#log1

Welcome to Log 1 of our Dreamy Glow Diary – your safe space for self-discovery, growth, and transformation. In this log, we’re diving into the foundation of any glow-up: your mentality. Think of this as the heart of your journey—where we confront the "why" behind your desire for change. This isn’t just about outer beauty; it’s about cultivating the mindset and self-concept that align with the radiant, confident person you aspire to be.

Why Do You Want This Change?

Let’s start by getting real. Why do you want to glow-up? Is it about feeling more confident, breaking out of a rut, or finally aligning with the version of yourself you’ve always envisioned? Understanding your "why" gives your journey purpose and keeps you grounded when challenges arise. Write it down, reflect on it, and when things get hard come back to it This is the first step in creating a change that lasts.

Why Are You Not Happy With the You Now?

This is a tough question, but it’s essential to ask. What is it about your current self that makes you unhappy? Now, I am not saying you only chose to glow up cause you are not happy, but I know some of us are on this journey because we are unhappy. Maybe it’s self-doubt, negative self-talk, or feeling stuck in habits that no longer serve you. Take time to acknowledge these feelings without judgment. Recognising what’s holding you back allows you to start dismantling those barriers. Remember, growth begins with awareness.

The "Why" Behind Your Current State

Now let’s explore the deeper layers. Why do you think you’ve been stuck in this mentality? Is it because of past experiences, beliefs, or fears you that gave you this mindset. stage one is about confronting the roots not blaming yourself. Understanding yourself and your partens will help you in creating the version of yourself you want.

Steps to Shift Your Mindset

Reframe Your Thoughts: Replace self-doubt with affirmations that uplift and empower you. For example, change “I’m not good enough” to “I am worthy of all good things.”

I- Set Intentions: Decide how you want to feel and act moving forward. Intentions are your emotional compass.

II- Practice Gratitude: Celebrate the parts of yourself and your life that you’re already proud of. Gratitude shifts your focus from lack to abundance.

III- Visualise Your Future Self: Close your eyes and imagine the person you’re becoming. What do they think, feel, and believe? Start embodying that energy today.

VI- Be Kind to Yourself: Change is a process, not a sprint. Celebrate small wins and give yourself grace along the way.

A Mental Glow-Up Affirmation

Here’s an affirmation to carry with you:

I am stepping into a new chapter of my life with courage and clarity. I deserve to feel confident, radiant, and at peace with myself. Every day, I am growing into the best version of myself.

Closing Thoughts

This log is about more than just tackling mental hurdles; it’s about reclaiming your power and rewriting the narrative you’ve been telling yourself. You’re not just embarking on a glow-up journey—you’re redefining who you are and what you deserve. And it all begins here, with the mentality you choose to nurture.

So, let’s take this step together. Let’s embrace the why, confront the now, and dream of the glow we’re stepping into. You’ve got this, and I’m so excited to be by your side every step of the way.

This is it– log number one. Log? Entry? Account? Eh, I’ll figure it out later. What matters now is this:

My first planet.

It’s not made of rock, as I’d first thought. And before you start, shut up. I’m operating without a globeScanner, so I’ve got nothing but good old-fashioned eyesight to go on.

From orbit, the planet looked like a damned marble, perfectly uniform in its stoney grayness. But when I tried to land, I sank straight through what I’d thought was the ground. Several seconds of Highly Controlled Plummeting later, and I landed on the actual ground to find myself surrounded entirely by fog. I couldn’t see shit from the ship, so I suited up and headed out.

The visibility isn’t much better out here. The air is a thick, cloying gray, and my suit is heavy with freckles of condensation. It’s not water, because it doesn’t behave like water. The droplets chase each other across the glass of my helmet like they’re driven by some kind of fickle magnetism. Occasionally, one will lift from me altogether and twist upwards through the air, splitting like a cell until it disappears into mist.

Perhaps the droplets are cells, and this fog is a very large, very moist organism.

I’ll try not to think too hard about that.

There are other things here too. Shifting, blurry lights that pulse from purple to green to blue in the distance, their glow just bright enough to reach me through the fog. I’ve tried to chase them, to get near enough to see the shape of them, but I keep running out of cord. If I untether myself, there’s no way I’ll find my way back to the ship… so I’ll have to settle for watching the lights, and wondering.

Sometimes I wish I were a real scientist, equipped with government-issued navGear and a ship that doesn’t rattle when I land. But then I’d be stuck in a tiny space boat with a bunch of academics whose idea of “exploration” is to find the nearest planet, plop down a permaCamp, and proceed to catalogue every alien fly down to the way it farts.

I prefer my way. I’ll just get the parts I need to fix my landing gear at the next Hekki outstation and get on with it.

But first, I’ll need something to trade. Exploration alone doesn’t pay the Hekkin’ bills.

Let’s hope the next planet has more to it than fog and pretty lights.

━━━━━━━━━━

November 8, 2025: Log 1

morning workout

almost 2hr driving practice

updated cv and sent out job application

knitted more stuff for december market

today's art

Drive Like Jehu - Yank Crime

Can't say anything much stood out. I kinda liked the intro of Do You Compute but the whole thing felt a little too long for it to have any point. It's not that I don't like the post-hardcore sound, just not like this

Charmer - ivy

Midwest emo through and through. Felt like I was listening to Front Bottoms's Ann album and not at all in a bad way. Each song on here was good and comforting to listen to, but as soon as Wither started playing, I was completely hooked

The Microphones - The Glow, Pt. 2

This is going to be my use of a diary. A way to log and update myself. For me to look back on.

Sw: 80.7kg / 177.9pounds

Gw: 64kg / 141 pounds

Ugw: 55kg / 121 pounds

I'm disgusting and gross. I've gotten comfortable. I miss the feeling of being sick. The feeling of being empty. The feeling of starving and being proud of it.

Well. I’m home. It was around 2pm when I finally returned to Littleroot, it was nice to see my Mother again, I’ll admit. I couldn’t help but spare a bit of time to chat with her but she was in fact the one who urged me to go pick up my Pokemon... She certainly made me feel like I was 10 again. It admittedly instilled a tad more excitement in me than I thought could be possible about doing this...

That. However, was drained the second I stepped into Birch’s lab. On old childhood friend of mine, Felix, was seated comfortably inside and giving me the look over, as if he’d been waiting for me all things considered. It made my blood boil. Before I could even find my words, Felix began talking about how he’d heard I was coming back to do the league challenge and he was going ‘tag along’ because I need a ‘rival’ or whatever.

To be quite honest with you, I don’t want a rival, nor companion, but I managed to hone in my frustration and at least be civil... It had been a few years since I’d seen Felix and I’d rather not throw a fit in the lab right now. 

It wasn’t a hard choice. Mudkip. Easy enough to pick, evolves in a water/ground type with good coverage and resistances. When asked for a nickname I wasn’t quite sure, I’ve never been one for names but... Merryl was what I ended up going with. Felix picked Treecko, of course. However, this choice is proving to be my downfall right now and I’m not talking about type advantages, I’m talking about the fact that Merryl is an untrained little wretch of a water type who will not listen to a word I say, she won’t even go back into her pokeball! 

She is constantly wandering off and having to grab her is a pain every single time because she just soaks my jacket with ease! I don’t know how a beginner let alone me, a 28 year old man, is supposed to handle this! I’m doing my best to deal with her antics as much as possible though it made for quite an embarrassing struggle to keep her under wraps as Felix set off alongside. His Treecko seemed well behaved... why do I have to be stuck with this aggressive little brat?

Getting to Oldale Town I decided to part ways with Felix as I had my own issues to deal with in terms of Merryl. I know a lot of Pokemon raising is to do with care and getting through to them so if that’s how this was going to be then so be it. I decided the best case of action was to catch my next Pokemon now, whatever I saw first. A Poochyena. Good early dark type... He was quick to come along with some coaxing, I named him Rudolph. 

I wanted to say that my plan to show Merryl how a good Pokemon is supposed to act went well, I want to tell you that it went SPECTACULAR and that I am THRIVING out here in the woods with my dog and my mudfish but nothing is ever easy and I’m sure getting that lesson jammed straight down my throat today.

Upon my first battle encounter with a Weedle, Rudolph took one, singular, Bug Bite to the paw and dashed off, I hadn’t even had a chance to ensnare him in a Pokeball yet. and here I was. Yet again, stuck with Merryl on my lonesome, miserable, frustrating journey.

I’m taking a break to eat as I write this, up on Route 103 looking over the water... A quiet Wingull has joined us in sharing a sandwich I’ve bought, she seems friendly enough. I think she might be interested in coming along, if more sandwich might be in her future haha. 

Well, it’s been quite a long time. Almost three years have pasted since I last posted anything on this blog. I completely forgot about it for a couple years up until yesterday. 

I know that nobody follows this blog or many people that follow me use tumblr as it is. I’m not even sure why I made this blog on this platform in the first place. That isn’t important. I felt that I should make a post to talk about what has happened in the past three years and what is going to happen moving forward. For starters, HL 10 hasn’t released. It isn’t done and if I’m being honest with myself, it’s nowhere near completion. I have struggled to create this video from the moment I started to working on it and I cannot explain why. I’ve rewritten it so many times that I’ve lost track now. I have a plethora of ideas for the video that I have confidence in, but writing it all down and filling in the details has been a painful process that I can’t find any acceptance in. This has been the most punishing video that I have ever made. I have the motivation to complete this video. I know that I must complete this video. It means so much to me on so many levels that if I don’t ever finish it, it’s going to bother me forever. I’ve said this before and that feeling remains the same. 

Part of the reason I’m coming back to make this post is to help me make progress on the video. When I was in a rut making episode 9, I came back to this blog to track my progress and say that I’m going to finish this video no matter how unmotivated I am. And for some strange and wonderful reason, it worked. I finished episode 9 and released it. I was so overjoyed by my completion of episode 9 that I decided to immediately dive into working on the finale. Then I don’t know what happened. Actually, I do know, nothing ever happened. This video has been stuck in my head for several years and I can’t go a day without thinking about it. I want to get it out, in my mind and in reality. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m finally going to complete this video once and for all. From here on out, I’m going to track all of my progress from beginning to end. The writing, filming and editing and probably more. I hope that this helps me make this video, I really do. Otherwise, I don’t know what else I’m going to do. I’ve realized that this blog is a way to help me get out my thoughts that I have towards this video and for HL in general. I’ll be doing my absolute best to come back and post more updates and teasers for the video.