sypnosis:- the biggest mistake in your life was falling for katsuki bakugou and the biggest misunderstanding in your life was thinking that he was falling for you too.
warnings:- swearing, mentions of bullying, unhealthy relationship dynamics.
part 1 part 2 part 3
for as long as you could remember, bakugou was yours and you were his.
at first, it seemed that you two would grow up to be completely different, but you ended up becoming more like him than you were comfortable admitting.
you were naturally kind and loud, sweet but in a way that was overbearing to others. people didn't want to be your friend at first, considering you too loud, simply because you were a very expressive child.
you tried to not let it bother you, puffing up your cheeks and holding your nose up high whenever another kid at the playground refused to be friends and left your outstretched hand waiting, hovering in mid-air as they ran away.
but you were just a child.
you wanted to be loud, you wanted to be expressive...but you wanted friends too.
you sat on the playground, playing with fistfuls of sand as your vision turned blurry. suddenly, a pair of red sneakers came into view. you looked up to see a tuft of blonde hair belonging to a boy of your age.
you stared up at him and he stared back. then he huffed and crossed his hands over his chest, "what, you gonna cry now? i saw the way you ignored that extra over there when he didn't shake your hand. you cant cry now."
you stood up, puffing up your cheeks, "i can cry whenever i want. don't tell me what to do!"
he wasn't intimidated by your flailing arms, "ok crybaby. you can go back to crying. i just though you were cool back there for a second. guess i was wrong." he shrugged and started to walk away.
you wiped your face with your chubby fingers as his words ran in your head, completing a few laps before you grasped the meaning.
..cool?
he thought you were cool. you. when everyone else thought you were too overbearing, too clingy, too much. he had just called you cool, hadn't he?
your body reacted before your mind could as your hand reached out to clasp his arm, making him stop walking.
"..w-wait! you think i'm cool?" you stammered out in a rush of breath. he looked down at your hand holding his and back at your face, "i thought you were cool. i'm not sure anymore."
your eyes widened, "no..no..i'm cool. i'm so cool! i'm not even crying anymore see?" he turned back, one of his hands in his pocket, "..i guess you're cooler than before." your face broke out into a huge grin, "i am! and y-you're really cool too! i'm yn! wanna be friends?"
you dropped his hand and held yours out, silently preparing yourself for another rejection. you shut your eyes closed, shrinking into yourself slightly.
with every second that passed and you didn't feel his hand in yours, your heart dropped a little more. you scrunched up your eyes tighter, preparing yourself to open them and see him long gone. but then suddenly, you felt a slight weight on your palm.
your eyes fly open as you see the little boy holding your hand, shaking it not at all gently.
"i'm bakugou."
ever since then, you were two peas in a pod, connected at the hip by an invisible rope. if one of you was present somewhere, the other was not far behind. you were each other's person. teachers asked one of you where the other was when they were absent, your parents got a new son and his parents got a daughter.
however, things weren't all sunshine and rainbows. your relationship with katsuki was...conditional, which both of you were somehow oblivious to.
the closer you got to him, the more you shaved away parts of yourself unknowingly. you knew what you were getting into, being friends with him. you knew his gruff, bully behaviour. you had seen him kick midoriya around, tell him horrible words and the old you, the girl who was never afraid to say whatever she wanted to, would have immediately shut him up, would've happily stood infront of midoriya, shielding him.
but...you couldn't. you never partook in bullying midoriya, but you never stopped it either, fearing that you'd loose katsuki. the guilt ate you up, until you packed it all away and shoved it inside a box far into your mind.
every time katsuki picked on midoriya, the first thought that came into your mind wasn't 'i should help him.' or, 'i hope he can hold on.'
it was, 'i'm so glad i'm not the one in his place.'
and every time you thought that thought, you felt like puking. you couldn't believe you had turned into such a monster. but you learnt to store it all away. you convinced katsuki to leave midoriya alone, talking about how he was a loser that didn't deserve his attention.
the little girl who you had slowly disconnected from, scowled in disgust at your inaction and couldn't stand to watch you dig yourself into a deeper hole. she took your box of guilt and receded deep in your mind, until you had no idea how to ever get her back.
you and katsuki grew up together, and though neither of you ever labeled anything, it was clear to you that you were both more than friends. he was your first kiss and you were his.
one day, you were in katsuki's room, after having ate the dinner mitsuki prepared. you were lying on your stomach, on his bed, trying to catch up on some homework. he was sitting on his desk, soft afternoon filtered in through the window, falling on him. neither of you were talking and as you watched him work, you suddenly realized how.. ethereal he looked when he was relaxed.
this explosive boy who had in a way, saved you. you could not imagine your life without him. you felt a small smile creep on your face as you watched his peaceful form and before you knew it, the words were coming out,
"..i love you."
instantly, both of you froze. he turned his head to look at you, surprise and warmth in his eyes. you mirrored it back. his eyes softened as his ears turned bright red, "yeah yeah. i know you do. don't go getting all sappy on me now." he said as he turned back to work, visibly flustered.
you giggled. cute. you looked out the window, swinging your legs, your hands cupping your head, elbows on the bed. you closed your eyes against the soft breeze that entered the room.
the sound of the scribbles on paper as katsuki did his homework filled the room again, lulling you to sleep.
in all the comfort and warmth around you that day, you missed the fact that katsuki didn't say it back.
you were beyond happy. you felt like everything in your life was finally being set in place, with him by your side. you thought he felt the same.
neither of you ever labeled anything but you didn't need to...right?
you had moved into the ua dorms a few months ago. you and katsuki had already established a steady routine. you'd do your classes and then go to your respective rooms to study for a bit. then you'd go hangout with your classmates while katsuki went to train. the end of the day was always reserved for each other. you'd both go to either your's or katsuki's room, usually his and you'd simply end the day with each other.
some days, you'd go back to your dorm to sleep, most days you'd end up in his arms.
the routine was simple and comforting. it was never monotone, considering how unpredictable your hero studies was. you were happy and you thought katsuki was too.
the change started small, unnoticeable to everyone else but you. he would talk less, start seeking you out less. you brushed it off as him being tired at first. a soft, " 'm too tired." whenever you asked him to hangout. a muttered, "another time." whenever you asked him to come over to your dorm to watch a movie.
but soon enough, it became impossible to ignore when your weekly interactions thinned to zero. he was distancing himself and you had no idea why. you scrounged your mind, searching for somewhere you messed up, going through every conversation, every interaction but everything came up empty.
you wondered if he even knew what he was doing or if this distancing was unintentional.
something else also changed. he was texting more often and..he went out of the dorm a lot. not strange behaviour in theory, but for him to do this? it felt like the world had turned upside down. he would never go out without telling you he was leaving before but nowadays you barely saw him in the dorms.
your were being stretched thin. you couldn't focus on your classes and your friends started noticing your change in behaviour. you had to talk to him.
he was sitting on his bed, scrolling on his phone when you entered. "ok, what is it?" you sat down on the bed.
he looked up, eyes widening, "what's what?"
"you're acting really weird. you've been acting so weird for so long, what happened...did i do something?"
you expected him to shrug you off with a simple, 'nothing's wrong, 'm fine.' like usual so when he sighed and set his phone down, your heart dropped to your toes.
he hesitated. "..i have a girlfriend."
"...."
..what?
a girlfriend? you were his girlfriend. what the fuck was he talking about. you laughed nervously, "yeah ok. haha. you're a comedian. stop with the bullshit. what's actually going on?"
he scowled, "i'm not fucking lying. i got a girlfriend. her name's hana."
you just stared at him, your mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, " 'suki..what the fuck do you mean, a girlfriend? you already have a girlfriend!"
his eyes widened as he gave you an incredulous look, "huh? no i don't?"
you were going to go insane.
"i'm your girlfriend!" you were shaking, your hands were trembling. katsuki looked even more confused, "no you're not?! yn what are you even talking about. we're not dating? we're just friends, for fuck's sake."
you could not believe your ears. there was simply no fucking way, "..what?"
"i never asked you out and neither did you. what in the world makes you think we're dating?"
"oh i don't know! maybe the fucking fact that we cuddle and hang out and tell each other i love you??" he looked confused. how dare he look confused? "you're my best friend. best. friend. that's it. that's all we are, all we ever were, yn."
you were shouting now, "do you kiss all your best friends, katsuki?"
he was standing now, his tone matching yours, "that was one fucking time, we were kids! it was just hormones." your vision was blurry, you could feel tears drip down your cheeks.
"are you seriously trying to say that everything that we had, our whole relationship was just...hormones?" you couldn't even see his face anymore, it was too blurry. he became reduced to a blonde and red smudge.
you couldn't even gather the strength to wipe the tears away. he crossed his arms and took a breath, lowering his voice, "look, i don't know what even gave you the idea. but we are not anything, yn. we were never anything. i have a girlfriend now and ..honestly she's been telling me how you act too clingy and shit and.. i get it now..i-i.. she told me to stop talking to you."
you felt sick. you were going to be sick. you could deal with katsuki not loving you back, but a life without katsuki altogether? you were going to throw up.
"w-wait..you..you're not going to listen to her right?" you hurriedly wiped your eyes to see him look at you with...regret?
fuck fuck FUCK nonono this could not be happening right now.
you took a step closer to him, "i-ok..i'm sorry. i read things wrong. but you won't leave me right? katsuki..you can't."
he shook his head. he wasn't looking at you. why wasn't he looking at you?
"look..i just think we both need a break from each other. we're obviously not in the same place right now. we need some distance."
you shook your head furiously, "no no no. you can't do this to me! you promised, katsuki. you promised you'd never leave!"
he looked pained, he opened his mouth but no sound came out. he was shaking now, "get out yn. please."
you were sobbing now, your sobs racking your body. "you can't..you just can't." katsuki looked like he was in physical pain. but he didn't do anything. didn't touch you, didn't try to comfort you.
you took deep breaths. you would not embarrass yourself any more. you were used to rejection. if the little you could hold her head up high then why couldn't you.
you straightened, "..ok then. i...i'll get going." you turned and walked towards the door. stop me katsuki. don't let me walk out katsuki.
but he didn't stop you and you walked out. you didn't turn to look back at him as you shut the door behind you.
you went to your dorm room as your world came crashing down around you. what now? is it really over? just like that?
your heart seized in your chest as you sat on your bed. your hand was twitching for your phone. whenever you unraveled like this, your first instinct was to go talk to him.
it was ironic. the only person you wanted to talk to about katsuki breaking your heart was katsuki.
i live only for gut-wrenching angst. so i hope i was able to do it at least a little justice <333
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light yagami, who doesn't hesitate to write down the name of that pesky guy who keeps bothering you . . .
his ears perked when you mentioned his name - which you only knew because the guy had insistently told you it multiple times.
you were laying on his bed, playing on your phone while he studied at his desk. he lets you stay when heâs studying because he likes how you wonât bother him too much.
but you wanted to talk today.
youâre blissfully unaware of the two-meter tall creature in the corner, making side comments every so often while Light simply ignored him.
Light wasnât laying much attention to your rambling until he heard a name. a male name.
âwho is he?â he asked, making sure to put on a careful tone of simple curiosity. he wonât let the jealousy come up yet. not without answers.
you sighed before saying, âheâs this guy who is always outside my class when it finishes. he keeps asking for my number while shouting his at me.â
Light doesnât make a sound, but he stops his quick pen work.
âAnd I always tell him to go away because I have a boyfriend but he always shows up the next day. He says itâs a pure coincidence that heâs walking by at the time I get out but I know it isnât.â
âHas he done anything else?â He asks, pondering.
you hesitate for a second before saying, âyesterday he grabbed my arm when I tried to walk away.â
and so Lights mind was made up. He didnât even glance at the drawer containing the deadly notebook, or at Ryuk in the corner, but the shinigami already knew what Light was planning.
âIâll wait for you tomorrow and walk you out. To make sure he doesnât try anything else.â
Light was true to his word. His brown head of hair was the first thing you saw when you left your classroom the next day, and you quickly rushed to his side.
âThank you, Light.â You said, slipping your hand in his. His fingers stiffened for a moment, still getting used to casual acts of affection in public, but then held yours with calculated ease.
âNo problem, really.â He said calmly. âItâs my duty. Just tell me when you see him.â
And sure enough, the guy was there. you gave Lights hand a small squeeze right before the guy approached you.
âSo, have you thought about my offer yet-â He starts before heâs cut off.
âNo thank you, sir.â Light says, his jaw slight clenched. âSheâs perfectly fine. I recommend that you start respecting people when they decline, otherwise there could be real consequences.â
You glance at Light, slightly surprised. He usually isnât very chatty with strangers, keeping polite and respectful when he does talk. But this is a nice change.
The guy mutters something under his breath, but Light holds your arms and steers you away from him. He feels a small sense of approval towards Ryuk when he sees that the shinigami has placed himself at the other side of you.
Light glances back once, and takes a long look at the guys face.
That evening, he sits in his room with the Death Note open in front of him.
He had walked you home an hour earlier, asking if you were okay and that you could call him if you felt you were followed. After you walked inside, Ryuk told him, unprompted, that there was nobody suspicious in the area.
Light didnât hesitate before writing the guys name down, picturing his revolting face in his mind for those seconds.
âWell, it appears youâve gone soft.â Ryuk chuckles.
âNonsense.â Light says, moving on to repeat the process of writing down criminals names. âI said I would rid the world of evil. He certainly isnât good.â
That was the act justified in his mind. That has been his mission from the start, right? Even if the guy didnât have an official criminal record, Light simply saw it as him cutting the evil in the bud before it grew. Besides, if he was bothering you, thatâs reason enough.
Another thing that Light would make clear in his perfect world is that nobody touches what belongs to him.
Pairings: avatar! Lyle Wainfleet x fem mangkwan! Reader
Summary: quiet tension turns into certainty as unspoken feelings finally surface, pulling them together.. where jealousy fades, closeness deepens, and everything narrows the pull between them.
Warnings: weapon use, fluff, slow burn undertones, sexual content (oral sex fem!receiving , p in v) possessive/dominant behavior, jealousy, intense physicality⊠let me know if i missed anything!
Notes: i was quite literally racking my brain on how to write a part 2 for you guys but after multiple naps⊠I got it done yay! Iâve never written smut before so i hope you enjoy and ty for reading! BTW not proofread!
His thumb lingers at your jaw,rough and careful all at once, as if heâs reminding himself where he is.
Outside, laughter rises.. feet pounding the ground, voices lifted in a song.
âYou know,â he murmurs, almost amused. âBack on base, this isnât exactly the regulation.â
You huff softly, tail flicking. âGood thing this is not your base.â
That earns a quiet chuckle from him.
The sound vibrates through his chest, through you.
He leans back just enough to really look at you now.
Paint on your fingers, ash smudged along your cheek, eyes bright.
âprettyâ he thinks.
Silence settles, heavily. Not awkward.
Outside, someone shouts his name, calling him back to the fire, to the cheers, to the role heâs been playing all night.
He exhales slowly, glancing toward the hut entrance before looking back at you. âTheyâre gonna notice Iâm gone.â
You lift your chin. ââ then go. Let them see you.â
He squints. âBarely covered and painted?â
âYes,â you say, without hesitation. âLet them see who fought with us.â
For a moment, he studies you. Really studies you, then nods once. Decided.
âAlright,â he say quietly. âBut youâre walking out with me.â
His hand finds yours, firm and grounding. When you step back into the firelight together, the clan notices instantly. Cheers get louder, drums picking up, eyes drawn to the red paint streaked across his skin and the way you stand at his side like you belong there.
The night stretches on, thinning the noise until itâs just fire.
đŸ
Sunlight filtered through, dappling the forest floor gold and green as you darted through the roots and ferns, bow held tight in your hand, heart hammering with excitement as birds scattered every step.
Lyleâs heavy footsteps pounded behind you.
âYou will never catch meââ You called, tail swishing like a whip, your laughter spilling through the forest.
You veered around a crooked tree, expecting him right behind you but silence answered.
No footsteps. No breathing, just rustling leaves.
âLyle?â You whispered, scanning your misty surroundings. âWhere are you?!â
Before you could react, a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist, lifting you effortlessly off the ground.
âCaught you.â Lyle murmured behind you, breath warm at your ear.
âYou skxawng!â You shriek.
He grinned, unapologetic. âYou run like prey.â
Your ears flattened. â i am not prey.â
He set you down carefully, giving you space but keeping the teasing glint in his eyes. He tilted his head, amused. âCouldâve fooled me.â
That did it.
You step into his space. Chin lifted, eyes wide.
âyou think that sneaking up on me makes you skilled?â You challenged. âYou rely on strength and noise. That is all.ââ
His smiled faded just a touch. âYou saying I donât know what Iâm doing?â
âI am saying,â you said slowly, circling him, eyes sharp. â that you would not last one hunt without a gun⊠and that is embarrassing.â
He turned to track you, jaw tightening. âCareful, darling.â
You stopped in front of him, close enough that his chest rose inches from yours.
âLet me teach you,â you said. Not a question. A dare.
He scoffed. âTeach me what?â
âThe way of the bow,â you replied coolly. âA hunters weapon. Not your metal toys. Mine.â
âI donât need-â he started.
You cut him off, stepping closer. â you do. And you know it.â Your fingers reached out, tapping his chest once.
âYou chase well. You fight well. But you do not listen to the forest. I do.â
Something conflicted flickering through his eyes. âAnd why would i let you?â
Your lips curved. âBecause you want to see if i am right.â A beat. Softer, quieter. âAnd because you do not like to be challengedâ
He eyed you for a long moment. Then, reluctantly, âone lesson.â
You smile, victorious. âGood. Zaâu!â
You lead him deeper into the trees, movements fluid, confident.
When you stop, you hand him your bow.
âFirst, you need to learn how to hold it. Relax and grip the string lightly.â You say, firmly.
He exhales, trying to mimic your instructions.
You roll your eyes but canât stop the grin from forming on your lips.
Sliding your hands over his, correcting the angle, guiding his fingers along the string.
âHere,â you sigh, âyour fingers must curl over the string like this. Not stiff. Like this.â
You step back to give him room before huffing. âYour stance.â You say, shaking your head. âIt is all wrong. You are stiff, like a tree.â
You step in front of him and gently place your hands on his hips, guiding his weight. âFeet should be shoulder width apart and back should be straight. Balance your weight evenly, do not lean too far forward or back.â
He lets out a soft laugh, but you ignore it, slipping your hands up to his shoulders adjusting them.
You examine his stance, and hiss lowly as you smack his elbow up, straightening it when you do.
âYou must stay straight , chest open⊠yes, just like that. Now feel the forest under your feet. Let it support you, not the other way around.â
âDraw,â you murmured. âKiâongâ
He did, bowstring trembling.
âStop flailing.â you scolded softly, fingers grabbing his wrist lightly to steady him. âBreathe.â
He exhales sharply, draws the string, and lets the arrow fly. It whistles through the air⊠and clatters harmlessly into the underbrush.
You huff a laugh, tail flicking.
âkanfpĂŹl, try it again.â You gesture toward the bow.
He draws another arrow, slow, calculated this time. Your hands hover near his, almost brushing. The arrow shoots forward. Thunk. Right into the center of the tree.
You gasp softly, tail curling in delight, and step around to face him.
âThatâs what Iâm talking about.â You repeat the saying, youâve heard him say many times before.
His chest rises in a proud breath, eyes sparkling with accomplishment. âLooks like someoneâs a good teacher.â
You grin, brushing a strand of hair from your face, tail flicking in amusement. âI am just getting started.â you tease, stepping back slightly to give him space, eyes locked on his as you encourage him.
And so it goes, shot after shot, laughter, teasing, and the subtle brush of closeness.. him shooting arrow after arrow, you guiding, correcting, and enjoying every single second of making him learnâŠ. all while the forest sun beams down on the two of you.
đŸ
The village was loud with evening life.
Children darted between huts, elders talked low near the fire. You were weaving through it all, distracted, until a familiar shape caught your eye.
Lyle.
He stood near the central fire pit, laughing. Actually laughing. His shoulders loose, posture open, her hand brushing his arm as she spoke, tail flicking with interest.
You stopped a few steps away, watching just long enough to understand what was happening.
He wasnât encouraging it. His hands stayed to himself. His attention drifted, gaze lifting as if searching.
Then his eyes found you.
His expression shifted instantly. Relief first. Then something warmer, gentler.
âThere you are,â he said smiling like heâd been waiting.
The woman followed his gaze and turned, her eyes sliding over you, judging.
Her hand didnât move from his arm.
You stepped closer.
âI was looking for you,â You said calmly, though your ears had angled back.
The woman cut in. âWe were just talking.â
Your gaze shifted to her at last. Cool. Unblinking. âI was not speaking to you.â
Her ears flicked back slightly. Her hand still lingering on his bicep. You glanced at it.
"Step back," you said.
The girl's ears flicked, eyes narrowing as she looked you over. "I was speaking to him."
"And now you are speaking to me," you replied. "Your hand has no reason to be on him."
Her tail lashed once. "He did not move away."
Lyle blinked. "I didn't realizeâ"
You didn't look at him.
Instead, you leaned in slightly toward her, voice low and sharp. "Because he is polite. I am not."
Lyle stepped away from her. âI should go,â he said, firm now.
âAlready?â The girl frowned.
âYes, i will talk to you later.â
Your eyes snapped to him as he spoke. âYou will not.â You snarl, grabbing his wrist and pulling him away. âZaâu.â
he didnât argue.
You pulled him through the village, past curious glances, past whispers.
âWhere are we going?ââ He questioned, stumbling behind you.
âmy hut,â you said, simply.
That got his attention and he let himself be dragged.
You didnât stop until you were inside your hut, pushing aside the woven entrance covering and turning toward him the second it closed.
âYou let her touch you.â your head tilted.
His lips twitched. âI didnât even notice.â He said honestly.
You scoff softly, a sharp little sound in your throat. â you did not notice,â you repeat stepping closer.
âI was waiting for you.â He says, no excuses, no defensiveness. Just the truth.
You plant a hand flat against his chest. âThen why did you let her stand so close?â You asked quietly.
His jaw tightens, not annoyed but focused.. âbecause I didnât think it mattered.â His eyes dip to where your hand presses into him.
âSrane, it matters.â You murmur, leaning in, your breath brushing his mouth without touching it.
You guide him backwards without force. He lets you.
He lets his calves hit the edge of the furs.
Letâs himself go down on to them with a quiet exhale, eyes never leaving your face.
You climb over him slowly, straddling his thighs, knees sinking into the soft pelts.
You hold his gaze, hands sliding onto his shoulders. âYou let her think she had a chance.â You hummed.
He laughed softly, shaking his head, his hands slide up your sides, thumbs brushing warm lines along your ribs. âI like that you didnât.â
Your lips curl into a small, satisfied smile.
You shift your weight, letting him feel it, letting him feel you. Your fingers trail up his neck and onto the base of his kuru, your hand wrapping firmly around it.
You pull, he grunts.
You tilt his back just enough as you dip down, lips ghosting his jaw, his throat.
âdo you want me?â You ask quietly.
Not playful. Not teasing. Real.
His answer is immediate. His hands tighten on your waist, grounding you. âI wouldnât be here if I didnât.ââ He says low.
âSay it,â you murmur, hand sliding down his kuru. âSay it so I do not have to wonder.â Your eyes meeting his.
His forehead presses to yours. Noses nearly brushing. His voice drops, rougher now. âI want you.â
Your lips part slightly. âThen.. take me,â you whisper, voice trembling with desire.
His eyes darken, and without breaking eye contact, he leans closer. Slowly, he reaches behind his head, and then you feel it⊠the delicate, electrifying brush of his neural tendril against yours.
Tsaheylu.
A jolt runs through your body, your skin tingling, nerves alive in a way that no touch alone could achieve.
Heat blooms in your chest, spreading through your limbs like fire. Your tail curls, gasping softly as his tendril entwines with yours.
His hand finds your jaw, gripping lightly. âYou feel that?â He murmurs, low and rough. âItâs just us⊠no one else.â
The connection hums between you, every heartbeat amplified, every breath shared.
His hand tightens slightly on your jaw, tilting your face upward, lips grazing yours.
âOe-yĂ€,â he murmurs, teeth grazing your bottom lip in a teasing bite.
His thumb drags across your cheek, then slides down your neck, resting at the base of your throat, squeezing lightly.
He growls low, lips brushing your ear. âYouâre mine, nĂŹftxav nga oe!â
âYours.â You nod, tongue dragging along your bottom lip. âi am yours.â You breathe out.
His hand moves from your neck down to your waist, carefully changing positions, grounding you.
The firelight dances across your skin, throwing shadows over the furs, over him, over the places where your bodies brush.
Tsaheylu thrums between you, vibrating through every nerve, every muscle, every pulse of desire.
He leans in again, chest pressing heavier into yours, his tendril tightening around yours as if drawing every ounce of your attention.
You feel him everywhere all at once.
the subtle curl of his fingers at your waist, the steady weight of his body pressing yours to the furs, and the bond that hums and writhes like a living pulse.
You arch into him, pressing harder, letting your hands roam freely across his back, clawing, feeling the taut lines of muscle.
His lips trail down your jaw, over your neck, teasing your pulse with his fangs, brushing, claiming, drawing a quiet shiver from your throat.
Your hand finds the nape of his neck, gripping lightly, pulling him closer, letting him know that you want him to take the lead, that you crave this full, unrestrained intimacy.
He lowers his mouth to your chest, peeling your top off with his teeth.
His lips teasing, teeth grazing, sucking lightly, marking.
You press your hands into his shoulders, tugging him closer, feeling every line of muscle beneath your palms, every subtle twitch as he grinds his hips lightly into yours.
thighs parting instinctively as he slides lower, palms brushing along your sides, hands tracing the curves of your hips and stomach.
Lips move lower, brushing your hipbones, teasing along the sensitive skin, each touch pulling little moans from your throat.
His hands slide up your thighs, fingers brushing along your skin until they reach the knots of your loincloth.
The loincloth falls away, pooling on the furs beneath you, and he doesnât hesitate.
His hands grip your hips, steadying you as he lowers his face, lips brushing the sensitive skin along your inner thighs, leaving a trail of little wet kisses.
A low growl hums through him.
He lowers his head between your thighs, exactly where you want him and the first touch of his tongue made you arch off the fur with a cry.
He pauses, âFnu,â he grins, eyes locking on yours, filled with desire before he licks a slow stripe up your cunt.
You hiss softly, tilting your head back.
he licked and sucked on the sensitive bundle of nerves and his thumb slowly circled the little nub with the same focused attention he brought to everything.
Your hips lift, He groans, and presses his large hand flat over your lower stomach, keeping your hips down against the furs with firm, commanding pressure.
you came with his name on your lips.
He kissed his way back up your body as you came down from the high, his lips glistening with your release, and when he kisses you, you could taste yourself on his tongue.
âkalin,â he moans into your mouth.
âMaâ Lyleâ your hands find the ties of his loincloth, and you felt him tense, his breath catching.
âare you sure?" his voice was strained.
âI want this. Oel ngati sivi.â You say quietly, with certainty.
he dipped his head down, towards the dip between your neck and collarbone, pressing soft kisses along your skin.
Slowly he pushed forward with a loud groan. âTse âekxin.â his face contorting with pleasure, the stretch was intense.
When he was fully inside of you, he stilled, breath ragged, letting you adjust the size of him.
He moves slowly, biting down on your shoulder, gently.
"more," you gasped, your leg wrapping around his waist, trying to pull him deeper.
his hand slides under the back of your thigh, placing your leg over his shoulder, pounding relentlessly.
The new angle has you moaning out before they get swallowed by his mouth.
âFnu,â he says again, breathlessly against your lips, grunting above you.
His lips move against yours with what feels like desperation, your lips part in response, allowing him to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth.
His hips snapping against yours at an abnormal pace. âMaâ muntxateâ, his thumbs splayed over your hips to keep you pinned, your moans grow louder a mix of pleasure and surrender.
Your hands clutch him, dragging him closer and a breathless hiss of your name escapes his lips, loud and unrestrained.
The hut is alive with your moans, hisses, every brush of skin against skin, every press and tug amplified by the neural connection, until the world beyond the hut is nothing.
His hands slide along your thighs, gripping lightly, pulling you flush against him as he thrusts.
âoh fuck,â he grunts in your ear, his hand clasped over your mouth, muffling you as you cry out.
Every nerve in your body screams, every heartbeat pounding in sync, every pulse of tsaheylu making it impossible to resist, impossible to think⊠only to feel, only to melt into the heat, the possession, the intimacy of him.
Hucklerabbot but it's Dennis watching as the loves of his life argue and fight over their own brands of stupid ideas. Jack is pissed at Robby because he's going around on his dumbass motorcycle and Robby is annoyed at Jack because he won't stop going out with SWAT. And they both have decided to use the fact that Dennis is the other persons one weakness and keep bring him into the argument even when he tries not to be involved. And Dennis, sweet, well-tempered, calm Dennis who was raised by his mother to be the level-headed one in any chaotic situations because it sure as hell wasn't going to be his short-tempered father or equally tempered brothers. It also helped he was everyone's favorite and their baby so they could never really be mad at him or turn their foul moods and even fouler words towards him.
This was something his mother taught him to take advantage of and use whenever he had to, whether it was because Daniel and David got into a fight over a girl they both liked, or his oldest brother Dominic and their father going at because of their different ideas on how to run the farm. "Stay quiet and keep your wits about you.", "Wait until they finished tearin' into each other 'fore you rip'em a new one."
Essentially it was to say that his mother was a very respected person in their household and trained him up to be the only other person who could tear into his brothers and father with the same sternness ands frigidness of a southern woman keeping her composure.
Which is how Dennis ended up here, in their living room, watching the Jack and Robby snark at one another after Jack got home with an injured shoulder after a bullet grazed him.
"You have a death wish!" Michael snarls as he tries to reach over and look over Jack's wound while said man backs away. "It's fuckin' fine." Jack slaps Robby's hands away while pulling the sleeves of his shirt and hisses when the sweat and blood soaked shirt sticks to the wound and pulls.
Michael scoffs, spinning around and going to the bathroom where the first aid kit is put away. "Yeah, because the sound you made was so reassuring." Jack shot him a dirty look before rounding on Dennis and giving him a slightly guilty and playful look when he saw Dennis standing on the other side of the couch, lips pressed thinly.
"I said I'm fine." Jack waves off Robby's second attempt at grabbing him to check him over before the annoyance spready across Jack's face again. "And I don't want to hear anything about death wishes considering your mid-life crisis is currently sitting in the garage, no fucking helmet in sight."
"And there it is." Dennis rolled his eyes subtly as Robby reared back and immediate frustration crossed his face and he started arguing back. "Let them fight it out." He watched as their argument escalated and they started calling each other selfish and suicidal for indulging in their interests. "What about Dennis, huh? How do you think he'd feel if you splattered yourself on the highway all because you didn't wanna wear a fucking helmet." This time it was Jack who threw his name out first and effectively brought him into the conversation, both their gazes snapping to him.
He had held back since the start of their relationship out of fear of overstepping because it was all so new and he worried he would be thrown out of the years long partnership the other two had developed. Now though, after they've continuously brought him into the argument and used the other persons love and affection for him as a dangling carrot and their constant reassurances that Dennis mattered in the relationship and that he was equally as valued, Dennis was done holding it in.
Dennis sighed, the other two had turned back to each other and it was clear that Robby was probably going to throw Dennis' reaction towards something to Jack because of his SWAT activities, but before he could even say a single word the calm and false sweet voice of their boy cut in.
"Jack?" The man in question turned to Dennis his mouth open to accept whatever agreement their boy was no doubt going to say to help him in his crusade against Robby's death machine. Only to freeze when he saw a completely false and tight smile was spread across Dennis' face. "Yeah, Angel?"
"Sit your ass down." Jack gulped as he tracked Dennis' quiet and measured steps towards he and Robby, and he dropped to the coach when Dennis reached them and snatched the first aid box out of Robby's hands. "Good boy. Michael?"
Robby jumped his eyes wide and cautious as he took in this complete shift in dynamic, usually he and Jack were in control with Dennis being a very willing submissive force in the room, now he couldn't help but shake a bit when he watched this new side of pretty boy. "Yeah, baby?"
Dennis slipped on some of the gloves, latex snapping loudly in the quiet room. "Sit down next to Jack an' keep yur mouth shut." The slightest slip of Dennis' accent was both the hottest thing Robby has ever heard and the most terrifying which made it very easy to comply as he threw himself beside Jack and watch Dennis take out the supplies he would need for disinfecting and stitching up the wound on Jack's shoulder.
Dennis was quiet for a moment as he unpackaged the tools he was going to use before cleaning the wound do he could examine it better, turning Jack to face Robby so that he had full visualization of said wound. "Y'all are both suicidal idiots." He disinfected the wound and surrounding area non-to-gently which earned him a hiss of pain from Jack and a wince of sympathy from Robby. And he shot both men a stern and cold glare when they opened their mouths to argue. "It's not a question. The two of you snap and snark at each other as if either one of you has the upper hand, which you don't because you're both doin' dumbass things tryn' to get killed."
His movements were precise and quick as he started suturing the skin together and he kept his gaze steadily on the wound he was patching up. "And while I can say that it kills me everytime you," his gaze flickers to Robby, "get on your damned bike with no helmet on. Or when you," he gaze snaps to Jacks face, "shoot up and start getting dressed the moment you hear your phone ring and hope it's SWAT. I won't, even if it does, because if it hasn't been enough to change your mind when you point this out to each other then I doubt me mentioning it will change that fact. Instead I will just say.."
The snapping of a glove makes both men jump as Dennis pulls them off and throws them aside. "Leave me out of your fuckin' argument 'cause it's clear that I don't matter enough to either of you to wanna stick around and live out the rest of your natural lives with me.' His voice goes quiet as he packs up the supplies and avoids their eyes. "I love you both but I fuckin refuse to be used in the argument against each other like a constellation prize if you stop doing dumb shit. Y'all wanna die or do you actually love me enough to wanna live and stay with me?" Dennis moves to the bathroom and put the medical supplies away before heading to his own room without a single glance back at a still frozen Jack and Robby. "Figure your shit out or don't fuckin talk to me again." The door slamming shocked both men out of their stupor.
"Are you hard as fuck right now too?" Robby asks with wide eyes and a gapping mouth, which makes Jack swat him on the back of the head. "Obviously. Not the point though. Pretty boy has a point, we've been doing this shit to each other longer than he's been alive and look at what that turned us into. We can't do that to him."
Robby nods, chastised and resolute. "We have to make it up to him." They nod in agreement. Jack's lips twitch and his expression turns a little dirty. "We're gonna get him mad with less dumb shit and then we're gonna fuck rough and dirty." Robby snorts and rolls his eyes. "Obviously.
The next day Dennis wakes up to an apology breakfast, Robby's bike being sold off, and Jack having called the SWAT captain and telling him he's not taking missions anymore. This, of course, leads to Dennis showing his appreciation to his two perfect men by dominating the absolute fuck out of them for the rest of the day. The End....
đà§ tags/tw: miscarriage, fertility issues, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, not proofread
àŠË àŁȘâč pairing: jason todd x f!reader
đà§ a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for well over a year, it was technically the first fic I ever wrote but I never posted it. anyways, I've been battling whether I should post it or not, and I decided to. if you're going or went through something like this, just know you're not alone<3
When you met Jason Todd, he swore up and down that he'd never ever have kids. Or get into a serious relationship for that matter, he was far too broken, too hollow to ever give someone what they needed from a partner. At the time, you weren't interested in a relationship either, after dealing with your cheating ex you were pretty done for awhile.
However, time and feelings are a funny thing. Through your mutual friends, you both inevitably kept hanging out, and a friendship formed not long after. You were quick to forget your "no feelings" era, because the way your heart did happy laps every time it saw Jason's smile was concerning. His feelings for you came very much in the same way. Unannounced, agressive and strong, like a bullet being shot.
He didn't have a usual job, much less a usual life, it was not everyday that you got killed and then revived, it also wasn't everyday that you tried to kill your father after coming back. His trauma was a long deep running river that threatened to overflow the tide next to it, but.. With you it was so worth it. You were well and truly, perfect. It made him feel crazy, what sort of spell had you made to get him wrapped around your finger so tightly? He got giddy just hearing your name for heaven's sake! He was a scary vigilante, he wasn't supposed to act like a lovesick puppy.
Despite feeling strongly for eachother, you two battled off your feelings like they were the plague, while everyone but yourselves could see you were totally head over heels. To no one's surprise, you two eventually came around and got together after a few months of pointless fighting against something that was far too deep.
It had been six years from then. Three years married, three dating, and the only reason that Jason didn't propose to you sooner was the fact that he went through a lot of therapy and did a lot of inner work to become the man you deserved, because for you, he was willing to fight the scariest demons his mind posessed.
Now, you were ready to start your little family. One of the things that always worried you was his insistence on the fact that he'd be an awful dad, therefore he would never have kids. But what you didn't know was that as soon as Jason came to terms with the fact that he loved you all those years ago, and that you some miraculous way loved him back, all he could think about was how much he wanted to marry you, and how much he wanted to make you the prettiest mother in the world.
What none of you ever accounted for was the fertility issues. You had been trying for a few months when you started to worry, and there was nothing on this planet that Jason hated more than seeing your devastated face anytime your period came once again, so he always soothed you, whispering "There is nothing wrong with you, love. You're just stressed, we'll have our family one day, yeah? I love you.", while you sobbed into his arms at night.
There was, however something wrong with you indeed. After all the missed attempts you went to the hospital, and the doctors told you what you dreaded to hear. Fertility issues. Low chance of pregnancy. Any pregnancy will be of high risk. That day, you cried so hard you almost blacked out, it was a wonder how all the water from your body didn't get drained. And even then, Jason held you through it all, physically and mentally, because you were sure that if not for him, you wouldn't have persisted for so long. You thanked all that was holy for your husband, because not once did that man utter anything less of loving and supportive words in you ear. Never did he plant a kiss on your skin that was not utterly filled with love and adoration. In your head, you were broken, but to him? Oh God, to him you were the most perfect being on this Earth and he would not let you crumble.
When your period took too long to arrive three months ago, you didn't dare to hope. Honestly, you didn't even want to take a pregnancy test, after all, there had been times where the same happened and you ended up curled in bed crying. But, like always Jason gently encouraged you, and after one, two, three, four positive pregnancy tests, you were overjoyed. It couldn't be wrong this time, and it also couldn't be more perfect. Jason hugged you like his life depended on it and once again, his presence, his touch, it all kept you grounded, it kept you intact under the sea of emotions you were feeling.
The next day he arranged an appointment for you. After going to the doctor's and hearing that you were one month pregnant already, and that so far you and the baby were healthy, you felt like your life couldn't get better. Jason immediately stepped down from being a vigilante, he wanted to be there for every step of his baby's life, and he also would never forgive himself if he ever ended up leaving you two, so he wouldn't risk his life. He got a normal job at Wayne Enterprises, curtsy of Bruce Wayne who had spent the last few years becoming the father Jason needed (he was also overjoyed about becoming a grandfather soon).
Finally everything felt like it was right. You and your husband had a fairly normal life, you were going to start a family, the baby was healthy, the nursery was being made, you had plushies for the baby already, you-
Everything crashed down on what seemed like a normal sunday. It was a beautiful day outside, and you had stayed home, having a very high risk pregnancy and all. You had done nothing more than sleep and talk to your baby, you two even listened to music together (someone had to pass down their superior music taste). That was until you went to the bathroom after lunch. You felt a weird faint pain but didn't think much of it, that was until you looked down and the metalic scent of blood invaded your nose.
At first you couldn't believe it. Surely you were having a nightmare, because this could not be happening. You were frozen on the toilet, barely breathing as you looked at the blood, the very real blood that signalled that your baby wasn't okay. It was too much, and you couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't cry, it was all blood blood blood blood...
Jason arrived home from work a few hours later. Hours? Minutes? You didn't know anymore. All you knew was the blood. The blood and the fact that you remained on the same spot, unmoving, completely shattered. He called for you but you didn't answer. It didn't take him long to find you, and when he did he immediately understood.
"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Was what you were able to make out, a heavy low murmur that ricocheted on the walls, embracing you and trying to keep you there. In a second he was kneeling in front of you, cradling you in his arms, kissing your head, talking about hospitals, and what could you do if not let him take care of you? Almost mechanically you got out of the bathroom and got ready to go to the hospital.
On the ride there he held you hand. He held you when the doctor told you that you had miscarried. And most importantly, he kept you grounded when the shock finally wore off and you weeped on the hospital corridor. You kept asking "Why?" over and over again and he comforted you, tried his best to give you the peace he barely had in himself, because for you, he'd carve out pieces of his soul if it meant you'd feel the slightest bit better.
When he told his family they were devastated, and in an attempt to make you feel better, the two of you were invited to dinner two weeks after. Jason assured you that if you didn't feel well enough to go, no one would hold it against you, but you wanted to be away from your apartment for awhile. The nursery was left untouched and you spent too much time in there, like somehow looking at the stuffed animals would make you wake up from this nightmare.
The dinner was going well, everyone tried their best not to mention anything, no one had so say anything when the silent hugs you received said more than what spoken words managed to say. You could see why your therapist told you to socialise, it was really helping to keep your mind off everything that happened.
At some point, Bruce turned to you and gave you a kind smile. "How are you feeling?" You gave him a tired smile and shrugged, but you could see in his eyes that he was also mourning. Everyone was. And suddenly the damn burst once again, and you were repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again, Jason tried to soothe you and gently guided you to his childhood bedroom.
You didn't even know who you were apologising to anymore. To Jason? To his family? To everyone for ruining dinner? To yourself and to the baby you lost? No one blamed you, but no one was needed for that when your mind existed. Jason held you for what felt like hours, whispering about how none of this was your fault and that everything would be fine. It seemed hard to think it would, but... No matter how hard this was you knew that he'd be there to make everything okay once again.
You would get through this together, like you always did.
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Can I ask you about Light and L (separated) when their girlfriend falls asleep next to them with her head on their shoulder while they are at the computer?
Death Note ~Did you just fall asleep?~
Manga/anime: Death Note
Warnings: nothing
(Y/N): your name
After a busy day spent between university classes and intense studying, Light was still at his computer taking notes on the next criminals to write in his Death Note. His girlfriend (Y/N) was reading, sitting in the chair next to him.
About an hour had passed since he had started his research, and it was now late at night, but the boy didn't give up on his goal, to take note of at least thirty people to execute. At a certain point, though, he heard his shinigami, Ryuk, chuckle while at the same time he also felt a weight suddenly fall on his shoulder: (Y/N) had fallen asleep, and her head had slipped against him, looking for something to lean on.
Light was sure his heart skipped a beat when he saw his beloved's beautiful face, as he mentally traced all her face's features, from the curve of her mouth, which he loved to kiss, to her closed eyelids, and silently promised himself to make her the goddess of the world he would create and become the god of.
However, he soon began to notice how her chair, which was on wheels, was moving away from him and his girlfriend would fall to the ground, hitting her head, if he didn't do something, so his body reacted before his mind could process and decide how to act: his arms quickly wrapped around her waist, pulling her to sit on his lap, her head still resting on his shoulder. (Y/N) groaned in annoyance at the change in position and shifted a little, and Light feared she might wake up, but then he breathed a small sigh of relief when she calmed and stopped moving. Nevertheless, a light dusting of red immediately spread across his face (that made Ryuk laugh a lot, so he earned a dirty look from Light) as soon as she moved, clinging to him with her arms wrapped against his torso and her head in the crook of his neck.
After recovering from the insanely rapid beating of his heart, the boy squeezed his girlfriend gently to keep her from falling, and then went back to typing furiously on his computer keyboard to distract himself from thinking about the beautiful girl sleeping against him.
"Oh? What will your fans think if they know you're a softy for your girlfriend?"
"Shut up, Ryuk."
It was the dead of night in Japan.
All was quiet except for a medium-sized room in a Tokyo hotel, where the sound of a computer keyboard being pressed could be heard and a faint light coming from it through the window could be seen: L was still working.
"L?" The man was interrupted in his research on the Kira case by the voice he had grown to love, that of his girlfriend (Y/N).
"(Y/N)? What are you doing awake? You should be sleeping: you know, men should sleep about a third of the day, that's eight hours."
"But that means you also need eight hours of sleep... You've been there for hours, and it's the middle of the night; are you coming to bed with me? I can't sleep without you..."
"I'll be there in a few minutes, I'll finish my research."
"Then I'll stay here with you." After saying that, the woman grabbed a small armchair next to their bed and quietly dragged it to her boyfriend, and she curled up on it, absentmindedly looking at the computer screen with data she was too tired to read and commit to deciphering on it.
The rhythmic and regular noise of the keyboard and the presence of her boyfriend lulled (Y/N) into a deep sleep, so much her body slumped in the armchair and her head lolled a little until it rested on L's shoulder. And he, the greatest detective, the most analytical person in the world, who was literally never surprised, gasped and froze.
"Did you fall asleep?" Hearing no response, he turned his head a little, just enough to see her face, and he then blushed for the first time in his life: (Y/N) was what he could describe as the closest thing to an angel.
The man had to admit it wasn't a rational thought but, when he was with her, he always felt like all his rationality was canceled out and he was incapable of formulating a coherent thought. Was that the feeling of true love?
L was diverted from his thoughts by a warmth on his hand, which had unconsciously moved towards hers and squeezed it gently, and so he decided he had worked enough for that day: he rose from his crouch and, gently taking (Y/N) as a bride, he carried her to their bed, lying down next to her and falling asleep shortly after having taken one last sweet look at the gorgeous woman at his side.
Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Sam Winchester/Reader (platonic), light fluff, mutual pining, light angst, love confession, smut (handjob, fingering, p in v sex), Dean's got the Mark of Cain, uh oh.
Summary/Warnings: The Mark reaches a breaking point. Usual Warnings, little angst, lotta smut.
Author's Note: I am of the firm belief Rowena wouldâve said cunt religiously if the CW wasnât full of a bunch of pussies.
Chapter title from Video Games by Lana Del Ray
Word Count: 8.7k
Read on A03!
Chapter 5
Dean can breathe. Not easily, but he can. He can feel the weight of something airy and thin wrapped around him, stuck to his skin and far too heavy. Thereâs a hand on his brow, and itâs not the right one. Deanâs not sure what the right one would even be, but he knows itâs not this one. This one feels a little wrinkled, and the nails are too long, and it doesnât satiate the betterlust. Itâs just there, pressed to his skin like itâs looking for something and not all too pleased with what it finds.
The longer itâs there, the more the betterlust pounds and stabs and scrapes at him. Rots his guts and carves open his skull and rips through his chest. Itâs searching for something thatâs not there, and Deanâs head is too clouded with pain and ache and sickness to figure out where he should even be looking. Not in the hand. Not in the thing around him like a shroudâhot and clinging to him like a plagueâbut maybe somewhere close. Because wherever Dean isâhe doesnât know, and he doesnât have enough of a brain to guess right nowâitâs unfamiliar, but feels right. Heâs lying on something soft, and it smells good, and when his fingers flex, theyâre tracing over an impression left on the area next to him. An indent left on the space by something that could curve and press into Dean exactly like he wants. Craves. Needs.Â
The betterlust starts to flare and bellow, almost drowning out the low voices around him, and Dean knows he might die if he doesnât find what fits into that impression and take it.
âHow long has he been like this?â
âIâm not sure, a few hours?â
âWell can you try to be sure, Samuel?â
âI got here the same time you did, how am I supposed to be sure-â
âAsk our resident Dean Expert, the poor girl has been stuck with him all week-â
âNo, Iâm not going to make her do more. And, uh,â thereâs a long sigh, and Dean still isnât really sure whatâs going on, or who these people are, or why theyâre talking about him. âI donât think itâs safe for her right now. To be around him. He said he didnât want her-â
âHe obviously lied, you idiotic boy-â
âHe didnât want her to know, Rowena. And itâs not my place to tell her-â
âSheâs a big girl, sheâll survive a little bit of emotions.â
âHeâd, heâd fucking kill me-â
âAnd he will kill himself if he does not accept what he needs! Itâs quite honestly a miracle he was a stubborn enough arse to resist the Markâs demands this long.â
Deanâs really fucking confused. There are two voices, one that sounds a little like his and one that very much doesnât, and theyâre both talking about him like heâs important. He doesnât feel important. He mostly just feels tired, and bad, and sick. Sweaty and hungry and desperate for something he canât name, but they say he needs to name or heâll die, and he doesnât even really know what names are right now-
âIf I tell her, this becomes her responsibility-â
âWell, Dearie, I wasnât aware you were stupid and blind-â
âHey-â
âYou cannot look me in the eyes and say that she would not welcome the responsibility, boy. She is so pathetically obsessed with him it makes me feel ill.â
Dean felt his mouth try to frownâhe canât figure out how to move, so it more of a twisted grimaceâas he racked his mush of a brain to figure out who they could possibly be referring to. He couldnât remember names, but he could remember presences. Remember that the voice like his was good, and he was supposed to protect it. The voice that wasnât like his was bad, and kind of a bitch, but helpful when they ran out of options. There wasnât a third voice, but there was a smell that he really liked. Loved. Craved. Needed-
That was the imprint. And it wasnât here right now, but the betterlust and already spiraling around it and constricting his lungs as he tried to find it. He needed it, and it didnât need him, and he was going to die-
âI know,â the familiar voice sighed. âBelieve me, I know, but I canât ask that of her-â
âSheâll shred your sorry arse apart if you donât-â
âAnd Dean will put a bullet through my brain if I do!â
âHe will die before he gets the chance. Have I not made it clear that, unless Dean receives the help our lovely, pretty, lovesick-â
Then the voice that wasnât like Deanâs said a name, and the betterlust exploded inside him. He knew that name. Heâd die and kill and cut himself to pieces for that name. He wanted it. He couldnât have it. He needed it, more than he needs air or water or food or music. The betterlust demanded it, and was shredding apart his insides because he refused to take it, but was also lending him the strength to find it. To find Her. Dean needed to fucking find Her, or nothing would ever be good again-
His eyes fly open, and for a long movement everything is only a blinding blur of color. Thereâs noise around himâboth voices shouting words that sound like theyâre for him but he canât understandâand Deanâs brain kicks into a vigilant, borderline feral function as he hauls himself up, something pushes him back down, and the betterlust grew feral.
âRowena, grab the other arm-â
âI am not meant for brute labor, Samuel-â
âAre you fucking kidding me-â
Dean roars Her name clawing and grabbing at the air to try and go, try to get to Her, because he was going to fucking die, and the betterlust told him She could fix this, make this better, make Dean better-
âOh for- Fine.âÂ
The voice not like Deanâs says something he canât understand, his whole body tightens. Like a weight has been dropped on his chest, and ropes have been wrapped around his limbs, forcing him to collapse back onto the bed with a noise that might have been a whine.
âDean.â Rowena appears in his vision, her face drawn in annoyance. âBlink twice if you understand me.â
Dean scowls, but blinked twice.
âGood. Are you going to try and kill us again?â
Dean glowers at Rowena, keeping his eyes wide open in a gesture of no, and she sighs.
âGood boy. Iâll let you up, but if you ever try and grab my hair again, Iâll make you regret having hands, aye?â
The tension vanishes from Deanâs body, and he sits up slowly, pinch the bridge of his nose to try and curb the pounding ache behind his eyes, taking deep, mechanical breathes to get some fucking control over his body. Over the betterlust. Over himself.
âDean, are you feeling okay?â
Sam looks worried. Heâs frowning and scanning over Dean with concern, like there will be wound on his skin they can patch up to fix this.Â
But only one thing can fix this. And Dean still isnât strong enough to not know where She is, not when all he can remember is dragging himself to Her room, and hearing her voice, and seeing her pretty face before it all went dark.Â
Dean mutters Her name, his voice low and gruff, and Sam and Rowena freeze. âWhere is she.â
âSheâs eating.â Sam mutters, bracing his hands on his hips. âI told her to get some rest. You freaked her out, dude, she-â Sam shakes his head, giving Dean a look he doesnât understand, and doesnât have the energy to try and decipher. âShe was really shaken, when we got back. She needs-â
âShe needs you.â Rowena interrupts Sam, and he shoots her a venomous glare. âYouâre too much of a meat-headed dolt to see it, but that darling girl looked as if sheâd been devastated over you.âÂ
âRowena.â Sam hisses. âWe agreed-â
âYou agreed. I made no promises-â
Dean raises his handsâthey both need to shut up, or his skin will fly off his bodyâand their argument stutters off.
âHow bad is it.â He looks to Rowena, the moment alone an act of labor. âAnd donât try to lie or sugarcoat it. How long I got.â
Rowena sighs. âIf you insist on keeping your head up your own arse, a day. Maybe two.â
âBut weâre going to try to reverse it.â Sam jumps in, his voice desperate. âAnd Rowena gave you something to keep you going-â
âBut, as I told your brother,â Rowenaâs words are harsh, and Dean appreciates it. This really isnât the fucking time for dancing around anything. âIt is a very temporary solution, and the reversal will take time you no longer have. There is an obvious fix to your little problem-â
Dean lets out a dry chuckled. âMy problem? Last I checked, Rowena, you were the one who fucked this up-â
âI did not fuck anything up, you petulant man child-â
âRowena-â
âNo!â Rowena cuts off Sam with sharp words, holding Deanâs glare. âI did my job, Dean Winchester, but you are too much of an arrogant, brooding little cunt to do yours.â
Dean narrows his eyes. âWatch it, bitch-â
âI did not have to help you,â Rowena hisses. âBut that poor, desperate, lovesick woman begged me to. You know exactly what you need, and you are too cruel and stupid to do it.â
Deanâs hands curl into fists on the sheets. âI said fucking watch it-â
âSheâs right.â Sam mutters, and Deanâs gaze whips to him, his mouth falling open at Samâs pitying, exhausted expression.
âIâm sorry, I must be going insane, because thereâs no fucking way you just sided with Rowena-â
âI didnât side with her.â Sam snaps, running a hand over his face as he shakes his head. âIâm just trying to get you to think for five seconds. Iâm trying not to lose my brother because he canât see whatâs right in front of him-â
Dean scoffs. âThereâs nothing in front of me, Sam. Rowena botched the spell, and now I canât do anything but-â He cuts himself off with a groan, a stab of pain twisting over his ribs, and Sam throws his hands in the air.
âFor crying out loud, Dean, youâre dying because of this self-righteous, sacrificial bullshit you always pull! Rowena didnât botch the spell, youâre just refusing to give the Mark what it wants, and until you do-â
âIt doesnât matter what I want!â Dean roars, slamming a hand down on the mattress. âFuck, Sam, Iâm not going to force myself onto her just because-â
âBecause you think sheâll say no?â Sam rolls his eyes. âDude, you canât be stupid enough to really believe that-â
Dean scowls. They donât fucking get it. Sam and Rowena donât know Her like Dean does. They donât understand that She would say yes, but she wouldnât really want it, and Dean would stain and mark Her in a way that theyâd never come back from. Sheâd never smile at him the same, and heâd have to die alone in the dirt when she finally got the memo that he wasnât worth helping. When She left him, her soul more tainted than when sheâd found him. When his poison sunk into Her skin, and she would still be so pretty and amazing, but ruined and marred from Deanâs touch. From how weak and pathetic and toxic he was.Â
He couldnât do that. Heâd rather fucking die.
âJust drop it, Sammy.â Dean mutters, his gaze falling to that imprint of Her on the bed. Her bed. Dean was finally in Her bed, and he didnât even get to enjoy it. âItâs not happening. And youâre not going to convince me, so either fix this, or let me die without goddamn yelling at me.â
Thereâs a moment of wired silence, Rowena silent in the corner of the room as Sam and Dean glare at each other, and Sam shakes his head like he canât believe Deanâs nerve. Like Dean isnât saving the only good thing they both have. Protecting the only person thatâs stayed with them, that they both love, even if Deanâs love is made of undying, animalistic, grime and dirt covered devotion, and Samâs is purer, softer affection that could never cut and scar Her like Deanâs.Â
âShe was crying.â Sam finally says, his tone colder than Deanâs heard it in a long time. âWhen we got back, she was sobbing, Dean. Have you ever seen her cry? Ever?â
He hasnât. Dean has seen Her grit her teeth and bite back sounds of agony from injuries, seen Her scream and flail when theyâve lost people, and seen Her so angry it scared him a little, but heâs never seen Her cry. She didnât cry. Her eyes got glossy, and her voice grew tight and choked, but she didnât cry. Sam has to be lying, and he doesnât look or sound like he is, but he has to be. She doesnât cry, so why the hell would that be the truth? But why would Sam lie, and why has She stayed this long, and fuck, everything hurts and Deanâs too damn tired to figure out what the hell Sam is trying to tell him but the betterlust is scratching at his heart to know-
âSam,â Dean swallows, watching his brother carefully. âI-â
Thereâs a knock at the door, and everything in Dean flies to the sound. Itâs Her. Before Samâs hand is even on the doorknob, Dean somehow knows itâs Her. Here. Maybe for him, maybe not, but the betterlust doesnât seem to care because itâs Her-
She looks horrible. Still so fucking pretty, but horrible. Thereâs a slump to Her posture as she stands in the doorâhair tangled and shirt wrinkledâand Her gorgeous face is slightly puffed. Her lips pouting. Her eyes lined with red.Â
Like Sheâs been crying.Â
Sam says Her name in question, and when She speaks her voice is hoarse.
âLook, I know you to told me to rest, but-â Her mouth falls open as her eyes land on Dean, and Her sharp inhale feels like it shoots adrenaline right into his blood.Â
He tries to offer Her a winning, Iâd be happy to see me too smile, but it doesnât feel right on his face. It feels too vulnerable, where itâs always been like a shield. It feels like itâs a lie, or trick, or act of cruelty when Deanâs rarely met a woman who doesnât flush and giggle under that attention. Itâs supposed to make him feel good from their happy, hopeful eyes. Itâs supposed to make them feel good from Deanâs well-crafted, carefully wielded charm.
But right now he still just feels like shit. Bottom of the gutter, horrible, flea-ridden and matted shit. A fucking piece of shit that might have made Her cry, and isnât even smart enough to know why.
He tries again, making the smile wider, adding his most casual drawl. âHey, Sweetheart-â
She makes a strangled soundâloud and pained, making the betterlust start to snap at Deanâs brittle spineâand all but runs to the bed, almost falling to Deanâs side as Her hands begin to grab at his face and run over his skin. Angling him for Her to examine with frantic eyes and words, igniting little paths of insatiable fire wherever She touches.
âAre you okay?!â She turns his head to the side, her fingers tracing his jaw and cheek like boils or scars might have just appeared. âYour fever is gone,â the back of Her hand presses to his brow, flipping to touch it with Her palm. âBut shit, youâre covered in sweat-â Her glare whips around to Sam, Her grip still tight on Deanâs face. He doesnât really mind. The betterlust is still trying to climb out of his throat, but he can fight itâfor Herâand this can be enough. Itâs all heâll get before heâs gone anyway. Her touch, and loud almost furious shout at Sam. âWhy didnât you change the sheets like I told you to-â
âHe was dead weight,â Sam says Her name, his voice a hell of a lot kinder than when heâd been talking to Dean. âAnd you also told us to make sure he got some rest. Rowena said the fever broke, and heâs lucid again-â
âBut this is gross Sam, and you couldâve moved him if you tried-â
âMoved him where? He started freaking whimpering when we took away your comforter-âÂ
Dean scowls. âCan you guys stop talkinâ about me like Iâm not right fucking here-â
Her gaze turns back to Dean, the odd, aggressively mind-numbing panic and care returning to her eyes as she begins to examine him once more.Â
âYou seem better, but youâre redder than you should be, and, shit, was that scar always there-â
Her fingerâs trial over Deanâs chin, dangerously close to his mouth, and he has to bite down a groan as he says Her name. âThatâs been there at least a decade-â
âWhat about this one-â
âThree years, you were there when I got it-â
âFuck, youâre right.â She shakes her head, Her eyes suddenly boaring into Deanâs and settling warmth in his gut. âWell, are you feeling okay? Does anything hurt, or feel sick, or feel numb-â
âSweetheart.â He catches Her hand, and she falls silent with wide eyes. âIâm-â
âAnd,â She moves his gaze onto Herâs, and fuck Sheâs always so pretty. Even when Sheâs pissed at him. Especially when Sheâs pissed at him. âDonât you dare fucking lie to me, Winchester, Iâll stab you-â
He chuckles, and itâs dry and low, but maybe the realest sound heâs made since he woke up. âI donât doubt that, Sweetheart.â He drawls, and she lets his guide Her hands away from his face. âBut I promise, Iâm feelinâ better.â
She nods slowly, and Dean pretends he canât see Samâs eye roll in the background.
âOh. Okay.â She turns at Sam and Rowena, her voice slightly unsteady and weak. âHave you, um, have you both been in here? The whole time I was eating?â
Sam nods. âYeah.â
âOh.â She swallows, and Dean notices Her body go slightly rigid. Sam must notice too, because he tilts his head and frowns at her.
âIs that okay?â
âYeah, sorry, itâs justâŠâ She trails off, staring at her nails as her voice drop to a mumble. âThereâs a lot of people in here. Makes me nervous.â
âShit, sorry.â Sam says Her name, his voice apologetic. âDidnât know that. We can go, if you want.â
Thereâs a long moment where Sheâs just staring at Sam, Her mouth slightly open, and her body curled in on itself like sheâd been punched. Sam repeats Her name, his voice cautious, and when She snaps out of it, her voice is still soft and anxious.Â
âThat would be good.â She whispers. âThank you.â
Sam nods. âNo problem. Me and Rowena,â he shoots the witch a glare, and she rolls her eyes. âAre gonna go try to fix this. Text me if you need anything, either of you.â
She hums an acknowledgment, Her attention never leaving Dean as Sam and Rowena close the door, and Deanâs whole existence begins to curve into only the feeling of Her as her fingers trace over the back of his hand.Â
After a long moment of silenceâonly the sound of Deanâs heart in his ears and the shifting of blankets under their bodiesâshe swallows, her voice barely a breath. âThey canât fix it, can they.â
He blinks at Her. âTheyâre gonna get it-â
âDonât lie to me, Dean.â She gives him a soft smile that makes her look like sheâs already grieving, and something in him lights up and withers away in the same second. âPlease.â
He swallows. He is really tired of lying to Her. And he can say something closer to the truth and still hold his ground. Heâs not quite that weak. Not yet.
âItâll be close.â He grunts. âBut Iâve survived worse. I just gotta pull through-â
âYou donât, though.â She whispers. âRowena said you just have to-â
âRowena can eat me.â Dean mutters, glaring at the door. âIâm not doinâ whatever the hell the Mark tells me to, that was the fucking point of this.â
âThe point was to help you, Dean.â She sounds so freaking sad, and itâs pulling Dean apart. His will and mind all being reduced to Her. Too good and pretty to be sad. And itâs just Dean. She shouldnât be this sad over only Dean.
âSweetheart-â
âI donât,â She swallows, speaking over Dean with quiet, soft words. âI donât know why youâre being such an ass, Dean. Why canât you just do what the betterlust wants? Isnât it what you want-â
âIt is.â Dean has to push the words through his teeth, because She so close and itâs not close enough and everything fucking hurts. âBut I canât have it, so weâre dead in the water. But Sammy and Rowena-â
âDean.â
He canât look Her in the eyes. Her voice is so gentle and nervous, and heâs not strong enough to look Her in the eyes and see all that worry and pity in them. He can barely even grunt an acknowledgment for her to continue.
âWhat do you want?â
âIâm not gonna-â
âIs it me?â She whispers, and Deanâs eyes shoot to Herâs. He canât breathe. He canât do anything but stare at Her and try not to die as he realizes this is it. This is how he loses Her. Forever. This is the last time he gets to look at Her and bask in her beauty and kindness, the last time he gets to drown in the smell of cherries and feel a little more alive under Her touch.
But She doesnât look afraid, or disgusted. She just looks urgent. Desperate. As confused and hopelessly hopeful as Dean feels.
And he canât speak, or think, or do anything but stare at Her as she speaks again.
âDean, do you,â She takes a shaking breath, and Dean needs to touch Her. âDo you love me?â
ââââââ
Heâs not saying anything. Deanâs looking at you like youâve shot him right through his heart, ripped it out, and taken a bite. Gaping like heâs trying to ask you for it back but canât find the breath to, blinking like heâs trying to test if youâre really there. He reaches a hand up to run over his own face, reaches out to touch youâtrace broad, calloused fingers over your cheekbones and jaw, over your chin like heâs wiping something you canât see awayâand jerks back suddenly, like youâd hurt him. Burned him. Branded him.
Heâs branded you. Youâre never going to forget his voice in your head, sounding like heâs overdosed on something awful, and doesnât think heâll come back down. Like heâs trying to cleanse himself of something by whispering words that will either haunt you past the grave or feed you for the rest of your life. Your heart will never forget the way it stopped for only a second before kicking into a pace that was all too fast when Deanâs eyes closed, and your hands will always remember the cold fever of his skin.
âDean.â You have to make your voice strong. Steady, like youâre demanding something from him and not praying to him. âPlease-â
âWhy-â His voice is hoarse, almost strangled, and it makes your every muscle feel a little weaker. âWhy would you ask that.â
âIâm, I canât tell you, just please answer me-â
âDid Sam tell you-â
âSam?â You frown, shaking your head slightly. âNo, I just, this has nothing to do with Sam-â
âThen why the hell are you-â
âWhat would Sam have told me?â
Dean falls silent, opening and closing his mouth as he goes red, his eyes looking almost feral. He looks like a cornered animal, something starved and needy, unsure if it should bite the hand reaching for it or grab it and never let go.Â
You want to hold him and never let go. You want him to grab your hand, and hold it, and never think to drop it again. You want to hear him say those words again, and have his voice be certain. You want to touch him, no matter if heâs like this or breaking or furious orâin those rare, priceless momentsâhappy. And you need to know. Deanâs never owed you anything, and he never will, but if thereâs only one thing that he can offer you in universe, it would be really nice if it was this. If Dean ever gives you anything, please, dear God, let it be this.Â
âDean,â you whisper, moving your hand to his knee and holding his almost fearful, rabid gaze. âPlease answer me. Tell me what Sam-â
âHe,â Dean swallows, voice gruff. âHe wasnât supposed to say anything. He fucking swore heâd never-â
âHe didnât.â You repeat, unsure if heâs even understanding the words out of your mouth. âAll Iâve talked to Sam about is the spell. But why-â
âRowena.â He mutters, and it sounds like heâs mostly talking to himself. âRowena mustâve open her bitch mouth-â
âI havenât really talked to Rowena at all-â
âMustâve been some fucking spell-â
âDean!â You scream, your nails digging into his leg like you can hold him with you forever. âIt was you! You told me you loved me! You had a fever and you told me you loved me, you said my name, and I just,â Your voice cracks, desperation starting to break through your blood, out of your mouth in spit. âI need to know, please, you need to tell me if you meant it-â
âSweetheart-â
âPlease.â You refuse to look him in the eyes. The moment you look in Deanâs deep, pretty eyes youâll know what heâs thinking, and youâll lose him forever. Everything in you is screaming to know, but youâre still not able to just look into Deanâs eyes. âDean, please tell me.â
âWhy.â
For a second youâre not sure if you heard him right. The question startles you enough to make you look up, and the moment you see him something snaps inside of you. He looks wounded. Nervous. Almost as afraid of youâof your words, and what they might be capable of doing to him if you use them wrongâas you are of him.
âWhy would you need to know.â He rasps, staring at his own hands. Flexing in his lap, seemingly against his will. âYouâre not- Itâs not somethinâ youâre-â He looks up to you, his eyes almost pleading. âWhy would you give a shit about-â
âAbout you?â
Deanâs throat bobs, his nod short, and you summon more bravery than youâve ever been capable of before. Enough to reach out, over the space between your bodies that so smallâbut still feels like milesâand place your hand on his cheek. Keeping his gaze on yours.
âI always care about you. I-â You take a shaking breath, the last words falling off your tongue. âI love you.â
Deanâs hand shoots up to cover yours. To hold you against him, with a grip that tells you he might be trying to sear his skin into yours.Â
âYou-â His voice is so soft. His hand over yours is like iron, but everything else about him seems to be dreamlike. Hazy and uncertain, both of you watching each other like youâre sure the other will vanish if you look away. âYou love me?â
âYeah,â you try to smile at him, and itâs not charismatic. Itâs pleading and tragic and so fucking delicate. âI do. I mean, I have. For a while.â
âHow-â
âFour years.â
He blinks at you. âNo, I, I meant-â He swallows, shaking his head. âI meant how. How did that happen.â
Itâs your turn to frown at him. âHow did that happen?â
âYou shouldnât love me.â He mutters, his hand over yours flexing. Like heâs trying to pull it away but doesnât know how. âItâll get you hurt.â
You raise your brows slightly, running your thumb over his cheek. âAre you going to hurt me?â
Deanâs eyes narrow. âThatâs not what I-â
âAre you?â
âOf course not, Iâd never-â
âWhy?â
âIt doesnât matter why-â
âIt does.â You whisper, folding your legs under you to rise on your knees, dropping your brow to his. Holding his gaze the whole time. âIt matters to me, Dean.â
He makes a choked sound, but doesnât move away. âWhy?â
âBecause I love you.â You whisper. âAnd it would be really cool if you loved me.â
Deanâs only staring at you, his eyes flicking between your own, slightly blurred gaze that can still see him so well, and your lips.Â
âAnd it happened,â you push on, your voice growing a little weak when he still doesnât respond. âBecause itâs really easy to love you, Dean Winchester. Youâre a good man.â You offer him a smile, and his own mouth falls open just a little. âAnd even if you donât love me, I wouldnât have you any other-â
Something in Deanâs eyes flickers, and he moves before youâre sure whatâs happening. Yanking you into his lap with his handâfingers now tangled in yoursâcatching you with an arm around your waist, and kissing you.Â
Kissing you. Deanâs kissing you.Â
Your body sparks into actionâeven as your brain becomes fogged with a hazy, Dean-shaped lustâand you fist a hand into his shirt, pulling him as close as the world will allow. Heâs holding you so carefully, leaning down in a slight dip, and there could be a storm raging around you instead of the soft, romantic rain this feels like it belongs to, but you wouldnât know. Because this is a kiss people wage wars over.Â
Itâs louder than music in your ears and electric in your blood, but sparks isnât a strong enough word. Itâs like lightning. Shooting through your spine and lighting up every nerve in your body to Dean. Soft lips molding perfectly into yours, warm and calloused hands skillfully mapping over your skin, a groan down your throat that you can feel settle in your lower gut and start a wildfire. Youâve been hungry and youâve never dared to eat, but Dean is here now and youâll either be starved for the rest of your life or never want for anything again.
When Dean tries to pull away, you just follow him. Chase after his lips with yours, trying to get just a little more before this all comes tumbling down. Before the thought can even dare to cross Deanâs mindâthat heâs not good for you, and he should goâbecause this is all youâve ever wanted and youâll be damned if you donât cling to it for as long as heâll allow. Youâll fall all the way down, until your body is only supported by Dean below you, and youâll forsake oxygen until your body demands it. Maybe a little while after, too.Â
And Dean doesnât seem to care to let you go. Every time he tries to pull back itâs a jerked movement, and every time you collide again he grows more and more feral. His groans turn into deep, animalistic growls, and his touch on your skin becomes rough. Not painful, never painful, but urgent. Uncontrolled. Pulling at your skin like heâs trying to meld it into his, kissing you with bruising force, bucking up into you with his hard cock brushing your inner thighs.Â
You grind down onto him onceâwhen he hits closer to where youâre beginning to ache for him, and your own need grows stronger than youâre desire to let Dean control thisâand he bites you. Dean catches your lip between his teeth, sucks in into his mouth, and grins like heâs won a prize when you whine a plea of his name.
âHoly shit,â he mutters your name, pressing his brow to yours as you both catch your breath, grabbing your waist to stop the next roll of your hips. âIâm not- I canât do this to you-â
âYouâre not doing anything to me,â you whisper. âI love you. I want this.â
Dean catches your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles and staring at the movement, his voice so low you almost donât hear it. âSay youâre lying.â
You blink at him, and shake your head. âNo.â
His eyes flash, shooting back to yours as he grunts your name. âYou need to say youâre lyinâ right now, or Iâll-â
âYouâll what?â You lower your face back down, until youâre sharing Deanâs every breath. âFuck me? Actually say you want me?â
His throat bobs, voice rough with lust. âYou, I canât fucking control it, sweetheart, if youâre fuckinâ with me you need to take it back now-â
âDean.â You grab his face between your hand, forcing his darkened gaze back to yours. âAnswer my fucking question.â
He shakes his head weakly. âYou donât-â
âI love you.â You hiss. You need to make sure he feels it, in the slightly spit on his face, that still tastes a little like him because itâs pushed through lips that are swollen from Dean, and Dean alone. You glide a hand down his chest, the kiss apparently fueling something bold inside you that hadnât been there before. Your fingers trace down, over his abdomenâhardened from work but still soft in all the best placesâand Dean takes in a sharp breath, his hands on your hips tightening enough to leave a mark, and you lean back. Just enough to open space between your bodies, just enough for you to palm him through his sweatpants.
Heâs huge, and twitching under your careful, light fingers, and God, you need him inside of you in any fucking wayâbetween your hands or filling your mouth or buried deep into your cuntâbut Deanâs still just staring at you. His chest heaving, eyes so dark and wanting you might cum just from his attention, and nostrils flaring as you move your hand up, resting right over the hem of his pants.Â
âI love you, Dean,â you whisper, the rush of confidence barreling down as you wait for him to do anything. âAnd you need to tell me now that you donât love me, or-â you take a long breath, dragging up the last bit of your nerve. âYou need to say you love me, and do something about it.â
Something shatters in Deanâs gaze for the last time, and whatever war heâs been waging with himself reaches a brutal end as he surges back up, kissing you with all spit and bloody need. Like youâre the best thing heâs ever dared to have on his tongue, and he might be trying to chew off a bit of you to keep.
He wonât need to. He has you. Heâs had you for a while, and when he leans back to watch you with glazed, hungry eyes, his words seal some deep, fragile part of you to him forever.
âI love you,â Dean grunts your name, scanning over your face like heâs afraid the words will yank you from his hands. They wonât. âI need you. I gotta have you, but Iâm- Iâm not in control of it right now-â
âI can take it.â You push your hand into Deanâs sweats, taking his cock in your hand. He groans, eyelids fluttering, and when you run your thumb over the head of himâpressing into the weeping slit and squeezing just so lightlyâhe hisses your name like a prayer. âPlease, Dean. I want it. Please.âÂ
You pull down his pants with your free hand, taking his boxers with them, and start to slowly pump your hand up and down his impressive length. There will be bruising marks of Deanâs hands of your hips for a while, but youâll survive. Itâs worth it, to watch him unravel below you, to see Deanâs pretty eyes grow glazed with lust for you, feel his dick throb and hips jerk under your touch, hear his low growls and grunts as his jaw clenches and he doesnât pull you away.
âGod,â he moans your name, and you start to squirm above him, desperate for a bit of your own relief. âI wanna- Wanna taste you. Fuck you. Ruin you-â
âSo do it,â you slip your other hand downâtrusting Deanâs hold to keep you uprightâand squeeze his balls. âYou say you love me, Dean, but you havenât proved it-â
The words do exactly what youâd wanted them to. Dean yanks your hand from around him, crashes his lips into yours with a fervor that might have been dangerous if it didnât taste and sound and feel like Dean, and lets go.Â
His every movement is rough and uncontrolled, because his tether over every bit of will that had seemed to keep him restrained is gone, and in its wake is only the Mark. All its lust and fury and hunger, primal and focused on you. On taking what it wants.
And youâd give it to him, even if it left a few marks on your skin and bruising on your heart, but you realize that the Mark doesnât seem to just want to use you. If it did, Dean wouldnât be sucking on your neck and moaning at the taste of your skin, all while tracing big, warms hands around your body to palm your breasts. He wouldnât allow you to grind onto him, or whimper his name, or scratch at his skin as he pulls you apart with barely anything at all. When he flips your over without any effortâonly a low grunt and flex of his musclesâyou feel like the most priceless bag of flour in the word. Perfect to be tossed around like that forever, but worth more to himâmore the Markâthan just another body.
And you canât see him anymore, but you donât need to. You hear the sounds of him shuffling behind you, the muffled noise of his shirt being tossed onto the floor, and then his voice. Low and feral and saying your name in a way that makes your knees weak.Â
âUp.â He grunts, and you whine when he angles your hips up and pulls down your shorts, you already wet cunt being hit by the cold air. âSo fuckinâ pretty, gonna ruin you, baby. Youâre never gonna even think about a cock thatâs not mine again-â
You nod a little stupidly, wiggling your ass back into him and moaning when his still-clothed erection presses right into you. âFuck, Dean, please-â
He spanks your pussyâjust once the stinging pleasure shooing up your spineâand you bury your face in the sheets to stifles your desperate moan.Â
âNeed yaâ to listen.â He mutters. âYouâre gonna have to talk to me, baby, lemme know what feels good, what youâre likinâ, what you need more of-â
âYou,â you gasp, and Dean chuckles, running a taunting finger between your folds. âGod, I need you, Dean, need you so bad-â
âYou need me?â He pushes the finger into your cunt, his body moving to covers yours as he whispers in your ear. âNeed me to fuck this tight little pussy until you scream? Goddamn prove you how much Iâve wanted you, how much Iâve always wanted you-â
âYes.â You nod frantically, grinding your ass up into him. âShow me, please show me-â
Dean moves your head to the side, capturing your lips in a long, slow kiss, and hums in satisfaction when he crooks that finger right up against that deep, sensitive spot inside of you, and your hands start to claw at the sheets. Â
Then heâs gone. Without warning Dean draws back, yanks his finger out without warning, spanks your pussy againâchuckling at the high, needy sound that escapes your lipsâand presses one hand to your lower back to still your writhing as he shuffles behind you
âTell me whatcha want, baby.â He mutters, moving his hand to rub up and down your thigh. âAnd Iâll get it for âya. But you have,â He slaps your pussy one last time for emphasis, and you can only moan. âTo say what you-â
âYour cock.â You whisper, spreading your legs wider for his to see. To look at your wet pussyâneed dripping down to your kneeâand take whatever the Mark is asking of him. âWant your cock Dean. Want you to fuck me, no holding back, please-â
He slams into you without warning. Burying himself at the hilt in one brutal movement, groaning above you as you go limp under him, trying only to twist and touch him, only to push back and somehow get him deeper. You feel so full, so fucking high on the stretch of Dean inside you, but itâs not enough-
âGod, sweetheart, you feel so fucking good.â Dean starts to massage your ass, with one hand, the other holding you up in the air for him to use. âBetter than I dreamed, feel like heaven, gonna fuck you so good like you deserve-â
âDean, fuck-â you clench around him, the praise feeding right into your cockdrunk daze of Dean, and he groans.Â
âDonât do that,â he grunts your name, and it sounds like an order. âI ainât gonna last if you-â He moans as you squeeze around his massive cock again, and pulls all the way out before slamming back into you with a growl.
Your mouth falls open, a sound like a mewl escaping your mouth, and Dean starts to fuck you. Really, properly fuck you into the mattress, with low groans and an unforgiving pace, bumping your cervix and snaking a hand around your stomach to pull you up to his chest, rubbing your clit until youâre wrecked and seeing stars, thrusting up into you like a jackhammer and keeping you so blissfully pleasured and warm.
âSo fuckinâ good,â he growls your name in your ear, and you squeak. âTakinâ this cock so fuckinâ well, all warm and tight, made for me. You were fuckinâ made for me-â
Deanâs thumb and fore finger roll your clit in a tight circle, and you cum with a scream. Light and color lining your vision, the far-off sound of Deanâs filthy praise making your orgasm ride out and out and out until youâre sure youâve reached something like heaven. Your vision is still blurred when the satisfaction has washed fully through you, and you realize Deanâs stopped moving.
His hand tangles in your hair, angling your face back for him to see, and fuck heâs so handsome. Breathing heavy in your ear, lips puffed from sucking and kiss your skin, eyes glazed but still focused on you.
You must look like an idiot. Your expression is slack and needy, your eyes glazed a lips parted, but Dean looks at you like youâre a diamond and his cock twitches inside you as your eyes meet.
âShit, baby,â he mutters. âYou gotta say somethinâ-â
âThat-â You let out another moan, your pussy still fluttering around him. âGood.â
He chuckles, kiss the very corner of your mouth with a smirk. âYou got full words, Sweetheart?â
You swallow, the full feeling of Deanâthrobbing inside you, still rock hard, pushing against that heavenly spot but with just too little pressure to send you over once moreâcrashing into you, and you say the only thing you can think of.
âKeep going?âÂ
He stares at you for a second, then shakes his head. âNo, I- Iâll be fine, I can take care of myself-â
âWant you to use me.â Youâre practically whining, and youâd be more embarrassed if the words didnât make Dean jerk up into you. âPlease-â
He groans your name, burying his face in the crook of your shoulder. âIâm not- youâre-â
âI said donât hold back.â You whisper, rolling your hips against him and feeling pride glow in your chest at his moan. âFuck me, Dean. Iâm yours.â
And there it is again. You say the exact right thing, the thing you knew would work, and Dean gives in. He shoves you down, flips you onto your backâpulling out for only a second as he adjusts you under himâand starts to fuck you like an animal. Rutting into you at a near inhuman speed, hitting your cervix with every thrust, every word a low growl that coils release tighter and tighter in your lower gut.Â
âSo fuckinâ greedy,â he grunts, slamming a little rougher. âWantinâ more, begging me to fuck you, so fucking pretty cominâ apart on my cock, tell me how good it feels, baby-â
âGood,â you moan, your nails digging into his shoulders as the bed creaks around you, your whole body overwhelmed with pleasure. âFeel so full, Dean, feels so good, youâre so fucking big-â
He groans, and you start to babble. Youâre not even sure what youâre saying anymore, because every word feels like itâs spilling from your mouth. But every inch of your brain trapped in Deanâs skin slapping against yours, his muscles flexing around you, the low and primal sounds rumbling out of his chest as his movements grow sloppy and his cock starts to throb inside of you, and you couldnât think about anything else if you tried.
âYou feel so good, Dean, please donât stop, want you to cum, I-â You gasp as he starts to kill up your neck, your hands shooting into his hair. âFuck, Dean, please, so good, God, I love you-â
His mouth slams into yours, and your orgasm rushes through you like a tidal wave. Longer and powerful, leaving you so fucked out you can only whine under Deanâs body, toes curling and eyes rolling back in your head as your pussy flutters around him.
Dean pulls out, keeping one hand gently on your knee as he pumps himself with an almost blurring fist, and cums over your abdomen and thighs. Itâs hot and sticky, and part of you wishes youâd had enough of a brain to ask him to let you taste it, but youâre so completely spent that when Dean collapses over youâa heavy, comfortable weight youâre more than happy to be trapped beneathâyour brain wipes every other thought but Dean away, and you decide to just stay here. Where Deanâs face in buried in your neck, and your sore from all of it but there will never be a better pain to experience.
âI-â Dean breaks the silence, words muffled in your skin. âI feel better.â
âOh.â You huff a soft laugh. âGood.â
âWhat, uh, what should we tell Sammy?â
You tug on his hair, just enough to move his gaze back to yours. âThat we had sex?â
âNo,â Dean groans your name, a smile pulling at his lips. âAbout the Mark. But we should tell him that-â
You make a mock, dramatic gasp. âDean Winchester, are you going to brag about sex to your brother-â
âItâs sex with you, Sweetheart.â He winks, rolling you both over and caging you comfortably against his chest. âAnd Sammyâll be thrilled to hear it, heâs been on my ass for years-â
âYears?â You squeak. âHow many years?â
He shrugs. âI dunno, all of them?â
âAll of them?! What do you mean all of them-â
âI mean since I met you.â Dean starts to rub soothing circles on your back, his mouth curling in smug amusement. âDeep breathes, baby, youâre gonna hurt yourself.â
You flush, still not really use to the baby thing. Or Deanâs hands on your skin, every touch lingering like an imprint that will never even try to fade. âShut up-â
He shakes his head. âNah. You love it.â A boyish, wide smile splits over his face. âYou love me.â
You might die. You might explode into a million, tiny pieces of confetti and shimmering glass, because Dean looks so happy. There are no ghosts in his beautiful eyes, no loathing or dread stained over his perfect face. Heâs happy, here, with you, and youâre not cruel enough to stop yourself from crawling up his chest and pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips.
âI do love you,â you mumble against him, straddling his torso as you push yourself up flat palms. âBut Iâm still gonna tell you to shut up.â
He chuckles, the sound rolling and humming right into your blood. âAnd I wouldnât have it any other way.â
Dean reaches up to tuck a little hair behind your ears, and freezes, his eyes trained on his forearm. On the Mark.
âWe, uh,â he clears his throat, watching you carefully. âWe do need to figure out what weâre gonna do about this.â
âYeah.â You sigh. âWe do. But I, I think-â
You cut yourself off, taking his hand in yours and running light fingers over the Mark in thought. Dean stares up at you with a slight awe in his gaze that makes you feel almost important, and your words fall to a soft breath.
âIf you want.â You whisper. âWe can turn it back-â
âNo.â He shakes his head, sounding almost panicked. âIâm not goinâ back to that shit, not now-â
âDean.â Your fingers still on his arm. âWas it me? That the Mark wanted?â
He swallows, but nods, and you sigh.
âWeâre going to have separate sometimes. And we can figure out the bloodlust-â
âWe should have to figure it out though, you donât gotta put up with that-â
âI know.â You smile at him, and itâs not hard. Smiling at Dean is never hard. âBut I will.â
âDo you-â He stares at you, tangling his fingers in yours. âDo you not want me to keep the betterlust? You can tell me, I donât want you to feel like you have to, for me-â
âGod, no.â You shake your head, squeezing his hand. âIâm just, Iâm worried about what might happen when the betterlust decides Iâm not enough. Or when this, um, when you-â
Dean says your name, slow and firm, and you swallow. âThis is it for me. Itâs you, and the Mark knows that. Youâre gonna be more than enough, hell, youâre more than I deserve-â
âThatâs not true.â You mumble. âYou deserve the world.â
He chuckles, pressing a kiss to the palm of your hand. âItâs adorable that you really believe that, baby, but-â
You scowl at him. âItâs the truth, Dean. Youâre a good man, I meant what I said-â
âI know you did.â His charming, cowboy grins falters slightly. Not falling, but twisting into one youâve never seen before. Still roguish, still well designed and stealing your breath, but with a slight crack that allows you to see deeper. To see the lonely part of him, that really thinks you donât belong here with him. Thatâs trying to drag you into him, because heâs certain youâll start running if he doesnât. âBut this,â he nods to the Mark. âIs still gonna be a problem. Iâm still gonna be a problem-â
âYouâre not a problem-â
He says your name, the word careful and tender and holy from his lips. Itâs the best way youâve ever heard it. The only way you want to hear it again. âDo you want me to keep the betterlust.â
You purse your lips, and nod.
âWords, baby-â
âYes.â You whisper. âBut I need you to promise me that if it stops working-â
âIt wonât.â He shrugs, his voice flat, as if heâs speaking in fact. âAnd weâre gonna keep looking for a way to get this son of a bitch off. But weâre doinâ it together.â He pauses, scanning over your open features. âIf thatâs what you-â
You lean down, silencing him with a long, easy kiss. Itâs not desperate anymore, but careful. Like youâre making art, or starting to spin a web that could unravel with a single tug, but neither of you will let it. Youâll never let thisâwhatever this becomesâfall apart. Youâll put your whole life into keeping Dean, fighting for him and helping him and reminding him that heâs not really a burden. Letting him remind you that he really does want you, and heâs never going to allow you to doubt that again.
âTogether.â You speak against his lips, letting your content breath fall into his mouth. âIâd like to stay together.â
He nods, mouth curving into a grin. âAlright then. Together.â
End Note: Thank you so so much for reading!!! I've had a lot of fun with this one, and I'm so happy y'all have as well! I hope to see some of you soon for the next one, and if not, thank you. no matter what!!
If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3
I hope u donât get upset by this because i mean nothing but Good intentions but ur venting post would be a perfect fanfic to write for rafe. I think itâd help u a lot with having someone cater to your mental health illness properly â€ïž Hope U get better, i love yiour Work
content warnings. âžâž fem reader, heavy angst, heavy derealization , multiple personalities, no proof read, reader is suffering from mental illness, emotional intimacy, long storyline, pretty personal fanfic, extreme depression, loneliness, self hatred, emotional exhaustion
you open the notebook that you bought a couple days ago. it was built into your head that youâd finally sit down and figure out what truly was wrong with you. but you knew, and the truly unknown inside of you knew, the notebook that was open would probably stay open for the rest of the night.
any time you managed to conspire a thought, your hands would catch your face and rub it as if youâre trying to grind the derealization out of your brain, hoping youâd find a way to not feel so stuck and not real. youâve asked yourself so many times, what about reality didnât mix well with you as a being and your brain? why did it have to torture you?
you stir in your chair, your brain starting to acknowledge the tiny lamp on your desk, how it was too hot. then you noticed the heat building up on your nape. the discomfort hit you like a semi truck. it happened almost every time you tried to process your feelings.
discomfort.
you become too aware of your body, your touch. your biggest sensory issue was your senses. it wasnât just one, it was all of them; hearing, feeling, seeing, taste, and smell.
your skeleton felt too heavy, your sternum felt misplaced, the meat on your body felt like you were weighing down your skeleton, making it all groan from the weight.
your thoughts are little trains, the railing wrapped around your brain to ensure the loop would continue on and on. your curiosity couldnât help but latch onto one. you didnât let go of it like a normal person, though. you let it consume you, let it eat you alive. because thatâs the only thing you knew how to do when it came to thinking, let the darkness eat you alive and hope (in a hopeful light) that it would get old and leave you alone for the other train of thought predators.
but when the thought trains went on for too long and didnât leave you for the rest, the only way to reach you as a person was to watch something that was familiar, something that could get the person inside you to jump with excitement. though, it wasnât a huge leap from being a dud ball, it was something, and it was small. whether it be a small tug at the corner of your smile, eyes lighting up when your face is deadpanned, eyes widening just for a flicker, or, weirdly enough, your ears twitching.
nobody noticed it, though, except rafe.
you two have been dating for two years. youâve seen his ups and downs, and heâs seen you⊠down.
you donât have a personality. you give a soft smile, maybe a laugh. your voice doesnât get excited like the other girls heâs been with, your personality isnât explosive or catering, youâre just there.
you canât even remember how you and rafe got together or even came across one another. you two are in two totally different worlds. youâd honestly be lying if you said you didnât feel insecure and uncomfortable with the thought of your relationship.
when in public, itâs even worse. itâs like your skull wants to cave in on itself because of all the stares. youâre so self conscious it makes you want to throw up. it took rafe some time to adjust to you, to adjust to your âuniqueâ personality. rafe insists that youâre just laid back and thereâs nothing to worry about. he likes it, but the insecurity feels like itâs digging its hole into the middle of your ribs.
you love him more than you love yourself, but you canât help but resent him for even liking you, for even torturing himself by considering dating you. youâre angry, so sad, and yet stuck. you want to say so many things to him, yell at him for even considering dating someone like you, tell him to find self worth and fuck off, but you just shut up and swallow it down.
your hands basically have the outline of your face. your hands were the safety net when the world was being harsh to you. when your feet are gliding across the sidewalk because you feel so levitated and out of body, when your mind goes cloudy and you get stuck in a warping process of nothing, your hands become the safest place for you.
not because itâs basically a quick fix for your problems, but because you canât see anybody, nobody can see the window to your corrupt soul, and nobody can talk to you because your brain doesnât register that theyâre talking to youâeveryone disappears, but most importantly, you disappear.
youâve managed to jot down something in your notebook; âi am so convinced iâm unlovable that his love feels painful.â you let it sit in your vision, then sigh. the truth makes you uncomfortable. but itâs so true. it was not because you wanted to reject him and his love, but because accepting his love would require accepting that you might be worthy of it, and thatâs the one thing you canât bring yourself to believe.
you arenât fighting rafe about it, though. youâre silently fighting the possibility that he might actually be right about you, and you would rather believe youâre broken than risk believing youâre worthy and being disappointed.
the door opened, and your eyes slowly lifted from the notebook, looking at rafe through the mirror in the corner of your room.
âhey baby.â he coos softly, walking toward you slowly. he didnât receive a response from you. your gaze was acknowledging him. that was how most of your conversations went. he did most of the talking, not you. but he understood, understood everything going on inside your head even though he never experienced it.
he swallowed, looking over at you. âi made you somethinâ. didnât catch you early enough last nightâyou were already fast asleep,â he said softly, careful to keep any edge out of his voice. he was always so cautious around you, but in the best way. not because he was afraid of upsetting you, but because he respected you.
âwhat?â you asked quietly, your eyes never leaving him. a smile spread across his face before he slipped out of the room. a moment later, he came back carrying a plate with scrambled eggs and a sandwich. âpretty good, huh?â he asked with a quiet laugh, the sound barely more than a breath through his nose. âoh, wow. delicious,â you deadpanned, though the small laugh that followed gave you away. âhow thoughtful,â you teased, a soft smile tugging at your lips.