Me, waiting for ao3 to come back online
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Me, waiting for ao3 to come back online

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was watching the sound of music tonight with a friend who hadn’t seen it before and could not get over how fuckin snatched maria looked after she falls out of the boat
I’m very tired of the cycle of “look how much progress I made, I’m so proud of my art” and “everything I do sucks I should give up” that my brain puts me through
trust: not just "I know you would never betray me"
more: "this is what I believe, this is my opinion, and I'm telling you not because I think you will agree, but because I won't mind it if you don't. because I know you won't think less of me for it."
trust: not just "if I'm in danger, I know you will always have my back"
more: "here is a key to my apartment. yes, it's convenient. yes, it's for emergencies. no, I would never give it to anyone else. use it whenever you want."
trust: not just "I will tell you my secrets and I know you will keep them safe"
more: "I know you will look deeper than that, and I want to let you in. I want you to know me. because you will try to understand. you will listen. and you'll stay."
trust: not just "I know you won't abandon me when I need you"
more, so much more. it's your hand in mine. it's your feet up on my coffee table and your dirty sweater mixed in with my laundry after you spilled juice on it during our last movie night. it's calling you at 2am because I know one word from me and you'll grab your car keys, as I do every time you call me with the weight of the world in your voice. I'll look at you with my heart in my eyes and know you won't run. I can reach for you without stretching out one arm and you will reach back. I will let myself fall and not be embarrassed; you accepted my weakness before I did, and you never expect me to cover up the cracks in me with a fresh coat of paint every time they show themselves.
trust: because you don't expect me to change. because you are honest with me. because I can see your heart in your eyes too when you look at me, and you give me no other choice but to believe you. so let me fall asleep on your motel bed after working all night. argue with me. I can see my favorite blend of coffee in your cupboard.
I am not afraid to be known by you. so please come in. the place is a mess, but you tell me not to apologize. I'm trying. because I know you mean it. I believe you. like I have never believed anyone else.

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I'm SO EXCITED to start posting my byler fanfiction
I have a schedule for writing it, and if I manage to keep up with it, the first chapter should be posted at the end of July!
this is not like my other stories. this one is a project that I'm completing BEFORE posting, that way it's guaranteed that u all will get a completed story. that isn't to say that my other stories will remain incomplete, because I'm still working on them, I just want to give u all some insurance beforehand.
this fanfic will probably be over 100k words, seeing that I'm at chapter 4 of writing and I'm at 20k (there's 17 overall chapters planned). so the math says 100k. get ready.
prepare.
know this: EVERYTHING I do in regards to this story is intentional. I'm taking inspiration from the dufferbrothers. everything you read is intentional, the themes, numbers, dates, characters, publish dates and times, EVERYTHING. this is the highlight of my year, getting to finish this.
finally, I will be posting my publishing schedule and title of the story very soon. this will be on AO3 only, will be updated weekly, and will be rated mature not for spicy reasons but for bloody reasons (it's canon compliant guys)
anyways, I'm going to get back to writing now instead of typing this (I'm kicking my feet like a teenage girl on the phone, telling u all gossip). IM JUST SO EXCITED!!
the best part about tumblr is youre always one mutual removed from a bitch who has you blocked and fucking hates you