#madelung

i’ve been thinking about learning korean during my gap year but i just realized that you gotta make notes when learning a new language, duh. and i can’t do that!!!! i can’t even make goddamn notes bc my wrist hurts all the time whenever i do anything!! like.... how is studying possible with madelung’s

and then there’s the job thing lmao how am i ever gonna get a job that doesn’t require a lot of physical work when i’m not educated? every job like retail, cleaning etc stresses my wrist too much

background info for those of you who don’t know: i have madelung’s deformity in both of my wrists but most prominently in my right one. i’m right-handed. it hurts a little basically all the time, just more every time i do anything lmao. i do school work with a computer bc writing by hand hurts. i used to dance and draw and play different instruments a lot but i’ve essentially quit everything

anywayyy i fucking hate it when people want me to do (often play) something and i know it’s gonna fuck up my wrist so i have to say no. it’s so frustrating bc i wanna do things but i just. can’t. bc i know my wrist is gonna hurt for days after the thing. it’s worse when they don’t believe me and insist that i do the thing (this is mostly just my family) bc then i have to sort of convince them that i can’t do the thing, when i actually can. but it would hurt so much and i don’t want that bc it would make everything so much more difficult w/ school & everything

this condition is so rare i’m so bitter and mad bc i wanna do things ???? i used to do so much and i’ve had to quit everything that made me ME. and my mom still gets angry at me for being on the computer all day. like what else am i supposed to do when i can’t do anything without being in pain while doing it and the next day and the day after that if i’m unlucky