Name: Marumen

Debut: Wario Land 4

As we all know, every game needs a basic little enemy that poses little to no threat. As we also know, no creature is safe from Wario. Marumen is no exception. Poor, poor, Marumen.

Marumen is round. Its body is round, its eyes are round, its face is round, and its feet are probably round if you’re looking from the right angle. Its name even means “circle face”! Marumen’s entire identity revolves around being round. A real little lump of a creature. No sharp edges here! Marumen is safe for your child to play with.

Just like Wanderin’ Goom before it, Marumen could not inflict any harm if it tried. It can’t punch or bite, that’s for sure, and I don’t think it’s fast enough to charge or kick, either. I guess it could step on your foot, but I doubt that would hurt, and I’m sure it would never try any of this, either! It just wants to hang around, being round! The only situations in which I can envision Marumen being dangerous is if you tripped over it, which knocks it back anyway, or if you choked on it, in which case your throat would need to have a diameter of, like, a meter, probably. 

As stated previously, however, this is Wario’s game. Wario does what he wants. Marumen contains money, just like living creatures often inexplicably do, and Wario wants it. And goodness! Look at the way its eyes bug out! It did not expect this development at all! Marumen just wants to see the good in people, even if they have a clearly evil mustache!