#loganyaps

modern asoiaf the court case of who takes over the baratheon family business has become televised at renly’s insistence because of how insane it is (forced to resign in shame because of various scandals robert vs. universally disliked because of his offputting vibes and doesn’t actually want to be there but is lowkey the only one who knows how to run the business stannis vs. fun twink youngest brother who’s never worked anywhere in his life but a panera bread when he was sixteen renly vs. the daughter of the guy robert muscled out of the business nearly two decades ago who’s literally fresh of out highschool and takes her freaky lizards with her everywhere dany vs. robert’s teen incel son who legally can’t even be employed anywhere yet joffrey vs, some random guy who has worked a minimum wage job in the basement abusing the poor teenage interns for fourty years and now thinks he’s entitled to the company balon) and everyone is loving the attention and amassing support online for their various claims except for stannis who’s finding the whole thing really stressful and confusing because it’s Right that he would win the case why are the others even trying? until one night davos comes home from work to find stannis wrapped up under at least four weighted blankets on their bed watching edits of himself to lana del rey songs on his work ipad, grinning like a madman “davos! they’re comparing me to kendall roy! i’m kendall roy!”

modern tywin lannister has a monthly pass to the everyman cinema but thinks every movie made past 1979 is utter shit so he never uses it but joffrey is constantly harassing cersei about how going to the movie theatre is cool and retro and y2k so tri-annually she has to drink 3 whole bottles of red wine in one sitting to work up the courage to call tywin on her iphone 14 and ask if she can take the kids to see the mario movie or something and tywin’s disappointed silence after the “…yes” is so loud she locks herself in her en-suite bathroom and cries silently for half an hour listening to bobby b snore phlegm-ily on his back in the next room. she makes a family day of it when the time comes (herself, joffrey, myrcella, tommen and jaime. obviously. who even is robert baratheon?) and after the movie’s over she insists they go to the m&s down the road so she can buy the most diabolically disgusting ready meals known to man (joffrey holds his nose the entire time they’re in there) and jaime’s like “don’t you have a cook?” and cersei, getting increasingly irritated at the self-serve, is like “we did we had to let him go” but actually he just low-key looked like a young ned so naturally both her and bobby b slept with him so they made him sign an NDA and fired him with 2 days notice

modern robb stark’s the type of guy to use the little blushing smiling emoji with the little jazz hands after everything he texts (🤗) and the people he texts (mostly his family and theon) think this is endearing the majority of the time except for when he goes into responsible eldest daughter syndrome cat stark mode and texts the starklings groupchat something like “bran you forgot to do the dishes 🤗” or “theon’s using my car this weekend and rickon needs to get to his under 8s football match so you’re driving him sansa 🤗” and then he becomes public enemy number one so much so that the first time gendry sends that emoji over like imessage to arya she just straight up blocks him