#manic-pixie-fever-dream

Remember Alex hasn't been with a man so intimately. Henry is his Northstar here. Henry let's Alex learn his body and needs in the most subtle ways. He let's Alex know that he is ready with that subtle press of the hand.

Alex's eyes don't leave Henry's even for a second . He doesn't know what Henry is comfortable with. He waits for Henry to let him know he can proceed further. Henry gives him the slightest of nods and then and only then does Alex proceeds.

Love how Henry is absolutely enjoying being the little spoon here and Alex is holding him tightly as if Henry might leave him otherwise.

They are sharing a pillow.

But, did you notice Alex's hand under their pillow?

I love the way they included the ring in the movie. It plays a small part in the book, its main appearance being on Alex’s necklace after Henry gives it to him. Two homes side by side.

In the movie, Henry's signet ring is his fidget spinner. He needs it when his anxiety shoots up and it grounds him.

The first time we see Henry twirling his ring is at the NYE party, sitting at the bar all alone, contemplating how he ended up there. The boy he is crushing on is dancing with everyone else with gay abandon. But, he can't dance with him the way he wants to. He feels so alone in a party full of people. His nerves are shot and he doesn't know what to do. He sits there twirling his ring.

The next time we see him twirling it is in Alex’s bedroom after their first hook-up. They both want to hook up again and Henry is trying to ask Alex out. Henry has never taken charge of his relationships as they never amount to anything in the end. So, he is nervous and vulnerable while asking Alex out for the Polo match. This boy he has been crushing on... he could have a 'casual' relationship with him. He needs extra courage to put himself out there and ask Alex out. The ring comes to his rescue.

Paris garden stroll. Alex loves flamboyantly and physically. PDA is very integral to Alex. But, Henry loves from his closet. He isn’t allowed to show any form of PDA. Henry says.. he can belong to someone…but only momentarily and Alex wants to reach out and touch Henry to let him know that Henry can belong to him, if only momentarily. Henry panics. Reaches for his ring. Twirls it.

At the private airstrip. The storming of the Kensignton Palace has happened. Alex and Henry have confessed their love and agreed to be patient. Alex is leaving Henry and they don’t know what the future holds for them. Henry is anxious af and the ring weighs heavily on his finger and soul. He can’t bear to take it anymore. He wants its weight off his finger. The weight of years of history bearing down on him as he says in Kensington palace.

He removes it and gives it to Alex. In the book, he says to Alex, “Keep it. I’m sick of wearing it.” The movie does it SO much better. “I want you to have some part of me, till you can have all of me again.” It’s a promise to Alex. And, in the book, Alex takes the ring and wears in on his necklace along with his key. The movie does it SO much better.(Yes. I’m repeating myself like a broken record.)

Alex gives him a part of him back too. The piece that anchors him as he navigates his life as the First Son. The key to his childhood home. Henry knows the significance of that key. And, is happy to have it on him. You see that necklace around Henry’s neck on the morning of the email leak as he wakes up. I love this change in the movie where they both got to keep a part of each other.

I am sure Henry rubbed the hell out of that key during the communication lockdown between the White House and Kensington Palace after the email leak. I am sure the Ring and the Key anchored Alex and Henry respectivley during this turbulent time. Alex comes to London breaking the sound barrier to take care of Henry. Henry is at his lowest and physically needed Alex so that he doesn’t lose his mind.

The Royal Confrontation happens and Henry’s nerves are at its peak. I’m sure he wanted to throw up while waiting to meet his GrandPa, the King. Habit has him reaching for the ring. He finds the ring missing…and remembers the ring on Alex’s finger. He smiles. He knows that Alex will be there to ease his nerves no matter what happens with the King. Oh Henry! the best is yet to come.

There is a small interlude during this confrontation and we see Alex letting Henry play with the ring on his finger.. and Henry does so with a cute smile on his face. Its adorable how Alex lets Henry indulge in some self-soothing during a highly charged moment in their lives.

Henry is out and proud now. Alex has won his mom another term in the office. They won. They both won. We see Alex taking Henry to his childhood home. Where it all started for Alex. And, we see Alex taking his key from the necklace around HIS OWN neck. But, where is Henry’s signet ring?

It is back on Henry’s finger!! They gave back the parts of them they were safekeeping for each other because now they have the WHOLE of each other for safekeeping. The final scene cuts to a shooting star. The future! The hope!!

And, as for me? I want to be the key that dangles on Alex's chest. And, I want to be the signet ring on Henry’s finger.

Note: if you read till here, thank you! It's my first essay on tumblr and on anything #RWRB

This scene is pure cinema. The emotions it pulls out of you in a span of three minutes is unbelievable. Never have I been so conflicted about which actor to focus on in one scene. I want to look at Alex.. go from happy to pensive to vulnerable. I want to see Henry go from relaxed to be worried to having a full-blown panic attack. I want to see Alex's hand doodling on Henry. Where do I look?! Alex and Henry aren't looking at each other but WE can see the emotions playing out on their faces.... Gaaahhhh!! There is so much to see in a span of 3mins. Both the actors acted the sh!t out of this scene.

It starts off with Alex swimming towards a sunbathing Henry on the pier. You hope that the pasty white Brit is wearing enough sunscreen to deal with the Texan sun. It’s a beautiful aerial shot… of a floating pier, a relaxed Henry and a graceful Alex swimming towards the pier. Alex gets on the pier and starts clowning around with Henry. Its so nice to see the boys being playful. Henry chiding Alex for getting him wet(?!) “You are such a cretin! Get off me!!” I don’t remember the last time I heard the word cretin. It's going to become a staple in my vocabulary. Thanks, Henry!

Please tell me you HEARD this image. 👆

Alex is unable to keep his hands off Henry. He tangles his fingers with Henry’s. Its adorable. His mind is running a mile a minute. He has all these feelings in him that he wants to share with Henry. He starts off with the first thing that comes to his mind. A future with Henry. He thinks his life will be different after the election. He imagines his mom winning the re-election and a life where Alex and Henry can be out and proud in public. You wonder why he is being selfish and thoughtless about Henry’s predicament as a Royal Heir. But, Alex only sees Henry Fox and not the Prince Henry. That is because, Henry has always been Henry Fox with Alex. Alex forgets that Henry Fox belongs only to himself and not to the public.

But this is Alex. His ADHD brain gets caught up in the promise of an open future. Imagines a future of being out and proud. You can see the difference between the son of a Democrat living in the Land of the free and Home of the brave and a Royal Heir living with a stiff upper lip and antiquated ideas and pageantry. Alex can imagine a future, But Henry? He has a snowball's chance in hell of a future together with Alex.

“We can walk through Austin holding hands and it wont even matter if anyone sees us. [..] I can take you to all the places I grew up and you can get to understand my life a little more.” Henry starts to feel the panic building in the pit of his stomach. His worst fear is coming alive. His smile falls off his face. He untangles his fingers from Alex’s. Alex? He doesn’t want to let go of Henry. It’s a monumental moment for Alex. He needs to touch Henry while he processes his feelings and parses them into words and strings them into sentences. He starts doodling on Henry.

Alex knows he is standing on that cliff his dad spoke about. He knows he is going to jump. He hopes that Henry is there waiting to catch him. He starts slowly… “I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” And Henry? He can’t bear to face Alex. He sits up. His brows crunch and frown. His breaths, shallow. Alex has no clue about the massive panic attack Henry is going through. He doodles on Henry’s shoulders and back. Lazy circles. While he tries to form his next sentence. For someone who talks a lot, Alex is suddenly tongue-tied. Time to jump off that cliff, Alex.

“It’s like there is a rope attached to my chest and it keeps pulling me towards you. It feels so right.” Henry knows what’s coming next. He can’t let Alex say it. Once Alex says it, Henry knows he will break his heart. Henry knew from the beginning his heart will be broken when he got into this ‘casual’ relationship with Alex. He is prepared for it. It was only a matter of time for him. Henry, my poor self-sacrificial lamb...truly believed that its perfectly alright to have his heart broken than chase after his happiness. He tried protecting Alex from a heartbreak. He said it right after their hook up in Alex’s bedroom..

“I can’t afford for you to fall in love with me.” Alex felt that it was arrogant and highly presumptive of Henry to say that. What did he know about Henry’s predicament. “I thought I could have some part of you, and just never say it, and you'd never have to know, and one day you'd get tired of me and leave.” And Alex? Alex had the fucking audacity to fall in love with Henry.

Back to the pier...

“What I mean to say is... Henry, I—" And Henry is off the pier in a heartbeat holding onto his dear life… clutching his heart. Henry isn’t there to catch Alex when he jumped off the cliff. Alex never thought Henry would abandon him in his most vulnerable moment, in the most cold-hearted way. But what choice did Henry have?

He never thought it would come to this. He thought he could have a fling with Alex, quench his forbidden needs before Alex decides to move on. He never imagined Alex would love him back. He never thought he’d be stood facing a choice he can’t make. The crown or his love? Can he ever have both? Can he choose either without losing his sanity?

Showing Henry underwater clutching his heart is sublime. He feels overwhelmed. Suffocated. He is drowning under the the weight of what is expected of him and what his heart wants. You are holding your breath waiting for him to surface. You have a mini panic attack along with him and you want to reach out and pull him out of the water. He can't surface fast enough. Oh! Henry.

Henry says in Paris, “Henry Fox has to belong to himself or else he will vanish”. Henry Fox tried belonging to Alex momentarily and the fire consumed them both. The moment he realizes that Alex has fallen in love with him, and that Henry has a chance to belong to Alex, he jumped off that pier. He fucking vanished. And broke all our collective hearts. 💔

Note on the actors:

Nicholas Galitzine:

Nick barely had dialogues in this scene. Here are his dialogues.

“You are such a cretin. Get off me.”

"I seriously doubt that."

“How so?”

But the world of acting he did in those 3mins is stupendous. He pulled at your heart strings, made you rub that ache you felt in your chest while you felt every inch of that insurmountable impasse they both were at. I gasped when Nick/Henry jumped into the water. The time he spent underwater made ME go breathless with heartache. You wanted him to come up for air and take his next breath. You wanted him to breathe for Alex.

Taylor Zakhar Perez:

Taylor had the most dialogues and he took us through Alex’s emotions while delivering them impeccably. The playful and mocking “I sErIoUsLy dOuBt ThAt!!” to the pensive “I have never felt this away about anyone.” … to the incredibly vulnerable “It’s like there is a rope attached to my chest and it keeps pulling me towards you. And it feels right.” … to right when he is off the cliff saying.. “What I mean to say is, Henry, I-“

The arc from happiness to heartbreak took only 3mins. If there is one scene I'd pick from this movie to rewatch on a loop, it's this one.

That's my essay, folks. I'm emotionally drained after writing this out.

Note: Did I just write a 1000+ words essay on a 3min scene?! Yes. Yes, I did.

The hyperfixation is real, folks.

I could find all 20 in the list from the movie. Hope you love this video.

Warning: This one is very special to me and very close to my heart. This is going to be a LONG read because I’m in love with Alex and I dissect his every move, in the book and in the movie. I loved getting into Alex's head and writing this. Grab a drink of your choice and join me as I go meta.

Alex is your typical wild single-child undiagnosed-ADHD boy with latent bisexual tendencies. He is flamboyant and outgoing in a charming way. Fucking eyelashes!! He buzzes with unbridled energy, and he channels that energy into action. He makes sure he has enough things to occupy him and expend his energy. He has no time to analyse his emotions and be vulnerable. That’s why he doesn’t really think about his bisexual tendencies till Henry came along and made him question everything he knew about himself. Henry was his wake-up call. His sexual awakening.

The first time we see Alex being vulnerable with Henry is right when he is having an epiphany about his sexual orientation. Talk about a watershed moment! Alex is not surprised that he can be low-level into guys. But Henry? That is a surprise for him. He thinks back to his rendezvous with men earlier and now he looks at them with a different perspective. You can say he is a bisexual man with a strong affinity to women till Henry came along. Well… we know that. Alex doesn't know it yet. Poor oblivious sweet Alex. So, you see him parse his emotions in real time with Henry. It’s the very first time he is saying out loud that he is bisexual, more to himself than Henry. And Henry gets to share that moment with Alex.

Once he gets the epiphany out of the way, he knows he wants to see Henry again. He has never asked a man out till then. It is HENRY!! He disliked him till a month or two ago. Gone is the confident and suave Alex replaced by an unsure and vulnerable Alex who is trying to ask a man out for the first time in his life. I am sure his heart was beating out of his chest. He reaches out to take Henry’s hand, pauses, looks down at their joined hands and says he wouldn’t mind doing it again. He hopes Henry would agree. And Henry does. Talk about sweet sweet relief.

They are going out ‘casually’ now and try to have clandestine rendezvous whenever their busy schedules allow. They are in Paris and Henry wants to consummate their relationship. Alex is ‘down’ for it. Only he has never gone all the way with a man. He has a moment of doubt and then remembers it is Henry. He knows that Henry will take care of him and he has nothing to fear with Henry. He could’ve pretended to know what he was doing but he didn’t do that. In the end, Henry is his first and only man he experienced in the most intimate way.

They keep in touch through emails and phone calls. Alex is out campaigning for his mom in Texas. He puts up a brave front during the campaign, mobilizing the grassroots trying to sign up new voters. Behind the façade is the Alex who is having a bit of impostor syndrome. He tells Henry that he is afraid that he will let his mom down. He says that he will admit this to no one but Henry. Because he knows that he can be vulnerable with Henry without feeling naked and exposed.

The lake scene! Oh! I can write a thousand word essay about this scene alone. Alex has realized that he is in love with Henry. He is a man of action. He doesn’t hesitate to let Henry know his feelings. But, he sure takes his own time collecting the words and stringing them in a way that makes sense to him. Henry! Poor Henry is seeing his worst fear come alive. He thought he could have a fling with Alex and satisfy his forbidden needs without getting tangled in emotions. He never imagined Alex would love him back and he’d be faced with a choice he can’t make. Just because Alex had the absolute audacity to love him back. ( sorry! I digressed into Henry’s mind. I love him too!)

Back to Alex! He is sitting behind Henry on the pier… doodling on Henry’s shoulders and back.. while trying to confess his love to Henry. He has no clue of the absolute panic Henry is in. He is caught up in his own feelings and he is ready to bare his heart in the most intimate way and, Henry? Henry jumps off the pier. That’s the only way he could handle this situation. By locking himself up. By running away. And Alex still hasn’t confessed his love. But words aren’t needed between them, are they?!

Storming of the Kensington Palace. And how?! Its much different from the book but equally good. Alex is a man on a mission. The man he loves has ghosted him and he is out to get answers. It takes great courage to be the first one to confess love(Been there. Done that!) and, that too when you know you may not hear it said back. This is the most vulnerable Alex has been with Henry. “I stormed a fucking castle to look you in the eye and tell you that I love you knowing that you wouldn’t say it back.” Oh Alex! My sweet darling Alex. You are one brave little thing. You had no fear baring your soul to Henry even when faced with the HUGE risk of having your heart broken.

Alex: “What do you want?”

Henry: “I want you---"

Alex: “Then fucking have me.”

Mic drop.

Election results day is here and Alex's nerves are shot. He sees his mom preparing a concession speech. He has worked so hard for her campaign. He lets his guard down with Henry for the first time that day. He is thankful that Henry is there with him and says so to Henry.

They are more married husbands here. Alex is anxious and Henry can see it. He tries to bring some levity into the situation by bringing attention to his Texas yellow rose tie. He even manages to make Alex smile that day.

"His whole life, Alex has been loved fiercely and loudly and blazingly, and Henry, Henry has been loved like something beautiful in a museum, maintained meticulously and kept behind glass." - Casey McQuiston

This essay is inspired by this quote from CMQ. Ever since I read this quote (it’s not in the book) from Casey McQuiston, I’ve been haunted by it. We love as we are loved. That’s how I interpret this quote. Alex loves openly and Henry loves within his heart. I wish CMQ had left this quote in the book.

Alex grew up with supportive parents who never shied away from showing him love. He never had to doubt if they loved him or accepted him for who he is. So, he has no fear showing his love openly and publicly. Alex doesn’t hold back when it comes to love. He loves openly, flamboyantly and physically. He doesn’t shy away from holding hands or hugging his loved ones.

Henry, on the other hand is touch-starved and loved from afar, like a delicate porcelain doll. He only knows how to love from within his closet where his true self is hidden. He has had a lifelong crush on Alex but never makes any effort to reach out to him till circumstances forced them together physically. He resigns himself to pine from afar, from behind the glass walls.

They both cannot be anymore different from each other.

Henry has an alter-ego. Henry Fox. Henry Fox loves Alex with a fierce passion that consumes him. But Henry can never be Henry Fox publicly. He will always be Prince Henry George Edward James Hanover-Stuart Fox aka Prince Henry in public. Alex is the only person who has seen the real Henry Fox. The Henry Fox who came to his bedroom at midnight for a hook up. The Henry Fox who invited him to a Polo event and tackled him in a tack room. The Henry Fox who took him to Paris on a date, Henry’s dream city to live in. The Henry Fox who came to surprise him after the DNC in Brooklyn. The Henry Fox who came to Alex’s Texas Lakehouse to spend time with him.

The Paris trip was pure escapism for Henry. Henry tells Alex in the NYE party that he’d love to live in Paris as a writer and date whoever he wants to. No wonder Henry took Alex to Paris to live a part of that dream. To go on a date with Alex in a Parisian Café and flirt with him. Walk around the city as one would on a date. Take him back to his room and end the day on a high. Henry lived his dream in Paris that day.

He knows that he won’t get many such days. He knows that his relationship with Alex came with an expiration date. He is prepared to let Alex go at any moment’s notice. He thinks that Alex will have a fling with him and then move on. He is ready for the shoe to drop any moment. What he didn’t count on was Alex to fall in love with him. To love him on purpose. See? No one has chosen Henry’s needs over theirs ever in his life till then. His needs have always been brushed off under the Royal Carpet and if I’m not wrong, Henry feels undeserving of love. He feels Alex can never love him the way he loves Alex. Oh! How wrong he was!

Alex only sees Henry Fox, not the Prince Henry. Because Henry has always been Henry Fox to Alex. That’s why Alex says on the pier on the lake that once his mom is re-elected, he can be out and proud with Henry(Fox). He forgets that Henry Fox belongs only to Alex and not to the public. Henry tells Alex in Paris that Henry Fox can belong only to himself or otherwise he will vanish. Henry Fox can belong to someone else only momentarily. Henry gave himself permission to belong to Alex for a little while. But Alex wanted forever with Henry Fox.

Henry reacted to Alex on the pier in the only way he knew how Henry Fox will react. By vanishing. He ghosted Alex and doesn’t think Alex will come after him, choose him on purpose. During the storming of the Kensington Palace, He tells Alex “For Christ’s sake Alex, for once I wish you could see me for who I am (Prince Henry) and not who you want me to be(Henry Fox). But that’s the truth, isn’t it? Henry will always be Henry Fox to Alex, and Alex wants a future with Henry Fox, not Prince Henry.

Henry cannot believe that Alex chose him on purpose. He had resigned to a heartbroken life when he left the Texas lake house. But Alex is not afraid to chase after what his heart wants. He is a man on a mission when he reached Kensington Palace. Henry needed someone to show him that he is deserving of unconditional love. Someone who will make his daft pubescent fantasies come alive. Someone who isn’t afraid to tell him they love him even though he can’t say it back yet. Someone who is willing to be patient as he tries to choose between life as Prince Henry and Henry Fox.

Henry is still not ready to say “I love you” to Alex. But he takes him to the only place sacred to him, the V&A Museum. It is his way of telling Alex that he is willing to fight for Henry Fox. And Alex? Alex is ready to fulfil all of Henry Fox’s daft pubescent fantasies. That’s how much in love Alex is, with Henry. They say goodbye the next day and Henry wants to give him something that has been an integral albeit oppressive heavy part of him. He has been carrying the weight of centuries of history in the form of a signet ring on his finger. He doesn’t want to carry that history on him anymore. He gives it to Alex. It’s his way of letting Alex know that he intends to take a different path than the one laid down by the Crown.

Alex gives him a part of him back too. The piece that anchors him as he navigates his life as the First Son. The key to his childhood home. Henry knows the significance of that key from their first hook up. They are giving a part of themselves to each other for safekeeping till they can have the WHOLE of each other. It’s a promise. For a future together. Alex promises to be patient with Henry as he tries to figure out a future for them both.

We love as we are loved, isn’t it? Henry’s quiet and patient love calms Alex down and gives him the strength to be patient. The Alex who is impatient and is always taking charge of the situation realizes that Henry needs to be loved patiently an unconditionally.

Their emails get leaked and there is a communication embargo. The first moment they get a chance to talk to each other is when they realize how much they both need each other, both physically and emotionally. The sigh of relief in Henry’s voice when he heard Alex calling him…”Baby!!” was the loudest sigh I ever heard. Henry doesn’t hesitate to let Alex know that he isn’t doing okay and Alex doesn’t hesitate to rush to Henry’s side.  

The Royal Confrontation happens, and Henry wants to stand up to his GranPa, the King. Alex is allowed to be an audience. Henry is trying to hold his ground against the King but he is getting bulldozed as per usual. Alex couldn’t help but insert himself into the conversation and gets rebuked by the King. Seeing Alex love him boldly and openly and stand up to the King gives Henry the courage to speak up. He picks up Alex’s question and asks his GranPa, “Why must we maintain a traditional image?!”

We love as we are loved, isn’t it? Alex’s bold and open love for Henry emboldens him and makes him stand up for their love against the Royal Family. Alex has slowly opened him up to the idea of deserving love and happiness and going after it. That its okay to put yourself, your needs and happiness ahead. Beautiful, isn't it?

I absolutely love this scene of Alex and Henry clinging to each other on the stairs of Kensington Palace. I call this the Yin-Yang hug. Wrapped completely into each other, with the knowledge that no matter what happens in the future, they will face it together. Their Yin-Yang love circle is complete!