It’s such a shame to not spend some time outside, when the sun is finally coming out. Although she didn’t have much time before the air gets colder. So, when she woke up earlier this morning, she went out to find a perfect spot to sit down and finished the book she had been carrying around since last week. Apparently, it took her a little bit longer than she used to finish her essay. It hadn’t been a good ten minutes since she gets fully invested in her reading, when she felt someone’s gaze at her. She stares back at the other and pursed her lips, annoyed at the fact that she’s not able to read through his expression.

“--Is there anything I can help you with?”

precious child accidentally fusing her soul w a minour. developing the most important bond to that giant serpent quasi-god, being her anchor through losing her family, running away, metting death again and again, even losing her best friend and regressing back entirely in isolation. 

sr time, everything coming back around. her brother, her best friend, noah. meeting reina and not knowing why there is this restless feeling of guilt in her bcos garvith would never burden her with the past of nerice additionally to everything she is going through. losing all that the day of azra’s revival. losing all that, to save everything. gaining two millenia worth of memories from the one who had shared her soul for almost as long as she can remember. 

reefair, being all alone in sorting through those memories. understanding her (well, garvith’s) connection to reina. understanding so much all of a sudden but it makes nothing better. all alone, but also in posession of eliada’s journal which contains the most amassed knowledge if you don’t count faye in person. reading through it obsessively, understanding more and more. learning too much. learning about the broken universe, the truth of the end of nerice, the black cat, and also the tracker. the tracker and belle who has been a mirror of herself, in having a brother, in having relentlessly growing abilities, but contrary to her having a stable support system and yet nobody told her the truth

dream game, meeting reina, really for the first time face to face to her, it’s the oddest thing. she has the same memories as her, the ones she and garvith shared and she feels like she’s intruding, but also she has never been able to see herself separate from him and their fused soul. and being with reina feels right but she’s also so so guilty bcos the same way the bond between them exists, the same way she shares the guilt for abandoning he even though it happened almost a century before she was even born. and then there is belle. belle about to get caught up in everything her existence will come down to and avery is the only one who could warn her. tries to warn her. but even w their old feud gone, there is too little time, too much happening, not nearly enough to make her realize. and still lucie came always first to her, so even though it means leaving everything els unresolved she sacrifices herself for her. being dead for the first time despite having died so many times. she doesn’t witness the end of the world or the reconstruction of the cities. when she meets lucie again there is only the faintest memories left in her of the tiny amount of time she has actually lived. the irony of the one who always messed with other’s memories, ending up with the most jumbles mess of memories that it will take centuries to sort through.

motd, all her bonds are gone, the ones she still has she can’t remember. but there is eliada and he sees value in her, because she has become the walking, breathing, (ironically, actually living) incarnation of all the knowledge he gathered. of knowledge he could never gather because the realms of souls were always offlimits to him. but avery has been there while she was dead. she knows. she knows everything down to the existence of the invisible moon. and when she leaves with him for a/s and lucie gives her the jacket back (the most battered thing by then, but still stiched and pathed together by tireless hands) and she can’t remember its relevance but lucie is sure it will come to her. that she will remember, will return.

a/s, oddly enough having reached a point of near-immortality again, traveling with eliada through a stranger universe, on their way to the academy and the research on the observer. the power to control the invisible moon. by then she is everything and nothing. endless knowledge and jumbled memories both. recollections of the start of a universe, its breaking, soulless, war, struggling and betrayal. garvith’s betrayal that she perceives to be her own just as much. guilt for never being able to apologize to reina. and then eliada and her pass by the statue halls. the place where all true rulers go after their death. and reina doesn’t belong there but still eliada sent her there bcos her end was what was prophesied all along, even thoughshe always said she’d defy her fate.