Morgan chirped, hugging her friend before running off to Pepper.

         “Come here, darling,” Bucky knelt, opening his arms to her. Sarah ran over, jumping into Bucky’s arms, giggling when he started rubbing his beard on her face.

         “Stop it, it tickles!” she giggled, squirming in his arms.

         “She is the spitting image of you, Buck,” Steve chuckled, walking across the room.

         “You think so, kiddo?” Bucky turned his face towards his daughter.

         “I have your eyes,” she smiled at him. “Mommy says I have your smile and your scowl,” she whispered, trying to hide her giggle.

         “Oh, I’m in trouble,” Bucky laughed, looking at me.

         “You have no idea, dear. She is your child, inside and out,” I laughed, wrapping my arms around Bucky’s waist. Sarah ran snuggled into Bucky, leaning her head on his shoulder, reaching to run her fingers through my hair.

         “Someone looks sleepy,” Bucky whispered, kissing Sarah’s forehead then kissing mine. I took a step back to look for Steve, but he has left already; Sarah nodded, yawning, before moving her hand to play with Bucky’s hair.

         “It is getting late,” I yawned, stretching.

         “Let’s go to bed,” Bucky said, reaching for my hand.

         “Can I sleep with you?” Sarah yawned into Bucky’s neck.

         “Sure, baby,” I said, meeting Bucky’s eyes; he smiled. I grabbed Sarah’s little mermaid pajamas from her room. “Go shower, dear,” I smiled at Bucky as he handed Sarah to me.

         “I’ll be right back, doll,” he sweetly kissed me before heading for the bathroom. I set Sarah on the edge of our bed; she yawned, rubbing her eyes before lifting her arms. I changed her into her pajamas before changing into shorts and one of Bucky’s shirts. Sarah crawled into our bed, pulling the blanket to her chin; I slid in behind her, my eyes already closing. I faintly heard the water shut off and saw Bucky on the other side of the bed in basketball shorts, smiling at us. “How did I get so lucky?” his voice sounded strained.

         “Come to bed, baby,” I whined, reaching for him. Bucky leaned down, softly kissing the crown of Sarah’s head before walking around the bed, sliding in behind me.

         “Goodnight, doll. I love you,” he whispered in my ear, pulling me against his chest.

         “I love you too, Bucky,” I mumbled sleepily. Bucky reached over me, gently laying his arm on Sarah’s, tracing small circles along her arm as he drifted off to sleep. I floated towards sleep with the love of my life behind me and our wonderful daughter in front of me. No one could ruin this perfect moment.

“Hey Steve, I just got home from the grocery store, so uh, once you get this maybe let me know if you still wanna come over tonight, alright?”

You hung up and shoved your phone in the back pocket of your jeans while you put away the groceries. Your apartment was a decent size, not too big or small, which was why you felt you lucked out with it. After all the groceries were put away, you took a deep breath and walked over to the small sofa you had. You flopped down onto it, soon getting lost in thought. Of course, your head immediately goes to Steve. He thinks you should just get rid of your apartment and move to the compound with him, but as much as you would love to do that, it’s never felt like the right time. Steve and the rest of the Avengers are gone a lot, always on missions saving humanity, something you could never do. You didn’t have any super-soldier serum running through your blood or any mutations or powers. These last couple of months have been hard not only on Steve, but on the rest of the team as well. With the rise in crime lately, they’ve been gone a lot and to you spending your time alone in the empty tower will be a little too lonely but that’s one of Steve’s reasons why you should move in because then he’ll know that you’re safe at the tower. Work had felt extra long today, and all you wanted to do when you got home was to slip into a nice relaxing bubble bath and let the worries of the day slip away. Of course, that didn't happen as you had forgotten you needed to head to the market to get groceries, as you weren't about to have to take out for the fourth night in a row. Now, as you lay sprawled out on the couch, you could care less about that nice bath. All you wanted now was for Steve to come over. Being in his presence would help calm you down, but as of right now, it didn't seem like he would be coming over anytime soon. Last night he had suggested having pasta for dinner, but of course, you were all out of food. Grumbling to yourself, you pulled your body up off the couch and start making dinner. Even if Steve didn't come over tonight, at least you would have leftovers for some other time. You started pulling out the ingredients you needed for dinner when a knock on your door caught your attention. Maybe it was Steve? Maybe his phone had died? Multiple thoughts raced through your mind as you walked over to the door and unlocked it, swinging it open. Strangely, there was no one there. You could have sworn you had heard a knock on your door. Suddenly, your vision went black. 

Steve was having a rough day, to say the least. It all started when he woke up late due to his alarm not going off because his phone was dead. He shoved the charging cable into his phone and got changed into sweats and a tee shirt to go on his morning run. He had almost made it back to the compound when he slipped and fell in a puddle of water from the rain the night before. Soaking wet now, he picked himself up and walked the rest of the way back to the tower, where he sauntered back to his quarters and started the shower, only to have it be freezing cold. Damn Natasha, she must have used up all the hot water on his floor again. As he stripped off his sopping wet clothes, JARVIS informed him that there was a meeting taking place with Director Fury in 15 minutes and he was to be present. Steve let out a grunt as he put on dry clothes and headed to the kitchen to grab a quick bite to eat. Once he got down to the kitchen, he realized he had forgotten his phone in his room. Steve retreated and grabbed his phone before rushing back down to grab a quick cup of now cold coffee and head to the meeting. Steve was the last one to take a seat as Director Fury began debriefing them on a new mission that they would embark on after the meeting was over. After finding out it would be an all-day event, Steve was about to text you, only to look down at his phone and realize it was still dead. He must have not plugged it in all the way. All-day long Steve had been busy, not having the time to charge his phone and text you. Along with piloting the quinjet, he also was the leader of his group, calling out orders and trying not to get himself killed. Soon time seemed to slip from him and once he found himself on the quinjet, it was already late afternoon and he had forgotten all about his phone. 

"Hey, have you checked in on Y/N recently?" his best friend Bucky asked him once the autopilot was on, cruising through the sky. Steve's eyes grew large as he had forgotten about you.

"Shit," he whispered out before grabbing his cell phone out of one of the pockets on his pants. "Fuck, it's dead," Steve told Bucky, letting out a groan and rolling his head back.

"Here, you can borrow mine to call her. I'm sure she's okay, though I don't know if you'll be once she's done with you." Bucky joked to Steve as he handed him his phone. Steve thanked Bucky before walking back to the end of the quinjet to call your number, only you didn't answer him. Steve shrugs his shoulders as he walks back over to Bucky to give him his phone back. "No answer?" Bucky asks.

"No," Steve says, shaking his head and looking down at his feet. "She always answers her phone."

"I'm sure she's just busy doing something else," Bucky says, resting a hand on Steve's shoulder.

 When Steve gets back to the compound, the first thing he does is plug in his phone and make sure it's charging before going into his voicemails and seeing all the messages you had sent him. He knows he's going to get an ear full from you tonight. Steve rests on the side of his bed as he presses play on his phone.

 “Hey Steve, I just got home from the grocery store, so uh, once you get this maybe let me know if you still wanna come over tonight, alright?”

 Steve smiles down at his phone, loving the way her voice sounds even though the poor quality speaker. Not caring if he's a sweaty mess, Steve makes his way outside to hail a taxi to your apartment. He just wants to see you after what a long day it's been. Maybe a nice relaxing shower with you would help a few things, too. When he reaches your apartment building, he bounds up the stairs to your loft before reaching your door and giving it a gentle knock. After a few seconds, he knocks again, harder this time. Maybe you didn't hear him? When you still have yet to answer the door, Steve tries the doorknob, finding it ajar. He pushes the door open, calling out your name and scanning the loft.

"Y/N! I'm here!" He yells out, waiting for an answer from your sweet delicate voice or to see you rounding a corner. When your absence continues to grow, Steve's lips turn into a frown, walking over to your kitchen to see a few ingredients set out for pasta. He carefully makes his way through the rest of your apartment, checking your bedroom and bathroom in case you were in there, but no such luck. Trying to remain calm, he takes out his phone, dialing her cell and waiting for her to hopefully pick up. His heart sinks when he hears her phone ringing before looking down to find it on the floor. The screen cracked. "Oh God Y/N..." he mutters, bending down to grab her phone. He holds it delicately in his large hand, admiring her lock screen that showed a photo of the two of them. Suddenly, his phone buzzes in his pocket. Quickly he answers it, puzzled by why the caller ID was unknown. "Hello?" A robotic voice greets his ears as he listens to the phone.

"Come to the warehouse or she'll be killed by midnight." It repeated the message twice before clicking off. Without even thinking twice, Steve is off, running down the back alley behind your apartment building to the warehouse he knows you'll be.

 Your head lolls to the side as you let out a strangled groan at the sharp stabbing pain that seems to be coming from inside your head. Weakly, you try to open your eyes, only to be met with darkness. Were you blind? What had happened? The last thing you remembered was opening your door to your apartment expecting to see Steve there, but then, nothing. You try to remain calm as you attempt to listen to your surroundings. It's quiet, but not silent. If you strain your ears hard enough, you can hear the quiet buzz of New York traffic in the distance. You try to move your hands but find out that they are bound to a chair, along with your feet. Steve had always told you if anything were to happen to you, you just had to stall for as long as you could until he or one of the other avengers came to rescue you. When he had initially told you this, you had joked that if that ever were the case, you would just annoy them until they had to let you go. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like there was anyone here to annoy. That also meant that no one could kill you, as Steve had not found your joke to be funny and told you they would probably just kill you. You turned your head this way and that, trying to focus on any other sounds. Suddenly you heard a gruff voice from above you call out. 

"Lookie here! She seems to be awake!" the loud male voice boomed as you hear him clamber down some metal stairs and walk over to stand in front of you. "How’d ya sleep, sweetheart?" You cringe at the nickname coming off the disgusting man's tongue before you can suddenly see again. You blink your eyes rapidly, trying to take in your surroundings. It seems like you are in some kind of run-down, abandoned warehouse. The wooden planks lining the walls have holes in them, some of them knocked out completely. The one window you see is broken with a heavy layer of dust coating it. You look up to see a metal balcony surrounding the area and in the far corner, a set of stairs leading up to the second floor. The dirt floor is covered in grime, along with your bound legs and feet. The man in front of you smiles. His lips curl up in a slimy grin that shows off his yellow rotting teeth. His hair is a brown, matted, greasy mess, and he smells of rotting garbage. You glanced behind him to see two other men stationed at the front of the warehouse where the main entrance must be. Guns rested firmly in their grip as their eyes peer straight at you and your tormentor. "Not much of a talker, are ya, girl?" The man sarcastically asks before raising his filthy hand and slapping you across the cheek. Your head whips to the side as you let out a harsh breath, knowing a red handprint will soon take its place. "You better learn to answer me when I'm talking to ya!" the man says, grabbing a fist full of your hair and yanking your head back as his spit flies in your face. Your eyes well up with tears, but you refuse to let this man have the satisfaction of seeing you cry. "Otherwise, things might get a little... nasty," he says, raising his other hand to show you the small dagger he's holding, before running it smoothly against your cheek. You let out a quiet whimper as he slowly removes the knife to stand back up, towering above you. "So, sweetheart, what's your name?"

"Y/N." you stutter out, only loud enough for him to hear.

"See, that wasn't so hard." he taunts. You say nothing back as he slowly strides around your chair, twirling the knife between his fingers. "Now I'm sure you know why you're here, so tell me, what is it that you know about Captain America?" You gulp as he rounds the chair once again before stopping in front of you? "Don't tell me I didn't warn ya," he whispers into your ear before he drags the knife down the side of your cheek. You whimper out in pain as you feel the slow trickle of blood run down the side of your cheek. "I know the Captain has feelings for you, that he's been trying to get you to move into the tower with him. Oh, but darling, I am so happy that you haven't." He tells you before bending down so he's only mere inches away from your face. "You're going to be our little prisoner as long as we want you to be. That is, until midnight."

"Why? What's happening at midnight?" you grunt out as he stands back up to his normal height. A smile spreads across his face as he checks his wristwatch, then looks back down at you.

"In 10 minutes, we're going to kill you." Your breath catches in your throat as your eyes tear up. You try to steady your now shivering form, but it's no use. "Oh, don't cry, darling." he frowns, reaching down to wipe a stray tear off your cheek. "Don't worry, me and the boys here are gonna have a little fun with you before your time is up or you could just tell us what we want to know and you'll be on your merry way." The man says, smiling evilly at you. You say nothing as your bottom lip wobbles out as you continue to stare at him. He lets out a low laugh, shaking his head as he walks to stand behind you. "Boys, I believe it's time." the man behind you says as you watch the two guys at the front drop their guns and unbuckle their belts. Now realizing what would happen to you if you didn't talk, you let out a cry for them to stop.

"I'll talk, I'll talk. Please, just don't come any closer." The two guys look toward the man who must be in charge. He must have given them a quick nod as they readjusted their pants, grabbed their guns, and resumed their position by the door. The man comes to stand in front of you, still twirling the knife between his fingers.

"Well, go on," he informs you, gently sliding the knife under your chin as you rear your head back.

"Captain America..." you start, slowly taking your time. "when, when is he," You stop midway through your sentence, taking a deep breath as the man in front of you taps his foot against the ground, getting impatient with you.

"Come on girl, we don't have all day!" He yells in your face, spit flying everywhere.

"Captain America," you start again, "when is he going to get here?" Before you can brace yourself, the man's fist is connecting with your jaw.

"You're making this a lot more difficult than it has to be." he chuckles before motioning for his two men to come over by you. "This girl here's got one dirty mouth, boys. Why don't one of you wash it out for her?" The bigger of the two guys smiles down at you before quickly dropping his gun and unbuckling his pants, pulling out his thick cock. He positions in front of your mouth, but you refuse to open. No way in hell were you letting that disgusting thing in your mouth. Seeing your reluctance, the leader sneers down at you before looking towards his knife and stabbing it into your thigh. You scream out in pain as he yanks it out before pushing his friend in front of you. Afraid of being hurt even more, you slowly open your mouth and close your eyes, praying this was all just a terrible nightmare. Just as you think the stout man is about to stick his cock in your mouth, there’s a loud bang from the other end of the room. Thinking it’s more men coming to get their share of you before your killed, you keep your eyes shut tight, not wanting to see what awaits you once you opened them. You wait for the smear of his salty tip against your lips, but it never comes. When you open your eyes, Steve is standing in front of you, while Bucky has the man pinned up against the wall. The two other guys are dead on the floor. Their throats slit open as blood spill from them.

"Hey Y/N." Steve gently says, tears filling his eyes. He hates seeing you like this. When he and Bucky came crashing in through the door and he saw what those disgusting men were about to do to you, he instantly came up behind the guy who was shoving his weak excuse for a cock toward your face and slit his throat on the spot. Soon taking out the other guy and Bucy took on the other man, fishing for answers about why he had taken you. Steve felt terrible for not finding you earlier. If he had, he could have prevented all of this from happening. You had a deep cut with blood dripping down from your cheek and a large wound in your thigh. You had bruises littering your delicate face and your wrists were rubbed raw from your strain against the rough ropes. Quickly, Steve goes behind you and frees you of your restraints. You let out a whimper as the coarse rope brushes against your sore wrists. He rushes around to untie your ankles as you fall forward into his chest, letting out a sob. He tenderly wraps his arms around your frail form, placing a delicate kiss on your head. "You're okay. I got you. You're safe now." he reassures you. "Can you walk?" he asks as you shake your head no into his shoulder. Your thigh hurts too much and even if you hadn't been stabbed, your body is so fatigued and dehydrated that if you were to stand up, you know you would just fall back down. He moves to pick you up, but you immediately scream out in pain. "I know, I know, but I have to get you back to the tower." Before you know it, your eyes are growing heavy and tired as Steve gazes down at you. "Go to sleep Y/N, you're safe, I got you."

 The next time you open your eyes, you're met with bright florescent lights overhead and stark white walls surrounding you. You glance over to see Steve half asleep in an uncomfortable chair. You try to speak, but with your throat so dry only a harsh cough comes out. This causes Steve to open his eyes. He's over by your side in seconds.

"Hey, how are ya feeling?" he asks, eyes scanning over your form.

"Water." you croak out.

"Oh, right." Steve reaches beside him to grab a small cup of water with a straw poking out of it. "Here," he says, bringing it up to your lips. "Drink slowly, don't want your throwing up." he tells you. After a few sips, you rest your head back against the pillow.

"Thank you." You murmur out. Steve looks at you, puzzled, a frown appearing on his lips.

"No, don't thank me. This shouldn't have happened to you. I should have been there sooner. I could have protected you." Steve rambles as a tear slides down his cheek. You take his hands in yours, rubbing your thumb back and forth over his smooth skin.

"You couldn't have known that was going to happen." You calmly tell him.

"No, but I should have. I should have known eventually someone would come for you. I should have protected you better. I should have been there for you. You needed me and I wasn't there."

"Steve, don't put this all on yourself." You tell him as he shakes his head, looking down at your bed sheets, not meeting your eyes.

"You got hurt because of me. You're in pain because of me. How can I even protect you from terrorists like HYDRA when a couple of low lives in Manhattan were able to get to you?"

"I doubt those guys will be after me again anytime soon and if you're nervous that they will, I'll just find a new apartment."

"No, you're staying here with me. No arguing." He tells you sternly as a small tear escapes your eye. "Hey, no more crying." he chuckles at you, wiping the tear away. All you want to do is forget that this day ever happened.

"Steve?" you ask him softly, worried about his reaction.

"Yeah?" he questions, looking down at you.

"Can you, can you hold me? Please?" you ask him.

"Of course." he tells you before gently sliding your body over so he can slide into the hospital bed beside you. Cautiously, he wraps an arm around you as you burrow your head into his chest, your feet tangled up together. "Is your head feeling any better?" he asks, the vibrations from his chest calming your still anxious senses.

"Just heavy." You mumble out as you snuggle closer to him, breathing in his fresh scent. He notices you getting tired once again as your breathing evens out.