#marumo

“Tony,” Steve shooting up suddenly in bed as he yells out, his body shuddering, chest heaving and stares into the pitch darkness of his room, as he tries to suck in air. Tilting his head down, he tries to slow his breathing, doing the exercises like the team had taught him to do, desperately trying to calm himself down before his partner notices he’s shaking the bed with how hard he himself is trembling.

“Steve?”

He flinches, pressing himself hard against the headboard, at the sudden noise, before snapping his head to the side and feels his face crumble, his eyes water as he watches the blurry vision of Tony roll over, letting the comforter slide down so the glow of his reactor lit up the room.

“Hey, hey,” Tony murmurs, pushing himself up to sit next to Steve. He curls his hands into fists so he doesn’t reach out — they’d learn the hard way unfortunately that Steve didn’t always react best at times like this to being touched after a nightmare — and waits until Steve shows he’s listening, that he’s aware he’s not alone. “Steve?”

“I’m sorry,” he answers finally, voice wet and small as he curls in on himself, trying to make himself seem smaller. “Didn’t mean to wake you, honey. Go back to sleep.” He moves, lifting the blankets as he turns, ready to climb out and let Tony drift back off to sleep but he’s stopped before he can even turn to place his feet on the ground — God, he must really be off balance if he can’t move quick enough to stop being a bother — by Tony reaching out and gently tapping Steve’s shoulder, causing the man to freeze, near still as a statute.

“Steve, can I, can I hug you?” Tony keeps his voice soft and soothing, and he keeps himself as still as he can as he waits.

Swallowing, he stays still, his arm, with blankets in hand, hovering in the air for long moments before he lets them drop and moves to plant his feet on the ground as he bends, hunching in on himself and says in a small, broken voice, “Yes.”

Tony slowly shifts around, and carefully engulfs Steve, sliding his legs on either side of Steve’s, wrapping his arms around his middle — Steve shivers when the coldness of the arc reactor presses into his overheated skin — and resting his head against his shoulder. Turning his head, Tony presses a feather-light kiss before asking, “Do you want to talk about it? Or do you need me to ramble, or should we just sit in silence for a while, if that’s what you need.”

Swallowing, once, then again, he tries to open his mouth to answer, but all that slips past Steve’s parted lips is a broken, gutted sob that has Tony tightening his grip, pressing more kisses along his shoulders blades. “I’m sorry,” he finally rumbles hoarsely, voice wrecked with emotions, “I’m sorry, Tony, I-I’ll go sleep in my room. I’m sorry-”

“Hey, hey, no, no, Steve, no, okay, no, you’re okay, alright, it’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay ,” Tony says, words tripping over each other as he rapidly rushes to assure Steve. “Okay, just, just, breath, okay? Just, try and match my breathing, okay?” He takes a big inhale, waiting until Steve mimics him, before slowly releasing it. “That’s it, babe, just breathe with me for right now, okay?”

Slowly, Steve calms down, comes back to himself, Tony still wrapped around him like a koala bear, murmuring every soften often for Steve to keep breathing with him, “Yeah, babe, just like that, doing great honey.” Eventually though, he quiets, lets the silence settles over them before he awkwardly clears his throat, “You back with me, Cap?”

“Ye-yeah. I’m with you Shellhead,” Steve murmurs, voice still rough, still raw, but he lets his husband take some of his weight as he settles back against him. “Sorry, nightmare,” he tries to explain but is quickly cut off.

“Hey, no apologies. We agreed. Okay, it’s okay.” Tony lets himself fall quiet for a moment before speaking up again, “How about we lay back down, that sound good? Not that I’m not happy to sit like this if you need me too, Cap, but I think laying down face to face might be more beneficial to you.”

Letting out a weak chuckle, Steve nods his head slowly, “Yeah. It would.”

Detangling, Tony scoots back and settles back down under the blankets as Steve turns, watches him for a long moment before shuffling down so his head was laying on Tony’s chest, eyes directly staring at the reactor glowing from the middle of his partners chest.

“Steve?”

“MODOK pulled your reactor out,” Steve whispers, voice raw once again, but he cuts himself to swallow thickly. “We. I. We couldn’t get you back to the mansion in time. You. You died in my arms,” he finishes haltingly after a stretch of, not quite but, heavy silence.

“But you did , Steve. You, and the team, you guys got me back in time, okay?”

“I know, but,” he trails off, and brings his hand up to trace the scarring around the edge. “I guess with everything with Skull, and the body switch, and than MODOK, just added up too much. You know?” Leaning forward as he rolls up onto his knees between Tony’s spread legs, Steve leans down to press a kiss to the center of the arc reactor.

“I do,” Tony adds softly. He lifts his arm up, curling his hand up to curl his hand around the nap of Steve’s neck. “I get it.”

“Sorry if I seem touchy for a bit, or clingy for a while,” Steve apologies as he tilts his head back to look up into Tony’s eyes. “I just.”

“Hey, you don’t need to explain. Trust me, honey, I get it.” Tony gives rueful grin as he guides Steve forward to press a firm kiss to his lips. “I’m gonna be the same way about needing to know where you are for a bit. After Skull and, yeah. So I won’t get upset with you, if you don’t with me, deal?”

“Deal,” Steve smiles, pressing another kiss along Tony’s lips before moving, shifting back so he’s laying next to Tony, his head on his chest so his eyes are level with the arc reactor. “I love you,” he murmurs once he’s settled back down, curled around Tony like a protective barrier.

“I know,” Tony replies cheekily.