Long copy still sells

I posted the following on Facebook Marketplace:

20 lb Solid Metal Weight — How The Rock Got To Be The Rock

Sliding the bars back and forth on your elliptical is NOT going to get you incredible biceps. And your elliptical is out in the garage anyway, under some empty Trader Joe’s bags and last week’s junk mail, amirite?

The biggest, biceppy-est stars in the world use weights JUST LIKE THIS ONE to bulk up and transform their lives.

To get biceps that turn heads, you need heavy metal like this. And grit. And determination. And discipline. I can get you the 20 pounds of iron. But YOU'LL HAVE TO PROVIDE THE REST!

Is there a PAIR of weights? NO. Just one weight. So you can sit on a workout bench turned toward a full-length mirror to check that your technique is just right.

Another great feature of this particular 20 lb weight is AGE and PATINA. If you get some shiny new 20 lb cast iron weight from Dick’s, everyone will know you’re just starting out. This one is broken in. This one shouts, “Hey, Bucko, I'VE BEEN COMMITTED TO TONING MY MUSCLES A LONG, LONG TIME!

I don't know its manufacturer, its age, or its origin. For all I know, JOE LOUIS COULD HAVE USED THIS EXACT BARBELL TO TRAIN.

Now, if you can’t currently lift one 20 lb. weight, you’ll find no judgement here. All of us muscular hunks once couldn’t lift 20 lbs. We may have been 4 years old, but still. You can use both hands at first since there’s just one weight. Or ask a friend to come help you lift it into your car. Maybe start with lifting a Costco rotisserie chicken and work you way up to the barbell.

While I’m offering this 20 lb. cast iron weight for $10, let me warn you that IT COULD END UP COSTING YOU A LOT MORE. Use it properly and you’ll need to buy new shirts and new suits and pretty soon you’ll need a new car to go with those new shirts and new suits.

Oh, and by the way, the $10 isn’t for me. I’ll let you have this hunk of fitness history with your commitment to give at least $10 to the charity of your choice. I like helping the homeless through the East Bay Rescue Mission, but you make the call.

If you really think you're ready for this, message me.

I posted this at 11pm at night. I had 4 inquiries within an hour, and a total of 15 inquiries within 12 hours. All for a rusty, heavy piece of junk that was left behind in a shed when we bought our house.

I had some fun responses. One said, “Help a round brother out.” Another said, “My wife would love to use it so she can go get a totally NEW wardrobe. LOL.” My favorite was, “Let me take this off your hand.”

I gave it to the man who offered to volunteer an afternoon at the Contra Costa Food Bank in exchange for the weight.

After feedback from David, he suggested adding more of a link to phone contracts in the scenario.