#lisaharper

​​A year ago today, I woke up and knew instantly that something was not right. I had slept through the night for the first time in many months of the pregnancy and knew that meant Aiden hadn’t been moving around, keeping me awake. I can still feel that exact same feeling of panic in the pit of my stomach today. The feeling of disbelief when an hour later we were at the hospital and the nurse was trying to locate a heartbeat but had no such luck. This day will forever be a dark day for Brad and I. 

As we went home to prepare for my hospital stay, I remember just laying in bed in Brad’s arms crying, praying and waiting for the inevitable moment we would return to the hospital. We returned that night where they began the process of inducing me. It was the longest 24 hours of my life that ended in the delivery of our sweet, but lifeless, baby boy. 

With the anniversary of Aiden's birth upon us, I find it fitting that God placed a particular bible study in my hands at the perfect time. I have begun Lisa Harper's study of Job. In the book of Job, we are introduced to an upright man who God allows Satan to attack by taking everything important from him. Yet, Job remains faithful to God in midst of his pain. This story is illustrative of God's sovereignty and faithfulness during times of suffering. In the first video session, Lisa Harper introduces a woman who delivered stillborn twins and I instantly knew God has placed this study in my life for a reason. I don't think that this is a study I could have done a year ago but I can see that God's healing process is one with no time limits.

As Aiden’s birthday rolls around tomorrow, I’m so thankful and blessed to have such supportive friends and family. The texts, phone calls, and gifts that I’ve received have been a wonderful memory of the fact that Aiden was here and that we will get to see him again some day, and for the rest of eternity. Though the pain will remain until God calls me home, I’m comforted that with it I’ve experienced a glimpse of motherhood and a love that surpasses the feeling of that pain.