#mari open

She sat cross-legged in the dark. Eyes forward and focusing intently into the darkness. Her shoulders were ridged, tensed as if ready for a fight. Her back was hunched over, and her hands fisted tightly against her knees.

She could feel something behind her.

It was like smoke brushing against the back of her neck. But cold, like winter air. Delicately it traced patterns, trying to get her to turn around. Sometimes she was tempted to, just so she wouldn’t be the only one in the darkness. But today, she was ignoring it.

“Won’t you turn around?” It said in an airy, almost sweet voice, “Please, please turn around and look at me.”

Sometimes it sounded like her mother, and that always sent chills down her spine. Her mom was anything but sweet. Other days it sounded like the girl she had crushed on when she was a child. Which always sent pangs of regret and resignation though her chest. Today though, it took a new voice, which was why she was so irritated.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could also see him. Just at the edge of her vision, he stood in the darkness, watching her. She couldn’t look him in the face, never in the face. But she knew he wasn’t there to hurt her. Not like the thing at her back. She could trust him.

Which was probably why it had stolen his voice.

“It’ll be okay, just this once, to turn around,” it promised in his voice, with a hint of a smile inside it’s edges.

She deeply inhaled and let out an irritated sigh. It was cruel of it to use a voice that she had trusted when she first came to her clan. But it was bound to figure that out eventually. In the distance she could see that he was shaking his head no. He didn’t have to worry though. She knew.

“Go away.” She said firmly, staring resolutely ahead.

It paused its smoke like caresses and withdrew.

“Stupid, foolish, girl.” It muttered to itself, “Stubborn, idiotic, twit.”

“I can hear you.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“All you have to do is turn around. Then I’ll leave you alone. What’s so hard about that?” It said.

She continued to ignore it, this time closing her eyes and exhaling slowly. She never liked what came next. 

The sound of many voices suddenly started shrieking behind her. Inside the voices, she could occasionally hear her family. Pain and terror filled cries pulled at her chest. She squeezed her eyes tighter, nails digging into her palms, and ignored them. 

She could feel the heat of flames now, the sounds of fighting. She then knew what memory this demon was burrowing into. Her head shook, as if she could chase away the memory that way. But the only way out of this was through. 

“Just turn around, and it will all be over Mari.” The voice promised sweetly, whispering into her ear with Lir’s voice. 

“No it won’t,” she whispered back, mostly to herself. “It’ll have just begun.”

The voice roared, and her daughter’s screams were added into the mix. Mari’s hands flew up to her face, covering it. She could hardly bear this. 

“Just turn around and look at me Mari.”

“No!” With her eyes still closed she shouted and spun around, swinging-

She woke up with a gasp, her arms shooting out as if to hit something. She had bolted upright, and looked around the room for any sign of danger. When she saw none, she settled back into her bones, allowing a shudder to run through her. She took a shaky breath, trying to stead herself, and sighed. 

A demon had recently started plaguing her dreams, not allowing her to fade into the dreamless sleep she would normally sink into. Just another reason to avoid sleeping she figured. With a glance at her window, she saw that the sun had yet to rise. Much too early to be awake. But there was no way she was going back to bed. 

Mari inhaled deeply and sat up, her eyes almost sleepily looking around the room she was in as she tried to bridge the gap between slumber and wakefulness. For a moment, she was completely relaxed. Her shoulders were down, which was rare, and her face almost childishly sleepy. And even more rare was that her ears had slightly drooped in her lapse of skittishness. But then the moment passed and she sprung out of bed and darted for the door in a fluid movement. Her mind was finally alert and pinging at her to check where she was.

With almost terrifying force she ripped open the door to the room and peered out the hall. The corner of her nose twitched once as someone in the hall squeaked and scurried down the hall. She did recognize where she was, but was it really her room in Skyhold? In the past months she had been back to her room, but it hadn’t really been…Just…

She shook her head to clear that train of thought from her mind before it could go any further and shut the door. Once it was shut she leaned against it and slid down to the floor and curled her knees up to her chest before wrapping her arms around herself. She was back. This time for sure she told herself. There had been too many close calls in the past few months, including a run in with a demon or two that had shaken her to her core. But they had returned she reminded herself. She had struck that particular demon down herself. 

With a sigh she uncurled herself and got back to her feet, returning to the present. With distaste she looked down at the sleep clothes she had been wearing. Though she normally slept in her clothes, and occasionally her armor, someone had taken the time to undress her and put her to bed apparently. Hazily she recalled collapsing after crossing through the gates of Skyhold and being separated from Gwyn. Presumably a few of the other scouts, or maybe even some of the maids, had assisted her in getting her into bed. 

Mari then crossed the room to where her things had been lain and quickly she dressed herself and put her armor back into place. To her annoyance, there was a note that basically said the weapon’s smith was holding her weapons hostage until she had spent a few days relaxing. Per her boss. Not a total loss since she could handle herself just fine sans weapons these days, it was just a bother. 

She pulled her shoulders back and then left the room to find Gwyn. She'd was fine with being alone, but being around her brother had appearantly rubbed off on her. As she entered the Great Hall and nearly reached the stairs leading to the library, she felt herself bump into someone. 

They were right behind her, and she couldn’t run any faster. Gwyn had been caught long ago, and the sound of a scream cut short haunted her as she ran. Daja had been too old, along with Mother and Father. Theron was long gone. She was alone, and about to die.

The tug at her collar let her know someone had grabbed the back of her shirt and she cried out as they jerked her backwards. Off her feet she came, and slammed own. Down. Down. She hit the forest floor with a thud, the breath knocked out of her.

“Dalish witch!” he spat in her face as he held her down. The knife was at her collar bone, pressing down. Down. Down. Meant to pierce her heart but placed too high. A slow death, a painful one. 

She didn’t get away this time.

Mari jolted awake, falling to the ground and scrabbling backwards, her chest heaving. Only when she hit her back on the battlement walls did she realize that it was only a nightmare. She looked down and saw she wasn’t in her armor, but her night clothes. After taking a gasping breath she let out a nervous laugh. Only a nightmare...

Mari crossed the bridge and entered Skyhold after days of travelling nonstop. In her arms, a child rested their head against her chest, sleeping soundly with a relaxed expression. Mari’s own face was one of exhaustion, but her eyes were filled with relief. Though doubt nagged at her mind for not vanishing while she had the chance, she felt more at peace than she had in a long time.

Without anyone seeing her, she went up to the battlements, stopping when she caught sight of the sun coming up. She had missed the sight while gone. Suddenly, she felt a tug on her arm and loosened her hold. She shifted her bundle to one arm, and pulled off her hood. The child’s head lifted off her shoulder and her own hood fell off, revealing soft white curls and sleepy eyes. 

“Mamae?” She asked, rubbing the last of her sleep from her eyes.

Mari shushed her and said, “We’re here Amala. We can go see First Gwyn as soon as everyone else wakes. Everyone here sleeps a little past sunrise. Not like at home, where we wake with the sun.”

It pained her to say home since her child would never be welcomed back. She gently held Amala’s hand and brought it to her lips. It was just her luck that her child would turn out to be a third. But she didn’t care and refused to let her child be sent to a different clan, or even worse, into the wilds. It was why she had left without a word to anyone, vanishing as soon as she got word from Daja. And seeing her daughter again brought a peace to Mari’s face hadn’t been there in a long time.

 At the sound of footsteps behind her, she frowned and turned to face the source.

Mari sat in her usual spot on the battlements, her eyes closed and breathing steadily. Her left hand was at her collar bone, holding her necklace between her thumb and index finger. Gwyn, before they had left the clan, had given her a gift. One she treasured no matter how angry she was at him. The necklace had standard enchantments on it, but her brother had added one other. A steady heartbeat could be felt through the necklace. Amala’s heartbeat.

He had given her a connection to her daughter, as he knew she’d worry about her endlessly while she was gone. He, of course, was right. The amulet helped though. It was startling to think she would be 5 now. They’d been gone a year already. She missed her daughter dearly, but their work with the inquisition wasn’t done. And there was no way she’d send for her. The world outside the clan was still chaos, and if she could help it she’d not expose her child to it. 

With a sigh, she let go of the pendant and turned, planning on going to Gwyn to see what her next job would be. However, she stopped upon seeing someone behind her.

She grit her teeth as she handed her armor over to the messenger. As it left her hands, she could see the tears in the leather and the missing pieces of mail. The messenger gave a small nod of their head to her, and then went on their way. She wouldn’t be without her armor for long. It was only until the repairs were done she told herself.

In all honesty though, her mind was a little more panicked than usual. A little more on edge. Her armor protected her more than physically. It helped shield her mentally, or something along those lines. It made her feel safer anyways. But with it off, she felt...very breakable.