#m.m.d.

I capture dark earth under my fingernails when I claw through this dirt. I dig this grave on hands and knees, I dig this grave as deep as my own two hands can go. I throw in all my love for you and I bury it. I bury my love where I can't ever find it to dig it back up again. I bury my love in the soil where nothing can grow. I hold no funerals and I say no prayers. I bury my love for you and I run.

Hyun junee is gonna make me cry i love this lady she is pushing through and regaining her badd bitch self im so proud of her

That's the thing though isn't it? I did love you, I did, I did.  I swear I did. I loved you with all of my breath, but it never could've been enough. I loved you. I ran back home to you every night. But when I got there the doors were locked and the windows bolted. I got home and all the lights were off.

I watched the sun set on the last day of that year and smiled into the dark knowing I never had to go back there. This is what it feels like to see sunlight for the first time. This is what it feels like to walk into a burning city and come out on the other side. To cough up the water that drowned you. To claw your way out of the grave they tried to bury you in.

There is no version of my vocabulary that doesn't contain you. There is no dialect in the world that can't describe you. Your name still exists in every language I know.  It is the purest form of self-extinction: Turn my syllables to dust. Wait for my own voice to die out in my mouth. Wait for your name to become a dead language I can no longer speak.