#lovedepression

loli and ma

Rating: T

Synopsis:

Clover was always in love with Mollie. Afraid that the love wasn’t mutual, she struggles and keeps it all to herself, mascaring it with a strange friendship level between lovers and best friends. When Mollie can’t stand the new system anymore and runs away from the Animal Farm, Clover has no choice but to mourn. She calls her best friend Boxer, unaware of his feelings towards her, so she could send letters and maybe, maybe, keep in contact with Mollie. What she doesn’t expect is what Boxer and the other animals are capable of doing to stop this forbidden love. What if Mollie went away looking for better conditions for her and for her love, Clover. Would Clover run away with Mollie and leave Animal Farm?

Fanfic:

It has been a week since she had last seen Mollie. Her perfectly brushed fur, always tidy, was such a pleasant view… Now that she was gone, Clover almost didn’t have motivation to get up in the morning at all. 

The rain probably wouldn’t stop soon. It has been a week since the rain has started, at least that was what it seemed like. Like a week. Probably even more. She had lost all her time perception after Mollie went away. Why did the pony have to be so selfish and run away?

“Come with me darling” Mollie’s words repeated inside Clover’s mind. “Inside this farm we are sad and starving. We can live happily in our own home. A home only for both of us, can you imagine?” Mollie’s eyes sparkled dreamly while she proposed such things. Clover would follow her if she didn’t know that what her friend was saying was untrue. If she left, the only life that would be waiting for them was hunger and suffering. 

“We are so much happier here. Why would we risk everything for only an idea?” Clover answered. Mollie stared at her skeptically. 

“Because it’s not an idea. It’s my dream. Our dream” Mollie cried “Don’t you hope for something better too?” Her last words echoed inside Clover's head. Does she hope for something better? But the Animal Farm wasn’t already something good? It was better than Jones at least. But something she couldn’t stand anymore was the lack of the only worth of Clover’s love. And if her stay in the Animal Farm meant that she couldn’t be with Mollie, she wasn’t sure anymore if the farm was good at all.

Clover’s mind oscillated between the thought of running away and what she would lose if she left. Mollie was gone, and almost none of the animals cared about it. Napoleon and Snowball were too busy arguing to care about any of the animals' complaints but their own. It was also no use to try to talk to any of the other animals left, their lack of empathy towards Clover only made her feel worse. None of them knew how much her love for Mollie had consumed her, for them they were just friends. Just friends. The two words hit Clover’s chest like an arrow.

The only thing keeping Clover from leaving everything behind was Boxer. He was the only one Clover was willing to talk to even weeks after Mollie’s “disappearance”. His black empathic eyes always stared at her own with such deep concern that it was almost unreal. His free time was almost all spent by talking and listening to the endless venting of Clover. Boxer probably didn’t have a clue about how she felt appreciated by all of his effort. Even without knowing that what she felt in relation to Mollie wasn’t only friendship, he was the only one with the closest  version of the truth. Maybe she should finally explain the whole truth. “After” she thought “I still don’t know how any of the animals would react to this. A girl being so in love with another girl. I don’t even know if Mollie loves me back”. 

Before Mollie’s exit, it wasn’t unusual to find both of the horses flirting with each other. The pet names and hugs were also very common. Mollie’s favorite one was calling Clover by “darling”. She used to do this all the time, always managing to draw a smile across the other one's face. That was what kept Clover hoping for so long, that maybe Mollie also felt the same way. That wasn’t just friendship. Or was it?

She didn’t have time to answer her own question, Boxer came inside the cellar happily trotting. His smile suddenly faded away the moment he looked at Clover’s depressing face. Slowly, he came closer to his friend and asked what was wrong. Clover already knew that Boxer already knew the answer, but the small act of worrying about what she was so sad about made Clover feel safer.

“I wished that Mollie could hear me somewhat. I feel so lonely without her”

“But you have me!” He said, giving her a warm smile. She looked back at him. 

“It’s not the same thing…” She sighed. Boxer made a confused face while he tried to understand the meaning of the frase. While Clover didn’t explain to him that what she felt towards Mollie wasn’t only friendship, Boxer wouldn’t know what was the difference between him and her.

“Do you know where she went?” He asked. Yes, she did know. Mollie had runned away to Foxwood farm, hoping that there she would keep the high quality life that she had with Jones.

“Yes, she is on Foxwood” Clover finally answered “But this doesn’t mean nothing, I still can’t talk with her”

“Why don’t you write to her?” Boxer suggested. Clover eyes widened, staring at her friend like he just started talking in another language. She could just write to Mollie. Clover could write to her everyday and even ask her to visit Animal Farm eventually. The pigeons wouldn’t mind delivering some letters to Foxwood farm, they already were familiar with their neighbors. That was perfect.

She was about to thank Boxer for the brilliant idea when she realized the worst thing possible, Clover couldn’t write. Unlike Boxer, she hadn't learned how to write yet.

“Oh no. I don’t know how to write! How can I write to her if I don’t know how to write yet?”

“I can write it for you” He proposed, giving her a shy smile. Clover eyes shined with excitement. Boxer was such a good friend.

“You are so nice! Thank you Boxer, you’re amazing!” She said, hugging her best friend. Boxer blushed and said that was the bare minimum he should do to her.

Boxer took the rest of the day off just to help Clover write the letter. It was extremely easier to find paper and a pen than she had thought, they just had to ask Squealer for one and she was done. Now, inside the cellar again, Clover was trying to organize her own head in order to tell Boxer exactly what she wanted to tell Mollie. It was the moment of truth, the moment that not only she would finally say to Mollie the intensity of her feelings and the moment that Boxer would know why Mollie was so different from him. Clover took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for something that she knew she wasn’t ready for.

“Boxer, are you ready to write all I say to you?” She asked, anxious. Boxer nodded.

“Alright, here we go” Clover took her last breath and started confessing “ ‘Dear Mollie, I don’t know what to do without you. Since the beginning of  our friendship, I had trouble trying to differentiate if you only wanted to stay as friends. And, to my surprise above all, I started to like you more than just friends. Maybe the flirting conversations were the ones responsible for the feelings I had developed for you, but…’ ”

Boxer was staring at Clover so intensely that made her lose her track of thought. Something she said had an extreme reaction inside his mind, so strong that made him even stop writing. Something was very wrong. 

“Boxer, are you ok?” Clover finally asked. Only then he realized how much he was staring at his friend because he quickly looked away and pretended to feel fine. 

“Yeah, yeah sure. That means that…” He looked back at Clover reluctantly “That means that you like Mollie? Like more than friends?” Clover stayed in a deep silence trying to not lose her mind. That was it. Now Boxer knew that she liked Mollie more than him.

“Yes,” She said after several minutes. The mood between them both was completely changed. It was like they were strangers. “I’m sorry Boxer”

“It’s ok” He snapped. Why was he acting so differently? The person sitting in front of Clover for sure wasn’t Boxer. Clover was feeling like she had just lost her best friend.

“I will continue ok?” He didn’t answer but she continued anyway “ Maybe the flirting conversations were the ones responsible for the feelings I had developed for you, but I just want to say that I hope for you to come back. Please Mollie, I just want to talk to you for one more time and then explain everything. I just hope for us to be alright, because beyond everything, I still want for us to remain friends. With all my love, Clover. ”

Boxer stopped writing a few minutes after Clover had spoken her last words. Without saying a thing, he folded the paper twice and aggressively handed it to Clover, leaving her speechless inside the cellar. She was shocked. That wasn’t what she knew about Boxer. Boxer was the kind, comprehensive and calm friend who Clover could always count on, but now that she had counted on him for once more, she had just seen the side of Boxer that she had never seen before. The aggressive, skeptic and careless side of him. Clover fell on her knees and started sobbing.

It was already night when she left the place. Clover had spent the whole evening crying and it only made her feel more like trash. She was worthless and now, apart from Mollie, she had lost Boxer too. She was all alone. Slowly, she went after the pigeons and gave the letter to one of them.

“Send this letter to Foxwood, please” She said so low that it sounded like a whisper. The pigeon took flight carrying the letter.

It was a turbulent night. Clover took a while to fall asleep, and when she did, she was woken by a terrible scream. Something was happening. Her heart sped up while she trotted in the direction of the scream. It was black outside, so dark that she bumped into a crowd of animals. They were surrounding Napoleon, Snowball and, on their feet, Mollie. Clover’s heart almost stopped when she looked at Molie. Mollie, who was tied and bruised, was with the worst expression of fear that she had seen in her whole life. Her clean tidy fur was full of dirt and she was bleeding.

“This evening, I was told that someone in this farm was conspiring against the new system. This animal, that is sadly still among us, kept in contact with Mollie, that we all know is a traitor. They were plotting together to knock down the Animal Farm in order to give it back to Jones, so they could be reunited again. And do you know, comrades, why they want to be reunited? They want to be reunited because they are in love!” There was commotion among the animals. Mollie was sobbing now.

“Yes, that’s right, comrades, they are in love. And the worst thing is that the animal that is so in love with Mollie is also a girl!” The comotion of the animals has increased now, the whispers becoming shouts and the calming murmur becoming a common disbelief. Clover was astonished. She had her mouth opened, speechless. It was almost like the ground had fallen beneath her feet.

“The love between two of the same sex is forbidden! They are incapable of making new children, so the only objective of this love is the selfish desire to be together endlessly! Two girls loving each other is a threat to the Animal Farm!” Napoleon roared. All the animals next to Clover started to shout too. All of them were agreeing: Something had to be done. 

“Our forces had searched after Mollie the moment she had runned away, so she could be punished for what she had done. Today, we celebrate because new information has arrived making us capable of arresting Mollie again. Now, finally, we are going to execute her for the crime of high treason.” Napoleon shouted “For the Animal farm!”

“No!” Mollie cried. But before she could do anything, she was already gone. The only thing left was blood and the terrified expression of not only Clover but many of the other animals. Clover wanted to shout, to scream and to protest. She wanted to strangle Napoleon and then cry her eyes out. But the only thing she did was to stare at Mollie's corpse, feeling absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.