#lmao same

C.J never felt like enough

Sometimes he felt like he was too much, but never enough

He was never as smart as his brother and sister, and he couldn't read or hear as well as them. He wasn't as fast as his brother or as artistic as his sister, and he never would be

Finding out he was a demigod didn't make that better. At first he didn't think about it too hard, but then he saw quests. He never went on one, but he saw people leave and come back, and he was jealous

The first one he saw was when Clarisse La Rue came back from her secret mission for Chiron to scope out the labyrinth and it's entrances. She was frighteningly beat up and frazzled for someone who looked so strong and tough

He listened in from a distance as the next quest was planned, and Clarisse screamed about how she would never go back into the labyrinth. It almost amazed him to see her deny a quest like that, but the more he heard about the labyrinth, the less he blamed her

He heard it played tricks on the mind, and it was dark and full of monsters and traps, and Clarisse had gone in alone. He snuck into the big house basement and saw Chris one time, too. He knew most dionysus kids had some insanity powers that he was learning to use, so he wanted to see if he could help the poor boy

He couldn't. Chris just kept screaming and crying about the dark, and how he was scared. That was the first time C.J realized just what went down in the labyrinth

Then Annabeth was chosen to lead her quest into the labyrinth. She talked to the old mummy in the attic of the big house, the oracle of delphi, and she got her prophecy and she picked her team

The fact that she picked three other questmates intrigued him, because though he hadn't been here long, Annabeth seemed like she was big on rules

He saw when they came back from that quest. He saw when they flew in on pegasi and swooped down to join the battle of the labyrinth just in time

As an aphrodite kid helped him straighten the battle armor he was sweating in, he saw as Annabeth, Grover, Tyson, and Percy all took their respective places in the battle formation

If he hadn't have been scared out of his mind right now, he would've been jealous of their glory. Maybe it wasn't as glorious as it looked through his eyes, but he knew he wanted that someday. He wanted to swoop in and save the day. He wanted people to be happy he was there, not just because they liked him, but because they needed him

He watched people go on more and more quests. Short solo quests, group quests, quests that were huge deals, quests that were went on in secret. He never went on one. While people were on quests he was doing what he always did. Feeling inadequate

He was grateful that he could hang out with the people he loves in the warmth of his cabin when some of his fellow campers were out risking their lives, but that didn't stop his longing

He wanted to go on a quest, a solo quest even! He wasn't picky, and he didn't care, he just wanted to go. He wanted to suit up and pack a bag, and set off on some dangerous mission that he'd return from soon enough

He turned 17 and still hadn't fulfilled that dream of his. He was getting older every day, and still nothing. He'd fought in two wars, sure, but he wanted to go on a quest and come back to pats on the back, to attention, to maybe, if he was really lucky, hear the words 'I'm proud of you' from his father

That was the only reason he wanted the quest. For the glory, for the attention. That was it, really. His undying, all consuming need for attention was one thing that never failed him

Attention was like drugs to him. Some people get drugs from a dealer, C.J gets them from other people's eyes on him, and sometimes from his brother who keeps them in his sports bra

He waited and waited. He longed and listened in to conversations to try and hear about a quest he could snag

Even if he did catch word, beating the ares cabin to it might be harder than the quest itself

But then it finally happened. A volunteer was needed for a quest, another scoping of the labyrinth because there was a 'disturbance' in there

He was beyond quick to volunteer. If he'd have taken a moment to think he would've realized how stupid he was being. The labyrinth was known for driving people insane, and he already wasn't quite right in the head. Not to mention it was dark in there

C.J was terrified of the dark

Nevertheless, he volunteered for the quest. It was a solo quest, so he didn't get to do the whole picking his questmates thing, but that was okay. He didn't want to drag anyone into this with him, not with how dangerous the labyrinth is

He packed his bag and practically sprinted around camp, telling everyone important to him where he was going with a smile on his face

He packed bandages and a needle and thread, a change of clothes, food, a flashlight along with some extra batteries, etcetera etcetera

He wasn't sure what he was going to do when the batteries in his hearing aids died, but he supposed he'd figure that out when he got there

He prayed to his stepmother, the goddess of the labyrinth. He burned some food for her that night at dinner, asking for her protection and guidance, and just saying that he loved her

He always burned food for her, but a little extra tonight

He set out on his quest the next morning