#lovedramas

Today was a really hard day. Emotionally and physically talking. 

To start my dad has cancer, so he left our home city for a month or so to the capital to take his treatment. He goes away every 3 months. So even if I'm always fighting with him and angry at him, I love him and I already miss him. 

I had my first full class on point. It was so painful and I'm kinda frustrated that things I could do with out the points I can't do them now. I know I need to keep going but its really hard and it hurts. I never tough I could get so tired in one class! I love ballet even more now.!

I'm really sad about J. You know I saw him yesterday! He took me to Las Alitas and he was all sweat and cute with me. He even told me that I I didn't eat he was going to be mad at me. - I'm having this eating disorder and he kinda knows -  Well he did kiss me a pair of times on the chicks and on my head (he is taller, way taller than me) and he was all nice and a real gentlemen. He was taking care of me, he even lean down to tie my boots. It was like if we were starting from zero again! And I was all happy about it... but today a friend of mine... MO took the airport to say bye to my dad... on the way I told him that I saw J, and he was like ooh "I don't know if you know, but J is seeing a girl... she is fucking ugly, but they are going out for a long time now" I was all I don't give a fuck about him he is only my friend... but on the inside I was crying and hoping to soon find someone that can make me forget him. Actually just talk to him... I ask PSH another friend, of both actually. And he at first told me laughing that yup, they were going out. I confronted J a few minutes ago... and he is all like go ask the fucking girl, or PSH or MO and I was... I already ask them! Thats why I'm talking to you! I don't care if you are seeing other women, but don't kiss me if you are... 

Any way we starter to talk about it, suddenly PSH tells me that J just to see her but it was for a really short time... Then I ask J again and he told me that she liked him and that they only see on parties and things happened, but that he is not seeing any one right now. I don't know why... I do believe him but it hurts... It hurts because I still love J. I love you! 

I told him. How would you feel if someone told you I was going out with someone? He said he would be sad. And even If I told him its not true he would be hurt. Then I said that he couldn't expect me to act different because I care about him.  He asked for my forgiven, because: "Every time I get close to you even if its not me you always get hurt" Does words.... uuggg J do you love me? What do you want from me?! Why...