#luciaina

“We are both persons of culture,” Lucia continued, undeterred. “Even though our tastes may not align completely, we both are passionate about a singular core concept.”

She waited for Lio to ask her what that core concept was. Lio continued to just stare her down across the café table, drinking his tea. There wasn’t anything left in the cup, however, so there came only loud slurping noises interrupted by a thwump when a tapioca bubble was sucked into the straw.

“We can both help each other,” Lucia continued. “To achieve our goals.”

Silence. Slurping. Thwump.

“I broke you out of prison for this, so you could at least have the decency to be curious,” Lucia said. “I’m being all ominous here. I’m even petting Vinny all ominously.”

Vinny squeaked on Lucia’s lap at the sound of his name. Lucia stroked his back with her full hand; ominously, as previously indicated.

Lio sighed deeply. “…what is the goal,” he asked, flatly.

It was like a shark scenting blood in the water, with a toothy grin to match. Lucia leaned and dragged Lio in by the collar; the motion causing their foreheads to smack together hard.

“We are both gonna score ourselves a big titty firefighter,” Lucia said. “One for you, and one for me. Are you in or are you a coward?”

Lio opened his mouth to speak, but there was no time for discussion when giant juicy tits were on the line. They could bounce away at any moment, lost forever! Bouncing, jiggling off into the distance; never again within the reach of Lucia’s waiting grabby hands. Also that ass too. There was just too much riding on this.

Lucia whistled, and a walker mech crashed through the café wall.

“Our ride’s here,” Lucia said.

The walker mech secured Lio in its grip before he could bolt. Lucia tucked Vinny safely into her pocket before she hopped into the pilot seat.

“We’re off to my secret lab.”

 --

 “Galo. I got word that Lio was broken out of prison for the third time this week.”

“…”

“None of the usual suspects are involved. I don’t suppose you’d know where he went?”

Galo looked up at Ignis mournfully, sitting on the ground like a sad puppy outside the door.

“The sign says I’m not allowed.”

He pointed to a sign, sloppily-written in marker and taped to the door, reading as follows: LUCIA’S SECRET LAIR!!! MADE FOR KIDNAPPING LIO!!! NO ONE ALLOWED (ESPECIALLY NOT GALO AND AINA.)

“Hmph,” Ignis said, crossing his arms and letting out a short little huff of breath. “That explains why he didn’t turn himself back in yet, at least...”

Lio Fotia, leader of Mad Burnish, was the savior of the planet. He was also partially or directly responsible for a whole lot of crime, and as part of the efforts to re-integrate the former Burnish into society, had willingly submitted to six months of jail time to atone for the actions of all those associated with the Mad Burnish group.

Even without his Burnish abilities, it had taken him less than 48 hours to become the undisputed leader of the prison’s population.

It had taken less than 72 hours for his two henchmen to commit enough petty crimes to be arrested and thrown into the same prison just to get them to stop.

And on top of that, that six-month sentence was interrupted every few days by a new group trying to break Lio out of jail for their own reasons: former Burnish convinced their savior was being held unjustly, anti-Burnish fanatics convinced that he was getting off too easily, and now apparently Lucia, whose motives were as unknown as they were almost certainly nefarious. Lio had always managed to slip his captors, and always headed back to fulfil the rest of his agreed-upon sentence, but…the current situation might require the assistance of a professional hostage negotiation team. Ignis would try using his Dad Voice first, though. The last time the hostage team had to face off against Lucia, she’d made them cry.

Ignis knocked firmly on the locked door.

“Lucia Fex,” he said in a tone that he’d worked hard to cultivate over the years. It was a tone meant to say I’m not mad, just disappointed, and it worked well on most everyone on Burning Rescue…except Lucia. “Open this door right now.”

Lucia cackled from inside. A thumping bass beat was shaking the floor, and flashing colored lights could be seen from the crack under the door.

“You’ll never catch me! I am an evil witch!!” Lucia’s voice was crisp and clear, and coming from the firehouse’s overhead speakers. She’d hacked them, because of course she did. The same thumping music began to blare across the whole building. “I’ve captured the fair prince Lio and I’m making him do drugs and listen to music with swears in it!!”

Galo gasped aloud and leapt to his feet. He backed up, then began to ram himself into the door shoulder-first to dislodge it. It was perfect firefighter form, and Ignis would have taken the time to be proud if Galo hadn’t nearly run him over in the process.

“I’m coming, Lio! JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS! JUST SAY NO!”

“Ughh…”

The hot house beats blaring at top volume throughout the fire house had woken up Aina, who had previously been resting up in the nap room after her turn on the night shift. She blinked blearily at the sign on the door, then at Galo, ramming himself into the door repeatedly. Lucia’s cackling continued non-stop.

“Keep on trying, you’ll never get in! In this next song they say the F-word at least five times!!”

Galo let out a howl of despair and grabbed onto the doorknob with both hands and feet, thrashing himself around to whatever purpose he thought the action would serve.

“LIO! LIO!!”

Aina grumbled and shuffled over to the door in her slippers. She pressed the button on the video intercom.

“Lucia. Can you like, do this later…? I was up all last night…”

She squinted her eyes shut and broke off with a yawn. When she blinked her eyes back open, she saw Lucia staring at her through the video intercom. Leering at her, really.

“Oh…? Have they sent another knight to try and save Prince Lio, and stop the evil witch Lucia Hex?”

Aina was still pretty sleepy, but knew something about that sentence didn’t sound right.

“…isn’t your last name Fex?” Aina settled on asking.

“It’s Hex now ‘cause I’m an evil witch,” Lucia explained.

“Okay,” Aina said. “Can you turn your music down and stop making Galo cry? I’m trying to sleep.”

“I accept your challenge, brave knight!” Lucia said. “WELCOME TO TERRORDOME!”

Trapdoors opened beneath Galo and Aina, and spirited them away to parts unknown. Ignis shook his head and walked away.

 --

 “So, brave knight,” Lucia crooned, flinging herself against the nearest wall to pose like a femme fatale from an old film. “You’ve found me.”

Aina squinted at her. “…why are you dressed like that?”

Lucia was dressed in a witch’s hat and black robes that reached the floor. The sleeves would’ve covered her hands if she hadn’t rolled them up and secured them with what looked like staples. It was…kinda cute, but had she not heard of safety pins?

Lucia rolled her eyes and sighed. “Once again. Evil witch. And…”

The leering returned. And the posing.

“…I could ask the same of you, brave knight.”

Why was Aina dressed like this? She’d literally said that she’d just woken up. She was dressed in a thin tank top and shorts that she’d had since middle school and were way too small on her at this point, but she liked them too much to donate them, they were from her old lacrosse team, and anyway they still fit mostly fine? She tugged on the hem of one leg, self-consciously making sure it was still covering her butt. Anyway, when it came down to it, Galo was the one who was the one who always ran around half-naked—

“LIO! I’M SORRY LIO!” Galo was sobbing hysterically, hugging Lio tightly as he did. He’d just “saved” a very bored and unconcerned Lio from being held captive under a large laundry basket with a heavy book on top of it. “DID SHE MAKE YOU SNORT A WEED!? HOW MANY TIMES DID SHE MAKE YOU SAY BAD WORDS!?!”

Whatever answer Lio might have had to that was lost between Galo’s pecs. Galo squished Lio’s face into his chest even harder, and continued to wail.

“You know,” Lucia said. “I think I’m only an evil witch because I was never hugged tenderly by someone in the possession of a pair of juicy mondo melons.”

“What,” Aina said flatly.

“Look at Lio. He was huge on arson until Galo’s tits came along and smothered that out.” Lucia nodded wisely at her own analysis. “Proof of concept. Come give me a huggy-boo-boo.”

Aina held Lucia back with one hand on her forehead, keeping her at arm’s length before she got within hugging range.

“My sister warned me about you and your hugging,” Aina said. “She saw all you got up to when she TAed your freshman physics class.”

“I’m a changed woman since then!” Lucia squawked, flailing her arms in place. “The years have matured me like fine wine! I’m just looking for a gal to smother me with her honkers for the rest of my natural life!”

“You know, Lucia, she probably would’ve said yes if you’d just asked her out normally,” Galo interrupted. He looked a little out of breath from his crying fit, and was being princess-carried by Lio to the lair’s exit. “Try asking her to the burger shop down on fifth street! They’ve got a picture on the wall of her when she did their mega burger challenge!”

Aina saw Lucia’s eyes go huge at that, and she couldn’t help but shift in place and scratch at her cheek, a little shy.

“I-it was only five pounds…it was nothing special…”

“Nothing special, my foot! That’s like that size of my head!” Lucia retorted. “And I got a big head for my big brain!”

“Well…I could show you, then. Maybe this Friday night?” Aina asked.

Lucia froze in place, processing the statement. She then went beet red, and gave a brief nod before she fumbled a remote out of her sleeve and mashed the big red button on it. Trap doors opened underneath their feet again, and they were spirited out of the lab to be dumped into the break room.

“…it’s a date, then,” Aina mumbled, rubbing her sore head.