I wish i could bury you, moth-winged half-faced love-burnt in the sands, and i wish i loved you before we became a sin so ostracised by every god of every religion, i wish you’d love me back, am I so unwanted by warmth that even in its most aggressive form, fire on the matchstick dies out before it touches my fingertips, i wish i could trace the contours of your cheekbone before i found a smirk hiding in your closeted dimple, i wish you weren’t a scattered set of embers i wish i could dare to dream of warmth again
I wish i could sculpt the void out of you into something we’d put in our garden, i wish you weren’t incapable of loving, i wish you were the gaps between my heartbeat, i wish i could pick out all the satisfying parts of my life like i’m trying to dissect the branches of the facial nerve properly, and slowly slowly the formaldehyde will fill my lungs and i just wish i could stare at you like i did at that old decaying body and you’d let me
I wish i could love you without asking for it in return, i wish i was the chill girl but honestly i’m not and i don’t think i’ll ever be, i wish i could unearth you from beneath the soil’s sour taste and kiss you and pretend the earthworms aren’t there and you’re still the most gorgeous thing in the world, i wish i could keep you alive i wish i didn’t have to wish all of this in the first place
