#lotls

She knew it had been awake for several days; her predecessor had taken the Asset out of cryo-freeze, and once the preparations were complete and the hoarse screaming she could hear from the hall had stopped, Y/N was head of the Cryo-Team.

Finding the man who had taught her about the machines, the processes, the science and the theory of her speciality dead on the floor had been a shock. His neck snapped and the word 'Traitor' carved into his forehead for everyone to see.

Hydra demanded loyalty and compliance at all times, in all things.

She had never even seen the Asset, had no idea what The Winter Soldier looked like in the flesh. Rumours said that it was a giant. Some described it as horribly disfigured. Some said it was beautiful and young, that it would charm you close then bite out your throat with sharpened teeth. Everyone agreed that it had a metal arm. In fact, she knew more about the arm than she did about the Asset. All of her training had been for her to take over its care. To ensure the Asset was put into stasis properly, that it was removed from stasis and ready to receive orders, and she was supposed to ensure the health of the Asset was at its peak.

For two years, she had been given screens to monitor, blood to analyse, and her diets recommended for when it was awake. She had studied the drip of serum left over, knew it was in the Asset's veins and what it had done to a young soldier. The Asset's Handlers would come to her, report on ailments, on fatigue or heightened aggression - even asked her to find a way to keep The Winter Soldier's mind quiet; make it docile. The Handlers were frightened of the charge they were supposed to be caring for - these highly trained fighters with guns and knives were afraid of one human male.

Something Y/N had noticed over the two years was that each time the Asset was thawed out, it would go on a mission and come back less than perfect. Wounds were not treated; they simply wrapped them before throwing it back into the freezer. Several times she had complained this would cause damage to the cells around the injury, increasing the risk of infection and that a fever could be catastrophic. That if they didn't concentrate on the Asset's diet and nutrition, it would get weak.

Someone had finally heeded her warning, and she was told that at six in the morning, she would be thoroughly checking the Asset over and preparing it for Cryo-stasis... Not even two days after, it snapped her boss's neck like a twig. Y/N eventually go herself up, washing her body in tepid water that sputtered from the old pipes and murmuring to herself all the processes she would need to go through. Wondering how many of her Team she would need and if the Handlers would hold the Asset down when required. She dressed in the shapeless, dull grey jumpsuit they equipped her Team with and headed for the stasis room. A man with a rifle stood at the door and smirked at her when she realised no one else was there, "Was the time changed?"

"No." He said with an almost yawn, not standing at attention but leaning against the wall. "You were the one whining about the Asset's treatment, so we figure you should deal with it alone - Don't worry, we turned off the monitors and audio, and I'll lock the door behind you. Everyone will be safe."

"...What?" Y/N breathed out, her eyes widening in alarm as the door slid open, "What if... I - Why?!"

The Handler shrugged, "The fewer people who see it, the better. If you want to take unnecessary risks - then so so alone." He was amused by how her chest heaved a little as panic seized her heart and squeezed, "Don't worry, Soldat likes women - he's very merciful when he kills them."

All but shoved inside, the door slammed behind her; Y/N exhaled weakly as her eyes scanned the room. There were three Cryo-tubes in the large room; towering generators and miles of wire secured to the walls and taped down to the floors were the only thing decorating the metal cube space. The monitors were the only other beacons of light that didn't focus primarily on the Asset. She was aware of it sitting there on the steel chair, both wrist and forearms held down by solid shackles attached to the armrests. The same cuffs wrapped around its ankles. A ripple of fear ran down her spine as she approached carefully, watching the muscled chest move up and down in a slow, steady rhythm through the skintight Cryo-suit, waiting for it to change and warn her of an attack. "Soldat?" She called out before stepping even closer, the silence in the room almost crushing her.

The Asset didn't answer her, it didn't move to acknowledge her, and she wondered if it could even think or speak. A buzz in the air snapped, and Y/N let out a startled yelp, looking all around her for the cause then realising it came from a headset a few feet above the Asset's head. So, that wasn't a rumour... They really did have to shock it into compliance. It seemed such a cruel practice for an organisation that wanted to save the world.

"Soldat, do you understand me?"

"Yes." His voice sounded like gravel grinding itself together, deep, unused, and devoid of any feeling. The Asset continued to stare blankly at the ceiling, past the electrodes, which still buzzed with excess energy.

"That's something," Y/N breathed out, barely reaching her own ears but then the other's eyes drifted to her, steely blue eyes that said so much more than she thought could be spoken by mouth. Of course, it had heard her with its enhancements. Y/N felt sweat breaking out on her brow, her hands shook anxiously as it looked at her – really looked at her – the stare almost painful to her, like nails, raking over her skin. Seeing the Asset in person, dismissing all the rumours of its appearance, gave her new things to have nightmares about. Every muscle, every sinew of it laden with violent tension, and she swore she could feel his presence around her; even from this distance, it was dark and thick, and she found it difficult to breathe in. This wasn't quite a monster; this was a predator, a wolf. Beautiful and dangerous. "I'm in charge of your care, Soldat. You can call me -!"

The metal bands keeping the Asset down creaked as it strained against them, the flesh arm's muscles bulged impressively whilst the metal plates of the other shifted, eyes almost grey now as they went cold, "No." It was one word, but it was heavy, and it told her volumes – it was safer to never know her name.

The rumour was that if The Winter Soldier spoke your name, then you were good as dead.

"I'm going to treat your wound and take a few of your vitals." Y/N didn't know how she managed to keep the tremor out of her voice and sit on the spindly stool set at the Asset's side. Perhaps if she treated it like a cadaver rather than a living thing, this would be easier. This wasn't her skill set; she was qualified in cryogenics, knew the best conditions a body needed to be kept at, and knew how to thaw them out without causing massive internal damage.

When she had been scouted by Hydra at her internship, she had never imagined she would be trapped in an organisation that would do this to a living thing - Turn a man into a murderous, obedient doll. They had told her they wanted a new world, that they were looking for peace. Y/N had been enchanted by the idea of helping something so great, only to discover she had sold herself to the devil.

The Asset.

Or rather, the man - because now that she was this close, she could see he was a living, breathing human and not a fabled creature he had been made out to be. "...Do you have a name?"

"Asset. Soldat." It was a quick response that was followed by a quick hitch of his breath, "The Winter Soldier.

It made sense to strip him of his name.

"Okay, well," her hands reached for a syringe on the tray beside her for drawing blood. "I'm going to take some of your blood to see if the anaemia has improved since I adjusted your IV cocktail from the last mission."

The Winter Soldier's brows came down as he frowned, "Anaemia?" He shouldn't have been speaking or even able to think enough to ask questions - she wasn't a directive, she wasn't critical to a mission or even one of his Handlers – she was just here to stitch him up. Why was he now interested in his health beyond the physical?

"Yeah..." Y/N was a little confused by him too. "There was an infection from one of your old wounds, and you had a low blood count. It makes your healing slower and might even make you feel dizzy, or like you're running too hot. It makes waking you up a little more difficult if you get damaged." No, she didn't like that on the end of her tongue; the words didn't sit well, "I meant if you get hurt. I'm also not happy with your liver - we pump so much medicine into you to fight off these minor things that could be easily solved by treating your wounds that it's not coping great." Y/N had placed what she needed on the steel table beside her, the methodical actions soothing her and reminding her that this was just preparation for putting the man back to sleep. "And I need to examine your shoulder too."

"My shoulder?" He looked to his right, lips pursing as he tried to angle his head to find any damage.

"Your left shoulder." She clarified. "The ligaments seem tight, and the last x-ray suggested stress to the bones the titanium is knitted into." Finally, she felt steady enough to lean over him and grab the zip on his top; she began to pull it down, the sound almost deafening in the steel-clad room, her hand jerked to a halt when it hit the metal strap across his chest, "…Ah." she frowned at the band, why hadn't she taken note of that before? His arms and legs were secured already - this seemed overkill.

He let out a sort of a huff; one might almost describe it as amused even though his near blank expression didn't change much, "There's a release on the console." The woman turned reluctantly to the console he had nodded to, goosebumps raising all over her body as she realised she had to release him.

How could she not be terrified?

"You're not my mission." His voice was huskier now. The gravelly sound was not so noticeable the more he used his voice. She could hear the inflexions better, and his tone reflected his words – he wasn't interested in hurting her. Y/N swallowed her nervousness down and stood, walking to the console as if it were a live bomb.

Was this wise? Was it a trap?

"What's the date?"

Her hand paused over the screen, glancing at him once before dropping her palm on the console - the sound of the straps coming loose was chilling. "I-it's…" What was wrong with her? She shouldn't have been choking on her words when all he had asked for was a date. "March tenth, nineteen eighty-nine." A rustle alerted her that he was moving, and Y/N spun on her heel with her eyes wide and frightened, "Don't move!" Her screech had startled them both, the soldier fell back into the chair as if she had physically shoved him, whilst she clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle any further sounds. Her shaking knees could hardly hold her up, her vision blurred with frightened tears, and she let out an embarrassingly loud sob.

Being terrified of a man who didn't have thoughts or feelings of his own seemed ridiculous to her. Why did she have to deal with this? Wasn't her job to work in the background and never interact with the Asset Hydra was so proud of? She should have kept thinking he was a thing and not a human being.

He was a weapon.

Hearing him move, having this silent threat in the same room as her, had thrown the Technician off completely. She knew he had to be watching her whilst she sunk to her knees, and she knew he could probably see her chest heaving as she fought back the panic clawing up her oesophagus with talon-like nails. Y/N couldn't move. She didn't dare look in his direction from her huddled up position by the console. The minutes ticking by felt like hours, and her body ached from how tense and tightly coiled they were.

She was waiting for that cold, metal hand to wrap around her throat like in her dream - praying that he really would be merciful and quick.

Hearing his voice, Y/N flinched further at first, not listening to what was being said, just acknowledging a sound. The Soldier's voice carried over to her, then slowly, it began to make sense.

Was he... Singing?

It was off-key and hardly recognisable as a song, but it was surreal considering the situation. Her lips parted to speak, to ask what he was doing, and nothing came out despite several attempts. Listening more closely, it was evident he didn't know the song all the way through as he kept looping what must have been the chorus. "W-what... why are you...?"

"It's stuck in my head... sometimes it gets too loud, and it interferes with my mission." Y/N had managed to stagger to her feet, using the console to hold her up as she tried to control just how scared she was and listen to the dazed babbling of a highly trained killer. "They wipe me when that happens... over and over. Wipe everything out that I don't need but this song - it always comes back."

Was he remembering?

Should she call someone and tell them their weapon was compromised and that he needed to be shocked back into submission again? Glancing at the device above his head, knowing they were still warm - how could she put him through that again so soon?

"It's my birthday... March tenth," the man mumbled, blinking slowly as the corners of his mouth lifted a little, "I would go dancin' and... this song... I - They played it... the band."

Y/N shook her head, "Stop talking." The more he said, the more he fed her of a life he barely remembered, the further she strayed from seeing him as an Asset, as a ghoul or a monster. Her heart clenched. Somehow she found the resolve to approach him, all but falling onto the stool beside him and taking in his face - no longer a blank slate. He looked late twenty-something, maybe older, but it could have been the things he'd seen and done that made him appear that way. His chin and strong jaw were peppered with dark stubble the same colour as his hair, which was at the stage of awkwardly growing out of a much shorter style. Not quite what she would call long, but enough to stick to his forehead. There was an angry, red mark marring his once tanned skin over his left eye – the evidence left from the shock pads above his head.

The Soldier was gazing up at the ceiling again, not like before; this time, his perfectly formed mouth was moving, silently wording out the song stuck in his head. Blue eyes slightly glazed over, and his expression calm.

This wasn't the Asset she had walked in to treat - this was a glimpse of the person trapped inside him.

"I'll treat you quickly so you can sleep..." Y/N reached for the zip once more, eager to get away, to put him back to sleep and forget what she had seen - for both their sakes. A warm hand – not cold as expected – but warm and large and gentle, placed itself on top of hers.

He gave her the most self-deprecating look she had ever seen in her life, licking his dry lips before speaking, "If I could remember all of the words... I'd ask you to dance."

"Soldat..."

"James."

"...James," Y/N felt a lump forming in her throat as he smiled so sweetly at her, "Let me get you fixed up, then we can dance all you want."

Leaving the room after an hour of treating and preparing The Winter Soldier for sleep, Y/N emerged from the room, half glaring at the man on guard and refusing to speak to him when he asked if the Asset had behaved. She filed her report and headed back to her room to monitor the screens and never told of 'James'. She hoped he was dreaming of dance halls and pretty girls as he slept. Hoped the frozen air that swirled up around him as she put him in stasis held him at that moment until he was needed again.