#longed for

— Tarn, for the most part, is born out of the suffering and corruption of Damus and during the many times of tribulations in his past before he became Tarn, the only thought that kept him going was the thought of you. You were his everything. His lover, his only friend, the light of his life. When the functionalists unjustly sentenced him to Empurata and cruelly separated you from him, he underwent immeasurable pain. There were many times where he yearned for his death but knowing that you would be still out there, somewhere fired up his will to live.

— He remembers rummaging through records, determined to find out. But when no mention of your designation showed up on the system, he dreaded with all his spark that you'd become an Autobot. It haunted him. To this day, even millions of years later, he still keeps track if there's a possibility, even a slim one, that you join the Decepticons.

— Which is why when the Peaceful Tyranny was docked on a near-by planet after a name successfully being crossed off The List, Tarn froze. He swore he felt his spark stop. Yet again, he was grateful for his mask for hiding his wide optics and gaping intake.

— Out of all the possible locations, you were on some neutral settlement. It's why he couldn't track you, you'd choose to run away from the war. Definitely disappointing but it's better than the worst case scenario-

— You didn't look a vorn older, you still looked exactly how you were all those thousands of years ago. You were perched on top of a wall, fueling on some energon goodies as your stabilizers dangled down below. You seemed so care-free, you really hadn’t changed. Tarn didn’t expect his past to catch up with him right now, especially when he was just strolling through this techno city to purchase a few more authentic music copies. They had a wonderful collection not to mention, most of them were polite enough to know better than to get in his way. He just so happened to look across the street only to see you, of all Cybertronians in the universe.

— In Tarn’s deranged processor, this had to be a reward. This must be a reward for his valient and honourable efforts at bringing justice within the ‘mighty and noble’ Decepticon cause. In other words, a made up delusional reason justifying his initiative to have you for himself once again. A motive if anything.

— Now, Tarn knew that you didn’t exactly know him. You knew Damus, you loved Damus but you were unfamiliar with Tarn. If he had to approach you, he had to do it carefully. It was a single shot and he could not mess this up.

— He followed you. Tarn stalked you, carefully and you, so gullible, so naïve, so stupidly led him to your tiny cramped living space without even being aware of his presence from the shadows. Tarn thanked your lack of any environmental awareness for making this so much easier. Though, it did concern him. It drew out more questions. How did you even survive the war? Why hadn't you taken a faction? How did you get off Cybertron? Was the during the mass exodus?

— The only drawback of this was that he would have to wait a while to cross off the next traitor from The List. Tarn did tell his crew that they were going to be staying here on this planet for a while longer— Tesaurus and Helex was overjoyed, they got some more time to spend more shanix at the local bar, Kaon also had a similar reaction as he could finally take the Pet out for a... walk yet again, Nickel really didn’t care and Vos was irked, he really wanted to kill someone. But he knew that this stay couldn’t be extended any longer.

— Tarn observed you from afar. It really was you- none of your mannerisms had changed even in the slightest. Your occasional idiotic clumsiness, the way you made your berth, even the way you walked and talked. You were right there, right in his grasp. Tarn could so easily make his way into your pathetic excuse of a living space right now.

— He learnt everything he could about you. Thankfully, you were still neutral. Tarn used to remember back in his early days of delivering justice, he used to rummage through thousands of datapads, trying to see if you were maybe somewhere on there. But you weren’t, there wasn’t a single mention of you on the Decepticon database. Tarn, or at least a part of him, was honestly scared. What if you joined the Autobots? was a thought that plagued him for a very very long time. Now, it can be put to rest. Although, he is disappointed that you didn’t choose the path of righteousness and become a Decepticon but it would be fine, he would convince you.

— Tarn caught a glimpse of you recharge and Primus, how he wished to be on that berth with you. His spark practically ached. He remembers how the two of you would long to lay down on a proper berth than the pavement by the alleyways you huddled in.

— It seemed you still had a rather unstable employment but instead of your usual skills, you were doing all other kinds of odd jobs like cleaning, helping out with restocking and occasionally helping out with making energon treats at a nearby fuelling stand. Tarn was baffled, did you really abandon your talents like that? Also, the lack of the usual smile on your faceplates was disturbing to Tarn, you rarely smiled but he would fix that. He's sure he can.

— At some point, he couldn’t do it anymore. He needed to talk to you, desperately. Tarn couldn’t continue going on and just watching your life unfold without being able to be a part of it. He wouldn't stand it or accept it.

You were sitting on the curb of the street on the usual alleyway as you feasted on your some energon, humming a random tune that came into your processor. You heard someone walk nearby you, you really didn’t care though. Bots come and go, it's just how life is. No one stays. You continued fuelling on your energon treat, it was your favourite flavour too. Your boss was kind enough to let you take whatever leftovers remained to refuel and today you were lucky, there were a few leftovers of your favourite. “May I take a seat?” The stranger spoke, his voice was the most soothing voice you had ever listened to. It had you pause from taking a bite. Who the hell was this guy? You looked up, it was clearly directed to you and the Bot that wanted your attention was… big. You must've been up to his shoulder or neck at most. You looked into the stranger's chassis to search for this mech’s allegiance only to be met with one of the more horrifying insignias to ever have been forged. The mech in front of you was a Decepticon.

“Uh.. sure?” You spoke, uncertainty laced in your voice. It was a Decepticon; war criminal premium, not that the Autobots were anything you cared for. You sure as hell weren't going to deny him or be rude. He brushed off the dirt off the ground and sat right next to you. You could tell that he was the fancy type. The glow of his bright red optics made it possible for you to be able to see him within the darkness of the alleyway. Definitely a Decepticon and probably even a warrior- his faceplates were heavily scarred here and there. He also had a fusion cannon.. which made you feel a little worried. "Oh, don't worry about that. I have strict orders not to engage with neutrals in combat." He smiles, it looks... kind, almost. Like he means it. "Unless of course, you're affiliated with the Autobots" He adds on and you snicker. "Me? Autobot?" You can't even think about it. Joining the war and dying for someone's cause only to be left forgotten forever afterwards. "I'm not made for the military, trust me." You mumble out. You eye him for a bit, studying his face. He seemed amused by your words, oddly relieved for some reason. Either way, you might as well humour this Decepticon because Primus, he was hot. A large frame, perfect for grabbing; his faceplates looked as if they were sculpted by Primus himself and his voice. You shove away those fleeting thoughts for now. His optics seemed to be studying the treat you held in your servo, or was it your intake? Nah, probably the energon. “Do… Do you want some?” You lend out a servo with some treats, offering it up to the larger mech.

“Oh no! You’re too considerate, dear. Unfortunately or well, fortunately, I’ve already refuelled.” He politely put down your offer, little did you know, he didn’t find any of these second rate fuel appealing and you retracted your servo but he continued to stare. The thought finally clicked that he wasn’t staring at the treats, he was staring at you. The realisation made you... a bit uncomfortable however, you couldn’t help but be overcome by a vague feeling of familiarity. It was absurd, you had never met this mech in your life. You don't even know his name, you've never seen this mug before in your life. You're educated enough to tell apart the notorious 'Cons of their High Command but this mech doesn't look like any you know. He's clearly experienced from the scars on his face you assume are from battle. So... just who is this mech? “I don’t want to be rude or anything but what do you want from me?” You inquired. You were worried. Autobots were enough trouble but Decepticons? Their cruelty knew no bounds or that’s what you’ve heard. The last thing you wanted to do was to trigger the large purple ‘Con to blow your brain module out. Regardless of how hot he was, he's... creepy. He goes quiet for a moment, his optics fixated into yours and it makes you feel so uneasy, shifting in your seat and moving a bit away from him. Tarn wants to huff at how you move away and seem worried but he controls himself, he has to keep himself in check…

“Nothing really but I must ask you something..” His optics bore into yours, “Will you sing for me?”. There's a softness to his tone, a slight hint of what you could only explain as vulnerability and it rings a familiar echo in your spark. The way he asked it, the softness in his tone. It was all too familiar. You looked like a deer in the headlights for a moment. It was impossible. They took him away and you remember so well, you couldn’t even fight them off. You were reduced into a pathetic bystander. You felt helpless. You never saw him ever again after that. No, this couldn’t be him. He was far too elegant and intimidating to be Damus. Damus was long gone. Damus wouldn't have a fusion cannon and he sure as hell wouldn't be a Decepticon.

But the real question here was, how did he know that you can sing? There's really only a few people you've spoken to about your old profession back during the Pre-War era... Was he an old fan that recognized you maybe? One of the many mechs in those bars you'd perform in. “I was a huge fan of your performances back at Mudflap’s.” Tarn says, realizing how suspicious he sounds. He brings up that old, second-rate bar you had to perform in time and time again and its nostalgic to you, he can see that from how your optics flicker. Such simpler times, changed for the better; in Tarn’s opinion. “I don’t do that anymore but,” You continued, you stopped singing after what happened to Damus. Singing brought back those happy turned painful memories with the love of your life but you were not going to refuse a Decepticon and face the possibility of going through a painful end. “I’ll make an exception for an old fan. Forgive me if it isn’t exactly the best. It’s been a while.” "Which... which song would you like?" You ask, turning to look at him with something that could only be explained as remembrance. Tarn supposes he should request for that all time favourite of yours, one he's quite fond of himself. 'Devotion of the Liege'. You look a little surprised as he says that, it's an old love song but it was one of your favourites. He certainly had to be Pre-War if he's heard that one before. "Sure, it's one of my favourites." You reply, preparing your vocalizer for something you thought you'd long abandoned.

And once your voice fills Tarn's audials, it's like everything else in the world blacked out, he focused entirely on the sound of your voice. It's like a sweet welcome to him and for once, Tarn was filled with an immense and immeasurable happiness. He smiled, an uncharacteristically genuine, soft smile. He hummed the tune with his optics went offline as the sweet melody left your vocalizer, his helm moved side to side in a rhythm exactly that of the song. Once you were done with the song and the mech burst out in small applause. The mech sitting next to you seemed to have really liked that. “You truly are a master of your art! So beautiful.” He praises. Primus, even that smile felt familiar. Almost as if you were looking at a ghost. Though his praise did get to you, a bit. “No, not really.” He raised his optical ridge to that. “Spare me the modesty.”

— The two of you had a long conversation. You spoke about your job and your life and he explained about how he found his calling with Megatron of all beings in the galaxy. When you asked for his designation, he hesitated, almost which had you a bit confused but he does tell you what his name is— You’ve heard the name ‘Tarn’ somewhere before, you just didn’t know which Tarn he was talking about. There were many impersonators of the DJD captain and many of the bots that lived within Tarn did also use ‘Tarn’ as an alias. As far as your concerned, its stated that Tarn, the captain of the DJD, was always with a mask... and would the captain of the DJD sit down and have a chat with you of all bots? Surely not. He gives you a look when you just say 'nice name' instead of running off like he thought you would; you don't seem to think he's DJD yet. Good, he can barely contain the smile that would've bloomed across his face.

— He was pretentious to say the least. Condescending sometimes but he did make good company, the two of you often conversed about music. You mentioned your favourites while he said that he liked the ‘Empyrean Suite’ which left you... down for a bit. He felt so familiar. You can't quite put a digit on it.

— The striking similarities that Tarn shared with your previous partner shook you even if these similarities were small ones. Maybe that’s why you spent time with Tarn despite how condescending he could be, after all, you did miss Damus dearly. Tarn was rude sometimes but it's not like you had high hopes for a Decepticon anyway. You're trying to distance yourself from him, keep him away from you but.. something, some sort of connection seems to draw you in to him.

— He would regularly make pit-stops to this planet you were on. The rest of the crew were confused but Tarn clarified that the place had the best energon and music records he could ever want. Truth is, you really didn't want to see him again. You had no intention of befriending him. You really thought he was just another come and go bot in your life but you have no idea how adamant he is on staying.

— Sometimes, he would bring back souvenirs from the planets he went to and bring them to you. Ironically enough, now it was him who shared tales of interstellar travel, obviously he filtered out all the gore and war crimes. Tarn found humour in the fact that now the roles had been reversed. It was adorable to watch your face light up when he spoke of his ventures into deep space. You spoke of your own travels but little did you know, Tarn already knew them all.

— The two of you began forming a strange friendship. At the start, the two of you met up on the same alleyway curb side you usually sit down and fuel at. Sometimes. The frequency varies but it's either weekly or monthly. Eventually, you invited him over to your home. Once. Only because it was about to rain and this forsaken planet has a bad case of acidic rains; your plating would get eaten through by the acid had you stayed there and you didn’t really want to leave him out there. Tarn practically exploded inside when you invited him over once but his stoicism is just as effective as his mask. He's successfully managed to wear down your guard.

— Sometimes, you give special energon treats to him whenever he visits, mostly just whatever leftovers you get from your job. Tarn loves them, sometimes you give him extra to take with him. He shared them with Helex once. Helex was practically dying to know where Tarn gets them from. Tarn refused to reveal his sources.

— He was having all sorts of thoughts when he was away from you. Tarn was haunted by the memories of his shared past with you, those sweet moments coming to the forefront of his processor. He needed you with him again, it was a carnal desire straight from the depths of his spark.

— Tarn was slowly beginning to realise that you were unknowingly a hindrance to his work. He couldn’t go on like this. Tarn has a duty to the Cause and the Cause would always come first. He will have to do something about you…

It was absurd really. Tarn, for once in his life, was facing an irregular string of extremely convenient coincidences rather than the repeated strikes of bad luck. He met his old sparkmate that he longed for, as both Damus and Tarn; as well as found a surplus of traitors within this star system, conveniently giving him excuses to make to his crew to come see you. Now, the dilemma he faced was slightly different to the usual. Tarn had to move out of this planetary system- the DJD had come to this solar system for the intention of wiping out traitors from the List. Meeting you was just one big fat coincidence. There were a good amount of traitors and deserters within the proximity of the planets of this system and most of them were brought to ‘justice’. This planetary system is one of the few colonies of Cybertron that were under the command of the neutrals which made it ridiculously easy for ex-Decepticons to hide amongst the masses and go completely unnoticed. Most of them have been tipped out by the many spies or by Bots who desperately needed some shanix from the bounties on their helms but many of them were just too good at hiding in plain sight. If Tarn had it his way, he might as well would’ve just destroyed the entire planet. Excluding you of course, you’d be by his side on his ship. But he had direct orders from Megatron himself to not engage with neutrals. An order he would not disobey. Which is why Tarn refuses to plan on using any type of physical methods on you but this made things trickier than it should be, Tarn had been accustomed to violence for a long time, he thought of kidnapping but that would not end well for numerous reasons. The last thing he wanted was for the rest of the crew to think that you’re just a toy he brought onboard… and Primus forbid that they ask for you to be shared. Speaking of crew, he is almost certain that they wouldn’t approve of bringing you on-board. The whole idea of the aliases and the new frames was that they were to be new mechs once they join the DJD, leaving behind their old lives & identities behind entirely to embrace Megatron’s golden vision— And you? You are a reminder of his past, a relic of a long-gone era walking. If anything… He should distance himself from you, stay away. But… His spark yearns, oh, it yearns. It calls out for you, desperately. An old bond pulsing within its energy, wanting to be revived. And he needs to relieve himself of this pain. Tarn would require some kind of miracle to find a way to bring you on-board his ship with him. Then he could finally be at home. At peace. Maybe, even happy. And that’s when the good news came.

— Tarn's elaborate plan involved Kaon who owed him a favour since their leader did allow him to keep that traitor as his beloved pet. While kidnapping was not a very good route for you to warm up to him, making you a Decepticon was... a much easier route. And he had a perfect excuse to crash your party because as it would soon turn out, your so called boss was on The List. Pulling some strings made it easy for Tarn to put that bot up higher, a gross violation of their protocol but having a valuable member was a lot more favourable, right? Especially when this bot was getting in the way of his work.

You finished your shift after a long day, walking down the remote and not very crowded street. You were rather cheery that day, you finally got that promotion you so rightfully deserved until four mech crashed down from the sky— Screaming as destruction ensued all around you. It was horrifying, the mechs were horrifying. Two of them looked like they could transform into a space cruisier! You cowered behind a wall in one of the nearby buildings as you hoped that whatever was going on would end now. You tried your best to control your shaky vents, you slowly raised your helm from underneath to see what was going on. Some of the pedestrians lay offline. You didn’t know them but the sight hurt. The reason why you came to this place was to hide from the life of brutal violence so many were so accustomed to but now the violence had been brought to you. You looked around cautiously once more, you observed the mechs closely. They were all Decepticons as their proud purple insignia shone brightly under the lighting. A slender and comparatively short one, one with a big cross on his face, one with four arms and one without any optics. They spoke to a mech who looked somewhat familiar at a considerable distance away from you, it wasn’t easy to listen too but you were able to make out bits and pieces. “The Decepticon Justice Division has arrived.” One of them announced and to whom, you don't know cause their grand entrance just about killed or scared off all possible audiences..

Despite the ridiculousness, it didn’t help the pure utter horror pulse through you at his words. The Decepticon Justice Division, may Primus have mercy on whoever they came for. “Justice will be served upon you, deserter.” A mech with a big cross on his face spoke the single most cheesiest dialogue as one of them, a short but more sleek one lunged forward towards the mech they were talking to, your boss who was armed with a blaster. It took a second for it to click that the mech was talking to your boss. That old fart was a Decepticon!?!?!? You almost got a whiplash with how fast you turned your helm sideways to look at your boss across the street whose face was plastered with that of pure unadulterated terror. He ran. Ran as fast as he could, transforming into his jet alt mode midway; as if he were so horrified that he forgot he could even transform. The other pursue, until the slender one transforms into some sort of gun you could barely make out, maybe a sniper rifle. Were they going to shoot him down!? One, two, three, wait… where was the fourth one? Your optics darted around to find the other one, you tried to turn back only for your vision to go blank as a sharp pain struck through your helm and spread throughout your frame. Your frame spasming, an electric shock administer straight into your body by... someone.

— Kaon had secured you. Tarn didn’t feel the slightest of remorse. If you think Tarn feels even remotely bad, you’re sorely mistaken. His mask currently hides an expression of absolute happiness, giddy almost. He's just a little pissed that Kaon might've overdone it.

You wake up, you were knocked out was what you could conclude, by some voltage overload... A sharp pain shot up your helm, your servos gripped the top of your helm. Your vision and audials were all static. The realisation dawns on you, you don’t know where you are. You wake up in a panic, you look around your surroundings. It seems like you’re in a med bay. Somebody must’ve dragged you here. Thank Primus. “Tarn, the new recruit is awake.” A blue minibot spoke through her comms. You reboot your vocalizer in an effort to say something, seems like she's the medic who was taking care of you. Or maybe the nurse? Who cares. Right now, you really want to know where you are because you're sure you've never seen a clinic like this back where you live. Far too spacious, clean too. “Where am I?" You try to sound stern, vocalizer going static for a moment. Those shocks were... something. "...who are you?” You asked only to be ignored by the minibot. How rude, your derma purse into a thin line. You scan the surrounding area once more, in hopes of understanding where exactly you are and well, the amount of Decepticon insignias couldn’t mean anything good…

Wait. Didn’t she just say recruit? No no no no no no no. No. You HAD to get out of here. You got up from the berth, sitting on it and attempting to stand. Stabilizers shaky, hoping to make a dash for it but the moment your pedes touch the ground, you wince. “Hey, hey, hey! You’re not in walking condition yet. Rest.” The blue minibot walked towards you as she spoke in a scolding tone. She looked cross and annoyed. Oddly intimidating for a minibot and just as you were about to say something...

“Oh Tarn, you’re here. Good. The bot’s awake, they’ll be okay for now. All their systems are optimal.” She spoke, casual. Not very interested in whatever's happening. You turn around to see a huge bot in a mask. He had the exact same build and frame as that of the mech you sit next to after your shift everyday. It’s that exact same Tarn. “You’re... Tarn!?” You exclaimed, he’s honestly the last bot, rather ‘Con you expected to see. Wait, is he... No, he's not.. that Tarn...? Right? You recall the DJD presence and you can't help but want to move away from him right now. Nickel on the other hand has her interest piqued, you spoke like you knew him. Met him before. Now, she doesn't pry into Tarn's private life but as far as she was concerned, he didn't really have one. The Cause was his private and public life. “One and only. Awake and feeling better I presume?” He asked with the same silky smooth voice. Your optics dart down for a moment in thought, not sure what to make of this. Optics narrowing a bit at him. Tarn can sense the distrust but he knows he's managed to lower your guard somewhat with his repeated meetings. Nickel on the other hand is... confused as to why he's not wearing the mask. He always wears the mask. “Aside from the helm splitting ache, yes but what's going on here? She called me a 'new recruit'.” You asked, looking at the minibot momentarily. Good. You missed the way Tarn's frame froze. He internally curses himself... of course Nickel would say it like that.

“Well my dear, my crew found you unconscious on the floor and took you to our ship’s medic! You were in rough shape, it seems you got into the crossfire between our team against some Autobot.” Tarn lied. Nickel from behind you, raised an optical ridge at their leader. Nickel was a well versed medic and she saw no marks or any indication of a brawl or a fight. She was just as confused as you were. And you were certain you hadn't seen an Autobot in vorns. Optical ridges furrowing in even more confusion. Not to mention, he hadn't answered as to why the blue minibot called you a new recruit. “But I don’t remembe-” “Your memory circuits were damaged my dear,” He immediately cuts you off, “That level of voltage is enough to scramble your memory banks.” He added. Nickel was now… more confused? You did sustain some helm trauma but it isn’t the type you get from a crossfire. Or the types that make you lose memories... You took a second to process what he was saying. It didn’t add up but Tarn wouldn’t lie to you, right? I mean, logically speaking here, you had nothing of interest to offer him. At all. You're a nobody as far as this war is concerned. You don't really trust him as much anymore, you can tell he's sketchy and Tarn can see that. It upsets him. But he keeps a strong face. “You might not believe me but this comes from my colleague Kaon. He saw the whole thing.” Tarn explained, the optic-less ‘Con behind him that you hadn’t noticed until now, waved at you. He.. unsettled you and startled you, you just awkwardly give a small wave back. Huh... Tesla coils on his back. Weird.

“Besides, friends don’t lie to each other now do they?” Tarn added on, as if he weren't a snake; a snake that's now coiled around your frame entirely with the intention of gently squeezing the life out of you. Not that you'd be aware of his intentions, he was deceptively charming in this moment. And even if you could register it, its not like you can run yet. Or transform. Kaon made sure to crank up the voltage just for you. He couldn’t be lying, your helm did ache in ridiculous magnitudes. No amount of high grade, petroleum or rocket fuel has gotten you into this much of a disastrous helm ache. Besides, he didn’t have a reason to lie to you either. None that you knew of at least. You had nothing to give him; no valuable skill or intel any army could ever want. So you could trust him... right? Though, Autobots... wouldn't really hurt a neutral? But… the optic-less guy. Wasn’t he a part of those DJD members that came to massacre your boss? It was a vague memory. It happened all too fast. But Tarn referred to him as a colleague. You sit there, trying to process everything with a servo on your helm and it dawns in on you.

The realisation sent a cold shiver down your back struts, frozen stiff as a stark terror unlike any other gripped your spark. Not looking back up to Tarn or his 'friend', optics locked onto the floor. You stupid glitch, this Tarn was the commander of the DJD. This is that exact same fragging Tarn. The infamous torturer, notorious war criminal, sparkless executioner. “Wait, wait, wait…. You’re… you’re in the DJD…” How could you’ve been so stupid… befriending a fragging Decepticon like that but regret could not save you now, you truly were, as the humans say, neck deep in shit. Your ‘friend’ was a literal psychopath war criminal known and feared across multiple star systems. You can feel the panic swelling up within your frame, the depths of your tanks churning. Tarn was torn apart, he revelled in your distressed expression yet he found it irksome that it was directed at him. So he did what he usually did, put on his mask and that mask, its just like in all the reports. A purple, decepticon insignia mask. There's cracks on it here and there and for a second, it felt like you were going to die. You're trying to stop your vents from sputtering. You were quite positively, fragged. Tarn saw your shock of realisation plastered across your pretty faceplates, he just snickered beneath his mask. He knows fear intimately enough to tell you were horrified, something that he... didn't really like but that would change. Soon. However, Kaon looked amused from how terrified you were. It didn’t matter if he could see your fear, right now, you need the courage to ask him and know the information you need. After all, this was still the same Tarn you invited to your house and casually chatted with. It sounded naïve but maybe just maybe you could trust him. Or maybe even bargain. Perhaps, by some thin shred of luck, he may be a reasonable mech.

“When... When am I going home?” You asked the big question, your servos gripping the edge of the medical berth. “Pardon?” His voice went dangerously low, you felt a sharp pain in your chassis. It hurt badly. The aura of the room changed entirely. Kaon tensed, visibly from behind. Whatever you said was the wrong option. “When... are you going to… you know, drop me off?” You asked yet again. The unsettling fear once again crawled up to you. A feeling deep down in your spark was yelling at you to flee. He laughed, Tarn seemed to be amused. Like he was laughing off what you were saying as ridiculous. Something to mock. The earlier dangerous tone fading into something light-hearted yet eerily sinister. His switch of emotions was unpredictable and scared you even more in this situation. “Oh no dear, you see, we’ve spent a lot of our resources on your maintenance and recovery. You can’t simply just walk away unfortunately.” It was fortunate, to him. Such a wonderful line within the Decepticon code just waiting for him to twist in his favour... “So then...” You asked, your voice went low. You were afraid, deeply so and his optics, even behind that mask, you could feel them sink into you. The mask.. It made him more intimidating. Tarn could basically smell your fear, so very enticing indeed. You go silent for a moment as you think, looking down again to collect your thoughts. The Decepticon insignia didn't really help ease your distress. You look back up at him. “If you need shanix, Tarn, you… you do know my financial condition but I-I guarantee that I can-”

“No, no, no, no! Nonsense! Decepticons do not take shanix!” Tarn brushed you off as he interrupted you. You feel a bit more confused. You can tell he wants you to compensate for their 'services'. Kaon admires how deranged Tarn can be as he watches this unfold, a smirk on his face. He truly was their leader for a reason. “So, how do you expect me to make it up to you?” You asked absolutely puzzled. Tarn had the most devious smile behind his mask, if he weren’t around Nickel and Kaon, he might’ve purred. You looked adorable, so clueless for what he had in mind for you. “Well, servitude, my dear! You’re going to stay aboard our ship and work amongst me and my crew and contribute to our magnificent Decepticon cause.” He replied in an unsettlingly cheerful tone. As if he were giddy. Joyous. Like he'd win the lottery, a wide smile behind his mask as he says so. You can almost feel how excited he is with how he was struggling to keep his warm EM field to himself. “And, don’t worry, your work will be well compensated.” He could see the confused look on your faceplates and proceeded to elaborate further. The truth was, you weren’t confused. It was taking a while to process all of this. Your intake slightly agape.

“You see, we used our own resources which are supposed to be directed to the grand Cause for your recovery, my friend.” His optics gleamed with an unnatural malevolence as he explained in his ‘you’re beneath me and stupid’ condescending tone. You were used to that. You've had way too many customers talk to you like that before but Tarn was no customer. “Therefore, adhering to Decepticon code, you must serve our glorious cause.” He weaponized the Decepticon code against traitors and he would do the same to you. Without hesitation. If it means he can have you bound to him again, he's more than willing to. Your whole world went blank. All those years of running from the war was for absolutely nothing. All of those stellar cycles were just denying the inevitable but back then, you had a choice but now, your fate is predetermined by none other than the DJD itself. A sinking feeling of dread settled within your frame, vents hitching slightly. “Oh but you shouldn’t blame any of this on me though, I’m merely a Decepticon adhering the code.” He added on, he doesn't want to give you the impression that he's doing this because he wants to. No. That would spoil his plan. “You should’ve been wiser than to pick a fight you could never win. Running straight at an Autobot like that. How reckless of you." Kaon manages to keep a straight face as Tarn spews out nonsense, not a single word of what he said happened. After all, Kaon was the one that knocked you out. Shocked you right at your helm. Even if the pay sounded wonderful, this is not what you want… But if there's anything you’re smart enough to realise is that you’re in no position to bargain with the DJD and you fear death. You take a deep vent for a moment. Might as well discuss. There has to be some way out of this...

“Alright, but for how long? And when can I resign?” You reply softly in acceptance, this was fate’s will. You wish he would just take off the mask so that you could tell what he was thinking, conversing with him was so much easier without this obstruction. However, even a blind bot could feel his aching displeasure from that question and you felt the exact same feeling you get when you pick the ‘wrong’ dialogue option in a RPG. Now it was his turn to take a deep vent in. “There is no resignation from the Decepticon cause and if one does dare try to flee from their responsibilities, they will be hunted down and… well… dealt with. After all, we are the Decepticon Justice Division which you are now hereby an unofficial member of. It would be a shame to have to put you in such a predicament.” Tarn so eloquently and calmly dropped this bombshell on you like it was nothing. “So I'm a Decepticon now? F-Forever?” There's a stammer in your tone, stellarcycles of running were for nothing. “Yes, yes you are. Isn’t it wonderful? To contribute to the righteous cause of Megatron himself? Trust me, you will love it!” He put his servos, rather claws together in what resembled to be a clap as his earlier seriousness faded. He was cheerful once again, this bot’s mood swings faster than the speed at which you got knocked out. He's elated; he has a chance at indoctrinating you into his violence and you can't refuse. Tarn is already planning your branding ceremony... This mech was insane. You befriended a ’Con with all his circuits positively FRIED. You should’ve known better than to trust a Decepticon. Now, you’re a part of the Decepticon Army… more like the Decepticon cult. The Decepticon Justice Division.

looking back at this and i think i'm losing it. how tf did i think this was fire??? what was i cooking???

live reaction to me reading my old fics:

i rewrote half of this btw. there's still so much more left and its just the SFW: there's the prequel as to when he was damus, then nsfw, then a smutshot then a couple of random oneshots tied into this i need to rework. this one fucking sfw hcs reach up to a ridiculous 9,000 words. so much more to work on...

— Now, when a big scary mech offers you employment or to face death, you are in no place to refuse, especially when your very existence is being threatened. So, that’s what you did. You took it very, very reluctantly.

— Naturally the next thing to do was for Tarn to introduce you to his crew, they were... unique. Kaon was absolutely beaming to meet you and his pet.. seemed to liked you too. Something about him just… doesn’t sit right with you and you absolutely want nothing to do with his Pet... whatever that thing is. Helex and Tesarus just smiled, their huge sizes were absolutely intimidating to you. Vos didn’t seem too glad, you did not understand anything he said. Nickel was nice, you liked her somewhat. She was rude sometimes. Most of the time. You couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable by the presence of Tesarus, Helex and Vos. The vivid image of the massacre was still engraved into your processor but you couldn’t afford to be angry at them, you were a Decepticon now. Any feelings of vengeance would surely cost your spark. Truly a predicament.

— Kaon thought you were cute, a perfect candidate for another pet. He could see why Tarn wanted you, Kaon agreed to help Tarn on the condition that he would be allowed to get another pet. Also to pay him back for allowing him to keep his old... friend. Helex thought you were a little too soft to be aboard The Peaceful Tyranny, Tesarus questioned your loyalty to the cause, Vos thought you were a pointless new addition and did not care, Nickel was confused why Tarn made such a sudden decision out of nowhere, usually Tarn spends forever thinking about taking decision that could affect the crew, let alone the crew dynamic. Nickel was heavily confuddled as to why Tarn was so blatantly lying to you.

— On the bright side, you got a luxury berth! A really good room with everything you’d ever need which was something you didn't really have before. You... somewhat appreciate that. Meanwhile, Nickel notices that Tarn is in a much better mood lately. She's the first to catch on that there's something deeper brewing.

— You were made in charge of errands. You had to clean the ship, deliver datapads to Tarn and the other crew members and help with engine maintenance. Honestly, you don't quite understand why Tarn gives such a huge pay for such menial tasks but that did not stop Tarn from explaining the whole thing of what you’re supposed to do as if you crawled out of a hotspot a solar-cycle ago. It was annoying but you can’t really say anything about it. Most of your duties involve helping Nickel out in the medbay when they're away, otherwise you're basically his secretary. Helping him arrange datapads, organizing files and such.. trying to ignore his staring. He really thinks you don't catch on to them...

— You’ve never noticed this before but Tarn has no sense of personal space, at all. He was always ridiculously close to you, as if you’ve known each other for stellar cycles but the truly weird part is how his presence felt strangely… familiar. You immediately regret EVER trusting a Decepticon, this was the single worst decision of your life and you've made a lot of bad decisions. You can feel his EM field brush up against you and you jump a bit every single time. It amuses him but he replies with a 'I apologize', only to.. do it again. A part of him loathes how he can't get any closer. He's so tempted to just... hold your frame again and it takes everything in him to hold back.

— You’re fucking TERRIFIED of Tarn. You try your best to hide it though. Tarn might be fucking crazy but as long as you do as you’re told and meet his expectations, you’re good. He's not that... bad? You even end up being told that you’re his ‘favourite’. You don't know what to make of that. You want nothing to do with him. Tarn on the other hand? He wants you to be comfortable around him. Badly. So very badly.

— His voice was… nice. Soothing would be the word but to use it to describe one of the most horrifying mechs ever is just not it and you wouldn’t give him that pleasure. Nickel drops the bombshell of what exactly Tarn’s outlier ability was when you spoke of your random spark aches to her thinking that it was an actual medical issue. Apparently, it was his way of making sure you didn't do anything he wouldn't like without having to raise a digit. Tarn wouldn't want to harm his darling in any way...

— He’s really touchy. Tarn keeps a servo on your shoulder, pats your helm with a strange affection and at one of your weekly meetings with just Tarn in his office, he even stroked your faceplates with a single digit. His touch always lingers for longer than it should. Tarn knows when and where to stop though which is why he stopped stroking when he realised you were in a state of shock and was giving him your signature weird look. Oh, how he wanted to just lean in and kiss you. He does take a sick sort of pleasure in watching you squirm so uncomfortably from across his desk.

— Tarn forgets that you don’t exactly know who he is and ends up acting like the two of you are together until you give him your signature weird look again. Tarn has to mentally remind himself every now and then of reality and it’s embarrassing for him to admit so. He’s supposed to be calm and collected and cold, not slip over a simple fact over a long lost and now returned lover.

— Now, most of the crew is rather neutral about you. They aren’t too much to handle, except Vos but he’s a menace to almost everyone. This is because when you were knocked out and in their med bay, Tarn organised a last minute team meeting and pretty much threatened all of them to be nice to you as you would be joining them soon, with his justification being 'to make a lost spark see the right path'. He knew they'd buy it. More Decepticons, the merrier.

— None of the crew knows exactly what’s up with Tarn and you except Kaon who tries to get the two of you to talk in vain. Tarn is frustrated by how you only talk to him when he initiates conversation and never comes to him running to tell him something like you used to. So Kaon tries to help out his leader. Nickel is actively trying to figure it all out. Eventually, Helex joins Nickel when you give him some energon goodies that taste exactly like the ones Tarn gave him once. But it does get obvious as time goes on.

—Tarn knows that you don’t exactly like him and that you’re shit-scared of him and rightfully so. He has to put in effort to be… nicer and show that he’s not all that bad. Tarn needs you to trust him even if his actions does go against your own interests, your own autonomy.

— The crew notices his change of demeanour when you’re around and how he’s more soft and lenient with you. Vos is pissed off about that but Kaon was able to convince everyone that it was just because you were a rookie. He's covering for Tarn.

— Very controlling. He’s a narcissist and he expects you to be somewhat of a reflection of what he thinks is a suitable partner for him. If you like a song made by organics, Primus-forbid that he finds out you’ve been playing that on his ship. He'll throw it out the chute and reprimand you. You like to listen to Blaster's old radio shows? He's an Autobot now, Tarn won't allow it. He wants to influence you.

— Speaking of which, Tarn knows that you’re not fully a Decepticon at spark so, in order to convince you and open your optics to the ‘noble’ and ‘just’ Decepticon cause, he personally undertakes the duty of teaching you the history, achievements and philosophy of the Cause. He wants to educate you properly about its long history before Tarn thinks you're ready to get branded.

— Tarn is absolutely enthralled when he sees that you understand some of it but those feelings fade away when you start bringing up the small holes, paradoxes and fallacies that you see. It annoys him but at least you’re paying some sort of attention. When you start asking too many questions, Tarn doesn’t hesitate to use his voice to give you a little reminder. As much as he loves you, you cannot possibly question Megatron.

— But half of the time, you do not pay any attention and just nod in agreement as it's the most boring class ever. It's useless to learn about something you can’t question. Eventually, most of these “classes” usually ends up with Tarn tucking you in your berth (he wishes to) but it's mostly him having to ask Helex or Kaon or Tesarus to take you to your quarters after waking you up. Tarn HATES it when you fall asleep but if you didn’t look so absolutely adorable when you’re sound asleep, he would’ve definitely done something. To him, you’re lucky he’s hopelessly in love with you. He can't stay mad at you for long! Even if you're disrespecting him like this...

— He will never, and when I mean never, never ever take you on a mission. Ignorance is often bliss, you know that they terminate bots brutally but you don’t know how they do it and that’s wonderful for Tarn. You haven't seen it, your memory banks are pure. If you knew the real extent of brutality, you would never look at him the same, even if it was a filthy traitor that Tarn believes deserved his fate. Tarn told Kaon specifically to nab you right before the rest of them were going to do their routine. Though, he is willing to go back on this if required. Just to remind you what would happen if you ever thought of abandoning him your post.

— But, Tarn does bring back souvenirs for you after missions! Sometimes, it's hyper specific things that you specifically wanted. You recall a moment where you told Helex how you wished that the ship had some more of the necessary ingredients required to make energon treats and, later that week, Tarn returned from a mission with exactly what you wanted that day but the truth is, you’re confined to the ship. You rarely get to leave and it gets so lonely. Tarn has made this place your own little prison without you realising it. He showers you with gifts to make you ignore that fact. But you’re well aware. You reluctantly accept his offerings with a nervous smile.

— However, when The Peaceful Tyranny is docked on a planet, you get to walk around the place. At the beginning, Tarn was always looming behind you, it was either him or Vos and personally, as much as creep Tarn could be, Vos was unbearable. He didn’t initially trust that you wouldn’t try to run away from them. But once you prove yourself, you get to go out by yourself more often however Tarn’s optics are always on you. One way or another.

— Tarn is a manipulative bastard. It's either his way or the highway. He will sweet talk you and gaslight you into doing things for him and it puts you in compromising positions. Tarn is the type to buy you things and then tell you that you “owe him” and need to pay him back even though you never asked for the stuff he’s bought. He has the same mentality with the leniencies he so generously gives you. His main request is that you sing songs of his choosing for him in his private quarters. You dread at the thought of this escalating.

— You are no exception to the damn weekly meetings that all crew members have to go through with Tarn and submit your own records and reports. Initially, you were going to, as the humans say, “shit yourself” when Kaon first explained the meetings to you as he lectured you on the overall functioning of the ship and the different rules that the crew had to follow on the behalf of Tarn’s orders. It was bad enough you were trapped on a ship with him but now you have to be in a room with him, all alone. Surprisingly, despite what a creep Tarn is, he’s rather pleasant in his meetings with you. At first at least.

— As time goes on, your weekly progress meetings with Tarn get more... intimate. At a point, he even cups your helm in his servos. If he ever took the mask off, you would see that whenever his optics lay on you, his gaze is filled with nothing more than adoration, obsession and possessiveness. Tarn’s own sick notion of love.

— His displays of affection confuse you more than it did scare you. You were almost certain that love was against the whole Decepticon schtick, affection meant weakness to these loveless sad bunch and wouldn’t the pursuit of affection hinder his own ‘work’? You could never understand his strange infatuation with you.

— The worst part was, you were actually catching feelings for this creep. You wanted to crawl into the pit and self destruct into oblivion at the realisation. Maybe it was the loneliness? Perhaps he was putting something in your fuel? Or maybe, you saw someone else in him that drew you towards him; like a moth to flame. Maybe you yourself was a scarred individual that could never move on from the past. His EM field felt familiar, his taste in music, his spark signature, his reading choices... They're a painful reminder. Maybe you are losing your mind in here...

— One thing you learned was that Tarn was in no way even minutely similar in behaviour to Damus even if you had initially seen traces of him within this psycho but there are occasional moments when you get to see the mech you were so in love with. It's insane, you’re insane. How could you even begin to fathom seeing a sweet mech like Damus in a horrific psychopath like Tarn?

— When you start getting a little too close with rest of the crew, Tarn doesn’t hesitate to remind you out of jealousy that the only reason why the rest of the crew respects you and hasn’t broken you like they’ve done to many others is purely because of him. He tells you about how only he can help you and protect you on this ship. Tarn wants you to cling onto him for protection and assistance. He relishes the feeling, knowing that you are dependent on him.

— Tarn is a jealous type, no doubt about that. A walking, talking red flag. Possessive, obsessive and manipulative. Needy too. You're in for a ride.

— His mood swings are a lot tamer when you're around but it also depends on how much Nuke he's consumed. You learnt about the superfuel onboard The Peaceful Tyranny and while you were curious as to see what would happen if you consumed it, Nickel was quick to educate you about it's drawbacks. His anger is palpable, it heightens if you don't interact with him or say things he doesn’t approve of. But he manages to keep it confined, barely. Tarn usually lets it out by glaring you down menacingly or having to use his outlier ability on you in a subtle manner, enough for you to notice but not enough to genuinely hurt you.

— When you finally wear the Decepticon brand on your frame, he's beaming with joy. It excites him in so many ways... He remembers how reluctant you were to accept the brand, to have a part of your sparkcasing as the insignia on your chassis. Its an honour you have that brand. Tarn's servos begin grazing over it every now. Its a reminder that this is real. That you're with him. That you can't leave him ever because you wouldn't want to end up in Helex's smelter? Or Tesarus' shredder? Maybe have a seat on Kaon....

— Tarn would never reveal the fact that he was once Damus to you. Ever. Not because he despises his past Autobot allegiance, which he does but because Damus was inherently weak. He couldn’t protect you or take care of you or even bring in any shanix to the table then but now, he was the feared Tarn. Strong, capable, intimidating and with plenty of cash to spare. He has everything he needs to protect you. Forget Damus. Tarn is better in every way. He will take such good care of you if you just let him...

— Would he tell you how he feels? Maybe... But right now, he's keeping you at arms length. Tarn knows he can't expect you to give a firm yes to him. He might be insane but he wants, no, needs you to love him back. Desperately. So very badly... He'd worship the ground you walk on. Definitely has a shrine in his quarters for you, kept away from prying optics. But until he manages to get you to like him, you have this... very strained employer-employee relationship.

— He probably gives you flirtatious looks but the mask makes it look menacing so you're just standing there, thinking he's about to use his voice on you.

— Tarn love, love, loves combat training with you. Naturally, Tarn wouldn't all you to go on without any combat experience. For your safety, is what he said. Which yes, is true but is also the perfect opportunity for him to get a bit more... hands-on with you. The momentary flustered look on your face has his engines purring. It a good excuse he's not going to waste. He'll use any excuse to have his servos on you.

— He can wait for you. Tarn has already waited so long just to see you. To get you to eventually love him is just a matter of time. He’s patient and cunning. He’ll wait for another thousand years if he has to if it means that you’ll be the same way you were with Damus but only this time, with Tarn.