#mainreason

and i want to tell her that shes doing that thing again, but i have no idea how and its kind of a re occuring thing. Like- I want to tell you to stop excluding me out of things, but then I feel like a bitch and then anxiety makes me feel bad about myself..

and then theres not telling her, but then my anxiety eating myself up and making me wonder things that I dont want to think about.

I get you want me to tell you, but sometimes I feel that if i do, then they'll hate me and then it just gets messy. And if i leave it alone, then nothing it fades away. Or it doesnt. At one point of the whole thing I lock myself in my room and sleep so it seems as if it never happens. It still happens, but sometimes it seems as if its gone.

And then you mention something about something you said in a conversation that you had with her before, and I have to act like I dont care, even though it hurts that even though that other girl is your best friend, I felt as if we could be told the same time. So I dont find out a month later. Like when that one thing happened and I told you to say your thoughts in a group chat, but YOU DECIDED TO TEXT HER AND NOT TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT. AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT YOU FELT UP TO THIS DAY.

THEN AGAIN I MUST ACT LIKE I DONT CARE WHEN I DO.