#livingbeyondthemask

Are you thirsty?  

I’m not talking about getting more fluids in your body.  I’m referring to something deeper than that.  

I’m referring to that aching feeling of wanting something so bad that you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.  You’re pressed. Anxious. Growing increasingly impatient because you don’t have what you perceive you need.

According to urbandictionary.com, the term thirsty means “too eager to get something; desperate; wanting someone or something really bad.”  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes thirsty as “having an uncomfortable feeling because you need something to drink; feeling a strong desire or need for something.”

I’ve been on both sides of this seemingly unquenchable thirst.  I had a friend who was so thirsty that I felt she drained the life out of me after our meetings.  I have also been thirsty for love. Thirsty for acceptance. Thirsty for promotion…for success.   The list goes on and on.  In my efforts to quench this thirst, I wore the mask and put obligations and demands on people, who could never fulfill or satisfy my longing.

However, what I’ve learned and continue to experience is that no person can quench the emptiness I so desired to fill.  Only God can.  

In John 4:1-15, Jesus meets a woman from Samaria who went to draw water from a well.  He asks her for a drink, but she initially refuses because she is Samaritan and He is Jewish and it was custom for the two not to associate.  However, Jesus explains that the water He provides is living water leading up to eternal life. “Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.”

Although Jesus was making reference to eternal life, I believe it also applies to quenching the thirst in our hearts.  Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In verse 19 of the same chapter, it states, “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

So I take my needs, wants and desires to Him knowing He will quench my thirst with His peace while I wait for an answer to that which I have petitioned.

Last week, I celebrated my two year anniversary of freedom and transformation--removing my mask.  So much has happened this year both good and not so good.  However, my experiences are teaching me the following lessons:

1.  I am learning to live by faith and not by fear.  For so much my life, I was afraid of “living” by trying to please others out of fear of rejection and judgment. I am learning that people will always judge you for one reason or another, so make sure you do what is best for you. 

2. I am learning to trust my gut (the Holy Spirit, my “spidey” sense).  It’s usually right.

3. I am learning to “let go and let God.” Yes, we’ve heard this phrase many times, but it is easier said than done. However, when I release to God rather than resist Him, I give Him permission to do His perfect will in my life.  I am learning His ways are so much better than mine, so I am working to let go.

"So I like what I see when I'm looking at me

When I'm walking past the mirror

No stress through the night, at a time in my life

Ain't worried about if you feel it

Got my head on straight, I got my mind right

I ain't gonna let you kill it

You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine."

"Just Fine" by Mary J. Blige

The other day as I was in the car with my husband, this song came on the radio and I immediately began singing the lyrics.  It's from Mary J. Blige's 2007 album, Growing Pains.  The album title is a good description of what I've experienced this past year, and the song lyrics depict where I am today.

I recently heard a pastor say that sometimes there is hurt in the healing.  The same can be said of growing pains.  What growing pains? The choice to remove my mask and to embrace my vulnerability.  The decision to slow down, to get quiet, and to reflect on my past (no matter how painful) so that I could learn from my mistakes and heal from them.  It was stepping out of my comfort zone.  It was learning to forgive and to accept myself.

As a result, I'm living life and loving myself and others more authentically.  You know what else?  I'm fine.  Everything is not perfect, but I'm fine...just fine.

Several years ago I heard a pastor tell his congregation that the act of love is your willingness to inconvenience yourself for someone else.  In this self-centered, "selfie-centered" world we live in, that couldn't be truer.  The very act demands you to defer importance to someone other than yourself.  Ask yourself the question, "When was the last time I inconvenienced myself to support another person other than my child, spouse or parent?"

Well, I recently had an experience where I canceled an activity with a cousin, who I had not seen in a long time, because I had a "deadline" to meet.  It wasn't an all-day activity, only a couple of hours over a meal and to visit with my Mom.  It was an opportunity for me to bless my cousin, a single parent who is trying to raise two children.

Instead, I chose to cancel the activity not taking into consideration that my deadline could be adjusted.  In my haste and anxiety to meet my so-called "deadline," I caught a nasty virus which prohibited me from--you guessed it-- meeting the deadline, which was the very reason I canceled the activity in the first place.  Karma?

I believe when we choose to do the right thing and commit it to God, He has a way of blessing our choice and will redeem the time (if necessary) in order for our plans to succeed.  Let this be a lesson.

A few days ago, I was in a panic thinking about all the things I need to do for my home and the new consulting practice I've started.  I was frustrated because I did not have the time to exercise consistently as I was accustomed to do.  As I began to rant about it to my husband, he calmly told me that I have control of the never-ending to-do list as well as my calendar.  I thought about it for a moment, and he was right.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our to-do lists and things we want/should be doing for others that we fail to set boundaries to take care of ourselves.  This can be difficult because it will require you to say "no" sometimes to the things and people you want to support. However, you are no good to others if you do not put on the "oxygen" mask first.

Whatever boundaries you need to set in order to preserve your wellbeing, do it.  Make others aware, if necessary.

This morning, as I reviewed my calendar, I made sure to create a daily appointment for exercise. I am committing to treat it as I would any other important task or meeting because...I am worth it.