#lostfiles

I guess having a self love, feel good, dressy day at work makes me "zesty" now 😂

Lost files # 34 Oxygen Depleting.

I want to yell... Till something breaks... Shatters...

Loosens

But I bite the inside my cheek...

As hard as I can...

To feel something...

To taste iron in my spite

To know that I m alive...

That my fractured brain

Is telling me lies...

Anxiety at its best

Depression,

outstanding warrants..

Slip through the creaks...

I sat in the rain

A smile plastered imperfectly

Across a tired,

bored face..

Spitting out blood,

To watch it pool around my bare feet

Seeping into the grass..

Relapsing

I tilt my head back,

Exposing the softness of my neck...

For the monsters that lurk just beyond my peripheral

Daring them to come out...

To tear into my throat,

Devouring all the words I couldn't say,

Rotting,

Pulsing...

Beautiful,

You...

The raindrops crushing into my eyes

Forces me to close my paper eyelids..

Forces me to focus inward...

I feel myself breathing ..

Relaxing

My chest rising slowly..

I feel you next to me,

My head still in the clouds...

You're not here..

Not flesh anyway ..

Strings of memories

Vibrating faintly with fading emotions...

I wonder how real this life is...

Soaked to the bones

Skin ,

Memories melting off bleach pale bones,

Into the wooden steps..

I keep reminding myself this day is almost over....

That tomorrow is a new day...

But deep down,

I know these days of fading out

Can bleed into consecutive days...

That I have to be positive...

Practical..

To keep pushing through my normal routine

Discipline is important

If I want to make it out alive..

Feelings aren't tangible

Suffocating,

But they don't define me...

I m standing in front of you...

Solid and whole..

Almost whole

I m laughing

Holding a conversation loosely

It's enough to satisfy the average person..

And

That's enough..

Yet I m miles away

On a distant shore

That

I've never shared with anyone

The waves smashing into my feet

bruised

Standing still..

Just waiting,

Waiting for something to bring me back..

A touch...

A code word...

a feeling...

I m not an unhappy person...

Please remember that

When I can't find my way back home...

-Danny Sheehan