I love how much Loki dotes on me and worries when im experiencing a flare-up with my chronic illness. I've never had anyone care as much as them. They honestly care so much more than anyone else in my life, and it warms my heart so much. I used to be so hyper independent, wanting to do everything on my own and by myself, but having loki in my life has helped me in so many ways. I no longer have to do anything by myself, and i have a loving partner where we're each others safe spaces and comfort ♡♡
I'm gonna love you for as long as my energy exists. You make my life so much easier and full of love and comfort ♡
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Back in 2022, I welcomed a few new deities into my craft. At first, I wasn't entirely sure how much of an impact any of them were going to have in my life. And much to my surprise, the last one to make themself known to me was a trickster deity I had very limited knowledge on. The only thing I knew was a handful of stories I'd seen from other people who worked with them. My first interaction with Loki was actually in a guided meditation where we kinda just did the Coraline cat head tilt at each other. Coraline, being one of my favorite movies, made me immediately want to know more about this deity. This single interaction kick started a whirlwind of events.
At first, things between us were infuriating. There was chaos constantly. If I went too long not giving them a bit of attention, even just not saying hi, I ended up with spiders in my room and picking up on laughter as I was freaking out because at the time I severely had a fear of spiders. I called that time "the great spider war" because at one point, I had 5 spiders all along my wall in a constellation shape. We would argue back and forth, and im not too proud of how I acted at that time either. I would threaten to dismantle any altar space they had, and they'd push my boundaries like crazy.
Around this time, I was still living with my abusive birth family and dealing with a lot of stress from that while trying to run a small business. Long story short, my birth family was incredibly verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive, with a bit of financial abuse in there as well. I had gotten used to being walked all over and forced to people please just to keep myself safe and arguably sane. My witchy practice at that time was fairly small, and I really didn't have a lot of time to do much outside of the smallest interactions. It was safe to say that a certain attention loving deity picked up on a lot of the things I didn't tell them about outwardly and didn't like how things were for me.
Months into having these new additions on my team, I still at this time hadn't done much more than the bare minimum of research into those on my team. But I knew there were a few I connected to more than others, Loki being one of them. I used to daydream a lot to get away from the reality I was living in and noticed that characters would suspiciously look different than what they normally would look like, eventually noticing loki completely self inserting into my day dreams just to get my attention or mess up the day dream on purpose. This is how I discovered a new way for me to spend time with deities if they so wanted to. And little did I know, this was also the start of a very sacred and special pocket of existence that I had full control over unless I didn't want it. A space where I could mess with the environment and invite deities into. A space where I could do whatever I wanted to within reason.
It wasn't long after that that the playful flirting and banter started happening between loki and I. We grew closer the more I was able to open up and get myself to actually be myself with them, my true self. The me that no one at that time even knew existed because of how much I was masking around others to fit in and not deal with their abuse. I knew things were changing between loki and I, but I didn't really understand how. Romance was pretty foreign to me outside of the books I'd read. It wasn't until a friend of mine brought up the term "godspouse" on behalf of loki urging them that the pieces started falling into place. I had absolutely no knowledge on that term, and neither did that former friend, really. They only knew the bare minimum. It was at that time that I started seeing more videos on it and did some research. I knew what it meant, but the reality of it didn't sink in fully (and wouldn't for a good year into the relationship). And earlier in that year, I had sworn off all relationships/dating, so it kind of went against what I wanted. But the idea of it was something I really couldn't shake, toying with the idea every now and again to see how it would feel only to realize i kind of liked it. I didn't know why they wanted that with me, just that they did. That they really *really* were persistent on it. So I made loki a deal, something i thought wouldn't happen, as a way of really getting the gravity of the offer through my head. I chose something difficult because for something like that with someone like me, I needed a miracle to solidify things. I asked for roses, a flower I had never gotten from anyone before. But the catch was that it had to be physical roses. The response i got to that deal was just "bet," and this cheeky smile you could literally feel. I said it wasn't a no but that it also wasn't a yes yet. And that's when my life completely flipped upside down.
I met someone a week before the offer happened. Someone who was currently on a spiritual journey, living in their car in LA. This person and I clicked immediately, and they had been gushing to me about their journey so far and how cool it was. They sent me photos, and i remember talking about how much I'd kill to get away from the abuse i was in and explore the US in the car with them. Well, someone was definitely listening to me talking about that. The day after I was offered godspousal, this person I barely knew messaged me and told me they were on their way to come pick me up because a certain trickster wanted me to go with them. I knew that this person was spiritual, and I knew they also had loki on their team, but I wasn't expecting any of this to happen. I asked loki about it and was met with resounding confirmation that this was, in fact, their idea and a new trust fall type journey for the two of us to go through. I asked all of my friends. I sent everyone messages asking them if I should, and a lot of people pulled cards for me or gave me their opinions. The answers from them usually being "this might be your only chance to escape and really stay away from the abuse" and "it might suck at first, but it's necessary." I had a few people try and push back about how dangerous it was, but my gut told me I'd be okay. And loki told me I'd be okay as long as i continued to trust in not only them but us and myself as well.
So I agreed to go, and to my surprise, this new friend (now a former friend) was already driving my way, and they weren't really allowed to stop for breaks much. They made it to me in a little over 2 days when it should have taken much longer. They drove day and night. I was packed with the bare minimum, and I left in the middle of the night, leaving only a note on my bed for my parents.
When this person arrived, i was greeted with a surprise. Something i didn't even tell this person about. In the back of the car was a bouquet of roses and a card. The card reading "believe me yet? Love, Loki" and my jaw was on the floor in that moment.
(Photo of the roses that was taken the day of receiving them and sent to the friends who did know about the deal i made)
I gave myself a day or two to really think it over, and in the meantime, this friend of mine and I went to a few places I was gonna miss after leaving my home state.
And then, after giving it enough thought and realizing how serious Loki was about this, I agreed. And I haven't regretted it once.
I started a crazy trust fall in the summer of 2022 with Loki, and I gained the best, most stable, secure, and comforting relationship I've ever had ♡ it was hard, I went through a lot of pain and turmoil and trauma to get to where I'm at now. I was homeless for a long time. But now I live with 2 of my best friends who also practice witchcraft, and I have the most loving partner and family I could have ever hoped for. Their family is my family in so many ways, but I also gained a whole physical and spiritual found family as well ♡ I've done a LOT of research on my team and especially Loki since then. And I've been surrounded by more support than I've ever had before. I'm no contact with my birth family, I changed my name, and my relationship with loki continues to grow daily.
Loki saw an opportunity to take me away from the pain I was in before and helped me gain a better, more supportive life. They became my home when I didn't have one, we became each other's comfort, and I consider them more than just a spouse to me. They're my best friend, my partner in mischief, and the love of my life. And I am endlessly devoted to them and only them ♡
I've been a little AFK from this blog for a bit because of life stuff, medical issues, and lots of working on stuff. Now that things feel less like trying to balance a plate with a hundred tiny glasses of flaming alcohol on it, i feel like I can actually breathe and post how i wanted to 😅 thank fuck Loki is always my biggest support through things. Honestly don't know what I'd do without them.
I love the way it feels like our existence wraps around each other in the sweetest, tangled embrace ♡ the way we have each other wrapped around each others fingers ♡ and the way every fiber of me calms when you're near me ♡
Yesterday I spent the day focusing on my friend. Wanting them to have a good valentines day while also spending time on and off with my partner. Loki and I spent as much time as possible together. We always try to. When you're with someone for a few years, especially if that relationship is healthy and wonderful, you start to realize that valentines Day really is just any other day for you. We do grand gestures for each other all year round, I pebble sweets to them as offerings constantly, I even cook and bake throughout the year and give those as offerings too. Our relationship is so full of love and appreciation for each other that valentines Day is just like any other day now. So, instead, I focused on my friends and making them things they like and marathons movies with them and Loki ♡ and i know loki was enjoying themself as well because they were lingering for all 3 sonic movies. ♡♡
Then, of course, I got to spend the rest of my evening unwinding with them and just existing together. Energy and hearts tangled together ♡ I'd say it was a pretty good day for both of us, as it usually is when we're together.
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Surround me in your energy,
Wrap your arms around me,
Be the safety and the protection that i want
And I'll be the comfort and softness that you need.
Let me love every inch of you the way that you love me;
Softly,
Tenderly,
With a silent burning passion.
Our souls can mingle and dance while we rest away from the tiring world of today.
One of my favorite things about this relationship is the way that we love each other. For all of who we are. "Flaws" and all. I love that we're safe spaces for each other. We can let our guards down and crash into each other, knowing the other will always be there with open arms. I love the way they love me, showering me endlessly in affection and support. I love the way that I love them too, pebbling things that i make or find, pulling them in as close as possible, and endlessly babbling about how much they mean to me. I love the way our energy mingles and mixes in such a beautiful way. I love them with every fiber of my being ♡ truly.
( This was actually a quote picked by them, too ♡ )
