#mark centric

MARKTEN - “the mentor”

Mark was in his first year of college when he realized he might not actually be straight after all

Being away from his Catholic parents and being exposed to other types of people really helped broaden his horizons

But meeting Ten was the turning point

They kissed during a game of Truth or Dare and the next thing Mark knew was that Ten was bringing him home to his bed

The morning after a confusing but terribly pleasurable fiasco, Ten was laughing at Mark's naivety because

(1) he hadn’t left like most guys do after a one night stand and;

(2) Mark was a cuddler when he was drunk off his ass

A literal octopus that pouted and whined and unconsciously sucked hickies unto exposed pieces of skin he could reach overnight

Mark tries to make sense of what happened

He thought that he and Ten HAD to be a thing now after what they had done (and they had done a lot)

Mark doesn’t really understand yet the concept of a one night stand

Ten explains to him that they don’t have to date or be exclusive (Ten just doesn’t roll that way)

They can just keep things casual between them

But poor Mark just looked so lost

So Ten takes him under his wing

Ten spends the next few months helping Mark explore his sexuality

They try different positions and different roles and even have a few threesomes with Ten’s more regular hookup: Johnny

Ten goes to great lengths to teach Mark about the wonders of hookup culture and one night stands and bars with sexy drunk men and sex full of passion but without any of the strings attached

He does all this before sending him off into the world like a chick leaving the nest

But Ten is still Mark’s favorite go-to for a long time

He just never had a chance with Ten

Not really

Especially not with Johnny always around

YUMARK - “the first heartbreak”

Yuta was Mark’s first boyfriend

He was known around the school as the problem-kid in Johnny’s year because he had skipped and flunked so many classes, has repeated his 3rd year twice

He was also notorious for his black-painted nails, devil-may-care attitude, and smoking on school grounds

He was the type of boy your parents warned you to stay away from

And he was also Ten’s go-to supply for happy pills and alcohol whenever he hosted parties at Johnny's frat house

Mark had known about him for a while

Had heard about him from all his seniors and even his batchmates

But they first meet at Ten’s graduation party when Mark was in his 2nd Year

By then Mark had been well-taught and fully immersed in hookup culture and he wanted to try his hand on someone different like Yuta

He let the older boy take him to his dorm room which smelled of weed and cheap beer

This isn't really what Mark would call attractive

But somehow spending the night with Yuta made Mark crave more than was deemed healthy

Even Ten wanted him to stay away from Yuta after hearing he had slept with him

But something about his aura made Mark fall to his knees

So they spend a few more nights together wrapped up in each other’s embrace

Yuta showed Mark things that Ten didn’t dare (and that was saying something as Ten was quite kinky himself)

Mark would probably never disclose to anyone the kind of shit he and Yuta regularly got around to doing

But one of their tamer endeavors, and one that they particularly enjoyed doing, was fucking raw while they were high or drunk

During this time their inhibitions would be completely thrown out the window and their fucking would often border on dangerous

Like fucking on the windowsill with the window wide open

Despite living on the 3rd floor

On one of those blurry nights where their vision was hazy with smoke and their throats burned from liquor, Mark blurted out that he had fallen in love with Yuta

Yuta didn't exactly reply

But he pulled him into a kiss and they didn’t speak of it again

They spent most of their free time together making out, fucking, or chilling at Yuta’s dorm with bongs and Japanese horror movies after that

They skipped classes to go on long drives to the countryside where they’d happily fuck in (and occasionally on) the car

Mark picked up smoking as a habit after having been given the task of carrying around Yuta’s lighter and lighting his cigarettes for him

The hefty metal had ‘N.YUTA’ messily carved into its body with a box cutter

And carrying it around made Mark feel useful, powerful, and gave him a sense of purpose

But he didn’t realize how dependent he was becoming or how much of his life he was slowly ruining

Mark lived in this toxic relationship believing Yuta needed him

Yuta told him that he needed him

When in reality it was actually Mark who needed him to feel alive

One day the relationship took a nosedive when Mark finds Yuta cheating on him with Winwin

Mark had never known what rage felt like until that moment

Mark cried angry tears

And he threw the metal light out the window, shattering the glass and causing Winwin to wince at the probable cost of the damage

Yuta tried to apologize but ultimately they decided that the relationship had already died months ago

They weren’t good or healthy for each other

And this was apparently just an incident waiting to happen

So they broke things off without another word

Mark has long since forgiven Yuta but only because it was in his nature to do so

But despite having uttered the words “I forgive you” he still feels the sting of heartache every time he sees Yuta and Winwin together

Because he couldn’t deny that Winwin made Yuta better than he ever could

RENMARK - “the one that got away”

Renjun was unique and enigmatic in many ways

He was smart, funny, artistic, and had a great personality, but was closed off and always kept his guard up

He made Mark want to use big words he otherwise would never use on a daily basis (like Abstentious, Deleterious, and Grandiose) simply because it made him smile

And Mark really loved his smile

Renjun would tease him for it, saying Mark probably didn't even know half the words he spewed out

But Mark could handle a few hundred blows to his ego if it meant Renjun would look at him for a few seconds longer

Following his relationship with Yuta, however, Mark just couldn’t find it in himself to ask the damn boy out

Renjun wasn’t an overly affectionate person and was stingy with skinship

But that made it all sweeter when he would lean against Mark while laughing his loud, full-bellied laugh at something Mark had said

Mark avoided smoking around Renjun because he had said once that he didn’t enjoy the smell

And he had associated cigars to his absent father

So regardless of the heavy withdrawals he experienced, Mark eventually quit smoking altogether because Renjun was less likely to recoil from a hug if he smelled more like sweat than if he smelled of burnt nicotine

Mark thought that maybe this was Renjun making him better (the same way Winwin had made Yuta better)

This made Mark think "Ah yes, he's the one"

But he wasn’t

He knew he wasn’t because of one night where Mark invited Renjun to his dorm to watch a movie over some beer and popcorn

They watched Love, Rosie, because Renjun wanted something cheesy to cringe to

They weren’t cringing though

Instead, they had the lights dimmed and the movie set to a low volume as they seriously talked about what could’ve happened if Rosie and Alex had just confessed to each other sooner

Hearing Renjun’s thoughts made Mark want to confess his love for him sooner too

And it was a little deeper into the night when Mark was on his 5th bottle and Renjun was on his 3rd that Mark found himself staring at Renjun’s side profile

He allowed himself this moment to trace the boy’s features

From the soft curve of his eyebrow down to his dainty ears and his perfectly carved out jaw that was hidden underneath a smooth expanse of unblemished skin

When Mark looked up again, Renjun was staring back

A moment passed where Mark’s heart felt like it was trying to jump out of his chest

And then he was leaning in and kissing Renjun on the lips

It wasn’t rough or passionate

It was slow and all-encompassing

All sighs and deep breathes before a gentle brush of parted lips

Renjun ended up on Mark’s lap, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes closed like he was scared to know if this was real or not

But he knew it was real because he was holding unto Mark’s shoulders for dear life while Mark held him gently by the waist

Renjun sleeps over at Mark’s that night but they didn’t go beyond soft kisses and lips against smooth skin

Mark thought it was perfect

But when Mark wakes up the next day, Renjun had left him a note on his bedside table that said

“Please, let’s not talk about last night.”

So they don’t

Because when they meet again, Jaemin was all wide smiles and sparkling teeth

“I finally got the courage to ask Renjun out, and he said yes!”

Mark tries his best to forget about his crush on Renjun because he still wanted him around and because he couldn’t ruin his friendship with Jaemin

Even if he couldn’t rest his hand on his lower back or press gentle kisses on his forehead, having him around was enough

Mark tells himself that this is enough

Seeing Renjun happy, even if it was in the arms of another, is enough

Renjun’s presence and his friendship is enough

It was Mark that wasn’t enough

MARKJEN - “the rebound”

Mark wasn’t enough for Renjun and Jeno wasn’t enough for Jaemin even when they both gave their all for the other

Mark still avoided smoking around Renjun but without the boy teetering him down his withdrawals became too hard to resist

So he allowed himself a butt or two whenever he was out, drinking his sorrows away with Jeno

Jaemin and Renjun’s relationship became their common denominator and they decided, after multiple bottles of whiskey and gin, that they should fall into bed with one another

Sex with Jeno was surprisingly rough and fast-paced

There was no love there; just calloused hands on his body and teeth marking his tanned skin

And a battle for dominance which Jeno was surprisingly unwilling to relinquish

After having been emotionally used by Jaemin for years, something snapped in Jeno that made him refuse to bend over for anyone ever again

And Mark, after having Renjun take everything he could give, was happy to let Jeno take the reigns and give it to him harder than anyone else ever did

They didn’t fall in love with one another

They never shared gentle kisses or whispered sweet things to one another

But between them bloomed a strong friendship that helped patch the emptiness in their hearts and anchored them back to the ground all the way until graduation

MARKHYUCK (2) - “it was you all along”

Of all the people Mark thought he’d meet on the bus, he didn’t expect Donghyuck to drop unto his lap (quite literally) during his commute home

After suffering multiple heartaches throughout his years in college, Mark thought himself too old to believe in fate or soulmates

He instead believed in the art that is hooking up with strangers he would meet at bars (Ten liked to call it “going back to his roots”)

(Not that Ten had any right to speak when he and Johnny were getting hitched in two month’s time)

But meeting Hyuck had him thinking that maybe fate wasn’t all just a can of baloneys

Even after Donghyuck had quite literally fallen unto Mark’s lap, he still had the audacity to get mad at the older boy for sitting in that particular seat that he could’ve fallen into without incident

And Mark could barely believe his ears at the words

Donghyuck was still just as brash and rude as he was when they were in high school

But the mischief in his eyes was aged, more mature, and less childish

Clearly, he's seen and experienced things and grown up a little

Even if it wasn't obvious

Perhaps they shared a few experiences between them?

Mark didn't have time to ponder on this as he was completely stunned to silence

Mark got up from his seat and offered it to the angry boy, who wasn’t really all that angry to begin with because he didn't know what else to do

Donghyuck was hesitant but he eventually sat down on the chair that Mark offered

It was the wrong decision though as Mark decided to stay rooted to his spot, right beside the seat, a little rigid and causing Hyuck some intense discomfort

Mark stared down at Donghyuck who was getting red from all the attention

After barking out a “what?” Mark asked the first thing that was on his mind

“Do you want to get some coffee with me?”

Of course, Donghyuck was taken aback

But the guilt of having stolen Mark’s seat and STILL acting rude despite all of that made Hyuck turn away with a blush high on his cheeks and a silent “sure” falling from his lips

The silent 'sure' that made a smile blossom on Mark’s face so Donghyuck didn’t really mind (to him, Mark was still as handsome as he remembered)

They stop by the first Starbucks they see and sit down to catch up

Mark finds out that Hyuck had just started working at the same company he and Johnny worked at

Donghyuck was also scheduled to move into the same apartment complex Mark lived in–albeit on a higher floor

Something pleasant wriggled inside Mark at the knowledge that he could potentially be spending more time with Hyuck depending on what department he'll be working in

He was pretty fucking convinced that it was fate paying him back for all the years of heartache he endured

Mark quickly offers Donghyuck his assistance for the move but the younger of the two quickly rejects, telling him that he was plenty capable of doing it on his own

Mark wanted to argue further but he feared it would scare Hyuck away, so he let it be and simply settled with buying the boy jjajangmyeon to celebrate getting his own place

They quickly become close friends after that and Mark takes Hyuck as his + 1 for Johnny and Ten's wedding

Mark decides that slow and steady was a good move for him and Hyuck

But what he didn’t anticipate happening was Donghyuck meeting Jeno at the wedding and seemingly becoming infatuated with the other boy

Mark was starting to think that life was a bit too unfair to him as he watched Hyuck and Jeno become fast friends

He wanted to scream and retaliate

And tell Jeno to stick to his lane as he was already flirting with Jisung anyway

But instead, Mark runs away wanting to spare himself another heartache

And Hyuck was left to stand there, baffled by Mark's sudden inattention

LUMARK - “it’s not me, it’s him.”

In a desperate attempt to forget about Hyuck, Mark starts sleeping around once again and meets Lucas

He was a boy his age who he likened to a giant puppy

A puppy he definitely shouldn't have met at a gay bar because he was much too kind for his own good

Lucas is as sweet to him as life is cruel

On the first night they met, Lucas had bought him a drink, danced with him on the dance floor, patted his back while he hurled into a toilet from drinking too hard, and then let him cry on his shoulder after bringing him back home (supposedly to make out so more but that didn't exactly go as planned)

A week later and Mark finds himself getting picked up after work every single day

He walks him home, regularly takes him out for dinner dates, and even asks him if he wanted to move in after his lease was up

All within a month of dating him

Once again Mark finds himself thinking that maybe Lucas is the one even if he knows very well that he didn't deserve the giant puppy

He couldn’t deny, however, that the relationship fell short

Lucas was very kind about this and asked Mark if maybe there was someone else

Technically there wasn’t

But really... there was

Because Mark couldn’t get the thought of Donghyuck out of his head

Mark blurts this out one night but hastily explains to Lucas that nothing is going in between him and Hyuck

Mark could never cheat on anyone after suffering so badly with Yuta

And Mark hasn't really been out to see a lot of his friends since he met Lucas (mostly to avoid Hyuck) so he didn't really have the time to cheat on him

He will just try harder to love Lucas as much as Lucas loved him is what Mark says

But all Lucas says in response is “I am not Donghyuck, and that's okay."

MARKHYUCK (3) - “say yes”

After the relatively peaceful breakup with Lucas (who agrees that they should at least remain friends), Mark is once again alone in the world

Mark and Donghyuck still work for the same company and still go home to the same apartment complex

But where Mark used to have Lucas pick him up and walk him home, he now had no one to spare him the uncomfortable small talk that Hyuck has insisted they have

“What happened to Lucas?”

“We broke up.”

“Oh.”

“What happened to Jeno?”

“He’s with Jisung.”

“Oh!”

Mark was clearly taken aback as he knew Jeno used to flirt with Jisung long before he even met Hyuck

Shouldn’t having them hang out make Donghyuck uncomfortable?

Just like before, Mark was deeply baffled by Hyuck’s behavior

“Is he not crushing on Jisung anymore?”

“He’s literally head over heels in love with him.”

“Then why’d you let them hang out?”

An uncomfortable silence envelops them that causes Mark to look up at Hyuck properly

“... cus they’re dating?”

Mark was confused by this

It’s true he hadn’t been with his friends in a while, completely focusing on Lucas and avoiding Donghyuck

But he couldn’t have possibly missed something this big

“I thought you and Jeno were dating? You two became so close after the wedding.”

This time it was Donghyuck who gave Mark a confused look (although his was laced with anger)

“Mark Lee you can’t be that fucking stupid! I was asking him to help me ask you out.”

A whirlwind of emotions washed over Mark as he stared at the angry boy in front of him

He found it more and more difficult to do anything BUT stare at Donghyuck; he just had that effect on him

He stared so hard that he didn’t realize they had reached their stop and that Donghyuck was getting off the bus

Mark allowed his body to move on autopilot as he helplessly followed Hyuck into their apartment building

As if he was watching his life pass by like a movie, Mark watched as Hyuck pressed (slammed) the button for his floor for him and allowed himself to be pushed out of the elevator when he had reached his supposed destination

But instead of walking to his apartment, Mark turned back around to the closed elevator and stared some more

When the elevator doors opened again to reveal one of his startled neighbors, Mark suddenly snaps out of his trance-like stupor

What the fuck was he doing out here?

As the moments before suddenly rush back to him, Mark makes a move for the elevator (even getting slammed between the doors as it was closing) to go to Hyuck’s apartment

He bangs on the door loudly, not bothering to put down his suitcase that was undoubtedly scuffing the wooden door

Donghyuck flings the door open angrily to yell at Mark but is instead cut off by the older boy’s voice

“What do you mean ask me out?”

Hyuck stared at Mark in disbelief for a moment before attempting to close the door on his face

Much to his delight and Donghyuck's anger, Mark’s reflexes were much faster than either of them knew and he easily pushes himself into the room to simply ask again

“Hyuck, what do you mean ask me out? You were going to ask me out?”

“Yes you big oaf, I was going to ask you out! But your stupidly small brain encased in that big forehead of yours decided to date Lucas before I even had the chance.”

Mark bites back a smile but ultimately fails as he backs Haechan further into the apartment

“Ask me now.”

“What?”

“Ask me out now.”

At this point, Donghyuck looks downright murderous but Mark pays him no heed as he keeps smiling down at Hyuck

“I’m not asking you out anymore, Mark Lee.”

“Then I’ll ask you.”

“No you won’t, I’ll say no.”

“Go out with me, Donghyuck.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to anymore!”

“Please?”

Hyuck stared up at the soft, pleading look on Mark’s face and feels himself crumble for a moment

So he turns away from temptation, a scowl deepening the lines on his face

Mark only follows his gaze and smiles back at Hyuck

He could see the younger boy's resolve breakaway but he also knew that Hyuck was a stubborn bitch

So finally, in a last-ditch attempt to get what he hoped will make them both happy, Mark decides to take Donghyuck’s hands in his and looks directly into his eyes

“I know I was a dick, Hyuck.. but please give me one more chance? Go out with me...”

Hyuck seemed like he was at a loss for words

The last of his dignity and his inflated ego had been chipped away and he felt like he was suddenly laid bare in front of Mark

Completely and 100% at his mercy

So instead of dignifying Mark’s begging with a response, he looks away once more and gives him a curt nod

The small affirmation, however, lights up Mark’s face and he hurriedly throws his arms around Hyuck and pulls him into a tight hug before spinning him around once (completely ignoring the shrieking it caused)

When Mark pulls away, Donghyuck's face is flushed red and he's scowling at him once more

But that didn’t dim Mark's smile at all

Instead, he asks Hyuck if he could kiss him

Both Mark and Haechan love their hyungs in 127, but between each other and the rest, they always choose each other when having to team up or pair up for games

And the PD has to tell them to choose someone else because they can’t be in the same group for ten games in a row

Haechan allows himself to pout as the hyungs laugh fondly at the sulky maknae line and Johnny jokingly comments ‘ah! young love.’

Mark and Haechan are too comfortable with each other to take it awkwardly, so they settle for a hug before having to split up

Mark knows Haechan is many things: noisy, obnoxious, sassy, funny, rude

But the night their Fire Truck MV is released and he plays Haechan’s part at exactly 2:12 into the video, he feels his heart thudding weirdly

Because Haechan’s eyes are dark and lined and smokey and his voice pierces smoothly into him and Mark almost shivers

He hasn’t seen this side of him before: confident, cool, intimidating

So he has to force himself to close the app before he replays the same part 50 times in a row. 

That night he dreams of Haechan’s hooded gaze

In their room, whenever ‘Baby Don’t Like It’ comes on through their portable speakers, they have an unspoken habit of stopping whatever they’re doing to listen

Maybe they tell themselves that it’s because they’re appreciating how their voices blend together softly, in perfect harmony

But the time they made eye contact when ‘Baby, is it me, or are you doing something to me?’ echoed around the room, they found that they had to look away

For the first time ever, Mark and Haechan, who could practically communicate telepathically through split-second glances, couldn’t hold the weight of the look shared between them

Thankfully, it was dark and the room shadowy and so they couldn’t see the way the other’s cheeks and ears burned a little redder, or their chest moving a little more rapidly

Mark never told Haechan that when writing the song, all he could think of was him

Haechan never told Mark that when recording the song, all he could think of was him

Because they were best friends, and best friends can’t and don’t think of each other while listening to love songs

But Mark doesn’t know what to think, how to label this feeling

It wasn’t like the girl he had a crush on when he was six, butterflies and shy stuttering whenever she was around

Neither was it like his best friend when he was eight, who was slightly clingy and Mark always had to shift his position to get him to stop hugging him

With Haechan, Mark feels comfortable, familiar, like a friend he’s known for decades although they’ve been alive for less than two, and known each other for less than one

Haechan is clingier and touchier than all the best friends Mark has had, but he doesn’t really mind

Because Haechan’s hugs, touches, are warm and anchoring and soothe him like no one else’s do

Like the day before he was scheduled for his 4th comeback/debut, and Haechan’s 3rd, when he dragged his tired and sweaty ass back to the dorm after 15 hours of practice and collapsed on the floor in utter exhaustion

And he might have cried, because he thought about how he wasn’t even eighteen yet, but everything was coming so quickly and stressfully and he was simply so tired

And when Haechan came in, he said nothing, except to sink to the floor right beside him and pull him into one of his special hugs reserved for important moments

A gentle but firm hug, one hand over Mark’s heaving chest and the other quietly stroking through his sweaty hair

And Mark might’ve cried a little harder because of how comforted he felt, but he would blame it on the sweat stinging his eyes

They said nothing for two hours, sitting in the dark, Mark not knowing if the dampness against his neck was from his own tears or Haechan’s

They drifted off to sleep, propped up against the bed frame, eyes puffy and lashes wet

Mark dreamt of lips against his temple and comfort, security

The next morning, Taeil came to wake them up for their Comeback day

When he saw them asleep, still in yesterday’s practice clothing, clinging loosely to each other, he said nothing apart from gently shaking them awake and pushing them towards the bathroom to get cleaned up

In the car on the way to the show, they sat next to each other like they always did, knees bumping and a light nervousness in the air

Mark’s hand silently crept to Haechan’s and he linked their fingers together, earning a slightly questioning look from the other members since Mark hardly initiated skinship, but Haechan understood

Right before they were scheduled to go on stage, when everyone backstage was busy flitting around in the darkness and getting ready, Mark reached for Haechan’s hand again

This time, Haechan leaned in to brush Mark’s hair aside and press a gentle kiss to his temple

And later, when on stage, surrounded by screaming fans and dazzling lights, Mark might have let slip a smile.

Im Jaebum’s last human memory is bitter anger, filling his chest, his eyes, and the screeching of tires. Moments of shooting pain and ringing in his ears before he wakes up to find himself dead.

There were a few people in the car with him, a few people that he hit, all around him equally dead and he can’t bring himself to care. He’s dead and part of him is more upset that they caused him enough anger to end up like that then he is that he’s dead.

A man with sunken eyes calls himself a demon and drags each person away and brings them back one at a time until they get to Jaebum. Jaebum follows along, observes the darkness of the place they take him, and watches someone else look him up and down before telling the demon they can take Jaebum away.

When he returns a woman who calls herself a reaper leads all the dead away, Jaebum included, and once in front of yet another person he doesn’t have enough time to have a clear memory of, he’s told the other will be reborn and he will be made an angel.

A guardian angels job is to keep humans alive. If they suffer isn’t all that important, just that they’re alive. Jaebum gets a handle on his ability to influence things around him- people as well- in order to keep the human he’s guarding alive. Quickly understands his job. But not why he has it.

He killed people. Sure it wasn’t on purpose, sure looking back he feels bad, but he had killed them and at the time it hadn’t mattered. At the time he was just so upset.

“How could you do this to me?!”

It hadn’t mattered what happened to them. It’s fifty years later that he can’t even remember what they were going to do to him. It’s fifty years later he sees a familiar face in a human he’s guarding- they really were reborn he realizes- that it sets in.

“Am I not a good person?” He wonders. How had someone who only years later feels guilty become an angel? Was it a joke? The worlds person joke against Jaebum. Maybe it’s punishment. Make him preserve life, eventually come to care about it more, so that he feels bad for what he’d done.

Mark’s last human memory is of a sharp pain in his back and his desperate reaching for the man he’d called his father. There’s a sound when he hits the ground, someone speaking to him. This is his own fault, Mark realizes. Everything here is his own fault.

Mark’s last human memories- no, rather the last human memories of someone who would later call himself Mark- are of him wishing he had never shown up where he was. Wishing he’d taken the person who helped him escape and kept running, instead of staying with the man who would become his father figure. Instead of assuming the man he was- illegitimately- the son of would let him go easily.

Instead of waiting around until he was found and killed. The arrow in his back when he looks down at his human body and the faces of his killers. They’re engraved into his memory even a few hundred years later.

Even after becoming an angel, even after becoming a being meant to preserve life and seeing hundred of faces. Of good people, of bad people, of doctors, of murders. The faces of those people, and the face of his father realizing he had died, haunt him.

“I’m sorry.” Mark apologizes every year, to the place where it happened, to a soul who has long since been reborn more than once.

Mark wonders if,  had he taken different actions, he would have ended up reborn, or a demon, or a reapers. Instead of an angel. If his actions had any impact on what happened, or if it was his feelings that made his soul one that became an angel. If he deserves to be given the job of protecting human life when he still wishes he could trade their lives for better peoples.

Jackson had wanted to be an entertainer; wanted to see people smile because of something he’d done. He’d break things or hurt himself doing dumb things for this. If it meant people would be happy, then it was okay.

Jackson’s last human memory is of him promising that he’ll be fine. It isn’t lost on him later, when he wakes up to find himself dead, that his last human action is to lie. He was supposed to fine, he’d pose and make a joke and then return to his friends and everything would be fine. But he falls.

“He wasn’t supposed to die.” Someone cries and it’s not anyone Jackson knows. Shock keeps Jackson from registering much as he’s taken to be told what he’d become. An angel sounds so nice until you are one, until your very soul sprouts wings and suddenly you’re supposed to keep humans alive while being unable to interact with them they way they do each other. Unable to make people smile.

So Jackson takes to pulling stunts around other angels, or demons, or reapers if he can manage and making them smile. It’s fine, he tells himself. Being dead isn’t so bad. But echos of ‘you shouldn’t hang around demons’ and ‘are all angels this annoying’ find their way to him. He laughs them off. Laughs everything off.

Until it comes crumbling down around him and he’s a liar. Jackson has always been. Sure he wanted people to smile, but mostly he just wanted their attention, wanted not to be forgotten. Jackson said he would be fine when he knew it was dangerous and tells people he takes his job as an angel seriously when really he’s just scared of being cast out and forced to live as a human again.

Sometimes, there were angels who didn’t care much about the rules. They got their job done, and they protected human life, but as far as other things? Not much regard. Like the unofficial rule not to make friends with demons, or keeping the closest thing to heaven that actually existed in total peace.

Really what fun was that?

“Jackson, I’m starting to think you were supposed to be a demon.” Mark sighed. His friend was great, really, other than constantly being called in to see a higher up about some prank he may or may not have pulled. (He almost certainly had.)

“If I was a demon you’d pretend we were enemies.”

“He’s got a point.” Mark wasn’t sure why Jaebum was there, or felt the need to comment, but he imagined it had something to do with the demons.

“At least I’m not the one helping demons and claiming they didn’t.”

“You gonna take that Jaebum?” Jackson joked. Jaebum shrugged, seeming uninterested.

“I mean, he’s right. Unlike him I don’t pretend like it was necessary to let people who aren’t my targets die, though.”

“I suddenly don’t like this conversation.” Mark frowned.

If he was honest, being accused of such wasn’t that big a deal. Since he couldn’t get into any trouble for letting un-protected humans die, even if he maybe should have felt bad about the whole thing. But he was keeping a demon from being cast into the human world without any means of survival. It was cruel, even for a demon, to be stuck in a world they’d already died in.

At least that was a good excuse for Mark to pretend he didn’t think of Jinyoung as a sort-of-friend.

“By the way,” Jaebum changed the subject, “Jackson, what did you do this time?”

“I don’t know this time!” There was a pause, where the looks Jackson received from Mark and Jaebum we’re disbelieving. “No it’s true! I’ve been busy doing work. Unlike you two.”

“I’ve been doing Marks work.”

“I was reassigned! Temporarily.” Temporarily, since Mark had only been reassigned until Jinyoung returned to his own job as a demon.

“Well, anyway, they just called me in a told me I shouldn’t associate with demon.” Jackson shrugged, but stopped when he realized how tense the other two became at that.

“What, are they making that a rule- officially- now?” Mark frowned, that would cause problems for every one of them.

“I doubt it. I think someone’s making a deal out of it, or something. If it was a rule all of us would have been cast out.”

Sometimes Mark forgot how heavily the other two associated with demons, too. He sure thought of one sort of like a friend, but they hardly acted like it in reality. But Jaebum, who had let a demon get away with stuff he should have reported, even going so far as to save one of that demon’s targets so they wouldn’t get in trouble? Or Jackson who was friends with demons openly and didn’t seem to care? They would be even more affected by that kind of official rule.

“That’s ridiculous either way. Who cares? Human lives hardly mean anything to them or to us, so what’s really the difference.”

“I’m sure there are angels who think it matters,” Jaebum shrugged. “Especially younger ones.”

Jaebum probably knew from experience. Maybe even from when he was a young angel. Mark sure didn’t know him well back then, but Jaebum used to think it mattered, he heard. Used to care about each and every human he protected. When had he gotten so tired and stopped caring so much? Maybe he just realized demon’s were in basically the same boat, even if they had a different job.

He’d been especially defendant of demons recently, too.

“I don’t know, seems like the demons care more, even.” Jackson shrugged. “Like what happened to Jinyoung getting attacked. Poor guy.”

“I don’t know, it might have been worse before.” Mark could say that, but even if he was there, he wouldn’t have really noticed. He was too busy trying to remember what kind of human he had been, and learning that it may not have changed where he ended up.

“Maybe,” Jaebum muttered. He never did like thinking about the past. But then, when did the dead really benefit from that, anyway?

“Sure, but it never really affected us before.” Jackson seemed to be thinking about something for a second, where they knew he had more to say but he hadn’t yet. “We did all sort of get involved with demons all the sudden. Timing majorly coincidental.”

“Speaking of demons,” Jaebum started, turning to Mark. “Don’t you have work?”

“...Maybe.” Mark turned to leave before they could mention that he should probably be guarding whoever he’s supposed to already.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Jinyoung glared at Mark who shrugged. “Not even one target!”

“Hey, I’ll let you report the soul that did die.”

“Jerk,” Jinyoung sighed, watching the reaper pick up the soul and bring them towards Jinyoung and Mark.

“Oh, I missed you too,” Mark joked. “Give them to him, I’m done for the day.”

“You can be done for good!”

Angels and Demons both used to be humans. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to act like it was normal even as an angel befriending a demon. And why the thought that it would be such a big deal was ridiculous.