#lovingcanhurt

A few weeks ago, I started falling for a friend. This was about 2 weeks after he'd told me that he was crushing on me, after which I was like "wait, so I can feel that way towards him?" sounds easy, doesn't it? a guy and a girl, falling for each other?

Well.. there's a twist. We got introduced by my ex-best-friend, who had this guy as a pretty good friend. A good online friend, that is. And this is the complication: we both live oceans apart, have never met each other, and probably never will. I mean, have you looked at the hiking airline rates? With the damaged economy, I don't think either of us would be able to make it through the distance for the other one. Which sucks, cause we've both admitted that if it weren't for the distance, we'd have probably started dating.

I know what you're thinking: what if its a fraud or a catfish, how can I trust him, etc etc. Believe me, I'm more logical than emotional, so I've cross-checked the facts on his identity, talked to his siblings, and kinda talked to him on call too. And it's not as though I haven't known him for long — cause I have. I've thought it all through and confirmed it all.

So the thing is that if we were a book, this would've played out perfectly. But we're not, and this is the reality. So as much as it pains me, as much as it hurts me that my first love will not work out, I have to be logical about this.

I'm not just saying this. I've had a few weeks time to think on this, I've talked to him about this, I've fought with him, and I've had a day when I became completely numb cause we agreed to be "just friends and nothing more."You see, as much as I realise it and as much as it squeezes the life out of my heart, I have realised today that my love for him as my friend exceeds my love for him as a lover. I guess he's my almost-first-love, huh. So instead of doubting my love for him, I'll embrace it. However, rather than perceiving it as romantic love, I'll embrace it as platonic love. But I won't stop loving.

I won't stop loving.

To fully appreciate this post, I’m hoping some of you have read ‘Me Before You’ by Jojo Moyes or at least watched the movie. It happens to be one of my favourites and I cry every single time I watch it. I end up watching it alone so no one sees me bawling my eyes out over fictional characters. Same old me. It is a story about helplessness, disability and depression but also love, resilience and…