#mamahawk

“He can be cranky when he wakes up,” I murmur to the nurse. “Especially if we’re not at home.”

“Understandable,” she tells me quietly. “Your husband is great with him, though.”

“He is.”

“I think we’re set.” Roy turns back to us, either not having heard us or doing an excellent job of pretending not to, and passes off a now docile baby to the nurse.

“Hi, Maes,” she tells him cheerily. “I’m Nurse Emily, and I’m just going to take a few measurements, okay?”

I stand next to Roy as she chats to our son the entire time she takes his weight and height. When she’s finished, she hands him back to me, and informs us the doctor will be in shortly before slipping out.

“He’s doing great,” I say with relief. As if on cue, he smiles up at me with a wide, somewhat toothless grin.

I was a little concerned he’d be inconsolable as he sometimes is in new places. I’m relieved he’s not fussing at all.

“I hope the rest goes as well. And as fast,” Roy answers, glancing at the door nervously.

“Sit down, you big baby.” I roll my eyes at him. “If Maes isn’t upset, you shouldn’t be either.”

“He’s an infant,” he mutters. “He doesn’t know enough to be worried.”

“Well, I do, and I’m not, so you shouldn’t be either. The nurse just said he looked perfect.”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“Do you want something to be the matter with our son?”

“What? No! Why would you even suggest–”

“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Mustang,” the doctor comes in, interrupting Roy midsentence. “And, of course, today’s most important guest, Maes. How are you all doing?”

“Very well. Thank you, Dr. West.”

“Glad to hear it.” He nods. “Well, let’s get to business, shall we?”

He sits down at the computer and skims through the information Nurse Emily already put in before turning to us.

“So far everything looks good. Let me just look him over, and we’ll get him his shots so you can be on your way.”

I hear Roy let out a short sigh beside me, and I reach over and grab his hand in both of mine. He squeezes my fingers gently, and I feel him relax at my side. We wait quietly as Dr. West conducts his exam. Maes is happy and giggly for all of it, until it comes time for the shots.

“I’m going to ask one of you to stand with him while the nurse administers the vaccines,” he turns to us.

“I’ll do it,” Roy says hoarsely, rising to his feet from his chair by the wall.

“He’ll be getting three booster shots today, so his little thighs might be tender for the next day or so.”

I feel my fist clench automatically. I hate the idea of my son being in pain. I know Roy feels the same way when his spine straightens.

“This is the not fun part of parenting,” I murmur softly to him as he passes me.

“It’s for his benefit,” he agrees. “I just hate it.”

I nod and watch as he goes to stand beside the exam table where Maes is wiggling around on his back. Nurse Emily comes in with the prepared injections and whispers quietly to the doctor before moving to stand next to my husband. I feel myself tense as Roy puts his large, scarred hand over Maes’ chest, using his other to stroke his fuzzy head and distract him from the rubber glove touching his leg.

He doesn’t cry after the first injection. Rather, he gets very still and looks up at Roy in confusion. However, after it happens again in his other thigh, his little face crumples up and he lets out a long wail. He’s inhaling to cry longer when the last shot is administered. I feel my lip quivering as he wriggles and flails his little fists wildly.

As soon as the third band aid is on, Roy scoops him and up and holds him tight to his shoulder, pacing around the room bouncing and shushing him.

“Anna at the front desk will have your checkout papers,” Dr. West tells me quietly as I watch my boys.

“Thank you.”

He and Nurse Emily slip out of the room, and I walk over to the far corner where Roy is now patting Maes’ diapered bottom as the loud crying begins to subside to whimpers.

“I’ll take him,” I murmur, desperate to comfort my baby.

“Did you see how he looked at me?” he asks, tortured. “It was like I had betrayed him.”

“Roy, he’s one. I doubt he realized what was happening.”

“No, but he probably thought I should’ve stopped it sooner.” He sighs, easing our son into my arms. “It’s my job to keep him from being in pain.”

“And you’re doing great at it,” I remind him.

“Riza–”

“It’s my job to keep you from being in pain,” I interrupt. “And as many times as I’ve failed to do that, I understand what you’re feeling.”

“Riza,” he repeats softer. “Don’t…”

“Then you don’t either.” My voice is so quiet, I’m afraid he doesn’t hear me.

“Fine.” He nods. “Let’s go home.”

I turn and settle Maes back into his car seat, carefully tucking the woven baby blanket around him, before we leave the room and head to checkout. Roy talks to Anna, straightening out the payment situation, while I entertain Maes with a game of Peek-A-Boo.

We walk out holding hands. Roy prefers to be touching me any time he can, and I can’t say I don’t enjoy it, so I usually agree. When we reach the car, I leave him to secure the car seat in the back while I get into the passenger seat. Once we’re on the road, headed home, I turn to him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No,” he admits. “I mean, I knew he was fine, but there was this irrational panic in my chest that something would be wrong. I’m glad it’s over.”

“Do we need to drop him off with Gracia for a little bit while I take care of you?”

“Take care of me?” He glances over at me with a frown.

I give him a suggestive look, and he quickly turns away, coughing.

“Um. Well, I didn’t think…”

“You know she’ll understand,” I murmur.

“No,” he says finally. “I think I want to take him out in the stroller for a little bit. He likes walks. We can take Black Hayate and go to the park, I guess.”

“I’d like that. Fresh air is good.”

“Plus, I want to keep an eye on him for a little bit. Make sure he doesn’t get fussy or anything because of the shots.”

I stare at him for a minute. I mean, how on earth did I get lucky enough to marry this man?

“What?” he asks sharply. “Is there something on my face? Is my hair messed up?”

“No,” I reply quietly. “It’s just…you.”

“Me?”

“I love you,” I announce breathlessly.

“Um, thanks? I love you, too, Riza.”

I nod and look down at my lap. I can’t explain it exactly. There’s too much about him that I’m in love with. The sound of his voice. The things he says to me. The color of his eyes. The way he looks at me. His strength. His leadership abilities. His dorkiness and overprotectiveness. His touch. His smile. His abs.

The way he holds me and the way he makes love to me. The way he always knows what to say.

The way he loves our son.

It’s too much.

“Roy, I could never tell you all of the ways I love you,” I murmur.

“Riza, it hurts me to even try,” he answers softly. “I love you like the earth loves the sun; without you, I would be dying, freezing in darkness, but even when I’m with you, you’re too bright to look at directly. You are what sustains my life.”

“Roy,” I whisper.

He doesn’t say anything else, but he reaches out a hand, and I take it. He rests them both on his thigh as he drives, and I glance back to look at Maes, whose eyelids are drooping again.

I love this life. This man. Our son. Two years ago, I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going. If we were making the right choice finally acting on our feelings. But now I wake up to him beside me every day and raise our baby—the product of our love—alongside him. This was never a life I thought I would be living, but I wouldn’t change a single minute of it.

And especially, now that their boys worked on base. She’d storm in, he’d kiss her and, faces still only inches apart, she’d say “let’s fetch the boys and go out to eat”. Neither of them could cook, after all, and it was hardly fair for Gracia to cook for them every night.

And Roy, bless his heart Roy, would look so excited and he’d kiss her again and say so softly, “that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.” And she could see it, see the love and adoration, for her and for their boys, radiating in his eyes, echoing endlessly like a song caught in a cavern. His heart was so big, he loved so strong and felt so much, and Riza knew, she knew, that nothing and no one could take his beautiful soul from this world, lest the world become a far darker and scarier place.

“Hello, Riza!” Havoc chirped when she came into the office. The place was remarkably much quieter than it normally was. She did a quick headcount, but everyone appeared to be there—Havoc of course, Breda, Falman, Fuery, and even Roy’s young and impressionable new secretary the boys had found, Sheska. Why did it seem so quiet?

“Is Roy in?” It was that, or he was pestering Maes. He had gotten his film developed, after all, and had twenty-four new photos of herself and their boys to show off. Poor, poor Maes, he never stood a chance.

Sheska nodded, a secretive little smile on her face. When Riza strode forward to barge into her husband’s office, Sheska waved frantically, tried and failed to fight off a delighted smile, and pressed a finger to her lips. “Shhhh!” she said softly, halfway to giggling.

Riza almost—almost—feared what on earth she was talking about. Why should she be quiet? Roy didn’t particularly care whether anyone was loud or not (he got distracted either way), and he couldn't possibly be doing something to betray her; it wasn’t at all like him, and she sure hoped Sheska wouldn’t be giggling if he was.

Off to the left, Breda shook his head and said, “go on in, Riza. He just might not notice. He’s got visitors.”

Visitors? She frowned a little, shook her head, but went to the door and opened it all the same.

Roy actually wasn’t at his desk, not at all. Papers indicated he’d been there, possibly recently, and whomever had entered (virtually anyone) had been important enough to make him stop working.

It took several extra seconds to figure out why.

Like many officers, Roy had his own private office attached to the main office of his team. Inside, there was a small resting place; a pair of couches and a coffee table between them, so that he could converse with whomever he pleased for however long he liked. She knew Roy often took advantage of one of the couches by having a sneakily placed nap.

And there he was, his dark head leaning back a little against the backrest. Normally he’d at least lay down, or he’d throw out his neck. He was going to be whining in the morning. She had to go move him, or at least wake him so he could move himself.

Honestly, that man.

She crept around, still sort of wary of Sheska’s warning to be quiet. She stepped around the arm of the couch, lowered her eyes to her beloved…

And oh, her heart melted.

There was a reason, a particularly good one, that Roy had fallen asleep sitting up as she’d seen. The reason, two of them actually, curled up at his side, cheeks pressed into his chest and wrapped up in his embrace.

Apparently, Edward and Alphonse had made their way to their dad’s office and had, for one reason or another, connived him to the couch so they could nap together.  Alphonse was pressed close, held tight in Roy’s one arm as Al’s fingers knotted in Roy’s light blue undershirt. Edward was sprawled over Roy’s shoulder and other arm, his own arms halfway thrown up over him as if he’d collapsed there. Roy’s other arm was around his waist, holding him still so he couldn’t adjust to a worse position, or fall off the couch entirely.

All in all, the three of them looked happy, healthy, and comfortable where they were. Roy even appeared to be drooling a little—a sure sign that he was getting some good rest.

She smiled a little, casting her eyes around for one of the few things that Roy kept on him at all times…

And yes, there it was, his treasured camera seated right there on the corner of his desk. Roy was always the one taking pictures of family and friends and events and was rarely if ever the subject of a photograph. He was part of this family too—he could stand to have his picture taken on the occasion, too.

She grabbed the camera and lined up the shot, getting their faces all in. It perhaps wasn’t the most flattering picture of her beloved that she had ever seen, or of her boys for that matter… but it was perfect all the same. She’d have to get a copy of this one and try to shrink it down—it was time to replace the photo in her wallet with a more updated version of her family, after all.

She set the camera aside and just watched her beloved family a moment longer. She touched Roy’s face, laughing when he snorted weakly and held the boys all the closer—ever a papa. Then she bent over a little and pressed fleeting kisses on their faces, quietly wishing them good rest.

“Good night, my boys,” she said softly, smiling still even as she stepped away to let them sleep. She stepped back and out of the office, silently closing the door behind her to give them their privacy.

She leaned back on the door like a lovestruck teenager, fearing her heart may burst with the adoration and love she felt growing and rising every day that went by with her three amazing men. And this—after just over a year with these beautiful boys apart of their family. She didn’t know how she’d survive the rest of her life if her love kept growing at the rate it was.

All that she knew, all that mattered, was that nothing, no force on this earth, could tear this family apart now. She would see to it herself if she had to. She had been lucky enough to find the love of her life after losing touch with him for so long, and then had been lucky enough to meet the two boys, her two babies, who would complete them.

“Oh.” I frown. “Well, that’s okay. Why are you sneaking around?”

“Because…” Maesie bites her lip. “Well, Daddy said we weren’t supposed to watch them.”

“What? Why would he do that?” My brow furrows, and I look toward the front of the house where Roy’s study is.

“He said they were special,” Matilda speaks up again, coming to stand beside me. “And we shouldn’t mess them up.”

“That man.” I shake my head. “Okay. Let me put one on for you, and I’ll go talk to Daddy, okay?”

“Okay!” The both perk up and quickly run over to the sofa where they curl up together.

I set up the video and hand the remote to Maesie before I turn and walk down the hall.

“Roy?” I knock before pausing in his doorway and waiting for him to turn.

“What is it?” He doesn’t look up from his computer, and I frown.

“I just found the girls watching one of our competition videos.”

“What?” His head whips around to look at me. “How did they get into them? I told them they weren’t allowed–”

“And why exactly did you tell them that?” I cut him off. “They’re our daughters. They’re interested in our lives. Why shouldn’t they watch them?”

“Because…” He stands, looking flustered. “I don’t want them to get any ideas,” he finishes softly. “They’re my babies.”

“So? They’re mine too.”

“I know, but… I don’t want them to become skaters. Or athletes. Or do anything that will hurt them. Imagining them falling on the ice over and over—possibly breaking bones or tearing tendons–”

“They can watch the videos,” I interrupt him softly, moving to rest my hands on his face. “I know you love them and want to keep them safe, but we can’t smother them.”

“I don’t think it’s the same for you,” he tells me, his hands landing on my waist. “When…when Mattie fell yesterday and skinned her knee? I…” He shuts his eyes and I see a muscle twitch in his jaw. “I felt helpless. It’s just a scrape! And I felt this weight in my gut.”

“I hate seeing them hurt,” I remind him. “Just like you do. And you weren’t helpless. You got her cleaned up and bandaged, and you gave her a popsicle. That is exactly the opposite of helpless.”

“I know, but…”

“You’re a great dad, Roy,” I murmur, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “If you weren’t worried about them, I would be concerned.”

“I guess you make a good point,” he sighs.

“Of course, I do. Now, would you like to come to the living room and watch us skate with our girls?”

“Sure. I need a break anyway.”

I lead the way back down the hall, and Roy sits down in his favorite chair before quickly tugging me into his lap. I don’t fight it. We sit like this sometimes, though, usually after the girls are asleep. I like to be close to him.

Giggling from the couch catches my attention.

“Shh!” I hear Maesie hiss and jab her sister with her elbow.

“But they’re being mushy,” Matilda hisses back.

“Girls,” Roy murmurs low, his eyes on the screen, where the skating version of him is holding me above his head.

“Sorry,” Mattie mumbles.

“Hey, I have a question,” Maesie announces, blatantly ignoring her father’s warning. “Why did you two stop skating?”

I blink and feel all the air go out of the room. We never prepared for this question, and the truth is…

“It was just, uh, time,” Roy answers awkwardly. “We felt like doing something different.”

“But Mom still skates every weekend,” our observant daughter continues. “If she still likes it, why aren’t you doing it anymore?”

“Well, we…” He looks up at me, and I feel his hand on my thigh clamp down. “We just…”

His eyes are panicking. I mean, I am too. How do we tell our five-year-old daughters we gave up skating because I got pregnant when their father literally fucked me on the ice? And I had the ice burns on my back to prove it.

“We found out we were going to have you,” Roy speaks up again. “You were growing in Mom’s belly, and…it wasn’t safe for her to skate anymore.”

I glance at him and feel my body release some tension. That was a good answer. Safe. Child appropriate.

“Oh,” Maesie frowns. “Okay. But what about after? We’ve been born a long time. You could go back, right?”

“Um, well…” I swallow. “We don’t want to go back,” I explain, easing into Roy’s arms he has around me.

“It’s not because you have another baby in your belly, is it?” Matilda sits up straighter and stares at me.

“No,” I laugh softly. “I don’t have…”

I pause and feel my heart skip a beat. I mean, I don’t think I… I shouldn’t be…

“Riza?” Roy’s voice snaps me out of it, and I take a quick breath.

“No,” I tell them what I hope is the truth. “It’s not that. I…We just love this life with you girls, and skating isn’t as important to us now.”

“Will you teach me to skate?” Maesie jumps off the couch, and I feel Roy tense around me.

“Of course, dear.” I smile softly.

“Me, too!” Mattie joins her sister.

“You, too.”

“Can we go right now?”

“Whoa, girls.” Roy waves a hand for them to settle. “It’s already getting dark, and your mother has dinner in the oven.”

“Oh. Right.”

My heart breaks at their disappointed faces.

“What if we get up early tomorrow and go?” Roy suggests gently, and suddenly their beaming smiles are back.

“Yes! Daddy, thank you!”

“Okay, so do you want to finish this? Or help me out with your laundry?” I point to the basket I abandoned.

“Finish this,” Matilda answers at once.

“No,” Maesie whispers at her. “We’re supposed to help with the laundry.”

“What? But she asked–”

“You can watch this, girls. I wasn’t trying to give you extra chores,” I inform them as I stand. “I just thought some help would be nice.”

“I can help you,” Roy stands with me and grabs up the basket before I can. “I need to talk to you anyway.”

A shiver runs down my spine, and I already know where this conversation is heading. As soon as we reach the girls’ room, Roy shuts the door.

“Roy, don’t freak out–”

“You hesitated,” he cuts me off.

“I know,” I sigh. “I didn’t mean to. I just…”

“Just what? Just might be pregnant?” he prompts impatiently.

I sigh and sit down on Mattie’s bed.

“I don’t think I am,” I declare with finality. “But…it is a possibility.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“Um, clearly I only just realized it.” I glare at him. “If I’d known or even suspected before now, I would have told you.”

“Yeah. You’re right. Sorry.” He exhales slowly and sits down next to me.

“I’ll take a test tomorrow morning, and we can worry about it then.”

“While we’re teaching the girls how to skate,” he adds, grimacing.

I roll my eyes at him.

“I don’t know why you’re surprised. They are our daughters.”

“If they fall down tomorrow…”

“They will, Roy,” I tell him softly. “They’ll fall down a lot. On and off the ice. It’s not in our power to keep them from falling, even as much as we want to.”

“But…I can’t stand it. I can’t bear to see them hurt.”

“I know, but that’s part of life. We can’t stop them from feeling pain, but we can help them deal with it. Protect them when we can and teach them to get up when we can’t. That’s all we can do.”

“You’re the best Mom, Riza.” He turns to me, pulling my forehead against his. “And the best damn wife. How did I end up with you?”

“Well,” I breathe, “I think it helped that I fell in love with you the minute you stepped onto the ice with me.”

“No shit?”

“What? I couldn’t exactly tell you that when we were competing. We had other things to focus on.”

“You were all I was focused on,” he mutters, his voice dropping an octave.

“Well, that would explain how we ended up with those two wild things in our living room.”

“Mmm,” he hums, lowering his lips to my jaw. “And the one possibly on the way.”

“Roy,” I hiss, as he moves his mouth to my neck. “Laundry.”

“Right.” He sits back and releases me slowly. “We can finish this later.”

“Good.” I give him a small smile. “I look forward to it. For now, though.” I turn to the basket. “You can put away all of Matilda’s clothes while I put up Maesie’s.”

“We should really start having them do this themselves,” he mumbles, picking up a small pile of little girl panties and heading to the white dresser with Princess Anna painted on the front.